A Prayer For Fathers

We are approaching Father’s Day. It is a day of celebration for many people, but it can also be a day of sadness for others. This year will be a milestone for our family, as my father passed away 25 years ago; and yet–we are preparing to celebrate the birth of my grand-nephew’s first child. This will make him a father, my nephew will become a grandfather, and my brother will become a great-grandfather! My husband is a father and grandfather, and so are three of his brothers. We also have brothers, brothers-in-law, nephews and cousins who are great dads. So we really have a lot to celebrate!

Fatherhood– the kind we celebrate– is more than just contributing genetic material to a new life, or claiming a child on an income tax statement, or showing up once in awhile for major events. Fatherhood involves sacrifice. It requires wisdom and patience. It involves ongoing commitments, and the tough love that says, “No” because it’s the right thing, rather than the easy thing to say. Fatherhood requires a man to be a teacher, provider, protector, defender, coach, and disciplinarian. It also requires humility, and grace, encouragement and sometimes tears. In addition, fatherhood requires prayer. No father is perfect, and no father can do all that he needs to in his own power. Fathers need our support and encouragement, our grace, and our prayers.

It is tempting to label our fathers. I have known “good” fathers. And I have known fathers who have abandoned or even abused their responsibilities, causing trauma, anguish, and hurt to their families, lasting for generations. My own father wasn’t perfect, but he was a “good” father. He was a man of humor and integrity, faithful, honest, loving and humble; a man of faith, and a man of honor. My father-in-law was the same. They left wonderful legacies of wisdom, hard work, and quiet strength. But I know of other fathers who have ruined the lives of their children (as well as their own lives) through fear, selfishness, addictions, abuse, anger, greed, and pride. Father’s Day can cause regret, envy, and bitterness in the hearts of many fathers and children alike. Many people would like to forget about their fathers on Father’s Day. Some don’t even know how to celebrate– they’ve never seen or heard from their father; some don’t even know his name!

But Father’s Day is not only for “good” fathers. It is a time to honor those who have been faithful, but it is also a time to reach out to those who need help. Good fathers are needed! And “bad” fathers need to be called out– not indulged or ignored, but held, guided, rehabilitated, or even incarcerated, for the good of their children. Hurting boys often grow up to be hurtful fathers. Hurting girls often end up in hurtful relationships. Hurtful fathers often struggle with their own baggage of hurt and disappointment from past generations, without knowing how to change. Fathers need more than a “day”, a cook-out, or another tie. They need a mission and a purpose; they need respect and forgiveness; they need encouragement and accountability.

My prayer today is that this Father’s Day can be a day of honor AND of healing for fathers and their children. I pray that struggling fathers will be encouraged and strengthened; that hard-working, faithful fathers will see the rewards of their efforts and find hope to keep going; that absent and apathetic fathers will wake up to the challenge and the gift of fatherhood; that broken fathers will find help and healing for themselves AND for their families; that hurting sons and daughters will find the grace to move beyond the pain of unmet expectations and abuse to become better men and women.

All that I pray for is made possible because we have a Heavenly Father– a perfect, loving, eternally wise Father– who loves us through our struggles and our pain. He knows our every need, sees our every tear, and hears our every prayer. He is ready to be our coach, our provider, our healer, our disciplinarian, and our protector. No matter our experiences or how we feel about our earthly fathers, or about being a father, we can trust Him to be all that we need. Our Heavenly Father will never abandon us, reject us, abuse us, or despise us. He will comfort, encourage, uplift, and guide us– now and forever. All we need to do is pray and accept Him for all that He is!

June 16, 2023 0

Hidden Among the “Baggage”

I am always drawn by the stories in the Bible. Stories of ordinary and extraordinary people used by God– sometimes in spite of themselves–to rescue others, to teach others, to serve as examples, and to show how God wants to interact (or discipline) those He loves.

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

One such person was a man named Saul, son of Kish. Of all the young men of Israel, God chose Saul to be their first king. This was a mixed blessing for the nation. In asking for a human king, they were saying that the did not want to be “ruled” by God or His prophets. God warned Israel through the prophet Samuel that they might come to regret having a human king. They were rejecting the pattern established by God under Moses, and asking for a system of leadership that matched the surrounding nations. This would make it easier to make treaties, do business, and interact with neighboring countries, but it would also bring some of the same problems (succession, power struggles, greed, etc.) that plagued all the other monarchies and empires around them. The choice of Saul reveals not only God’s character, but the character of Israel. God chose a man from one of the least of the families of the least of the tribes of Israel. Saul’s father, Kish, was a man of some power and wealth, but his family line was one of younger sons of younger sons. God often chooses the “least” among us to lead. He is not a respecter of rank or birth, wealth or experience. However, God also chose Saul as a man who “looked” the part. Saul was “head and shoulders” taller than others. He was good-looking and well-educated. Wasn’t this exactly was Israel wanted in a king?

On the day Samuel called a great assembly to publicly anoint the new king, lots were cast to show God’s choice. Among the 12 tribes of Israel, the tribe of Benjamin was chosen– the youngest of the sons of Jacob, and the smallest of the tribes. A lesser family among the tribe was then selected. Finally, the choice was narrowed down to Saul, son of Kish. But Saul could not be found! A search ensued, and he was eventually found– hiding among the baggage! The tallest man in the kingdom– the one who already had been confirmed as God’s choice– tried to hide from his own coronation! And it was God who revealed Saul’s hiding place and forced him to face his exaltation!

The ongoing story of Saul’s reign as king is filled with both triumph and tragedy. Time and again, Saul tries to “hide” behind excuses. He fails to obey God’s command, but blames his weakness on others. God takes away His favor, and His spirit leaves Saul, who descends into paranoia, anger, and madness.

But today, I want to look at the idea that Saul thought he could hide “among the baggage.” (1 Samuel 10:22) Other translations say he was “among the stuff” or “among the supplies.” Saul did not run away from the assembly altogether; he did not reject his role. Yet he tried to hide from the gravity and responsibility of kingship. In many ways, this shows good qualities of humility and an understanding of his own limitations. Saul’s problem wasn’t that he thought he was “born to be king.” Saul wasn’t born to be king– it was an honor thrust upon him. Saul’s problem was that he wasn’t prepared to let God rule through him. Saul would be the titular King of Israel. But who would be the King over Saul’s own life and heart? Saul, like the nation he ruled, ended up rejecting God’s rule. He tried to follow the letter of the law, and the traditions of his people, but he did not always choose to follow the God who had created them, nor did he humble himself to accept God’s correction.

We may not be chosen for a position of leadership. But what responsibilities are we hiding from today? Are we surrounding ourselves with baggage? Do we hide in the busyness of our hobbies or our job? Do we cover ourselves with “obligations” that leave us drained to no real purpose? How many hours do we spend hiding in chit-chat, or watching television, or shopping, or daydreaming? How many times are we volunteering to work with strangers in order to avoid spending time with difficult relatives or neighbors? How often do we offer up the sacrifice of generic worship instead of the sacrifice of a teachable spirit?

Saul had many gifts, which he used to strengthen his nation and expand its territory. He had the opportunity to do even more great things for God and for Israel. But he is mostly remembered for his failures– his defiance of Samuel’s orders and excuses about disobedience; his ongoing murderous pursuit of his anointed successor, David; his consultation in the dead of night with the witch of Endor; his ignoble death in battle… We too, have opportunities to do great things with God’s help and in His power. We cannot hide forever among the “stuff” of life. God will reveal our hiding places– to others, even if we don’t acknowledge them!

Today, I pray that I will come out from behind the baggage of my everyday activities, and be available for God’s good purposes!

Please see these other links for more commentary:
https://jentezenfranklin.org/daily-devotions/what-are-you-hiding-behind#:~:text=%E2%80%9CHe%20is%20hiding%20among%20the%20baggage.%E2%80%9D%201Sa%2010%3A22,tackling%20the%20job%20God%20appointed%20you%20to%20do.
https://www.thekingdomcollective.com/spurgeon/sermon/3322/

June 14, 2023 0

Dust in the Wind

Several years ago, there was a popular song lamenting that, “all we are is dust in the wind.” The song evokes a feeling of hopelessness– we are weak, small, and helpless as dust in the wind. It speaks of impermanence, brevity, sadness, and despair in the face of forces greater than ourselves, and offers a warning not to “hang on” to earthly vanities.

The Bible speaks to this –God told Adam in the Garden of Eden that he would die and return to the dust from which he was formed (Genesis 2:7 and 3:19). Abraham was told that his seed would be “like the dust of the earth;” spread out across the earth and unable to be counted. The book of Job is filled with images of dust and ashes, as Job, homeless and afflicted, sits covered in them, talking of his life and death, and the emptiness of loss.

But there are surprisingly few references to dust in the New Testament. Jesus tells his disciples to visit cities, and where the people will not listen, the disciples are to leave and “shake the dust from (their) feet” as a testimony against them (Matthew 10:14; Mark 6:11; Luke 9:5)

There are two aspects of dust I want to look at today. First, as the song suggests, dust is carried along by the wind. It has no permanence, no weight, no importance, no resistance, and is swept away by a chance wind, or by design with a broom or dust cloth. Dust is not cherished, but discarded. But dust is not destroyed by the wind– it is carried, lifted, moved, and dispersed, but not destroyed. The dust of today will be somewhere else many generations from now, and the dust that settles on our floors, tables, and under the bed may have been blown there from thousands of miles and centuries away! In just such a way, our lives– fragile and brief, leave traces of words spoken, kindnesses shared, and sacrifices made, that live long after our bodies return to ashes and dust. There is an amazing glory in a mote of dust carried by the stillness into a beam of sunlight. It sparkles and dances and drifts in a graceful spiral, suspended in light and air. And there is glory in a life lived in the light, seeking stillness and grace, being carried by the slightest whisper of God’s eternal love.

Secondly, dust that is not in motion, not in the light, IS discarded, unwanted, corrosive, and dead. There is no glory in layers of accumulated dust covering the beauty of an antique dresser or building up in the corner of a room. Dust that is NOT carried on the wind sits, worthless and destructive. It gets absorbed into an unsightly pile of sad, dead matter, and it sits– going nowhere, doing nothing. We shake it off, brush it off, wash it off, sweep it away, and get rid of it.

Dust comes from death– dead skin cells, dead plant and animal matter–and I think there is a very real reason it is mentioned so often in connection with sin, sickness, unbelief, judgment, and death (though not in all cases). God does not want to leave us unmoved and dead– He wants to bring us to glory and give us new life in Him. We are dust in the wind– but that is not all we are. Instead, it is what we are for a brief moment in time– being carried to a new destination, or sinking and settling into despair.

I pray that we will be lifted up in prayer and faith today, to dance in the light of God’s glorious grace, and carry our mote of glory and grace to wherever God my send us.

June 12, 2023 0

Why Do the Wicked Prosper?

There is no way I can give a definitive answer to the above question. In a thousand blog posts or three volumes of analysis, I could never cover all the issues this question brings up. I offer the question today for two reasons:

This question is raised in the Bible. Asaph raised it in Psalm 73 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+73&version=ASV; Habakkuk and other prophets also asked it. Solomon pondered it in Ecclesiastes, and Job cried out against it. God is not afraid of such questions, but He doesn’t give glib answers, either. The psalmist received no immediate answer directly from God, but when he entered the sanctuary of the Most High, and considered the eternal destination of the wicked, his attitude changed. His envy, anger, and bitterness melted in a flood of awe and worship. God does not want us to be bitter, angry, or envious of the wicked; nor does He want us to be apathetic toward injustice, abuse, and inequality. There is something profoundly disturbing when we see the wicked prospering at the expense of the righteous and innocent. It should cause us to turn to God and seek His help.
That brings me to the second reason I want to grapple with this topic today. I need to! I have the tendency to want an immediate answer, and to see the wicked suffer– until I am in the presence of a Holy God. There is no wickedness that is outside of God’s justice, or of His grace. God WILL bring complete justice– in HIS time. But His primary goal is to bring redemption, restoration, healing, hope, and salvation– even to the wicked; even to ME. God’s justice is not just reserved for those I deem to be wicked and prosperous. God’s ways are not my ways. What if, in my eagerness to condemn the wicked, I miss God’s plan to change the heart of a Zacchaeus, or an Ebenezer Scrooge, or a sinful King David or arrogant King Nebuchadnezzar? No amount of wickedness can overwhelm God’s love and mercy, or His ability to make “all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28) for those who love Him and are called to serve Him.

When tempted to dwell on this question, there are some wonderful alternatives. See some of the links below.

https://billygraham.org/decision-magazine/march-2013/when-the-wicked-flourish/

https://bible.org/seriespage/lesson-7-what-do-when-evil-prevails-malachi-217-36

https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/job-the-revelation-of-god-in-suffering

https://www.ou.org/torah/machshava/the-god-papers/righteous-suffer-wicked-prosper/

https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-stories/bible-story-of-zacchaeus.html

Lord God, today I pray for eyes that see Your face, even in this broken and fallen world. May I look to see Your patience, Your mercy and Your grace, as well as Your Holiness and Justice. May I be an instrument of all these aspects of Your character as I live in Your grace today. Thank You for Your great mercy toward me, and to the promise of Eternal Life with You. Amen.

June 9, 2023 0

“I’m Praying For You!”

Each month, I want to give some practical suggestions on ways we can better pursue a lifestyle of prayer.

This month, I want to encourage you to let people know you are praying for them. This seems like such a simple thing, and not necessarily a way to improve one’s prayer life. After all, didn’t Jesus teach us not to brag about our praying? Aren’t we supposed to pray in private, not calling attention to ourselves? (See Matthew 6:1-15)

There are four “do’s” and a couple of “don’t’s” when it comes to telling others about praying that I want to emphasize today. Not because I have a perfect formula, but these are things I have found true in my own experience, and I think they line up with Biblical principles:

DO:

When you hear a need, pray about it. Don’t put it off; don’t promise to pray at a more convenient time. Do it now. If that means stopping in the middle of a conversation and praying with someone who is pouring out their heart– do it (assuming that it is possible). Not only is this practicing obedience to the prompting of the Holy Spirit, but it is honoring the importance and value of the other person. (see Philippians 4:6; Romans 12:12; Ephesians 6:18; others…) Showing others that their needs are important and that God cares about their needs is NOT boasting or being hypocritical. Just remember to approach with humility. Don’t be offended if they refuse in the moment; don’t use the opportunity to pray “over them”– pray beside them; pray with them; pray for their needs, not your own virtue-signaling. If you are worried about your actions being misconstrued or offensive in some way, ask first. “May I pray for you right now?” “Would you mind if we just stopped and said a quick prayer about this situation?” They can always refuse to let you pray immediately, but at least they will know you sincerely want to bring their burden before God. Also, if there is practical help you can give in the moments following, don’t hold back. Maybe their need is beyond your ability, but if you can direct them to counseling, aid from a local church group or non-profit, or offer to follow-up, you should do what you honestly can. Don’t promise beyond your ability, but don’t just pray and walk away, either.
The same goes for on-line requests for prayer. Don’t just scroll past someone’s need. It takes three seconds or less to type, “Praying”, or “I’m praying for you.” Again, if there is practical help you can offer, this is an opportunity to do so. There is no need to go overboard– but letting others know that someone “out there” is praying can be an enormous encouragement.
Be specific. Generic prayers aren’t “bad,” but they are often hasty and leave something lacking. The same goes for practical help. One of the mistakes I often make is to say, “If there’s anything I can do, give me a call.” I mean it– I want to help, and don’t know just how. But this puts the burden of asking on the person you meant to help! If you don’t know what to do– say so– but give them something solid to go on. It may be a phone number or e-mail, or an idea of a service you are able to offer–“I have Wednesday afternoons off if you need someone to drive you/go with you to an appointment.” or “If you ever want to meet for coffee…” or “I know the church has a Benevolence fund for unexpected bills and expenses. I could contact someone or give you their contact information,” etc..
Follow through! If someone asks for prayer for an ongoing concern, make a point of checking in every so often. Call, send a note or text, stop them at church and let them know you are still thinking of them and praying for them. This can also be another opportunity to offer practical help, a hug, or other form of encouragement. Often a week or two can be time enough to reveal practical steps to meet some of the smaller needs related to a big crisis or situation.

DON’T:

Say you will pray and then forget to do it. I used to be bad about this on-line. It only takes three seconds to promise to pray or to type a message about prayer, but don’t say it/send it if you aren’t going to act on it. Either stop then and there to pray about it, or stop and write it down where you will see it later and act on it! Good intentions are NOT enough to bring real encouragement and change. And good intentions do not form a disciplined and growing pursuit of prayerful living. In fact, such lost opportunities can become a barrier to our prayer life AND our relationships with others.
Break confidences. If someone asks publicly for prayer, it is fine to respond publicly that you will pray or are praying. It is NOT fine to then share someone else’s burden with ten of your other neighbors or closest friends. It is not fine to repost someone else’s request without their permission. It is not fine to publicize others’ private burdens, confessions, or pain. You may want to ask others to join in prayer, but don’t share details and names. Even if you have permission to share a prayer request, it is not for you to pour out someone else’s feelings, relationships, or struggles. This is another area in which I’ve had to learn a lot. I tend to over-share my own struggles when asking for prayer, and I want others to be concerned, so they will pray also. But it is very easy to fall into gossip, oversharing, and speculation, which has no place in prayer– and no place in my relationships! Share only those specifics that are helpful– “S______ is battling cancer. She has an appointment with her oncologist this week and would like prayer.” It is tempting to give the time and date of the appointment– and S______ may be ok with you doing this so people can be praying “in the moment.” However, she may be concerned about too many people knowing when she will or won’t be home, which might tempt a burglar. She may not want to receive a host of phone calls later that afternoon from people wanting “updates” or wanting to “cheer her up” when she is exhausted. Respect others’ privacy.

We are commanded to pray for one another (see Galatians 6:2; Colossians 4:2, etc.) And prayer is the most powerful tool we have to help those around us. Even though I recommend “practical” help along with prayer, I do not mean to say that prayer is impractical. Prayer IS practical and powerful. It should never be dismissed as “lesser than” other forms of help. But neither should it be used as an excuse not to meet needs in others ways as God gives us resources.

Making a habit of praying for others– really responding to needs immediately and faithfully in prayer– is a great way to experience its power. We will see God working through the prayers we offer– not just in the way He answers in the lives of others, but in the way He will change our hearts and minds about situations, relationships, and in growing Faith and confidence. It will train you to listen for needs, and to prepare to help. It will also train you to see needs in your own life, and make it easier to trust God with the needs in your life. You will find it easier to share your needs with others, and to accept help when you experience how much your efforts (even small ones) can encourage others. It may even encourage you to begin networking with others to meet needs and be proactive, instead of just reacting to needs after they are felt! If you are already strong in this area, be grateful for the way God is using you in the lives of others. If you are struggling in this area, I hope you will persevere. God is gracious in giving us opportunities to grow and serve!

June 7, 2023 0

Afraid to Call?

Some fears are understandable. Some fears are even logical. Some are not. I wouldn’t say that I am “afraid” of most things. I don’t spend hours of my life being afraid of unlikely events, like being struck by lightning or choking to death on a cracker. I have a healthy fear of electricity and fire. I don’t tempt fate by walking along the edge of cliffs or hanging out of thirty-story windows (both of which are rare where I come from, anyway) . But I have two phobias– irrational fears–that plague me. The first is my fear of snakes. My fear of snakes has not ruined my life, but it has caused me to limit activities– mostly nature walks– where I might be exposed to seeing a snake. I avoid the reptile house at the zoo; I avoid visiting places where snakes are more common. I don’t like to see pictures of them; I don’t watch “snake” movies.

The second fear is more irrational and causes more problems in my daily life. I am afraid of phones. This doesn’t mean that I cannot make a phone call, or ever answer the phone. But if anyone asks about the best way to contact me, I always suggest e-mail, texts, or other forms of communication. I don’t like hearing the phone ring. I don’t like making calls. I don’t like answering calls. And it has little to do with who is on the other end. It has much more to do with the medium. I can’t see the other person’s face; I can’t predict whether or not the other person is busy or distracted; whether they want a quick answer or a lengthy talk; whether the conversation will end well or leave one (or both) of us at a loss. People call at their convenience–not at the convenience of the person at the other end. Are they in the middle of cooking dinner? Taking a shower? Having an important conversation with a spouse or child?

But if I determine never to make or receive a phone call, I will miss other important conversations– family members who live far away; business that cannot be conducted in person; appointments that need to be set up; news about births, deaths, hospitalizations, even prayers and prayer requests.

I say all this because I knew there are some people who have a phobia about prayer. They are afraid to pray– not just in public, but even privately. They fear that they will say the wrong thing, or that they will “bother” God with their petitions. Some fear that God will not hear their prayer or that they will not get an answer. Some are afraid that they will “get what they pray for”– that God will hear their prayer and answer it, but that the answer will involve change, hardship, or pain that they were hoping to avoid. Some fear that their prayers will not be “good enough;” that God will misunderstand their motives or be offended by their words or their lack of knowledge. Some people are afraid of God– that He will reject them and their prayers because of something they have done or the way they have lived in the past.

Prayer is not meant to be intimidating or difficult. It is healthy to have awe for God. Even “fear” of God– He holds the power of life and death; He cannot be fooled or mocked or bargained with; He knows everything about us, including our thoughts and our past–God is not to be trifled with, even in prayer. But God invites us to pray. He calls us to come to Him; He seeks our fellowship, no matter what we’ve done or what words we string together. There is no magical “prayer formula”– no phrases or special “religious” words or a certain ritual or routine– that we must use to be heard. God– who formed the universe and keeps it running– is never too busy or too distracted to listen to us. Even groans and whimpers are important to Him.

Don’t be “afraid to pray.” And don’t let a fear keep you from praying. Pray through the fear– draw near to God– and He has promised to draw near to you.

Many years ago, I prayed to God, that He would increase my patience. I had well-meaning people– even pastors and other Christians– who told me not to do it. They were afraid that God’s answer to such a prayer would bring difficulty– that God would answer my prayer by making me go through hard times to learn patience. And He did just that. I wanted to be married and have a family–and I spent nearly 30 years waiting and learning patience! But I would not go back and undo those years. God answered my prayer and He gave me a wonderful husband and family– in His time. Sometimes in those decades of wondering and hurting, I had pain. But I also had many blessings in singleness–opportunities I had never planned on, changes in perspective, unforeseen experiences and relationships that, I think, prepared me to be a better person and a better wife than I would have been at age 18 or 20.

My prayer for patience was something I felt strongly about– and patience is a Godly thing; it is an aspect of the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). I wasn’t praying for money or fame or a life without struggles. In fact– I wasn’t praying that God would “make me” patient. People who believe that my years of waiting for a husband were the direct result of my prayer for increased patience assume that God changed the circumstances of my life to force me to learn a lesson. But what if God changed my desires to match my circumstances? What if, knowing that I would marry after age 45, God put that prayer in my young and impatient heart? If I hadn’t asked for patience, would I have taken matters into my own hands and tried to “make” a family in my way and my time? Would I have experienced more pain– and brought pain to others– if I hadn’t learned patience?

Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas on Pexels.com

God knows what we need. He knows that there WILL be trouble and hardship in our lives. And He knows that we can survive, and even thrive, in times of trouble, because He will be there with us. Nothing about prayer should make us afraid. Nothing about God’s answers should cause us not to seek His face. He loves us extravagantly; He knows us intimately; He controls and safeguards our future with perfect power.

And we don’t need to use a phone to call on Him!

June 5, 2023 0

Promises to Keep

The month of June is “Anniversary Month” in much of my family. My parents and one set of grandparents were all married on June 1st. My brother and sister both celebrate anniversaries next week, as does my one of my brothers-in-law. Marriage is in trouble in our society– many marriages are ending in divorce, while others are choosing to wait longer before making a commitment or choosing not to marry at all.

We tend to celebrate marriage as being all about feelings of love, but marriage is really about making and keeping promises. Two people stand before witnesses and take sacred oaths to be faithful, to love, honor, and cherish (and yipes! sometimes even to obey) one another for the rest of their lives. And most people who take such oaths do so with honest intent. Why, then, does it seem to be failing so often?

Photo by Asad Photo Maldives on Pexels.com

One of the reasons has to do with expectations. We expect the same giddy feelings of delight we have during courtship to carry us dreamily into the future. And we expect that the way we act during courtship will be the norm– the “happily ever after” fairy-tale life of story books and romance novels. We expect that we will always be the same as we are now: young, carefree, beautiful/handsome, and eager to please and be pleased by the boy/girl of our dreams… This is unrealistic. And even when we say we know better, we hang on to unrealistic expectations for our relationships, just as we do for other situations and circumstances. Even our “soulmates” can disappoint us, fail to understand us, suffer failures and setbacks, battle depression or addiction, lose their youth and good health, and even question their feelings for us.

Another related issue is that we usually take vows when we are young and our future looks bright. Circumstances can change; plans can fail. War, disease, financial ruin, the loss or miscarriage of a child or children, forced changes in living arrangements or work schedules– all can put enormous stress on a marriage.

But not all marriages crumble under the weight of unusual or unexpected circumstances. Some seem to erode slowly, even under “good” circumstances. Why?

One reason I’ve seen as I look around is a seeming inability to make and keep small promises. We make big, broad promises at a wedding– “for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..” “’til death us do part…” But we don’t promise to forgive him when he leaves the toilet seat up for the fifth time this week, or wait for her while she tries on every one of the six outfits she can’t decide on for the upcoming class reunion. We don’t promise to compromise on which family we will visit for Christmas each year, or what color we will have in the dining room. We think of marriage as a series of negotiations (which it IS), but ones in which one of us “wins” and the other “loses.” And if we consider that we are the “loser” in enough negotiations, we feel entitled to “break” our little promises.

Almost two years ago, my husband suffered an injury at work. He “punctured” his leg–the injury wasn’t huge, but it was deep, and on the back side of the leg, where he couldn’t see it. He knew it hurt, but thought it would heal up. Instead, it became infected. We had to go to the local wound clinic for several months, but between visits, I had to change the dressings, wash the wound, apply the various antibiotics and salves, redress the wound, etc.. David was still working full time, so the dressings would sometimes get sweaty and dirty on top of everything else. I promised to be faithful “in sickness and in health”– and that included washing out the pus-filled wound and caring for the pus-soaked dressings; it included wrapping his leg every other night for weeks. We went through hundreds of yards of gauze and anti-stick dressings, tubes of several different antibiotic salves, special compression socks, etc. Hundreds of dollars and hours later, his leg is slowly getting back to “normal.” During this same period, I was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. David has had to be patient with me as I learn to eat (and cook) differently. He has had to help me with glucose testing, dealing with low-sugar episodes, and put up with mood swings (even more than normal!).

And our health odyssey could be much worse– what about those who have to deal with cancer or dementia? But I think sometimes we minimize the commitment needed for the smaller, chronic conditions. The stress may be smaller, but it piles up, just the same. Our promises need to hold in the daily crises– big and small. And our promises need to hold when there is no crisis– and no adventure, either. Many marriages fall victim to “smooth sailing.” Things settle into a routine, and promises that were made to sustain the marriage in the face of “richer or poorer” fall apart in the settled comfort of middle class complacency. Vows take for “better or worse” fall apart in the “blah” and boredom of “good enough.”

Marriage is designed to be a picture of our relationship with Christ. As Christians, we are the “bride” of Christ! But we may need to review our vows and our commitment. Christ is eternally faithful; are we? In our flesh and our frail humanity, we cannot remain faithful on our own. But where are we? Have we lost our first love? Are we committed to Christ even in the midst of chronic illness or small setbacks? Are we flirting with the world because we have become “bored” with our Christian Walk? Has our joy been eroded by our failure to share our little stresses and secret sins with the Lover of our Soul?

Often, when we take a moment to remember our wedding day, we are reminded of the commitments we made, and the joy we felt on that special day. It can be bittersweet, if we have let circumstances or feelings pull us away from the one we love (or if they have moved away from their commitment). But it can be a wake-up call, as well, reminding us that promises made and promises kept are what leads to long-term joy and security. It can be helpful to take a few moments (or more) every once in awhile to remember when we came to Christ, and be reminded of the commitment we made– and the promises He has kept!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah+31&version=ESV

Read Jeremiah 31 for more about God’s “marriage” covenant with Israel

https://www.openbible.info/topics/the_bride_of_christ

Use the link above to read more about marriage in the context of Christ and the Church

June 2, 2023 0

But Did I Pray?

I cried a bit.
I threw a fit.
Made a fuss;
Kicked up some dust…
But did I pray?

I made a plan.
I took a stand.
I marched around;
Made some sound.
But did I pray?

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I went on-line;
Looked for a sign.
I read a book;
Took another look.
But did I pray?

I hit a wall.
I made some calls.
I spoke to friends.
I followed trends.
But did I pray?

I shook my head
And then I said
A hasty word.
I felt unheard.

I wondered why;
Had another cry.
I drove my car
And searched the stars.
But did I pray?

Prayers are simple.
Prayers are quiet.
I wanted answers.
I wanted a riot.

My heart was proud.
My voice was loud.

But what can I say?
I didn’t pray.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2046&version=ESV

“Be still, and know that I am God..” Psalm 46:10

May 31, 2023 0

This Do in Remembrance…

Today is Memorial Day in the United States–a day when we remember all those who have given their lives in service to their fellow countrymen and women. People decorate the gravestones of soldiers who were killed in action, they march in patriotic parades, and they hold memorial services, with military rites, prayers, and speeches.

Not everyone celebrates in the same way. Some just use the day as an excuse to have a pre-summer cookout or swim-party. Some don’t commemorate the day at all. Some people use the day to honor veterans of the armed forces, or even those who risk their lives in emergency services– EMT’s, Firefighters, Police officers, and others. Others use the day to honor their ancestors, regardless of whether they served in the military.

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My husband and I fall on this end of the spectrum. We like to pay tribute to those who came before us– to those who left everything behind to start a new life as “pioneers”; those who lived through wars and diseases and struggles; those who left a legacy to our grandparents and parents–a legacy we hope to pass on. But we don’t worship our ancestors; we don’t worship the soldiers who died. We honor them, we remember their sacrifice, but we recognize that they were human, just like us. They may have died in battle or as the result of battle, but they died, just as we will. Their sacrifices may have been heroic; their efforts may have preserved freedom for us, or brought freedom to those who were oppressed. And that is what we honor. That is what we remember.

Jesus Christ was not a soldier. Yet He sacrificed His life for a purpose much greater than the honor of a nation, or the freedom of family and friends. His sacrifice opened a way for us to be reconciled with God– to be declared righteous and Holy, in spite of what we have done (or failed to do). Our best efforts may end in tragic death on a battlefield– or in a hospital bed fighting cancer or AIDS. But our best efforts end in death. His best efforts destroyed the power of Death, and offered hope to all the world.

Memorial Day comes once a year in my country. Other nations have similar days. It is important to remember those who have come before– those who have made sacrifices, and paved the way for future generations to live free. But around the world, Christians have reason to celebrate every day– to remember the death AND resurrection of our Savior that gives us eternal freedom from the sting of Sin and Death.

Before His death, Jesus gave his disciples a rite– a ceremony– to remember His death, and what it would mean in light of His resurrection. We call it Communion or Eucharist– the “body” and “blood” of Christ–consumed and memorialized each time we take it. We don’t hold parades or play Taps or plant flowers. We don’t have pool parties and barbecues. But we reflect with solemnity and gratitude on the sacrifice that conquered the grave once and for all!

May 29, 2023 0

Two or More

¹⁰If one falls, the other pulls him up; but if a man falls when he is alone, he’s in trouble.¹¹Also, on a cold night, two under the same blanket gain warmth from each other, but how can one be warm alone? ¹²And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:10-12

At least once each month this year, I want to write about practical ways to develop our Pursuit of Prayer. Today, I want to focus on seeking out a partner or prayer group.

There are many benefits of adding corporate or communal prayer to our lives. Most of our prayers will take place between just ourselves and God. We may pray during our quiet time, early in the morning, or just before bedtime. Our prayers may be short or long; full of joy or sorrow; silent or even mumbled. But when we pray with at least one other person, the following should happen:

We should be more focused. It may sound shallow or presumptuous, but praying aloud in front of a “human” audience has a tendency to keep us focused on the words we use and the thoughts we are sharing. And, while we can fall victim to the temptation to show off our eloquence, or say what we think others want to hear, we can also be sharpened by the reality that God AND others are listening! Have you ever “caught” yourself praying without really “hearing” your own thoughts? Sometimes, prayers can become rote or stale. We can pray on “automatic pilot”– repeating requests or phrases without really meaning them. Praying aloud in front of others won’t necessarily stop that from happening, but it should make us more focused.
We should learn from the prayers of others. Listening to others pray gives us insight into THEIR thoughts and hearts. It can also give us insight into how others communicate with the Father. Sometimes others have knowledge of issues and requests of which I am unaware or unburdened. Sometimes, they have a different way of relating to the Father– not “better,” but different in perspective or experience. I have been startled, convicted, encouraged, and emboldened by listening to the prayers of my brothers and sisters in Christ. And there is a “flip-side” to this, namely
We should allow others to learn from our prayers. I know many people who feel their prayers are somehow “inferior.” They use simple words, or their words don’t flow smoothly. They are ashamed to pray in public. And yet, thousands have been inspired and humbled by so-called “simple” prayers. They teach faith and humility; trust and caring; and even courage and strength. If everyone’s prayers were the same, or if everyone’s prayers were about their own abilities or eloquence, they would lose much of their power– because prayer is not about US; it is about God working THROUGH us.
We can agree in prayer. As one of us prays aloud, the other(s) can pray along silently in agreement. This may seem like a simple truth, or a trivial point, but it is not. Prayer, like the rest of our life, is meant to be done in communion with others–we are not meant to be solitary and self-sufficient. There is exponential power in communal prayer, as we come together in agreement on various issues. It is one of the reasons that so many revival experiences begin with a small group of people who pray fervently. This isn’t just a metaphysical phenomenon. Hearing others pray about the things weighing on my heart encourages me to keep praying when I am alone again. Hearing others pray with the same heart encourages my faith and resolve. Hearing others agree in prayer may even plant a seed that wasn’t there before. Conversely, hearing others pray may cause me to reevaluate my own thinking, or help us better hear faulty thinking and disagreement over certain issues, causing us to seek resolution and truth over long-held but unquestioned beliefs. Praying aloud can help bring us closer toward unity!

Our prayers become more powerful. “Where two or three are gathered…” Matthew 18:20 says that where two or three are gathered together in my (Jesus’) name, he will there in the midst of them. This verse is often taken out of context. It does NOT mean that Jesus will ONLY be with groups of two or more. Jesus promises never to leave or forsake ANYONE who puts their trust in Him. Others have taken this promise (along with its preceding verse) to mean that where two or three people pray together, Jesus is obligated to give them whatever they ask for. This is also misleading. Jesus is with us, not to give us a particular outcome or answer, but to guide us into truth and faith. It means that Jesus is with each person, AND with everyone who gathers together in HIS name. His presence is magnified; His power is magnified (if such a thing is possible…) Just as in the passage in Ecclesiastes, the power of a united group– even a small group of two or three PLUS JESUS– cannot be over-emphasized. Remember the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego? Satan does not worry when Christians gather together to protest or complain. It warms his heart to see a small group of Christians come together to gossip, boast, or argue. But he shudders when Christians meet together in Faith to pray! It is much more difficult for him to distract, distort, and discourage us when we pray together–for each other, with each other, beside each other!
We become more accountable. This happens best when we meet regularly for prayer with another/others. It doesn’t have to be daily or even weekly, but when we meet consistently, we challenge one another to be faithful, active, and accountable in our prayers and in our living. I pray more often alone when I pray more often with a friend or group! I pray with more focus and purpose. I pray more intentionally.

If you don’t have a regular prayer partner or prayer group, I encourage you to seek out a friend or a group of people who will meet regularly. Even if it is not a “Prayer” group– it may be a Bible Study group, a group of friends meeting for lunch once a month, or a neighbor who carpools or commutes with you. Make prayer part of your friendship or group on a regular basis.

May 26, 2023 0

Author: Ljfair