Pray For Me, Not About Me

Gossip and judgment are nasty habits– what happens when they creep into our prayer life?

I’ve sometimes struggled with the idea of praying for those who have hurt me or mistreated those I love. We are commanded to do it, but often, I am tempted to pray about my enemies instead of praying for them. As if God didn’t know what they had done; as if he needed me to alert him to their bad behavior, and remind him of how I was slighted, misunderstood, or powerless to bring justice to my friend or family member who was wronged. I want to tell God how to treat them– how to punish them, or abase them, or bring them to feel remorse. I want to hang on to the indignation and sense of victimhood–after all, God is going to make it right in the end, vindicating me and humiliating them, right? Except that’s not how it works in God’s economy…My vindication does not come at their expense, but through the blood of the truly innocent Lamb of God. Let that sink in. God is not in the business of torturing others to make himself feel more righteous. If I want to follow Christ, my actions, and my prayers, should be full of his Grace, not my bitterness.

I am not alone in this– and I’m sure I have been “prayed about” often enough. Even saints and matriarchs of old have done it. And King David was guilty of it as well–several of the Psalms include angry, even vicious rants against David’s enemies. It’s understandable; it’s only natural for us to feel indignant, angry, and hurt in the face of injustice, unkindness, hatred, and abuse. And it’s not inappropriate for us to cry out for justice, or pour out our hurt and frustration. But it is wrong to stand in judgment and unforgiveness when we come before the throne of Heaven.

I believe that these are the difficult prayers that teach us to know God better– as well as ourselves. To pray for those who have hurt us means that we must move beyond what they have done– not to deny it, or to excuse or forget about it, but to give it over to God –and deal with who they are. They are lost exactly as we are lost, but for the grace of God. They are redeemable, not because they can undo or atone for what has happened, but because God says that whosoever trusts in Him can be saved. They are precious in God’s sight. When we stop focusing on who hurt us, and how, we can instead focus on who heals us, and how he wants to heal others.

These prayers also serve to remind us that our true “enemies” are not the people who say or do unkind or even wicked things. Our true enemies are not the ones who can hurt our feelings, or even our minds or bodies. Our true enemies are the ones who would steal our souls– who tempt us to hold on to rage and despair, to hopelessness and doubt, to bitterness and shame.

It is so easy to write these words, and to “know” the right thing to do. But it is a painful, heartbreaking, humbling, stumbling uphill climb to DO the right thing. I still catch myself so often praying about certain people, instead of praying for them. God knows my heart–he knows if my prayer is sincere. And, as I struggle, I am reminded that the change I would wish to see in someone else mirrors the change I should wish to see in me The same Grace that God sends to heal and comfort me is the same Grace he offers to everyone who will take it–even when they choose not to accept it.

So I hope I am learning to pray for those who sneer at me; those who lash out in their own pain, anger, or thoughtlessness. To pray for their health and safety, their well-being, and their wholeness. For their sake–for the sake of the One who loves them eternally. And in the hope that healing and restoration will triumph over what lies in the past.

October 6, 2025 0

Words Are Not Enough

When tragedy happens, words are not enough to bring justice, resolution, and immediate peace to the situation. “I’m so sorry,” or “I’m here for you,” or “I’m praying for you…” In themselves, the words have no power to change circumstances. Words cannot bring back a lost loved one or undo a fire or earthquake or violent attack.

Yet, when we say that we are sorry, or that we are “here,” or that we are praying, we are offering more than just the words we speak. We are offering to share someone’s grief; to help in practical ways that can ease even some of the suffering; to call attention to God’s presence in every situation, no matter how dire.

Prayers are more than just the words we speak. In Romans 8:26, the Apostle Paul says, “We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Prayer often involves our entire being– body, soul, mind, and spirit–as we bow our heads or lift our hands, sweat, groan, go through a range of emotions from grief to praise, and try to express our heart cry in muddled words.

But prayer is not about US. It is not about our words or our emotions or even our desires. Prayer is about staying connected to God. In ourselves, we will always be insufficient. We may be able to take actions that will help others (or ourselves) achieve some measure of relief or understanding when things go terribly wrong. But we cannot bring complete justice; we cannot reverse what has already happened; we cannot guarantee outcomes. In prayer, we give outcomes and justice to the Only One who can bring true healing, justice, and peace out of our tragedies. We give up on the idea that our own thoughts and actions can overcome all the things that are beyond our control. And we lift up our questions, our fears, and our deepest hurts, with whatever measure of Faith we have, to the one we trust to make all things right. And we relinquish the idea that God MUST give us what we desire in the moment to believe that He gives us what is best according to His eternal plan.

Prayer isn’t simple. It isn’t a “cop-out.” It is a sacrifice. God may never answer our desire for an explanation, or for revenge in this life, or for a re-instatement of all that we think we deserve. But prayer connects us to the Sovereign Heart of God. Prayer doesn’t change our circumstances. It changes the way we respond to them. It changes the way we see ourselves and our own limited power. It changes the way we see others– even those who would harm (or have harmed) us.

Words are not enough– but Prayer taps into the all-sufficiency of God. That is more than enough. And the more we pursue and practice Prayer, the more we will understand its power and sufficiency.

October 3, 2025 0

Coming Home

It’s homecoming season–in small towns around the area, high school football stadiums are being turned into parade grounds as students decorate floats, dress up, rally, and prepare for a chilly Friday night game. Hot cider, coffee, or cocoa, hot dogs, caramel apples, donuts; hats, scarves, and sweatshirts with team logos; scores of alumni in the stands to cheer on the home team and share memories of years gone by. Young and old will cheer themselves hoarse hoping for a victory, and the band will play fight songs, as the cheerleaders jump and shout with all their might. Fans will argue the calls of the refs, and discuss the plays and players. Some eyes will be glued to the action on the field, while others will be looking around for familiar faces, and greeting old friends.

Some people are more “into” sports than others, but there is a contagious excitement on Homecoming night for almost anyone. People are stirred up; pulses are racing, hope and anticipation run high. It’s exciting. It’s cheerful. Unity, joy and energy pulsate from the stands.

What happens on Friday night should be what happens on Sunday mornings…

Do we “come home” to church with an air of excitement and anticipation? Do we expect victory? Are we eagerly looking for faces in the crowd? Discussing the “action on the field” of spiritual warfare? Do we pray with the same enthusiasm as we use to cheer on a high school football team? Do we even know the other members of our team? Or have we stopped showing up for the game, expecting defeat and shame, or shrugging our shoulders– “After all, it’s just a game…” Right?

How many times have I gone to church grudgingly–tired, uninspired, out of a sense of duty, rather than with excitement and anticipation? What a difference when I see church as a battleground in God’s war over Sin and Death! When it is a privilege to worship the eternal Victory of Christ, it takes on an energy and excitement that makes me eager to greet other worshippers and fellow soldiers of the Cross. When I know that the Holy Spirit inhabits the praises of His People, I want to be part of that crowd.

agriculture architecture building church

Recently, a church in my home state was attacked. A man drove his vehicle into the church, fired several shots, and set the church on fire. It was horrific. But it was a futile act of defiance and hatred. Not because no one was hurt– several were hurt and some died. Not because it was unsuccessful– although the man had planned to be much more destructive. Not because it was an isolated incident: church attacks have been taking place for decades, and they are becoming more frequent around the world. It was futile because Christ has already won the ultimate and eternal victory over Evil.

Being a Christian is not “just a game.” It is a battlefield. And it can be dangerous and discouraging. But it is also vital and consequential– every day. Going to church should be much more exciting and important than going to a local sporting match. And no one “sits the bench” on a battlefield. We may be called to wait, or called to serve away from the battle lines, but we are all part of, not just a team, but a family.

Going to church is a weekly “homecoming” that should offer a glimpse of a much greater Homecoming– in Heaven!

October 1, 2025 0

Of Rocks and Rills…

And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.
Genesis 1:31 ESV
(emphasis added)

I love spending time in nature– walking, riding, or biking through woods and meadows, hills and valleys, along lakes or rivers. God has created such beauty and majesty in every part of our world! I grew up surrounded by woods and water– lakes, rivers, old forests and new-growth woods, with lots of farmland and meadows spread out over low rolling hills. So it is always with wonder that I look upon mountains, deserts, rain forests and jungles, and tropical settings because they are not part of the “normal” landscape for me. Even so, I never tire of the sites that greet me year-round–the steady breaking waves rolling in off Lake Michigan; the babbling of a small river or stream over field stone as it races down a small hill toward a pond; trees bowing and dancing in the wind just before a storm, or snow sparking across the frozen fields…

Nature is not just beautiful. It gives us yet another way to experience God’s “nature”– his character and provision. God is steady like a rock– strong, enduring, a safe refuge. God is refreshing and life-giving as a river– ready to wash away aches and soothe us. God is eternal, and his love is as vast and deep as the ocean. God is mysterious as the forest–giving shade and cover, and concealing treasures, and ancient secrets. God is faithful and steady as the sunrise and sunset and the pattern of the seasons. God is as open as a meadow, as pure as an ice shelf, as glorious as a desert sunset.

My husband and I recently returned from a vacation in which we drove through mountains and valleys, traced rivers and streams, and watched the rain falling gently on thirsty fields and meadows. We saw crags of ancient rock, watched happy cows resting in the shade of a copse of trees, saw herons at the edge of a small lake, and dipped our toes in a natural warm spring. We saw geese flying south for the winter, and squirrels chattering as they gathered nuts. It was beautiful, and it all spoke of a God who created variety and complexity, who cares for the land, the flowers of the field, and the birds of the air, and who calls to us through the beauty and grandeur of ordinary days in His Nature.

big wooden cross on green grass field under the white clouds

I pray that we can experience both aspects of God’s nature today–His Sovereignty and His Creation–and praise Him for who He is and how He has revealed Himself all around us.

September 29, 2025 0

I Was There!

Disneyland! Niagara Falls! Tokyo! Paris! Dallas! Machu Piccu! Sydney! Kilmanjaro! Stonehenge! NYC! Souvenirs remind us, and declare to others, where we’ve been. T-shirts, knickknacks, photos, post cards, and more call us to remember places we’ve visited, or even lived. There are apps that allow you to tag, city by city, all the places you’ve ever been (if you can remember them all). Metropolises to tiny hamlets, all can be recorded and seen by anyone else with the app.

Most of the time, when we think of souvenirs, we think of pleasant memories and planned visits. But there is another kind of souvenir–scars, traumas, sickness, crime– that can taint our memory of a place. It’s one thing for my husband and I to visit battlefields from the American Revolution or the American Civil War– it is quite another for a veteran to visit a battlefield where he took a shell to the stomach and had to be carried out still under enemy fire, or for someone to return to a war-torn village they once called home.

As humans, we can only be in one geographic location at any one time. We can watch live footage of events around the world, but we cannot participate in or experience them in the same way. But God can. He is beyond space and time. He has no limitations. And there is one way we join with Him to “be there” from miles away, any time. We can pray. I can pray for people I’ve never met; I can pray for many people at once. And I can feel the power of others’ prayers even when I am otherwise alone. It’s one of the mysterious and glorious ways that God allows us to join with Him in His Work and in His Nature. We are never alone. Others may be far away physically, but through their prayers, and through God’s power, they are with us wherever we go!

close up photography of brown and yellow toy figure

More importantly, we can be reassured that God is ALWAYS there–He has promised never to leave us or forsake us. He needs no jet or GPS, no visa or key, to reach us wherever we are. And he needs no souvenirs to remind Him of His visits with us, or of the beauty (or disaster) in which we live. God didn’t just promise us He would think about us (see Psalm 139:16-17https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%20139&version=ESV), but that He would be with us always and everywhere (see Psalm 139:7-12https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%208%3A%2038-39&version=ESV) and that nothing can separate us from Him (Romans 8:38-39).

I love looking at souvenirs, but far more, I love the memories that can’t be captured by a keyring, or a T-shirt, or a small statuette. I love the memories of smiles, and warm hugs, meals shared, and tears spilled. And I love the stories that remind me that even if I’ve never set foot in a particular village or city, through prayer, I was There!

Where will you go today?

September 26, 2025 0

Just a Second…

A few years ago, I published a blog entry called Just a Minute… , which spoke of an effort to get everyone to spend one minute each day praying for their country. I think this is a good idea, and I hope many people are doing it. The world needs more prayer, and more people coming together to pray!

four men seated on rocks facing mountain

While corporate prayer is a valuable exercise, and setting aside a particular time to pray with others (whether in person or in spirit) is also a great idea, the thought of a short, minute-long prayer seems inadequate, sometimes. I suppose (indeed I hope) that most people spend more than a minute in prayer if they take this challenge. It’s easy to do– there are a LOT of things to pray for!

But it struck me as I reviewed this earlier post that God is above, and beyond, time. A single minute can be as rich and telling of our relationship with him as an entire hour. And scheduling a particular time to pray is beneficial to us, but it is immaterial to our Father. He doesn’t keep “office hours.” There is no need for an “open” sign at the throne of grace– it never closes. God is never unavailable, or “more” available. It only takes a split second for us to recognize his omnipresence, and connect to it.

There is no need for us to wait for Sunday, or a High Holy Day, or a certain hour to pray. And our prayers may only last a few seconds or a minute– “God, I need help!” “Thank you, Jesus!” “God, please help my neighbor today.” There is no need to wait until a crisis or miracle, either. We can pray about things that may seem insignificant to others, but God is honored when we share our thoughts with him first, and throughout the day.

It is wonderful to spend long hours alone with God– when we have the opportunity, and when we have made time to honor him above all. But he is always present. Even in chaos and crisis, we can take a split second to remember the one who calms the storms.

time lapse photography of road during golden hour

September 24, 2025 0

Prayer and Marriage

As a young girl, I prayed about being married. Most of my prayers were pretty shallow– more about the wedding than the marriage. I dreamed of dresses and decorations, flowers and a shadowy “prince charming” type of groom, whisking me off into the sunset and living happily, dreamily ever after.

The years went by…MANY years! I prayed and dreamed through my twenties; I prayed and hoped through my thirties; and I prayed with less hope and more desperation in my early forties! But my prayers changed as I saw marriages around me. I saw many marriages that were solid, even through tough times. And I saw many “fairy tale” marriages crumble. I saw a lot of heartbreak, anger, and tears, as people who had once vowed to love one another “’til death us do part” fought over furniture and who got the kids over minor holiday weekends. I heard from frustrated wives who felt like they had made a huge mistake, marrying the “man of their dreams.” Some of them compounded the mistake by looking around for a replacement “Mr. Right.”

Instead of praying about a wedding, I began praying about marriage. Instead of praying for “Mr. Right,” I started praying that God would help me become “Mrs. Right.” And I prayed that God would show me what I should do for others during the time that I was single, as well as what I could do for him in a marriage relationship.

Thirteen years ago, I married my husband, David. He isn’t “Prince Charming,” though he can be charming and noble at times. He is, as I am, a flawed human being. David was married before, and he carries the hurt of betrayal and loss of trust from the past. I carry the hurt of being rejected and passed over for so many years. Marriage doesn’t make the past disappear. Marriage is not a “cure” for such hurts.

But marriage is more. God instituted marriage from the beginning for a man and woman to come together in a mysteriously intimate relationship that models what God’s love is like. (See Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31 and others.) David and I don’t exist to “complete” each other. We don’t cease to be our own individual selves. And yet, we are not the same as we were before our marriage. We are more than the sum of our parts– we are ourselves, yet we are one– the Fairs. He is David Fair, and I am Lila Fair, but WE are THE Fairs. And spiritually, we are also one WITH Christ– as individuals and as a couple. We walk forward as One. We make decisions together. We share hopes and dreams, as well as struggles and disappointments. We fight sometimes– not against each other, but against differences or misunderstandings that could weaken US as a couple and weaken our relationship with Christ.

I don’t pray any less often or less fervently now that I am married, but I pray daily about my marriage. I thank God that He was with me through all the “single” years. I thank God that He continues to work in our marriage– that David and I know more about love and faith, hope and fulfillment than we did 13 years ago! I pray that David and I will grow together for many years to come. I pray that we will impact our family as we live out what a Godly marriage is supposed to be. I pray that our marriage will inspire young men and women who are looking (as I once was) to see what a solid marriage involves– that the way we talk to each other, and behave, and work, and live will give hope to future couples, and glory to God.

Marriage and prayer go hand in hand. Prayer cannot guarantee that marriage will be easy–or even than it will survive. Marriage takes two people praying and walking in the same direction! But marriage–and life– without prayer will never be all that God intends it to be.

September 22, 2025 2

Our Father

Dad. Daddy. Pops. Papi. Da. Father.

During my youngest years, I called my father “Daddy.” Daddy was someone to hold me when I was tired, or frightened, or just in need of a hug. Daddy had all the answers; he could turn my tears into giggles, my pouts into apologies. His stern word could melt away rebellion; his smile could fill my heart to bursting.

As I grew older, he became “Dad.” Dad was wise. Dad gave good advise– even when I didn’t always take it. Dad listened and showed interest in what I said. Dad challenged me to do better, think deeper, try harder, and work smarter. Dad didn’t pick me up and carry me, but he was there beside me when I needed someone to lean on or lend a hand. Dad was my coach and advocate.

As an adult, Dad sometimes became “Pa.” Pa was someone who had “been there”. He had experience, and wisdom. He had patience and compassion. But his days of coaching and propping me up were fewer; his days of sharing his own faults, his unfulfilled dreams, his regrets–commiserating rather than commanding– grew more and became more precious to me. He was still my father, but he was also my friend– a fellow traveler on this road; one I knew well and loved dearly. One I respected and trusted, even though he was not perfect.

I was blessed to have a father who was good and kind; a man of integrity and humor; a man who loved his family more than life, loved his neighbors, his community, music, nature, animals, and good food. Most of all, he loved God. Not with fire and brimstone fanaticism, but with humble astonishment that God would send his son to die for him. He lived in the wonder of that truth– that “whosoever believeth (in him) should not perish, but have eternal life” included him.

I say all this, not just to honor my earthly father, or to thank my heavenly father for that relationship, but to point out how prayer is often a reflection of how we view fatherhood. Some people have a difficult time praying and trusting God because they have never known an earthly father; or they’ve only known earthly fathers who were distant, unapproachable, or abusive. If this is the case for you, may I encourage you to ask God to reveal himself in a fresh way, with a name and vision that is personal and distinct from the earthly father you have known. Some people view God as “Daddy”–someone who fixes everything, holds us close, and keeps us safe. And he is all those things. But he is also “Dad” who wants to challenge us and coach us to grow and develop our character. He is “Abba”, and “Senor”, “Lord,” and “Father” and “Papa”. He is not “Pa” in the sense I knew my father, in that we are not his peers when we reach adulthood. He has no faults to share, no regrets. But he wants to share that precious intimacy that comes with time and familiarity–he wants us to develop trust and love as we get to know him better, however we call him.

There is one clear difference between God and any of our earthly parents– God is GOD– he is the creator and ruler of galaxies, and of microcosms, omnipotent and omniscient, omnipresent and eternal, holy and sovereign.

And when I pray, I pray to him– almighty King of Kings– and my Father!

September 19, 2025 0

Two Women

Based on Proverbs 9

“Let all who are simple come in here.”

Two women, so alike in some ways–
Both attractive and energetic,
Both young and vivacious.

But

One has prepared a table; the other has prepared her bed,
One talks of virtue and honor; the other whispers secrets.
One requires commitment; the other promises no strings.
To enter either door is to be changed.

architectural design architecture brick wall bricks

A man entered the door of the wise woman.
He was simple, uncomplicated, straightforward;
A man of few words, but noble heart.
He ate at her table, put his boots outside the door–
Carried her over the threshold.
Time passed, children came.
They added on to the house.
Put in a garden; got a dog.
Others took note.
There were gatherings–
Holidays, barbecues, reunions.
The house was a home.
He never looked back.

man standing beside his wife teaching their child how to ride bicycle

Years later, the man died.
His neighbors and family all spoke
Of his honesty, integrity, and wisdom.
His wife mourned and was comforted.
He was the father of three,
The grandfather of seventeen.

Another man entered the door of the foolish woman.
He was simple, uncomplicated, straightforward.
A man of few words, but a yearning heart.
He ate her food and drank her wine; slept in her bed–
Wallowed in her perfumed sheets.
He laughed at her coarse jokes,
Reveled in her catfights with the other girls,
And the stares of other men.

He bought her jewelry. She bought him a car.
They lived the dream: parties and vacations;
Dancing ’til dawn and no responsibilities.
They forgot to pay the bills; they wrecked the car.
Others took note and shook their heads.
Time passed.

She moved in with someone else.
He moved into a hotel.
There were other women
And other hotels.
There were neighbors, friends–
Cars, jobs, bright lights and
Stolen pleasures.
But he was never the same.

woman holding ceramic mug while smiling photo

Years later, the man died.
His neighbors and friends
Spoke of the loss
In passing, over a beer.
The woman had almost forgotten him.
When someone brought up his name,
She said, “Such a simple, stupid man.
I wonder what ever happened to him.”

“Let all who are simple come in here.”

September 17, 2025 0

Every Wall Has Two Sides

A mighty fortress is our God;
A bulwark never failing…

bulwark:

noun

a wall of earth or other material built for defense; rampart.

any protection against external danger, injury, or annoyance:The new dam was a bulwark against future floods.

any person or thing giving strong support or encouragement in time of need, danger, or doubt:Religion was his bulwark.

Usually bulwarks. Nautical. a solid wall enclosing the perimeter of a weather or main deck for the protection of persons or objects on deck.

see Dicionary.com for further synonyms, etc.

black cannon in front of the brick wall building

Walls, fences, borders, barriers– there are many reasons to build them, and many ways to view them, but they have only two sides, and we can be only on one side or the other. I enjoy visiting castles and forts, monasteries, and mansions. Nearly all have impressive walls. From the outside, they look imposing, intimidating, and often unfriendly (especially those with armed guards and cannons!). But inside, the walls provide protection, insulation from any outside threats, and often peace.

Most walls provide protection– from nature, from floods or winds, from predators, and from enemies. But there are a few walls that are built, not to keep danger out, but to keep people trapped within. Such walls are used to isolate, punish, and imprison.

God is described in the Psalms (and elsewhere) as a fortress, a rock, a safe place, a hiding place, and a sure defense. But those attributes and qualities are for those who chose to come inside the fortress; to ask for protection and defense.

Sometimes, we approach God as an adversary, rather than a defender and protector. We find ourselves on the outside, facing dangers unprotected and alone. The very walls that can shield us and give us peace rise up as barriers, We feel locked out and vulnerable. The only difference between peace and peril is where we are in relation to the wall. We are no stronger, our enemy is no weaker on one side or the other– only the wall makes the difference. And the level of peace and confidence is related, not to our own ability, but to the stability and strength of the wall between us and disaster. The higher and stronger the wall, the safer we feel.

selective focis photo of blue betta fish

Other times, we approach God as a jail-keeper. We have lived inside the walls, and resent His protection. We have forgotten, or we deny, that there is danger outside the walls. Or we assume the walls are too close or too restrictive to offer us peace. But God hasn’t built a wall to keep us near Him or to control us– He IS the wall, the fortress, the bulwark. To approach Him is to be protected. To resent His protection is to resent His very presence.

Earthly walls will eventually crumble and return to dust. Even walls that have stood the test of centuries, like the Great Wall in China, or the Tower of London, or the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem– they are not perfect, nor will they last forever. But our Bulwark, our Sure Defense, will never fail. Not only will He never fail to stand, nor fail to protect us, He will never fail to let us in when we seek His salvation.

man wearing gray and red armour standing on the streets

September 15, 2025 0

Pursuing Prayer