Selective Hearing

Ninety years ago today, my grandparents were married in a small ceremony in Elkhart, Indiana. Thirty-one years later, my parents were married in another small ceremony in Cassopolis, Michigan. My grandparents were married almost 63 years before my grandmother passed away. My parents were married over 35 years before my dad passed. My mother, when I was preparing to marry, passed on some of the advice she had received from her grandparents (who were married over 50 years themselves!) . It involved what my great-grandmother called “selective hearing.”

Photo by Kevin Malik on Pexels.com

My great-grandmother, my grandfather, and my mother were all “fussers.” They tended to fret and stew over little things. They liked to “vent” their feelings in the moment when they felt them. Their spouses learned to listen without comment, or even walk away and let their partners “get it out of their system.” Later, they could have a calmer discussion if the situation warranted it. Similarly, if the “fretting” partner was impatient about something, the other would sometimes selectively “ignore” a summons or critical remark. It wasn’t that they were bad listeners– in fact they were excellent listeners–but they learned the wisdom of not immediately responding or reacting to things said in moments of emotion or frustration. They were listening beyond just the words that were being spoken– especially when the words were many and emotional!

Photo by Alex Green on Pexels.com

God is always listening to us. He hears our every cry for help, and also all of our complaints! In His wisdom, He also practices “selective hearing.” He may sometimes seem silent or even indifferent; but often He is letting us “talk it out of our system.” He remains with us, ready to give us the help we need, but not willing to indulge our emotional tirades or snits.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

One of the greatest examples of this can be found in the Psalms. David (and other psalmists) often poured out all their fears and frustrations– “where are you, God?,” “why do the wicked prosper?,” “when will you rescue me?” Amazingly, many of their complaints and questions are not answered with a specific action. Yet these same psalms end with hope and assurance–as the psalmist “talks it out,” he is reminded of God’s essential character and faithfulness through the years. God’s steady and gentle presence, though silent, communicates His commitment and Love.

I tend to be a “fretter,” and my loving husband has learned to have “selective hearing” around me. His faithful presence and willingness to let me “talk it out” without judgment and recrimination is very freeing. David very seldom “frets,” but when he does, I am learning to respond with wisdom and selectively hear what is in his heart, and not just what comes out of his mouth in a moment of frustration.

Photo by Leah Kelley on Pexels.com

I am so thankful for the wisdom of God (and the wisdom of my husband), that doesn’t immediately jump into my occasional emotional whirlpool, but waits to pull me out and set me on calmer, solid ground! I am grateful for God’s “selective hearing!”

The Work is “Donne”

Wilt Thou forgive that sin where I begun,
Which is my sin, though it were done before?
Wilt Thou forgive those sins through which I run,
And do them still, though still I do deplore?
When Thou hast done, Thou hast not done,
For I have more.
Wilt Thou forgive that sin by which I have won
Others to sin? and made my sin their door?
Wilt Thou forgive that sin which I did shun
A year or two, but wallowed in a score?
When Thou hast done, Thou hast not done,
For I have more.
I have a sin of fear, that when I have spun
My last thread, I shall perish on the shore;
Swear by Thyself that at my death Thy Sun
Shall sine as it shines now, and heretofore;
And, having done that, Thou hast done,
I have no more.

A Hymn to God the Father John Donne, 1623
John Donne

I enjoy studying the poetry of John Donne. https://www.biography.com/writer/john-donne Even though he lived 400 years ago, he wrote about very timeless and personal topics. Donne lived during a time of religious tumult and persecution. Born into a Catholic family, he later converted to Anglicanism and became a powerful preacher, as well as a poet, and lawyer. Throughout his life, he wrestled with deep theological questions of sin, guilt, redemption, and death. Yet he did so with wit, humor, and passion. The poem above, written during a long illness and near the end of his life, is filled with puns on his last name, Donne. Would God’s redemptive work ever be “done” in “Donne?” He struggles with the knowledge that his sins, having been forgiven, must be forgiven again and again. Does God never say, “Enough! I am done!?” What about stubborn sinful habits? What about sins that have led others to sin? What about last-minute, unconfessed sins?

Photo by Teona Swift on Pexels.com

The real question is, “How sufficient is God’s Grace?” Does God sprinkle out Grace sparingly on each sinful act, or does Christ’s blood cover All? Do our stubborn, habitual acts of rebellion pile up to a point where God cannot forgive? Having forgiven us once, twice, seventy times seven– is there a limit to His willingness to pour out Mercy? Theologically, the Bible is clear. The answer is a resounding, “NO.” God will not withhold His Grace from those who have sought it. God will never be “Done” with “Donne.” Nor will He be “done” with any of us who have chosen to follow Him. But in his all-too-human logic, Donne jokingly suggests that though God “hast” done/Donne, He “hast not” done/Donne. In other words, while Donne “belongs” to God– he has confessed his sins, and eagerly seeks to follow Christ, he still wrestles with fears that his small sinful acts prove that God does not fully “have” him– that He still lives separated from God.

Photo by Sinitta Leunen on Pexels.com

But the final sin of the poem is fear– fear that somehow, at the last, Death will prevail, and Donne will “perish on the shore,” rather than be taken into Heaven. He pleads that Christ’s blood (“Thy Sun/Son”) will be sufficient; that God’s promise of eternal life will indeed hold true, and that the work of salvation is indeed “done.” In the end, the poet hopes that “Thou hast Donne.” And he must trust that God’s promises will hold, for “I have no more.” Donne cannot stop death, he cannot do anything to save himself from sin, but he can be “done” with worry and trust in “Thy Sun/Son.”

Photo by Samuel Theo Manat Silitonga on Pexels.com

I am strangely encouraged by Donne’s poem. We all have moments of questioning and niggling doubts. And even though we “Know” the truth, our fears and emotions can play tricks on our mind. But Donne, even while putting such doubts and fears on paper, takes them to the Source of Hope. This is not a poem of accusation or despair. It is an honest and passionate desire to hear God’s calm assurance. And it is part of a long tradition that runs through the Bible. Jacob literally wrestled with an angel of the Lord (Gensis 32), Moses argued with God about going back to Egypt (Exodus 4), David questioned God (Psalm 10); even Jesus asked God, “Why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27). But in our doubts and questions, God’s still, small voice echoes, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5), “My Grace is sufficient for you.” (2 Corinthians 12:9), and “Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:39).

Photo by S Migaj on Pexels.com

God’s work is ongoing, but it is also “done”– it is complete, whole, sufficient, and eternal. And even if we occasionally wonder and even question, we can choose to rest in His promises. Just as the poet concluded, if God “hast” done/Donne, “I have no more”– he needed to have no other fear of sin or sin of fear. And through Donne’s poetry, God’s assurance is being passed on– the work continues to be “Donne!”

Photo by Nicholas Githiri on Pexels.com

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑