Full Disclosure

I like to know things–I like to solve puzzles, figure out mysteries, learn trivial facts.  I want answers.  So when I go before God in prayer, I often ask questions.  Why is this person suffering?  When will their suffering end, and how?  Where were you in this disaster (as though God had stepped out for a minute and wasn’t aware of what happened)?

silhouette of fireman holding hose

God stays silent.

I can grow frustrated in the silence or I can learn to trust.  That doesn’t mean that I no longer want answers; just that I am willing to wait on God’s sovereign timing.  It also means that I am need to more about God’s nature–God doesn’t keep secrets or withhold knowledge because He wants to torment me, or frustrate me, or play some cosmic mind game (though some people accuse Him of doing just that).  God withholds full disclosure of His plans, His reasoning, and His nature out of love and compassion.  Suppose I could see into the future, even give out warnings, but had no power to stop disaster from coming.  Not only would I be haunted by the disaster itself, but by the full knowledge of its coming.  Suppose I could see a miracle in advance; know when and how it would unfold.  There would still be joy, but it would be muted by the foreknowledge– of course there would be a happy ending; of course there would be a miracle– I saw it all from afar off.

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The Apostle Paul touches on this in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13.  This is commonly known as the “Love Chapter”, and the first half is frequently quoted at weddings and church sermons.  But the end of the chapter is a wonderful message of hope and faith, ending with Paul’s triumphant statement about all three:

1 Corinthians 13:8-13 English Standard Version (ESV)

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

monochrome photography of a man looking in front of mirror

God loves us with a perfect love.  Because of that, I can trust Him, and have hope in the midst of my questioning.  So when I pray with questions, I can know that God has “filed them away”– He is fully aware of my situation, questions and all, and He is fully faithful to answer them all in His perfect wisdom and timing.  Someday, I will know– not only all that I don’t know now, but why I had to wait.

God will provide full disclosure. with compassion, love, and wisdom that only He can give.

“Seeing” Answered Prayer

God always hears our prayers. He always has an answer. But it isn’t always the answer we expect. Sometimes, God answers, “No,” or “Not yet.” Sometimes, He answers in ways that seem confusing and mysterious, and even ironic.

I remember as a young teen praying for a woman in the community who had lymphoma. In treating her condition, the doctors, trying a new experimental treatment, did permanent damage to certain muscles, leading to a progressively debilitating condition. She died a slow and painful death, unrelated to her original condition. Where was God? How could He listen to our prayers and give such a cold, cruel answer?

But God sees a bigger picture than we do. This precious woman had incredible faith and grit. She had spent years working diligently to help others and teach God’s Word. She continued her work, even in the midst of her health struggles almost to the end of her life. What might have caused some people to turn their backs on God made her more dependent on His Grace. She faced her pain and weakness with grit, strength, and hope in God’s eternal healing. God’s answer wasn’t to rescue her from the suffering, but to be present in it with her. And her example lives on to this day.

Some people would read about this and be dismissive. What a cop-out! What a delusion! But there is much more to her story than her own condition or even her response. One of the men in our church really struggled with God’s seeming indifference. He wrestled with his own faith for many months while watching her get weaker and weaker. But through his struggle, he grew in his conviction that God was present in every situation. He was inspired to do short-term mission work, partly as a result of this growth. Knowing that God would be with him, he threw himself into loving people from a different culture–different climate, different language, different work ethic– and helped build churches and other facilities for those in need. Many people were helped, inspired, and encouraged because of his dependence on God– a dependence enhanced by facing his own questions and doubts.

Family members and community members, watching her struggles, were inspired to pick up where she left off– working and teaching and reaching out to others with zeal and joy–following her marvelous example. Today, some of her family members are leaders in their churches, raising the next generations of witnesses to God’s mercy and power. Doctors, having failed in her treatment, learned from it– a difficult lesson for all, but a lesson, nonetheless. Her joyful attitude (before and during her struggles) inspired me to direct the Vacation Bible School program at our church for a few years, and to teach Sunday School when I moved to a new location. And those are just a few of the ways I have “seen” God’s answers to our prayers. God did not give our friend the physical healing we wanted. But her struggles– and her response of faith and perseverance–inspired a ripple effect far beyond her own pain and disappointment. And she has received the ultimate healing! Her pain, intense and unjust as it was, was only temporary. Her life, her legacy, her joy– they all live on!

How often do we look at a situation and think we know what is “best?” How often do we feel that God’s answers are “wrong?” Wrong timing, wrong outcome, full of hardship or pain– how can this be God’s “perfect” will for us? There was nothing about this woman’s situation that was comfortable; no reason to see a good outcome for her or her immediate family. She died. She experienced pain, with no earthly justice. Her suffering was undeserved and unmitigated. She refused to sue the hospital or the doctors– she wanted them to be able to continue to learn from her experience so they could help others NOT to suffer in the future. But her life was shortened and made grueling in the process, and she received no payout, no financial compensation, no symbolic reparation for her sacrifice. We received no “miraculous” answer to our prayers. It seemed at the time that the more we prayed for healing, the worse her condition became. We continued to pray anyway, knowing that God DID hear us, and God’s ways were not our ways– they are always better. Even when His ways seem like silence.

This all happened several decades ago, and many of the “answers” from our urgent prayers are still hidden from our eyes. Many of our questions remain unanswered. But God’s will is still active, even in these tragic circumstances. Someday in Heaven, it may be revealed to us exactly how God used this woman’s life and struggles to bring about blessings to hundreds of other people– causing them to grow strong through her weakness, drawing them to His healing and wisdom in a world of pain and confusion.

I have lost many friends to cancer. I pray for each one, and the outcomes are never exactly the same. Some go into remission, only to have the cancer return three or four years later. Others get amazing healing– surgeons are astonished and perplexed by the rapid or miraculous disappearance of cancer cells. Some go into fast decline and die almost immediately after their diagnoses. And each situation impacts people in different ways, showing God’s power and presence for those who are willing to look for them. Prayer isn’t a magic formula for immediate and total healing. Prayer is lifting up a situation that is beyond our control or understanding and trusting that God has a perfect plan beyond what we can see or understand. Cancer cannot take God by surprise. Death cannot outwit or overpower God. We live in a world where Evil can overwhelm us; our bodies can betray us; our future can be lost in the fog of uncertainty and suffering. But God is present– not only IN our suffering, but ABOVE and BEYOND our suffering.

We don’t pray for our friends and loved ones to suffer. We want them to be healed, to be free of pain and grief; to be at ease and blessed with abundance. This is normal; it is good. God wants to bless us. It doesn’t bring Him joy to watch us suffer. But He also wants us to see the blessing of His presence, His wisdom, and His power. Sometimes, we can’t see that as we look around. Sometimes, we need to look up! Even from a hospital bed (see John, chapter 9). Even from the flames of suffering (see Daniel, chapter 3). Or from the belly of a whale (see Jonah, chapter 2). And we will find that God is there.

Every Wall Has Two Sides

A mighty fortress is our God;
A bulwark never failing…

 

bulwark:

noun
    1. a wall of earth or other material built for defense; rampart.
    2. any protection against external danger, injury, or annoyance:The new dam was a bulwark against future floods.
    3. any person or thing giving strong support or encouragement in time of need, danger, or doubt:Religion was his bulwark.
  1. Usually bulwarks. Nauticala solid wall enclosing the perimeter of a weather or main deck for the protection of persons or objects on deck.

see Dicionary.com for further synonyms, etc.

black cannon in front of the brick wall building

Walls, fences, borders, barriers– there are many reasons to build them, and many ways to view them, but they have only two sides, and we can be only on one side or the other.  I enjoy visiting castles and forts, monasteries, and mansions.  Nearly all have impressive walls.  From the outside, they look imposing, intimidating, and often unfriendly (especially those with armed guards and cannons!).  But inside, the walls provide protection, insulation from any outside threats, and often peace.

Most walls provide protection– from nature, from floods or winds, from predators, and from enemies.  But there are a few walls that are built, not to keep danger out, but to keep people trapped within.  Such walls are used to isolate, punish, and imprison.

God is described in the Psalms (and elsewhere) as a fortress, a rock, a safe place, a hiding place, and a sure defense.  But those attributes and qualities are for those who chose to come inside the fortress; to ask for protection and defense.

Sometimes, we approach God as an adversary, rather than a defender and protector.  We find ourselves on the outside, facing dangers unprotected and alone.  The very walls that can shield us and give us peace rise up as barriers,   We feel locked out and vulnerable.  The only difference between peace and peril is where we are in relation to the wall.  We are no stronger, our enemy is no weaker on one side or the other– only the wall makes the difference.  And the level of peace and confidence is related, not to our own ability, but to the stability and strength of the wall between us and disaster.  The higher and stronger the wall, the safer we feel.

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Other times, we approach God as a jail-keeper.  We have lived inside the walls, and resent His protection.  We have forgotten, or we deny, that there is danger outside the walls.  Or we assume the walls are too close or too restrictive to offer us peace.  But God hasn’t built a wall to keep us near Him or to control us– He IS the wall, the fortress, the bulwark.  To approach Him is to be protected.  To resent His protection is to resent His very presence.

Earthly walls will eventually crumble and return to dust.  Even walls that have stood the test of centuries, like the Great Wall in China, or the Tower of London, or the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem– they are not perfect, nor will they last forever.  But our Bulwark, our Sure Defense, will never fail.  Not only will He never fail to stand, nor fail to protect us, He will never fail to let us in when we seek His salvation.

man wearing gray and red armour standing on the streets

What I Didn’t Pray…

Today, I prayed.  I thanked God for Who He Is, and I lifted up those who are sick or needy.  I thanked Him for my family and friends, for the freedom to worship without fear, for His faithfulness in providing food and shelter and comforts.  I asked Him for wisdom to guide me through the new week; that I would say and do things to bring Him honor and glory.

It was a nice prayer.  A safe prayer.

I didn’t cry out my unworthiness, nor did I boldly rejoice in His Holiness, laid over me by His son’s blood.  I didn’t plead with Him on behalf of the lost and suffering.  I didn’t rage at the continued injustice and evil I see around me.  I didn’t spend precious hours listening as He whispered assurances to my soul.  I didn’t worship in the splendor of His Lovingkindness.

I got up from prayer, feeling mildly better– I had done my duty.  I had spoken with God…or spoken AT Him…I left feeling unchanged.

I sat down to write this blog on prayer.  God forgive me for thinking I have more to say to an unseen readership than to You, my Creator!

Forgive me.

God’s Mighty Right Hand

“Your right hand, O Lord, glorious in power, your right hand, O Lord, shatters the enemy.” – Exodus 15:6

“You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.” – Psalm 18:35

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

There are many verses in the Bible about the mighty right hand of God. God’s might and power, His authority and sovereignty are all represented by his “right hand.” It is His right hand that protects us, upholds us, and gives us victory over the Enemy. God’s right hand spread out the heavens, and rules over the stars.

Today, I was thinking about one of my favorite movies– The Princess Bride. In one scene, two mighty swordsmen are fighting a duel. They are fighting with all their might, but they are evenly matched, and neither one is winning. Then, with a flourish, the challenger moves the sword from his left hand (which he had been using) and confesses that he is really right-handed. To his surprise, his opponent does the same! Each man has been fighting with his “lesser” hand, giving his opponent a (supposed) advantage. The fight continues with a similar ferocity. The two opponents later become allies in finding and saving the Princess.

So what if God fought for us with His left hand? What if (and I suppose He is) God is ambidextrous? God could defeat the enemy blindfolded and with one arm tied behind His back! Yet God assures us that His protection and provision are never second-best. If we suffer the attacks of the enemy, it is NEVER because God just didn’t fight hard enough, or that He didn’t have the means to win that battle. He doesn’t send in a junior varsity team of Angels to fight on our behalf. He doesn’t call a “time out” in the middle of fighting to catch His breath or re-evaluate His strategy.

God’s “Mighty Right Hand” isn’t just a metaphor for super-human physical power. He isn’t a muscle-bound hero in a comic book or legend. His mighty right hand is not an eternal fist. God is the One who holds the entire universe in His Hand. It is open. He doesn’t hold us in a choking grip; He holds us in the same gentle hands that hold a newborn chick or a delicate snowflake. God’s mighty right hand is also our safe haven. God’s hand guides and directs, as well.

God IS powerful and sovereign. He could choose to use His mighty right hand to squash us, or pound us into dust. He could hold us in a suffocating grip. But God’s mighty right hand is always directed by His LOVE. His Love cradles us, defends us, lifts us up, encourages us, works alongside us, and welcomes us into His arms!

For more about God’s Mighty Right Hand, see https://explainingthebible.com/bible-verses-about-right-hand/

When “Mother’s Day” Hurts

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Yesterday was Mother’s Day here, celebrating and honoring the mothers in our lives. Mother’s Day can be a wonderful day of celebration.  But it can also be one of the most painful days of the year.  Millions of women each year face acute heartbreak on this day– instead of celebration, they face the haunting memories of abandonment or separation, infertility, miscarriage, infant deaths, broken relationships, missed opportunities, regrets, suicide, and the loss of their own mothers.  There are no cheery greeting cards or perky flower baskets that can erase that kind of gut-wrenching pain– no pithy words or consolation gift that makes this day easy or comfortable.

I have an awesome mother-in-law, the world’s best sister, world-class sisters-in-law, a remarkable step-daughter, daughter-in-law, granddaughter, and a host of other wonderful women in my life.   I love being an auntie, step-mom, daughter-in-law, (step) grandma, great-aunt, and great-grand-aunt! I love that I am still in touch with former students and story hour kids, Sunday School and Bible School attendees, and others I have had the honor to mentor.  So I celebrate Mother’s Day and honor those people and all the ways their lives have impacted mine, and (hopefully) my life has connected with theirs.

But none of that chases away the ache of never having a child of my own– never knowing the joy of tucking my own child into bed; never being able to kiss away a boo-boo or a bad dream and say the words, “Mommy loves you.”  None of that will bring back my beloved mom or grandma my favorite aunts, mentors and friends who are gone.  I miss them more each year; I miss their wisdom, their strength, their comfort.

Maybe because of my own experience, I’m more attuned to it, but I see and hear a lot of pain around this time each year.  My heart goes out to all of the women with empty arms– the women who had to bury a huge chunk of their heart along with a child they can never hold; the women who had to say goodbye to the only one who could ever reassure them that, “Mommy loves you.”

My prayer today is that you would know that even in those moments when your heart is crushed, and your arms ache to hold or be held, that you are not alone; you are not forgotten.  God knows the aching loss of seeing his only son on the cross as he took his last gasping breath before he died.  Jesus experienced the sting of rejection from the people who should have called him brother, and “Father.”  Throughout the Bible, God gave us examples of women (Eve, Sarah, Hagar, Rebecca, Leah, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth, Mary and others) who knew the ache of barrenness, rejection, strife, and loss of children.  God saw their pain; he heard their cries of distress and their prayers.  He sees you too.  He hears you.  He loves you beyond anything you can imagine, and beyond where any grief, guilt, or despair can take you.

More than this, he has promised to be close to the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the broken-hearted, and to those who need rest and comfort.  He promises his presence, and he promises to turn our mourning into joy and bring us peace.  He is eager to restore us, to renew our strength, and to reassure us that we are loved with an everlasting love.  God created us in his image– and that includes the image of a mother hen gathering chicks, It includes the image of Mary who wrapped the God of the Universe in swaddling cloths and tucked him into a manger of hay, and who watched as that same God of the Universe died for her.

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God knows the passion, the pain, and the pure love of a woman’s heart– even when “Mother’s Day” hurts.

Coming Out of the Closet

For anyone who is reading this expecting a big announcement or a shocking confession– please don’t read too much into the title…this is a blog about a lifestyle of prayer, not about gender identity or sexual orientation.  I want to talk about the benefits of communal prayer as opposed to prayer that is deeply personal, and takes place in isolation.

There is a time and place for solitary meditation and prayer, and it should become our habit and practice to meet with God daily.  But we are told that we should also meet with and interact with others– and this includes sharing our prayer life.  For many years, I was one of the “lone rangers.”  I rarely met with others specifically to pray or even share prayer concerns.  I would get notices on FB or e-mail, or in the church’s weekly newsletter, but it wasn’t the same.  Just as God wants to hear our hearts and share communication and communion with us, he wants us to share closeness with others.

gracelady

Why isn’t it enough to just go into the closet (or other quiet space) to pray?  What are the benefits of praying with a small group?  Here are some:

  • We need social interaction– FACE-TO-FACE interaction.  God did not create us to live in isolation. We need to have eye contact, hear inflections and tones of voice from others, and to have others listen to ours.  We need to share more than just stories on a screen– we need to share laughter, tears, and common ground.  We make deeper friendships when we share concerns (not gossip), struggles, and triumphs (not bragging).  And we can share burdens, recipes!, helpful tips, jokes, and more
  • Meeting with others helps us keep our perspective–when we are alone, our problems become bigger; our joys fade, and our talents waste away.  Meeting together helps shrink our worry and pride, ignite our hope, and drive our confidence.  It also opens up our world to the experiences and concerns of others and teaches us about differences and commonalities
  • Our faith is strengthened to hear from others who are “in the same” place in their walk; it encourages us to hear from others who have been “through the fire”; it reminds us to be grateful, and gives us an opportunity to build someone up if we have been in their shoes; and it amazes us to hear again what a mighty God we serve, and how he has been faithful
  • Communal prayer creates a time to break us out of our routine– whether that routine is zooming or “glooming”– we need to mix things up and get out of our rut
  • God commands us to meet together, to live in unity, and to lift each other up

Can you think of other benefits?  Are you in the habit of praying with others?  If not, you may be wondering– how do I find others?  What are the ground rules (if any)?  Are there issues I should be aware of?

Once again, I can list a few that come to mind or that have arisen from experience:

To find others:

  • Join an existing group– a Bible study group that includes prayer time; a weekly or monthly prayer meeting group; a special interest group within a local church– Moms of Pre-schoolers, or a Dorcas group, or a volunteer group that includes prayer
  • Start up a group!  Meet weekly, twice a week, monthly– whenever, wherever, and whatever works for you and a few others.  If you don’t have a space in your home or don’t want to meet at a church, be creative– meet at a park or a local coffee house, or take turns hosting a prayer meeting with others in your group.  Don’t be discouraged if there are only two in your “group”; and don’t feel bad about keeping your group limited– you may find enough interested people to form two or three groups in your neighborhood!
  • Think outside the box– you may stumble on to a group during your commute to work each day; in your child’s play group; at the gym; at a neighborhood church you have never visited (it doesn’t mean you are being “unfaithful” to your church to reach out to fellow brothers or sisters throughout the week!)

Ground rules:

  • Groups should have some structure, leadership, and accountability
  • Participants (including leaders) should be careful not to confuse gossip for “concerns”, or use the group for a sounding board, on-going therapy, or a captive audience for their personal drama or their political or social agenda
  • Group leaders need to create boundaries, so participants feel free to share real burdens and concerns but take responsibility for others’ privacy and vulnerability
  • Groups should be open to visitors, new members, and seekers of all backgrounds
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Issues to watch for–Any group that is made up of humans can fall victim to unhealthy and unwholesome practices.  Just because a group meets with good intentions and calls itself a prayer group doesn’t mean that it is a “safe” place to meet.  Keep your eyes and ears open for the following:

  • Groups that make you feel uncomfortable for showing up, or for sharing (or not sharing every one of) your authentic concerns, your questions, or your feedback.  Sometimes, we can feel uncomfortable sharing about ourselves because we feel shame or guilt about our past or about our lack of knowledge or experience; sometimes we’re defensive or hypersensitive because we’re in a new situation.  But if you are being made to feel ashamed or isolated or patronized, especially if you are being labeled or discriminated against, get out.  LEAVE– shake the dust off of your shoes as you go  (One caveat here– there are groups that meet for specific issues (see below)…if the group is meeting to pray as parents of toddlers, and you aren’t a parent or grandparent or aunt or uncle of a toddler– not only will you feel uncomfortable, but so will the rest of the group.  You should still leave this group, but you can forego the shoe shaking…)
  • Groups that have one or two members who dominate and intimidate the other members.  Leaders need to provide boundaries and structure, but they should not squash authentic dialogue or force everyone to listen to someone else’s “true confessions” (especially if it’s a repeat of the last meeting!)  This is more a “comfort zone” issue than the first one– some groups just have a couple of “talkers” and a couple of “listeners”–the point here is that there needs to be a balance so that all members have a chance to contribute
  • .
    arrogant
  • Groups that get “taken over” or sidetracked by a single issue– unless that is what you signed up for.  If you are a group whose purpose is prayer, it’s not safe to assume that everyone in your group will also want to go on a protest march or volunteer an entire Saturday at the soup kitchen.  There’s nothing wrong with other activities, but it shouldn’t be a requirement of your prayer group (see above)
  • Groups that are only “token” prayer groups–they may “share” what’s going on in their families as “requests” but they don’t actually take time to pray about them in the group setting.  They talk and eat, and maybe even say “spiritual” things.  There’s nothing wrong with friends getting together, whether they pray or not, but if you’re going to call it a prayer group or a prayer meeting….
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  • That brings me to the group that uses “prayer” as a cover for gossip or grumbling.  Prayer should be constructive and God-centered.  If it isn’t either, it isn’t really prayer.  Even if it sounds positive and holy, if it is centered on how “blessed” you are, or what you know God needs to do in someone else’s life– it isn’t really prayer unless His name is magnified and ours is minimized.
  • Any group that does not honor God’s word, God’s sovereignty, or God’s goodness–Not every group that prays is praying to Almighty God, in the name of Jesus Christ, or for His will to be accomplished.  While prayer groups should be open to all people, and there are wonderful opportunities for ecumenical and all-faith prayer in the public forum, a weekly or monthly prayer group is probably not the best venue.  That being said, I recommend exposure to various Christian prayer styles and practices– formal and ritual prayer, spirit-filled worship prayer, gospel-infused crying out, simple “popcorn” utterances, and eloquent prayers that roll off righteous tongues in an engaging crescendo, punctuated with holy hushes.
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Where is God When…?

A priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbit go to a pub for lunch. The hostess meets them at the door with a message. “Today, we are helping a local blood bank. Your lunch is free if you donate a pint of blood.” All three agree to donate blood in exchange for a free lunch. The hostess asks each one in turn for his blood type. The priest says, “I believe my blood type is A negative. The minister says, “It’s been a long time, but I seem to remember that I am AB positive.” Finally, she turns to the rabbit. “I was supposed to be a Rabbi, so I must be a Type O!”

I love puns, and like many puns, the humor in this one comes from a grammatical or spelling error. Something in the story is almost, but not quite, as it should be. It is a good thing to be able to laugh at small mistakes. But what happens when things are terribly wrong? It’s not funny at all. It’s devastating, confusing, and frightening. We want answers. We want the situation “fixed.” We want to find out what went wrong, why it went wrong, and who is responsible.

California is burning as I write this. Thousands of acres destroyed; hundreds of homes and businesses reduced to ashes; thousands of people left homeless. Where is God in these fires? When an innocent child is abducted, raped, mutilated and left for dead, where is God? Where is God amid the unrest in Mozambique, where typhoons and political unrest have caused so much havoc? Where was God when the hurricane and storm surge displaced tens of thousands of people in North Carolina, Tennessee, and Georgia less than six months ago? Where is God in the war-torn regions of the world, where innocent families are being terrorized by bombing raids and invading armies? Where was God when millions were dying of COVID just a few short years ago?

I’d love to say that I have an answer. One that is comfortable, unassailable, logical and easy to understand. But I don’t. The “glib” answer is that God is on His Throne, omnipotent and all-wise. And He is. He is not to “blame” for personal tragedies or for sweeping disasters. Sometimes, God intervenes in miraculous ways to “save” us from certain death, “accidents,” or even attacks. But often, He chooses not to do so. And I have no explanation, no all-encompassing, deeply soothing answer for those who are left suffering.

What I do know is this: God is a redeeming God. He is a God who can and often will turn tragedy into triumph. And even if, in such cases, the triumph is often bitter-sweet. This is a God who created mankind, knowing we would reject His goodness and go our own way. This is a God who took a single faithful man (Abraham) and made him the father of many nations– some of whom are still at war to this very day. This is a God who did not spare His Only Begotten Son, but allowed Him to go through a sham trial, be falsely convicted, and die a painful, publicly humiliating death. And then, Christ arose!

What does that mean for someone whose son or daughter is still dead after five (or 25) years of grieving? For someone who lives every day with the trauma of having been raped or abused as a child. It does not give immediate comfort. It does not take away the sting of injustice, pain, and questioning. But it is the promise of redemption– that just as Christ rose victorious, He will cause the pain and grief of the past to disappear in the Joy and Wonder of Eternity with Him. He WILL bring ultimate and complete justice, and it will be perfectly overwhelmed with mercy, grace, and freedom from the past.

It may seem slow and painful, but it WILL happen. Those who have suffered; they will laugh again. Those who are drowning in the senselessness of their own sorrow will experience healing and have answers to their questions. Those areas of the world where suffering is so great in the present– they will recover. Trees and gardens will grow again. Houses will be rebuilt. And yes, there will still be disasters and devastation in our lifetime, and in the years to come– UNTIL THAT DAY. That day when Christ returns to make all things new. Whatever hurts and griefs we carry now, they will be overtaken by joy and healing. No more fires, no more floods, no more war, no more disease, no more “mistakes.”

I don’t know why God allows us to suffer now. I’ve heard some philosophers try to explain, and they have many “good” reasons:

Suffering often leads to growth and necessary change.
Suffering produces resilience and develops character.
Suffering teaches us that there are consequences to our selfish and sinful actions.
Suffering often brings people closer together and brings out the best in us as we offer help and hope and encouragement.
Suffering teaches us to be compassionate toward others in their suffering and grief.
Suffering contrasts with joy, helping us to appreciate what is truly good in our lives.

These are not bad answers. But they are not complete. They are not “enough.” And I think that’s part of God’s plan. God doesn’t want us to live life on autopilot. He doesn’t give us “easy” answers– just like He doesn’t give us a life without any purpose or challenge. He doesn’t want us to focus on having all the answers. He wants us to learn from each other, depend on one another, and ultimately to trust that He knows best. It’s not an easy lesson to learn. But if we stay in pursuit of Prayer, and closeness to God, it’s a lesson well worth struggling through.

And sometimes, we can learn to laugh at life’s “typos” and other little mistakes as we travel this life.

Fuzzy Socks

Every year at about this time, people come up with lists of “Things For Which I Am Thankful.” Some lists are elaborate. Some are short. Some are earnest; others are tongue-in-cheek– “Thanks for nothing.”

A few years back, one of my former students started posting on Facebook about her “thanks” list. She started on November first and listed one thing for every day of the month. I liked the idea, so I began doing the same. I’ve done it for a few years now. It’s not really difficult to find things to be thankful for– but it can be frustrating trying to come up with 30 different things that don’t end up overlapping or repeating. I could list individual family members on different days, but if I’ve already listed “Family” or “Grandkids” (as I did this year), it seems repetitive to list them separately. Also, what if I list some family members and leave others out? Won’t someone be hurt?

I began to realize, as well, that posting every day can become somewhat self-indulgent. What about those who are alone in the world? My rhapsodizing about family, good food, good health– isn’t that really just a subtle way of bragging about my blessings? The real goal of Thanksgiving shouldn’t be about WHAT, but about WHO? WHO is the source of all these blessings? WHO deserves to be thanked for any of the wonderful people, things, and situations in my life?

In the middle of all this second-guessing and self-righteous reflection one year, I was suddenly struck with a strange and ridiculous thought. I am really thankful for fuzzy socks! I used to run around barefoot every chance I got. But in the past few years, I’ve developed neuropathy in my feet from diabetes. My feet are often numb and cold. They aren’t so painful that I can’t walk, but sometimes the least little thing on the rug or floor can suddenly feel painful to my bare feet. Fuzzy socks are a treasure to me. They keep my feet warm, and cushion against some of the tiny antagonists– the pile of the carpet, the mote of dust on the floor, or the early morning temperature of the bathroom tile.

And it hit me. Thanksgiving is not just about the “important” things in life– though it’s wonderful to take the time to evaluate how much God has given me, and how many “big” things I often take for granted. But Thanksgiving is also about the little things– like fuzzy socks– that touch our lives. God cares about my neuropathy. He cares about my likes and dislikes, my comforts and my aches and pains.

And Thanksgiving is not just about “fun” or “pleasant” things. I am thankful for the times when God has disciplined me; when I have had to struggle to find the answers, when I have had to ask for help. I am thankful that God is with me in every situation. I am grateful to remember how much He REALLY cares about me. And in remembering all this, I want to share with as many people as I can reach how truly thank-full we ALL can be for the Love, Mercy, and Grace that is showered on us by God every day. Even when we are not aware; even when it involves something as simple as “fuzzy socks.”

So, I still post about 30 things every November. I discuss my thankfulness for family and friends, for vision and mobility, for a roof over my head, and for transportation, and the freedom to come and go. I list “Godly” things like prayer and my Bible or my Church. But I also list “fuzzy socks.” And pizza, and crossword puzzles, bird song, snowflakes, and books. Such things truly make me grateful.

“Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep…”

When I was still a young child, and a new believer in Christ, I learned this bedtime prayer:


“Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the LORD my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake;
I pray the LORD my soul to take.”

I didn’t use this bedtime prayer every night; my parents taught me to say more personal prayers, whether at bedtime or throughout the day. In fact, I found this prayer to be somewhat morbid– praying about death before lying down for sleep. Still, it was an easy prayer to learn, with its rhyme scheme and easy rhythm.

As an adult, I look at this prayer from a very different perspective. I learned it from books, which had included it from revisions of earlier books, including old Mother Goose rhymes. The prayer (or a version of it) dates back to the 17th century https://www.dailyeffectiveprayer.org/now-i-lay-me-down-to-sleep-prayer/, and I imagine the thought of dying in the night was far more persistent than it is now for most children. This prayer offered comfort, not just about one’s own death, but the sudden death of a baby brother or sister, or the death of a neighbor, or one’s parent. Death, which often came in the night, was not to be feared, because God was bigger than both the night and the grave.

But as a adult, I also appreciate the simple trust that is expressed in such a short prayer. I often find myself at night fretting and praying about details and issues that I have tried to rationalize or “fix” in my own power. This prayer puts things in perspective– I pray the LORD my soul to keep. Basically, I lay everything, including my very soul, into God’s hands. Thus, I CAN “lay me down to sleep,” rather than stay up reciting a litany of little worries about which I can do nothing, or have already done what I could.

“If I should die before I wake…” The older I get, the more this line resonates. Not that I believe I am at death’s door, or anything, but death is less of a “monster under the bed” sort of concept than it was as a child. Death is a reality, and yet I can trust God to “take” my soul, snatching it out of the grave and raising me to eternal life with Him. Not because I know better than I did as a five-year-old, or because I have done “good” things over the past half-century and more– but because God said so in His Word, and I can trust Him to do what He says. Just like I learned to do when I was five!

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