I am passionate about pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ. To that end, I want to share my journey in learning more about prayer. I am a former teacher and librarian. I love to read, write, share awful puns with friends, and share the joy that comes from trusting my loving Savior.
It is the shortest verse in the entire Bible– St. John 11:35: “Jesus wept.” Only two words. They are easily memorized; they are also easily overlooked or misrepresented. Jesus wept over the death of his good friend Lazarus.
Jesus wept–Emmanuel felt deep emotion and showed it. God shed tears over the pain and sadness of a death; Messiah cried for the loss of his good friend. Jesus was no stranger to sadness and loss– God understands the sharp sting of death. God is compassionate, not heartless or cruel. If we are in emotional turmoil, it is not because God doesn’t know our pain or doesn’t care. He hurts WITH us in our times of deepest need.
Jesus wept–People often ask the rhetorical question, “What would Jesus do?” when faced with a situation. Here is an example of what Jesus did– he wept. Sometimes, the “thing to do” is to acknowledge the reality of our situation–death hurts. It brings out feelings of anger and even fear. Death is scary. It’s ugly, and it fills us with a sense of injustice, and a desire to wake up and find that death is just a very bad dream. Aching loss, wracking sobs, feeling punched in the gut by circumstances– these are valid feelings and reactions. To pretend otherwise or to deny ourselves or others the right to express those feelings does great harm, just as wallowing in sadness and remaining isolated in our grief can drag us into hopeless depression.
Jesus wept– period. He didn’t punch a wall or point fingers at Mary and Martha for “letting” their brother die. He didn’t try to justify his extra-long stay that kept him from arriving before his friend died. Neither did he justify returning to a region where he was not “safe” from the authorities in order to comfort the sisters (and ultimately raise Lazarus back to life). People often criticize Christians for “not doing enough” to erase hunger, cure diseases, or end poverty in the world. Some even point out that Jesus, being God incarnate, had the power to do all of this during his earthly ministry. But he didn’t. As he was dying, he said, “It is finished.” He wasn’t referring to some social revolution or economic program, or political movement that would abolish the oppression of the Roman Empire, or the corruption of the Pharisees, or end the slave trade. That doesn’t mean that God approves of evil, corruption, and injustice.
But it means that Jesus’s mission was accomplished through what he did in life and through his sacrificial death. He loved freely, healed those who were willing, and taught about the true character of his Heavenly Father. He ate, and laughed, and slept; he burped and sweat, and cried. He prayed and worshiped and worked and gave. Jesus didn’t weep because he had no power to keep Lazarus from dying. He proved that just minutes later.
Jesus wept because he was showing us the very heart of God. God’s heart is not to flex his sovereign muscles and demand our instant and abject obedience– though he has the perfect authority and right to do so. His heart is to walk intimately with us, even when that walk goes through the very valley of the shadow of death! God’s love isn’t flinty and cold. It isn’t pushy and arrogant and selfish. It is extravagant and gracious beyond all imagination. It is raw agony and pure joy. It doesn’t immediately “fix” our hurts or answer all our questions, but it wraps around us even IN our pain, and it give us hope to endure and carry on.
What in your life causes you to weep? What burdens and aches and frustrations and questions drive you to tears? Jesus may not take away what hurts us, but he will never turn us away because we are scarred or scared or broken. He will share our burdens, wipe our eyes, and hold us as we pour out our tears.
Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.
I learned this prayer as a child. It seemed very grim, and pessimistic. As a child, I spent very little time (as little as possible) thinking of my own mortality, or the state of my soul after a day of playing with dolls or running around outside. I was blessed with a safe and easy childhood. Of course, I had days of sickness, a bout of chicken pox, the loss of a pet, news of neighbors who had died in war, fallen to cancer, or been killed in accidents–moments that caused me to reflect a bit more. But I didn’t want to think about serious things. I wanted peace and happiness.
As a younger adult, I came to the conclusion that prayers like this were old-fashioned, and designed to scare vulnerable children into a false faith based on fear and gloom. Shouldn’t children learn about the Love of Jesus and the Mercy of the Father, instead of worrying about death and eternal doom of their soul? Prayers like this would be “bad” for young children; traumatic and disturbing. Better to teach them prayers that were sweet and light, and full of only the goodness of God.
Lately, however, I remember things a bit differently. Yes, there is gloom and doom in this old children’s prayer, but there is also comfort, Love, and Mercy. As a child, I could “lay me down” to sleep in peace, knowing that God would, indeed, keep my soul from harm. I didn’t expect to die, but when I woke up dreaming of monsters, or suddenly became aware of mortality, I didn’t have to stay fearful. God is bigger than any monster; bigger then Death. I could not trust anyone better, mightier, or more capable than the Lord to keep my soul, or to “take” it safely to its final destination. I learned about the Goodness of God, but I also learned about stark realities– the persecuted Church, war, famine, injustice–things that God wants me to confront, and endure, and lift to Him in prayer. And for every “gloomy” reality, there are stories of victory and joy, faith and resilience, love and grace– because God is standing by, ready to rescue and reassure and redeem.
Bedtime prayers are a great comfort to me now. And they are also important prayers in my Christian Walk. It is at bedtime that I can reflect on God’s goodness throughout the day. I can be thankful for all the blessings God has given me, and for all the ways He has guided me and protected me– often without my knowledge and in spite of myself! Instead of worrying, tossing and turning, trying to “figure out” tomorrow, I can lift my burdens to God, knowing that I won’t face anything tomorrow alone! I can reflect on all the times I thought I couldn’t make it, but God made a way! And I can confidently rest in the hope that nothing can separate me from God’s loving care. Not yesterday’s guilt, nor today’s failures, nor tomorrow’s unknown (or imagined) trials– not even death!
I am old enough now that mortality plays a bigger role in my thoughts. I have lost my parents, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, classmates, co-workers, neighbors, and friends. I’ve experienced both great joy and great sorrow. But I need not be afraid of disease, dilemmas, or death. I need not worry about the state of my soul. I may have griefs, aches and pains, and worries about tomorrow. But I can “lay me down” in peace and patience, knowing I have a Good, Good Father whose love has surrounded me for over half a century. I can “Hush” all my fears, and sleep like a baby, knowing my God is always standing right by my side.
“An old Cherokee man told his grandson, ‘..My boy, there is a great battle between two wolves that live inside us all. One is evil–it is anger, jealousy, greed, lies, resentment, regret, and arrogance. The other is good– it is joy, love, peace, hope, kindness, humility, empathy, and truth.’ The boy thought for awhile, and then he asked, ‘ Grandfather, which wolf wins the great battle?’ The wise old man replied quietly, ‘The one you feed.'”
The Story of the Two Wolves– a Cherokee legend
“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. 22 “Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. 23 But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is! 24 “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and be enslaved to money. 25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? 31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6:19-33 NLT
Just a short while ago, I published a blog entry called, “You Are Not What You Eat.” But sometimes, you DO become what you consume. I’m not talking literally about food, but figuratively you become what you read, and listen to, and spend time and money on– what you consume can end up consuming You!
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
― Lao Tzu
Just like the two wolves in the Cherokee legend, there are two forces at work inside us. The Bible calls them “flesh” and “spirit.” The Apostle Paul also writes about this great battle:
15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
Romans 7:15-20 ESV
We all start with “good intentions.” We want to be known as a “good person.” We want to have healthy relationships. We want the trust and respect of others. But Sin works in us against our own good intentions. We get hurt, so we lash out in anger. We see others achieving success or enjoying benefits we think we should have, and we become envious or resentful. We allow fear, greed, or bitterness to overpower us. We lie, or we isolate ourselves from others. We give up in despair, or reject the help and advice of those who want what’s best for us. We rely on our own resources and “will power” to achieve success, even to lose weight– but we always seem to fall short! We compare ourselves to others– sometimes ending in arrogance and apathy, sometimes ending in shame and humiliation.
But the battleground is not always so obvious as arrogance or despair, hurting others or being victimized. Who are we feeding in those moments of relaxation and ease? Are we scrolling through websites that waste our valuable time or encourage us to devalue others around us? Are we listening to music that encourages us to anger and pleasing ourselves at any expense? Are we reading books or watching movies that honor God? Are we spending money in ways that please Him? Are we spending our “down” time on our knees? Who are we feeding when times are tough? Are we spending time worrying or scurrying around trying to “make things happen” a certain way? Are we grateful, or fearful? Are we terrified or trusting? Our small choices in things that don’t seem to matter can start to change the way we think, and speak, act, and live.
There IS a great battle. But there are also tiny battles in the little moments of our day: opportunities to inch closer to God or to lose ground to the distractions and temptations of the world. And on our own, we will lose the battle, for the “flesh” will conspire to steal even the “good” food we think we are feeding ourselves. Thankfully, Christ came to feed the “good wolf.” In following Christ; in developing a relationship with Him, we allow His Spirit to nourish us. He is the “bread of life.” He is the “living water.” He alone provides the power to win the battle. Paul follows up in Romans by saying:
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
Romans 8 26-30 ESV
So who are we feeding today? Or rather, who is feeding us? What are we consuming, and is it consuming us in turn? I hope we are feeding on God’s Word today, and walking with Him in each moment– whether in quiet reflection or in desperate need. May we be nourished and satisfied as we walk forward with Him!
“Life is so unnerving for a servant who’s not serving– He’s not whole without a soul to wait upon…” (Be Our Guest from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast)
Philippians 2:3-8King James Version (KJV)
3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. 5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: 8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
1 Peter 2:13-19Revised Standard Version (RSV)
13 Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution,[a] whether it be to the emperor as supreme, 14 or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to praise those who do right. 15 For it is God’s will that by doing right you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish men. 16 Live as free men, yet without using your freedom as a pretext for evil; but live as servants of God. 17 Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
The English word serve has at least seven different definitions, according to Merriam-Webster dictionary see here, and that’s just the intransitive verb form! The concept of service and serving is often misunderstood and denigrated. Our culture (especially American culture) in general has a low opinion of servants. Value is placed on independence– neither needing service nor being required to give it to others. But service is much broader then “servitude”, and good service requires that we place our value on interdependence, rather than independence.
Thanksgiving will be here in a matter of weeks, and we may think of “service” in terms of richly laid tables, fancy linens, home-cooked specialties, traditional recipes, even time spent clearing up the dishes. We want to think of service as something noble, or even honorable. We want our service to be noticed and appreciated!
I would like to “serve” like Serena Williams–slamming my passion at the speed of a bullet train and earning trophies. (And this is not meant to be disrespectful– I am a great admirer of Serena’s talent and drive, and I think there is much to learn from her perseverance and excellence.) But tennis, while fun to watch and good for exercise, does not teach good “service”. No one “serves” in tennis in order to benefit their opponent.
At other times, I want to “serve” like a CEO or a leader– guiding a company, a city, or a nation to greater success, world power, and huge profits. I might even help hundreds of people by creating more jobs and increasing their wealth, or making neighborhoods safer. It might be difficult, and stressful; it might even be cut-throat and dangerous. And I might work long hours to enjoy the benefits– a large salary, my name on plaques, a great retirement package, prestige, power, fame… And I might enjoy the excitement and competition. I might be a leader and a change-maker who benefits millions of people while helping myself and my company or my neighborhood. But in the end, this is not the kind of service that has everlasting consequences, or “soul” benefits. When I die, my power and influence may stretch for another generation, but my soul may be untouched by the actual plights of those around me, and I might gain the “whole world” only to lose what is most important– a soul in touch with God!
I enjoy serving customers at work– helping them find something they want or need, or answering questions. But that’s my job. I get a certain gratification, and a paycheck, that help motivate such service. And, my customers come to me. I don’t have to go out of my store, or even my “comfort zone” to help those who cannot pay for my products or services, or sacrifice my “days off” to help someone at their convenience, and not at mine.
I honor those who have served in the military; those who work in service industries, or provide emergency services. Many have served selflessly and given their lives, willingly, in combat or rescue missions. For every story of someone who has abused their office, or fled in the face of personal danger, there are many more stories of courage, compassion, and sacrifice. Such service should also “serve” as an example to all of us. But even military service, as noble as it is, can be done out of duty or pride, not out of love and compassion.
I don’t normally recommend Disney as a source of moral instruction, but just in the short two lines of lyrics above there is a great example of a servant’s heart. A good servant isn’t reluctantly or resentfully dragged into service. (Oh, there are days or circumstances that are trying and tiring, but that’s the exception, not the norm.) S/he is eager to serve, and even restless when unable to be of service. A good servant is also personal. Their service is not given by rote, but with attention to the individual “soul” they are serving. It’s hyperbole, of course, but the verve and giddiness found in the singing and dancing dishes of a Disney movie should be reflective of the kind of service we provide at work, at home, and at church– “Be our Guest!”
Good service requires a lot, but I think there are three indispensable ingredients–obedience, humility, and love.
As followers of Jesus, we should look to His example. Paul reminds us that Jesus did not seek fame or attention or demand respect or recognition during His time on Earth. Instead, He gave up all the glory of Heaven to become a man– and not just a man, but a helpless baby born in obscurity and growing up without entitlements and comforts; the child of a working-class family in a small town under foreign occupation. He lived as a homeless itinerant teacher, and died as a common criminal under shameful circumstances– naked and bloody, displayed in public, to be mocked and used as a warning for others. But Jesus wasn’t a doormat–he was humble, he was meek–he CHOSE to submit to the pain and humiliation and even the injustice of a rigged trial and a death sentence by mob rule. He had opportunities to grab the glory, to turn the tide, to escape his unfair fate, and/or to become a great political or military leader. He didn’t take those opportunities– instead, he was obedient to the Father. He showed love and compassion even to those who mocked him, betrayed him, and murdered him.
It’s frightening to serve with that kind of abandon. It’s not humanly possible to let go of one’s life with joy for the sake of those who have taken it from you. My human desire is to grab hold of life and get as much out of it as I can. Even when my intention is not to hurt anyone else, it is not in my nature to put someone else’s needs and comforts ahead of my own. But it needs to become part of my nature.
God wants me to learn to serve from the pure joy of service– pouring myself out with abandon to help others succeed– rejoicing with them when they reach their goals; grieving with them in their loss. And, like Jesus, God wants me to do it, not in my own limited strength and wisdom, but in obedience to His will– not becoming a dupe or a doormat to anyone who wants to step on me, but discerning what is best for others and cheerfully doing what I can to bring it about. Giving faithful, humble, obedient and loving service shows my love for others, and my love for God. It’s a joyful reflection Christ– who He is and all that He has done.
That’s a tall order, and it requires that I take time to ask God and trusted friends– How’s my Serve?
My father was color-blind. He could distinguish the color red, but all other colors registered as shades of gray. Certain forms of colorblindness are treatable today, but Dad went through his whole life not seeing most colors. He knew the sky as light or dark, not piercing blue or deep blue or sunset indigo. He even told people his eyes were brown, because he couldn’t see how startlingly, wonderfully blue they were. He was cautious about getting dressed for events and such, worried that he would “clash.” He generally preferred neutrals. He liked that his company provided uniforms– it was much easier that way.
As I write this, I am looking out the window at a cornucopia of colors on the autumn trees– glowing shades of orange, deep reds, bright yellows, a few dark browns, and even some leaves still vibrant green. Autumn has come late this year, and the cold weather will bleed all the colors and cause the leaves to fall into a single great carpet (except where rakes gather them up into piles). It is marvelous to see so much variety in the individual trees; so much color and life, and beauty. God loves color! He loves to dazzle with surprising touches of unique shades, designs, and combinations. Towering trees with golden leaves, shorter, squat bushes with fiery reds, evergreens providing contrast. And in a few weeks, it will all be a memory, as leaves give way to snow-covered branches, and ice-trimmed bushes.
It made me think of the marvelous variety of people in our world. Each one unique, beautiful, and precious in God’s eyes. We tend to waste so much of our time comparing ourselves to others. Sometimes we wish we were like “them”– taller or darker, blue-eyed, or thinner, with hair that is curlier or blonder or just different from what God created. We feel that our bodies are “not good enough,” or not “right.” We long to be something else; someone else. At other times, we judge others by similarly narrow standards. “They” don’t look like us; they are “not good enough,” or “inferior” in some way. Of course, we don’t like to admit to any hint of bigotry or prejudice. We like to say that we are “color-blind” when it comes to people.
But God is not color-blind. He is deeply away of all the genetic differences in our skin and eyes and hair; all the high cheekbones and stubby fingers and freckles that are passed from generation to generation in some of our families. And God approves! God loves us all the same– lavishly, intimately, eternally! Just like the colors on the trees, God delights in our variety and differences– our “crooked” teeth; our “large” noses, our “mousey” brown hair, our “wide” hips. After all– He planned each one! He designed each of us to be who we are–from our bodies to our talents to our personalities. And someday, in Heaven, we will all be as one–not divided or obsessed with our “deficiencies” or differences, but united in our love and worship as never before– a great carpet of redeemed souls, spread around the Throne of God!
God isn’t color-blind; and neither should we be. We should celebrate each other, encourage each other, and love each other for who God made us to be. Sometimes, that can be difficult in our fallen world. Hurting people, fearful people, angry people– they may not be easy to love. They may judge us, reject us, even persecute us unfairly. But that’s not God’s original intention or purpose. We were meant to add our own unique beauty to an equally beautiful world.
Let’s pray that God would teach us how to show our “true colors” to the world, and reflect the beauty He planted in each one of us today!
There is a common English saying, “You are what you eat.” It suggests that if you eat a lot of fatty foods or sugary foods, you will suffer the consequences– you will become fat or develop health problems associated with sugar, cholesterol, etc. There is some truth to the saying, especially if a person eats such foods to excess, and does not eat a balanced diet that also includes foods high in fiber, vitamins and minerals, and other nutrients.
But the saying also suggests that a person’s diet determines their identity, which is not true, and often involves labeling and unfair judgment. And the judgment comes, not just based on what a person eats, but sometimes how, when, and where a person eats: “couch potato” “gourmand” “junk food junkie” “vegan” “carnivore” “gluten-free” “keto” “midnight snacker” “carboholic” “power foods” “see-food diet (if I see it, I eat it!)” “fitness diet– I’m all about fitness –(fittin’this) whole pizza in my mouth!” “picky eater” “fast food” “five-second rule” etc.
The truth is, our relationship to food can indicate aspects of our personality or character, but it is not “who we are,” unless our entire life is about food. (Even for those with conditions like anorexia or bulimia that turn food and/or eating into an obsession, it is one aspect of their life–a diagnosis, not an epitaph.)
Our world today is filled with opportunities to make an idol of food and eating, diets, nutritional fads, supplements, etc. We end up ashamed of every meal– counting calories, pointing fingers at those whose eating habits don’t live up to our standards (while secretly envying them), trying to excuse (or hide) any trip through the fast food drive-thru window, feeling guilty over a candy bar, or feeling depressed when we cannot afford to eat like the people we see in magazines, in movies, or on TV. In religious circles, we champion “God-given” diets, some of which are not given by God. “What would Jesus eat?” The Daniel Diet, or The Shepherd’s Diet– these may be good principles and even helpful nutritionally, but they won’t “save” you or make God love you better than He already does.
Jesus himself addressed this question. His disciples were being singled out by the religious leaders of their day because they ate without performing the ritual handwashing ceremonies. They were declared “unclean” for eating in this manner. But Jesus saw through this criticism. It wasn’t based on God’s law, but on the human traditions that had been added over the centuries. What God had said about cleanliness and hygiene was meant for general health AND to distinguish the nation of Israel from other cultures whose eating practices were sometimes part of their worship of idols. After chastising the Pharisees for their hypocrisy, Jesus turned to the crowd:
Matthew 15:10-20 English Standard Version (ESV)
10 And he called the people to him and said to them, “Hear and understand: 11 it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.” 12 Then the disciples came and said to him, “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?” 13 He answered, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be rooted up. 14 Let them alone; they are blind guides. And if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.” 15 But Peter said to him, “Explain the parable to us.” 16 And he said, “Are you also still without understanding? 17 Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled? 18 But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. 20 These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.” https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+15%3A10-20&version=ESV
Notice that Jesus did not say that it is healthier or better to eat with unwashed hands, nor did He say that people should eat without washing– instead, He was speaking common sense about obsessive and judgmental practices. Jesus himself followed the traditional kosher diet of His people, as did His disciples. Jesus also fasted, and recommended it as a companion to disciplined and earnest prayer.
It isn’t what we eat, or when or where that makes us who we are. Our eating habits and diets may help our bodies, but they won’t save our souls, or make us better than our neighbor. In fact, if our eating habits are more important than our neighbor–if we use them to try to manipulate, control, shame, or label our neighbor–we need to reconsider how “healthy” they really are.
Diets are not bad. Food is not bad. Pride, envy, self-righteousness– these are bad for the heart, the stomach, and the soul. Let’s be grateful for food, but even more, let’s be grateful for a God who knows us intimately and thoroughly– a God who knows that we are NOT “what we eat!”
I can still remember as a small child of 3 or 4, after my Dad came in from mowing the lawn, climbing up and snuggling close to his chest to listen to the beat of his heart. Dad smelled of new-mown grass and honest sweat, and his heart was beating—thumpity, THUMP-Thump, thumpity THUMP-thump–I could almost feel it beating through his chest. It would start out racing, and gradually slow to a steady Thump-thump Thump-thump.
Looking back, I marvel at my Dad’s patience. Here he was, fresh from working on the lawn, hot, sweat-covered, and exhausted, only to be met with a wiggly child, intent on chattering, and interrupting his precious “relaxation” time. But as I wiggled, Dad’s tender arms would come around me, and both of us would become quiet and just enjoy being together, listening to the beat of his heart. They were precious moments.
My dad worked long hours at a mind-numbingly boring job. He worked for a large pharmaceutical company, but he wasn’t a chemist, or an engineer. He was a “bagger.” His company produced anhydrous citric acid for industrial and commercial use. As the name implies, citric acid is caustic, even in powder form, and Dad had to wear special gloves and shoes, plastic glasses with side shields, and other gear to protect his skin, hair, and eyes from the possibility of burns. He worked, sometimes 16-18 hour shifts (overtime, or time-and-a-half) at a station in a small, hot room. His job was to fit a bag to the end of a chute, push a button, and stand there as 50 or 100 pounds of citric acid filled the bag. He then carefully took the bag off the end of the chute and moved it to another machine, where the top edge would be stitched closed. Finally, he would lift and carry the full bag to a conveyer belt, so it could travel to the shipping room to be loaded on to skids and sent all over the world. Sometimes, he would cover someone else’s shift in the shipping room, loading the bags onto the skids or even loading the skids onto trucks or train cars, but most of the time, he was alone in a drab, overheated, powder-filled room.
I once asked my father how he could stand to do what he did every day. It was hot, heavy, boring, and mostly thankless work. Fit the bag, push a button, move the bag, push a button, move the bag again, and start all over. Always on his feet, always lifting his arms. No one to talk to; nothing to watch or listen to but the machinery around him. But my dad was content. He didn’t find his identity in his work, although he was proud to have a good-paying, steady job. He was thankful for his ability to be consistent and productive. He was proud of his good attendance record and his dedication. But he wasn’t married to his work, and he wasn’t working for money or fame or status. He was a Christian first, and a husband and father next. He was as steady as his heartbeat. Always reliable, even-tempered, trustworthy– solid.
My father worked at the same company for over 28 years (in fact, the company changed names twice while my dad worked there!). When he retired, we threw him a surprise birthday party/retirement party. But Dad’s heart was wearing out. All those years of work were taking their toll Dad spent two years of retirement enjoying some travel and relaxation, but his last two years were spent in and out of the hospital with surgeries and complications, physical limitations, and chronic pain.
Finally, the day came when Dad’s heart broke. He had been in the hospital overnight, and the surgeons had done all they could. They had “zapped” dad with the defibrillator. They had done compressions until his breastbone was broken and each compression was pressing shards of bone into his chest and close to his lungs. One last time, I stood, with my mom and sister, watching Dad’s heartbeat on the monitor. It was steady, but so, so weak. Dad’s once-solid arms were too weak to reach up from the bed; his blue eyes were dim, and he struggled to breathe. We said a last prayer and told Dad that all was ready for him to go Home at last. And his heartbeat faded to a straight line on the monitor.
Dad’s heart was huge in life– steady and strong, patient and solid. His faithfulness gave us all a glimpse of our Father’s heart in Heaven. Dad was a humble man. He was a man who sacrificed the life he could have lived to take on a thankless, boring, demanding job so we could have nice things and opportunities as his children. He also took the job so that, after those long hours, he would have time off during the week, so he could come to some of our school programs, and take family day-trips, and just “hang out” with friends and neighbors in the community. He mowed our lawn, but he also mowed lawns all around the neighborhood– for shut-ins, elderly couples, and those who were sick or didn’t have a mower. His heart was not only strong, it was incredibly tender. Dad cared about the little things…he loved children and animals; he cried for the National Anthem, and at prayer meetings. When I read about Jesus welcoming little children, it made perfect sense, because it is exactly what my own father would have done and said.
Dad wasn’t perfect, of course. He was only human. He made mistakes. And he died. But he made a profound impact on those who knew him, and he lived a life that drew people to Faith and Hope in Jesus. The Bible doesn’t make clear whether or not we will have “hearts” like our present human hearts when we are with the Father in eternity. But I know my Father’s Heart. It’s even better than my Dad’s. Some days, even here on earth, I can hear its steadfast, solid rhythm in the greetings of neighbors, in birdsong, or on the wind. And I can stop wiggling, and just be held in His tender arms.
We’re getting some rain outside as I write this. Not pouring rain; nor torrential rain; just a steady drizzle. But it looks as though we will get rain for another two days at least. Without stop. Cloudy, wet, chilly, dreary weather.
The news has been dreary, too. War, political upheaval, economic disaster looming, and general unrest. And it isn’t just localized. There is trouble everywhere, and, seemingly, all the time. And yet…events march along as though things are normal– as though the future will be bright tomorrow. There are festivals being planned (some with rain dates, others may be cancelled or lightly attended if the rain continues or worsens); people seem to be in the same hurrying, scurrying rhythm as yesterday. Some complain, or seem a bit oppressed, but most don’t even comment on the catastrophic events unfolding around us. They buy and sell, eat and drink, and rush to and fro like always.
There seems to be a universal weariness– people are tired of bad news, anger, protests, and arguing, but no one seems to want to DO anything positive, unless it is to live in denial of what is actually happening. “Oh, they are just exaggerating.” “That might happen elsewhere, but it will never happen HERE!” “Things will work out– we just need to wait it out.”
It reminds me of the warning of Jesus in Matthew 24:
For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, 39 and they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.
Matthew 24:38-39 ESV
While I can listen to or watch bad news unfolding, it hasn’t impacted me directly. I don’t have to worry about bombs coming into my neighborhood (at least, I’m not expecting any today); I haven’t lost my home or a loved one in the past week. I watch the clouds and rain from the safety of a warm, dry apartment. It is easy to become apathetic. And, if I think about any of it, it is easy enough to say a quick prayer for “others” “over there.”
But I’m not building an ark. Jesus’s warning was not to “toss off a quick prayer” as we see signs of danger and await His return. Prayer is important, but it isn’t something to be done lightly. Living for Christ is more than wearing the name “Christ Follower” and a t-shirt or cross necklace. When was the last time I spent an hour in earnest prayer? When was the last time I fasted? When was the last time I felt compelled to act for the cause of Christ?
I’m not surprised that most people walk around angry, or apathetic about the state of the world. But as Christians, we should be working to make a visible difference. And that means our prayers must also be different than the comfortable “good wish” prayers that many of us (and I must include myself) often practice.
In the days of Noah, people were going about their daily lives without any clue of the horrors to come. And yet, there were signs, even then. There was evil everywhere– corruption, fighting, cheating, lies, danger, disease, famine, and oppression. But only Noah was building an Ark. He wasn’t caught up in watching CNN or trolling the internet, but he also wasn’t leading an “ordinary” life. His life stood out, because he listened to God. He was focused on what really mattered– saving those who would enter the Ark and survive the judgment to come. The Ark had room for more people– but they refused the invitation. Maybe they had a dentist appointment scheduled for that day; maybe they didn’t want to miss their “girls day out.” Perhaps they were planning a fishing trip or they were buying a house.
But he said to him, “A man once gave a great banquet and invited many. 17 And at the time for the banquet he sent his servant to say to those who had been invited, ‘Come, for everything is now ready.’ 18 But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said to him, ‘I have bought a field, and I must go out and see it. Please have me excused.’ 19 And another said, ‘I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to examine them. Please have me excused.’ 20 And another said, ‘I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.’ 21 So the servant came and reported these things to his master. Then the master of the house became angry and said to his servant, ‘Go out quickly to the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in the poor and crippled and blind and lame.’ 22 And the servant said, ‘Sir, what you commanded has been done, and still there is room.’ 23 And the master said to the servant, ‘Go out to the highways and hedges and compel people to come in, that my house may be filled. 24 For I tell you, none of those men who were invited shall taste my banquet.’”
Luke 14:16-35 ESV
Again, Jesus warns that we are to be prepared to drop the “business” of daily living; to be prepared for the Return of Christ. There is a cost involved in being a “Christian” or a “Christ Follower.” We are not to be like those who are walking around with our heads in the clouds, or worse, with our heads filled with apathy or gloom. We are to be salt and light in this dark world. We should be praying for boldness and wisdom to seek out opportunities to serve, to encourage, and to share the Gospel.
“Lord, take over my days and my prayers, that I would not settle for comfort, but seek you with a fervent heart, and seek not to just observe, but to serve!”
When I was in elementary school, we learned about nutrition. Back then, we were taught that there were four basic food groups (nutrition education has gone through several “cycles” since then– food pyramid, healthy plate, “eating the rainbow”, etc.). Eating a healthy balance of foods is essential to good health. If I only eat meat, or only sweets, I will not be healthy. If I just eat whatever or whenever I feel like it, my body won’t get all the necessary nutrients to grow, fight off diseases, and stay strong.
Pursuing a healthy prayer life includes essential “building blocks” or nutrients, as well. Over the course of many years, I have seen various guidelines and acronyms to help include different building blocks in prayer. I want to share a couple of them again today. These guidelines are just that– guidelines. But they can help balance our prayer life, and help it grow.
The first acronym I learned, and the one I have used for decades, is ACTS. Here’s how it works:
Adoration/Acknowledgement– begin each prayer by acknowledging God’s Sovereignty, His Holiness, His Goodness, and other qualities worth worshipping. This helps put you in the right frame of mind when talking to God. I am not just talking to a neighbor or a “good buddy”– I am speaking with the One who holds all of Creation in His hands! And He WANTS a relationship with me! He is all-powerful: there is nothing I can ask that He cannot do! His is all-loving: there is nothing I can ask that He won’t filter through His loving wisdom and will. Even if I don’t know what to ask for; even if I ask for the “wrong” thing– God will only allow those things that He can use for good. God is beyond space and time: He knows all that has happened– all the triumphs and tragedies of my life so far, and all that is to come. He is LORD: He is in control– now and forevermore. Whatever seemingly impossible circumstances I face, they are nothing compared to the eternal, almighty plans of God.
Confession–This doesn’t mean an endless repetition of all my failures and sins from six months ago, or raking myself over the coals for not being “holy enough.” This is an honest assessment of who I am in relation to God. God is Holy and perfect. I am not. If I acknowledge God’s goodness, I must also acknowledge that I fall short. I don’t know everything. I don’t always act with the right motives. I NEED the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and I DEPEND on Christ’s finished work on Calvary for my Salvation. This should naturally lead to
Thanksgiving/Trust– I can trust God to save me, NOT because of who I am, but because of what He has done. I can see God’s hand working in and around and through me as I yield to His Spirit in me. I can recall, and acknowledge so many of the ways that God has blessed me and others around me. Once I have these building blocks in place, I can bring burdens to God through
Supplication– this is just a fancy term for asking God to work His will in specific areas– healing, guidance, encouragement, strength, understanding, submitting to His will, and following Him. I can ask for personal help, or lift up family members, neighbors, friends, and yes, even enemies! I can pray about situations great and small–from wars and famines to lost keys and short tempers.
I learned about ACTS when I was in college, and I have found it to be a great guideline. While I don’t use it for every prayer– sometimes an issue calls for immediate and direct supplication, for instance– I find that using this in daily prayer helps me grow in faith, patience, endurance, and hope. When I come to God in panic or stress, and I haven’t built up a healthy, consistent practice of prayer, my words can be anemic– lacking in faith and based on my fear or anger. I pray with my focus on problems, rather than on God’s power to overcome any circumstance. Using ACTS helps me remember that it is GOD who “acts,” and always for the best!
The second acronym I have used is PRAY. It is very similar to ACTS, but the end focus is slightly different:
Praise/Adoration– once again, it begins with praising the God who is worthy; the God who hears me, sees me, loves me, and knows what is best. I cannot live victoriously without remembering the source of hope and victory, and putting my heart in HIS hands.
Repentance– as with Confession above, this is not an act of groveling and rehearsing past shame. It is acknowledging anything that I might be holding on to that gets in the way of my worship of and submission to God’. E.M. Blaiklock, the Christian apologist from New Zealand once said: “God alone knows how to humble us without humiliating us and how to exalt us without flattering us.” Repentance is not about humiliation or holding on to guilt, but rather about staying humble and honest about our need for God’s Grace and Power. And turning from anything that might get in the way of following Jesus Christ.
Ask– once we have a right view of who God is, and who we are, we are free to ask Him whatever is on our mind, and share our questions, fears, burdens, etc., with the One who has all the answers!
Yield/ “Yes, LORD!”– The final step is making sure we are ready to listen and respond to God as we expect His answer. No matter what God’s answer may be, we should trust and obey His wisdom above our own.
I have come to value PRAY as a wonderful tool to help in my pursuit of prayer, and in my broader pursuit of Christlikeness. Both ACTS and PRAY help me pray “better.” It’s not that God grades my prayers or listens more or responds differently: but it helps me to better appreciate the power of prayer, and the power behind prayer. Individual prayers can change circumstances, but the pursuit of prayer is meant to change US as well. Prayer that shapes us, helps us grow– if that isn’t at least part of our pursuit of prayer, we are missing out on what God wants to do through us, and not just for us.
It is important, just as with nutrition, that we have a healthy balance in our prayer life. That balance consists of worship, repentance, sharing our burdens, showing gratitude, and offering ourselves in humble service. Prayer is too important to just “wing it.” We need to pursue it with the same (or better!) dedication that we give to our physical health.
I have to admit, this is not a reaction I enjoy. I want to meet with God in prayer, feeling loved, confident, and joyful. And I know that God is sovereign, awesome, and powerful…but I want to revel in the goodness of redemption and the hope of glory, not tremble in fear or awe.
Yet, we are told to do both throughout scripture. I can’t really have one without the other. I cannot accept God’s love without acknowledging His awesome Holiness and the horror of His suffering and death. Without Jesus’ willingness to go to the cross, and His triumph over death, I would have no hope beyond this life, and no reason to expect Goodness in this life.
Today, I need to tremble– to see and acknowledge the awful wrath of God, fully and horrifically borne by Jesus on the cross. God did not send His Son to tidy up an uncomfortable or embarrassing “slip” on the part of one man. Jesus bore the weight of the Holocaust and the nightmares of genocide, terrorism, abortion, plague, war, and famine throughout the ages. Jesus paid the price of slavery, and sex trafficking, and human sacrifice committed over centuries and millennia of hatred and abuse. Jesus faced the punishment justly deserved by billions of acts of rebellion and rejection by people He had lovingly created. And He did it so that you (and I) could be held guiltless and allowed to enter the courts of praise.
Someday, we will see Him face-to-face. Yes, it will be joyful, and glorious. But it will also be cause for trembling. To see perfection, righteousness, Holiness, and Love, and yet see the One who was “pierced for our transgressions, and crushed for our iniquities…”
There is little glory in momentary happiness or small victories. But when we stop and tremble at His Majesty, we arise with joy unspeakable, and true worship!
Pursuing Prayer 