family relationships – Page 2

Jacob is a multi-faceted Biblical character; he is full of flaws and makes bad life choices, yet God blesses him and chooses him over his brother to be one of the patriarchs of his chosen people. In fact, the nation of Israel takes its name from the new name God chooses to give to Jacob. So it is helpful to study Jacob’s life. We can learn a lot from his interactions with God and others.

Today, I want to look at Jacob’s (sometimes) dysfunctional home life. We think of the patriarchs as having blessed lives and few, if any, flaws. But God’s blessings are not earned. They are a free gift, freely given to imperfect people. Jacob’s father, Isaac, was the son of God’s promise to Abraham. But Isaac’s home life was not blissful. Isaac was taunted and resented by his older brother, Ishmael, leading to Ishmael being exiled. And he had several younger brothers who were sent away as they grew older (see https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+21%3A8-20&version=NIV and https://biblia.com/bible/Genesis25.1-6) He was devastated by the death of his mother, Sarah. And, while he was much-loved, and the son of promise, he was also indulged, isolated, and coddled. He was the “winner” among all his brothers.

As for Jacob’s mother, Rebecca– her family history was dominated by a cunning and dishonest older brother (more about him in a future post!) She was given a choice to leave her family and become Isaac’s wife (almost unheard of freedom for a woman at that time, and certainly not her brother’s idea!) She was a good wife to Isaac and was a great comfort to him in his grief after the death of his mother, Sarah. But when she became pregnant, she soon realized that something was happening inside her womb– something beyond her ability to understand; something that would test her (and Isaac) to their limit.

God had promised to make Abraham a great nation. And he promised that Abraham would have a son through Sarah. Ishmael was the result of Abraham and Sarah trying to do things for God “their way,” when they got impatient and fearful. Isaac’s birth was confirmation that God’s blessings would come “His” way, and not through human efforts. Isaac knew all of this, but there was more he would need to learn about how God operates.

In Isaac’s family, God underscored the truth of His character– God blesses those whom he loves. God’s blessings are not earned; they do not come in predictable patterns or for reasons based solely on human logic. God’s favor rests not on the “deserving” but on those he chooses to bless. So Isaac and Rebecca have twin boys. According to human tradition, the eldest son inherits all the property and blessings and becomes the patriarch of the next generation. The younger son serves the elder or else leaves to start his own family. Over the centuries, this patterns has caused wars, as brother fights brother for control over land, rights, crowns, and more.

We have no record of Isaac consulting God over this situation, but Rebecca does– and she gets a surprising answer! https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+25%3A+19-28&version=NIV
Even in the womb, the boys are fighting, but God tells Rebecca that the oldest will serve the younger! Both boys will become strong nations, but they will be separated, and they will continue to struggle throughout their histories. It is the younger, seemingly weaker underdog who will be God’s choice to continue the line of promise begun with Abraham.

Even in their names, Jacob “loses” to Esau. Esau is named for his bright red hair, a mark of distinction, and a reason to stand out and be a leader. Jacob is named after his action of grabbing his brother by the heel as they come out of the womb. It is a disparaging name, a constant reminder that he is second, and lesser, and always lagging behind his brother.

Today, as I look at Jacob and Esau, I am reminded that I pray to the God of Jacob. He is the God of the underdog; the God who sees and hears the outcast and the downtrodden; God of the disparaged one; the one who feels left out or left behind, even in his own family– even by his own father. It’s not that Isaac hated Jacob or abused him or denied him. But his affection for his sons was shaped by human traditions and his own preferences. God’s love is pure and unchanging! I am comforted in knowing that when God sees me, He always looks with the eyes of perfect love!

Yesterday was Father’s Day. Father’s Day can be very difficult for many people– in my case, it can be a reminder of how much I miss my Dad, who passed away 20 years ago. Some of my friends have had recent experience in losing a beloved father. For some, the hurt is still there after 50 years, or 70.

For others, it is a difficult day, not because they grieve the loss of a father to death, but because they grieve the absence of a loving father– an absentee father, an unknown father, an abusive father, or a distant, cold, or critical father.

man wearing black zip up hooded jacket standing — Photo by Tamar Willoughby on Pexels.com

At this point, I generally point to the Father who is eternally loving and faithful– Our Heavenly Father is God of the fatherless and the orphan, the God of restoration and reconciliation. No matter where our earthly fathers are or have been, God is always right by our side.

All that is true, but I want to share something that’s been bothering me. I scrolled down my FB feed, and listened in at church, and talked to a restaurant owner, and looked at the card section at the store. And there’s something missing. It’s not that we don’t honor fathers. I saw a lot of wonderful tributes to dads, husbands, brothers, and sons. I saw sons sitting with their recently widowed father at church; a son honoring his father by taking him out to eat; fathers and sons wearing awesome matching shirts with fun messages, and lots of old photos of dads with their families in years past, as well as newer pictures of dads with goofy toddlers, and pretty girls in prom dresses, and holding newborns.

selective focus and color photography of man looking at her girl sitting on garden swing white holding bouquet of flower in brown wicker basket — Photo by Kha Ruxury on Pexels.com

We honor fathers, but we do not honor Fatherhood. We seem awkwardly proud and surprised when fathers actually show up and do their job. We make it seem easy, even brainless, in comparison to the work of a mother. In fact, there are those who argue that Fatherhood is not necessary for family life. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is POSSIBLE to rear children in a single-parent household (male or female). It is possible to raise strong and healthy children without the presence of a father (or mother). But that doesn’t make it desirable or advantageous for a child, or for society.

affection beach care caucasian — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What are we losing as a society when we engage in (or stay on the sidelines for) a war on Fatherhood? When we make excuses for bad fathers or mothers who choose to denigrate the men who gave life to their children? What happens when “dad” becomes, not the name of a single influential person in your life, but the name of whichever man is currently living with mom, AND also the man who sees you every other weekend? What happens when the media consistently portray moms as hardworking and wise, and dads are the comic relief?

We are losing the next generation of fathers; the next generation of men with drive and passion to work for something beyond their own whims and wants. We are losing the next generation of women, too– as they struggle to be both mothers and fathers, or choose to be neither because it’s too much trouble to do it alone. We are losing a sense of what it means to be a Father– the honor, the responsibility, the joy and pride, the reward. Worst of all, we are losing the examples of fathers who through their words and actions, are pointing others to our Heavenly Father. God is not a baby-daddy; He is not an absentee father or an every-other-weekend Father. He is not a faceless provider of money for new clothes and college textbooks. He is not a goofy guy who tells bad jokes and pats you on the head once in a while. He is not the one who never shows up for your game or your dance recital because he’s too busy playing golf with the guys.

man putting his shoulder around boy while his other hand is inside his pocket — Photo by Kaysha on Pexels.com

This isn’t universally true– and I’m so grateful for the men, young and old, who are staying the course, setting the examples, and standing out like beacons of light. And I don’t wish to belittle the women who have had to be both mother and father due to death or other circumstances beyond their control. But we desperately need good fathers. We need fathers who will fight the good fight; not fathers who are Missing In Action. We need active, responsible, faithful Dads. But we need to pray for them. We need to honor them. We need to encourage and support them. More than just one day a year….

Tag: family relationships

Jacob, (the other) Son of Isaac

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