I Don’t Care What You Know..

There is a saying: “I don’t care what you know, until I know that you care.” I went to the bank yesterday, and there was a line. There were only two tellers available (other bank workers were dealing with larger issues in their offices, so there was no back-up, either). Both drive-thru windows had lines, as well. This is a small bank, but a recent closure of a nearby branch means that it is now busier than before, with the same amount of staffing.

The woman ahead of me in line was impatient and angry. She kept repeating the obvious– “They need more tellers! There aren’t enough tellers!” She was rude and demanding, and when she finally got to the front, and a teller (harassed and overworked) patiently and politely asked how she could help, the customer repeated, “You need more tellers here!” The teller explained that corporate policy allows only so many workers per shift, and they were all busy. It was the first of the month– one of their busiest days for cashing checks and dealing with monthly payments. The customer, somewhat abashed, apologized for her rudeness.

The customer “knew” that she would have been served faster if there were more tellers at the front. She knew how SHE would like to have the bank policy play out in her favor. But she didn’t really know the whole story. Her snap judgment wasn’t based on complete knowledge, but on emotion and assumption.

Earlier this week, I was praying about a woman I know slightly. I had heard that she was in a bad housing situation. Her house needed major repairs, and she could not afford them. I prayed that God would act, providing her with “better living conditions.” I assumed that God might provide for her to get a new roof or water heater, or pay down some of her bills. The next day, I heard that her house burned down!

What should I make of God’s response to my prayer? Did He not hear me? Doesn’t God care? Is He laughing at this woman’s misfortune? Is He laughing at my feeble and vague prayer request? Someone reading just the details I have provided (my prayer, and the incident of the fire) might decide they “know” that God is malicious or that He simply doesn’t exist or answer prayer. But are they correct in that conclusion?

NO! God cares. He cares deeply. I was moved out of concern to pray for a woman I barely know. Many others have been praying for her for several weeks, as well as offering her counsel and help in trying to find alternative housing or financial assistance. I don’t know the true extent of her needs– not just housing, but her spiritual, emotional, and other physical needs. God does! We tend to put our hope and trust in our circumstances– even desperate ones– and our ability to control, manipulate, or just survive them. This house had been a burden for a long time, yet the woman steadfastly endured high bills, bad roofing, and poor conditions.

God IS answering my prayer– and the prayers of many others– as help is pouring in for this woman. She was uninjured in the fire, and she has a temporary place to stay. Furthermore, she has people helping her plan ahead for permanent housing, financial needs she will have in the next few weeks and months, and making sure she does not have to face this tragedy alone.

Sometimes, God’s blessings are wrapped in sorrows. Sometimes, we must endure waiting, hardship, and even loss in order to experience growth and peace. Sometimes, we have to deal with impatient customers, long lines, or personal tragedy. God KNOWS. He doesn’t just know our present circumstances and pain. He knows the final outcome, and all that He wants to accomplish THROUGH our present circumstances. And God CARES. He cared about the angry customer in front of me at the bank. He cared about the overworked teller waiting on us. He cared about the woman who lost her house. He cares about each one– no matter what circumstances may suggest. He does not leave us alone in our trials– even when it may feel like He has abandoned us. There are people somewhere in the world praying for you right now. They don’t know what will happen to you today or tomorrow, but they know that God is sovereign. And the Holy Spirit prompts them to pray, even when they don’t know, for God to bless you, protect you, and watch over you.

Two things I have taken away from my experiences the other day: First– God is ALWAYS Trustworthy! I said a quick prayer for the harassed teller and her customer as I waited in line (it’s not like I didn’t have any time to pray!) And sure enough, as she waited on the woman and then on me, the lines at the drive thru windows melted away. She was able to take time to explain her situation to the customer ahead of me, and she was able to take her time waiting on us both. She kept her temper in check and managed to smile through the transactions! And her calm response helped the customer realize her rudeness and apologize. I don’t think that was just coincidence. And I don’t think it was coincidence that several people have been praying for weeks about the other woman’s housing situation. The fire wasn’t an answer to our prayers– our prayers were preparing for an answer to the fire!

The second reminder– Pray without ceasing (1Thessalonians 5:17). While my experience at the bank called for immediate prayer and found an immediate response, my other prayers have been going on for weeks and months. Nothing seemed to be happening. Yet God was preparing for an event I had no way of foreseeing. We want quick answers to prayer. We want easy answers to our prayers. But God’s ways are not our ways. His ways are mysterious to us, but they are for the best, not just the most convenient.

When we pray, God doesn’t care what we KNOW (or think we know). And He doesn’t always give us the knowledge we’re looking for. But He KNOWS! And He CARES! He honors the prayers we lift up because we know Him, and because we care about others.

August 2, 2024 0

Unspoken

What does it mean when someone says they have an “unspoken” prayer request? If you are new to Christianity or to prayer, this can seem confusing. Aren’t we supposed to present our requests to the Father? Aren’t we supposed to pray for one another? How can we ask someone to pray for us, and then hold back on giving a reason? Is that “cheating” somehow?

There are several reasons why someone may ask for “unspoken” prayer, and there is no reason why we should not pray just as fervently for an unspoken request. So why would someone be reluctant or even unable to speak their request?

Sometimes, they are passing along a request from another. Someone has shared a burden, and it seems too large for just one or two people. But the original request was not shared publicly, nor did the sharer give permission to share details in a group. It is important to honor the other person’s attempt to avoid gossip and oversharing.
Sometimes, the request involves a delicate personal situation– an unsaved spouse, an aging parent facing financial difficulties, etc.– and the details of a request might cause unnecessary pain or shame to another, or strain an already tenuous relationship.
Sometimes, the person asking for prayer cannot put their request into words. They know there is a problem, but they may not fully understand what they need or even want. Sometimes, a sudden change throws them into turmoil. Other times, an unrecognized problem has been looming, and they are taken by surprise. Sometimes, there are multiple issues and layers of issues that can’t be explained easily.
Sometimes, the person is ashamed of asking. They may feel like a failure for even asking. It may be an issue they thought they had overcome, and they are reluctant to admit that it isn’t resolved. They may not be ready to confess a secret sin, but they know they need help.

Whatever the reason, we should always be willing to pray, especially when asked to do so. But how can I pray for someone who won’t or can’t tell me what they need?

In many ways it is the same– If I know that “Sue” is battling cancer, I am still praying to the same God as I am for “Janet” who can’t tell me about her recent diagnosis or her ongoing battle with a wayward teenage daughter. Yes, I can be more specific in my prayer for Sue, but I can still lift up Janet as someone who needs God’s care, protection, and encouragement. I can acknowledge that God loves both women, and that God is the only one who can meet their needs. I can praise God that HE knows all; that He is sovereign over all, and that He cares about Sue and Janet (and Me) far more than I can understand.

What are some practical guidelines when praying for “unspoken” requests?

Honor the other person’s privacy. Don’t try to drag a confession or sordid details from someone who is already struggling to share their need for prayer. Your “need to know” all the details is less than another person’s need for earnest encouragement, compassion, and support.
Concentrate on the basics— don’t try to “guess” at specifics. Pray for their general health, well-being, growth, encouragement, and strength to persevere. If you know of an ongoing situation, don’t get bogged down on praying for just that issue. Use this opportunity to uphold your friend or neighbor, brother or sister in loving prayer, not intense scrutiny.

Do not cast judgment. It is NOT your place to decide whether or not the other person “should” be more open or share more details. It is NOT your place to decide whether or not the other person “really” needs your prayer. We all know people who “overshare,” and we all know people who seem addicted to drama. We all know other people who never open up or seem independent and self-contained. Their “unspoken” requests are still “real” requests– even if they are making the third one this week. Lift up your sister or brother with love, not exasperation or comparison with anyone else. Remember, you would not want someone else dissecting your life trying to decide if your prayer requests are “worth” their time.
Thank God for the opportunity to join God in loving others! If someone is asking for your prayer, it generally means that they respect and trust you to respond. God is giving you a unique and wonderful opportunity to join in His work! Prayer of this type is not a burden or an obligation. It should be a joyful experience.
Follow up. Let the other person know that you are praying for them. If possible, pray with them, remembering that this is not an opportunity to pry, poke, or condescend, but to uplift, encourage, and invite God to act! If you get the opportunity to do so, check in with the other person in a few days or a week, to let them know you are still praying.
Use this opportunity to build your relationship. ”In what other ways can I be praying for you?” ”Is there anything I can do for you?” Don’t make a fuss. They may (even probably will) say no. Don’t pry about details, but offer practical assistance, as well as prayer, whenever possible.

I try to use this model whenever I get an “unspoken” request– whether in person, as part of a prayer chain, or scrolling through social media. EVERY request is an opportunity. EVERY request deserves my eager and faithful response.

January 17, 2024 0

Why Should I Pray for My Enemy?

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
Matthew 5:44 (ESV)

The obvious answer to the question in the title is that Jesus commands it. But what practical and spiritual reasons are there for such a counter-intuitive action? Jesus himself continues:

^43-47“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the supple moves of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
Matthew 5:43-47 (The Message)

If we are following Christ and asking His Spirit to help us grow in Godliness, we should be acting– and reacting– like God. God makes the sun shine and the rain to fall on everyone. He is Mercy and Grace personified. That takes away nothing from His ability to exact justice. But His true desire is to show mercy– and that includes mercy THROUGH us!

But there are other good (and related) reasons to pray for our enemies.

Such prayers put things in perspective. If I focus on the injustices that my enemies have done (or continue to do), they become larger than God’s power to restore and redeem. If I focus on God’s power, the injustices, while still real, take their proper place. God is bigger; God is greater; God is wiser; God is Sovereign.
Such prayers remind me that I am not immune from causing pain and distress to others. It is natural for us to see our enemies as completely different from ourselves. “They” are evil, callous, and deserving of punishment. But, if we are honest– we are also deserving of punishment. We, too, have been callous, careless, selfish, angry, or bitter with someone, somewhere, at some time. God has dealt with us mercifully. How can we be grateful for His mercy and fail to pray for others who need it?

Praying for our enemies may not change them, but it will change US. Praying for my enemies forces me to release my anger and bitterness, so that I don’t become trapped in a cycle of letting my enemy become my obsession or even my role model. I say this from negative experience; NOT praying for someone I considered my enemy led to me say and do things that were unkind and vicious– because I thought she “deserved” the same treatment she had given me and others. One day I woke up and realized that I was slowly becoming like her– letting her behavior determine who I was in return: suspicious, hard-hearted, critical, and vindictive.

Photo by Matt Jerome Connor on Pexels.com

Praying for others reminds us that our true enemies are not other people. Once again, it is easy and natural to create a monster out of the person who is our “enemy.” They have often caused very real and very intense pain and suffering– personal, physical, psychological, emotional, financial, and sometimes chronic and catastrophic–sometimes, they show no remorse; sometimes, they refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. God knows all this. He sees all this. He aches for our pain– and for their rebellion. But the root cause is not a person– no matter how involved they are in delivering the pain. The real cause is Sin and Brokenness. That’s why WE can’t fix it. That’s why WE don’t have the power or authority to administer righteous judgment over it. And that also means–
Such prayers can free us of the burden of guilt, shame, bitterness, and hurt of the past. That doesn’t mean that we must deny the very real hurt we have felt. But we no longer have to be bound and shackled by it. When we can lift up our enemies and our past, and give them to God– really let go and give them to Him–He will carry that load, and let us run the race before us.

One caveat here. Loving your enemy; praying for them– these are not the same as believing their lies or consenting to their abuse. There may be people in your life that you must pray for– from a distance! You can love someone, and still set clear boundaries to protect yourself and others. God will never abandon us. But He doesn’t call us to enable others in their evil actions. This is especially true in cases of domestic violence. Love your enemy, but get help and healing. And continue to pray!

October 3, 2022 0

Praying in Heartbreak

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. And it was a good day. It started out cold and wet, but I got to spend time with my mother, my mother-in-law, several other family members, and some dear friends from childhood. It was a happy day, and it ended with sunshine breaking through the late afternoon clouds, birds singing, and a full heart of memories and gratitude.

But Mother’s Day wasn’t always like that for me. For many years, it was one of the worst days of my year. No matter the weather or the company, there was always a shadow of barrenness and emptiness. Yes, I was grateful for my mother; for my grandmothers and aunts and other relatives; for my friends and their adorable children. But I felt shut out– I was not a mother. I would never be a mother. I was always on the outside looking in.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

My circumstances are slightly different now, but I am still not a “natural” mother. No one calls me “mama” or even “grandma.” But Mother’s Day isn’t meant to be a day of sorrow and emptiness, and after years of prayer and letting go of expectations, God is showing me how to enjoy and embrace the circumstances in which He has placed me.

I am not alone in this struggle– far from it. For the past few weeks, I have heard from heartbroken people who dread Mother’s Day. Those who have lost their mothers face the reminder of their grief and loss. It is particularly hard on those who were unable to spend precious days with a dying mother due to COVID restrictions, or lost their mother to COVID. Some mothers are reminded of the wrenching loss of a child– still birth, drug overdoses, suicide, auto accidents, childhood cancer– gut-churning emptiness where once there was a promise of joyful life, grandchildren, shared memories, and so much more. Other mothers (and their children) face the pain of separation and severed relationships. Many, like me, face the reminder that they are NOT a mother– not a “real” mother–even if their circumstances or careers are filled with children “not their own.” And some people face multiple circumstances that cause grief, bitterness, alienation, anger, and despair.

These feelings of sadness and loss are natural, but they do not have to weigh us down or control how we face each day. God wants to share these burdens; He wants to carry the weight of our brokenness and free us to experience joy and peace– even in the midst of our pain! And on those days when our circumstances threaten to overwhelm us, God is never more than a prayer away. He doesn’t make our grief disappear; He doesn’t erase our memories. But He can redeem them with a changed perspective and new hope.

Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.– each can bring bitterness and heartbreak, as well as joy. We do well to pay attention to those around us who dread such holidays, and offer the comfort, hope, and encouragement of a listening ear, a loving heart, and, most of all, a loving God who longs for us to pray in and through our heartbreak.

May 10, 2021 0

Tag: burden

I Don’t Care What You Know..

Why Should I Pray for My Enemy?

Praying in Heartbreak

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