The Company We Keep

Do your friends pray? Do you pray for your friends and neighbors? Do you pray with your friends? Prayer is often seen as a private and very isolated activity– just you talking to God. But prayer is much more. Prayer can bind people together in a common purpose. It can encourage and embolden others as we pray together, share burdens and blessings, and seek God’s wisdom on their behalf.

Conversely, when our friends don’t pray, or discourage us from spending time in prayer, we can become weak and lose the fullness of joy that comes from a rich prayer life. When Jesus walked among us, He spent time with people– sinners, self-righteous religious leaders, friends, and strangers alike. And He often went away and alone to spend time in prayer. But He also made a habit of taking a few key friends with Him; friends who would “watch and pray” when others might have distracted Him with their questions or doubts. Throughout the Bible, there are numerous examples of others who sought out friends and companions to join them in prayer.

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There is a lot more I could write about this concept today, but I think it is more important to act on it. I have a journal full of names, places, and situations that require prayerful attention– people battling cancer or depression; cities facing riots and economic upheaval; families in the midst of divorce or other crises. And I have friends who share my concerns and who can join me in praying (even remotely) for them.

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If you have friends who pray– connect with them and pray for and/or with them today. If you don’t– pray that you will find companions who will come alongside you as you make this journey to pursue a life of prayer. Look for opportunities to join a group– in person, or on-line–that shares prayer requests (and answers to prayer!) Best of all, pray to and with Our Father, who will never leave us or forsake us, who always listens, and who has given us the constant companion of the Holy Spirit to strengthen and encourage each of us.

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For on-line prayer groups, check here ( https://www.google.com/search?q=online+prayer+groups+free&rlz=1C1GYPO_enUS768US769&oq=online+prayer+groups&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0l5.7234j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 ) and elsewhere.

Iron Sharpens Iron

Proverbs 27:17 New Living Translation (NLT)

17 As iron sharpens iron,
so a friend sharpens a friend.

I’m not really sure why this single verse, this single idea, has been rattling around in my mind lately, but I’ve taken a week off from doing the blog, trying to regroup and refocus, and yet this is the phrase that keeps coming back.  So here’s what I’ve been thinking:

Iron –God uses a lot of imagery, analogy, parable, and metaphor throughout the Bible.  What does this image suggest?  Iron is hard.  Iron is used for tools and (in Bible times) weapons.  Iron is strong.  Iron is forged in the fire.  Iron being sharpened can bring out sparks.  Iron crafted by a master blacksmith can be forged, shaped, smoothed, hardened, and, yes, sharpened.

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God calls us to be useful– light, salt, vessels, iron, hands–we have purpose; we have work to do during our time on earth.  Sometimes, that work calls for us to be steadfast, immovable– like iron.  But iron that is not being used can become brittle, or rusty, and lose its edge.

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“Iron sharpens iron“– We don’t always use iron to sharpen iron– sometimes we use honing stones or grinding wheels or even strops.   But we don’t use cheese to sharpen iron– it won’t work.  We don’t sharpen it with paper or “positive energy” or a block of wood.  How are we staying “sharp”?  Do I make an effort to sharpen my skills, my knowledge, my service, my body, mind, and spirit?  Am I using the right method and materials to stay sharp?

Who or what do I turn to when I want sharpening?  Do I have friends who keep me accountable (and vice versa)?  Do I even WANT to stay sharpened and ready for service?  Or do I serve without guarding my edge until it becomes dull and useless?

Iron sharpens iron– but not always.  Sometimes iron blunts iron.  Sometimes it cuts away at it.  Sharpening is not accomplished by just banging pieces of iron together randomly.  There are circumstances, habits, people, or activities that try to chip away at my surface, that try to crush or bend or destroy.  There are others that are not made of iron; they cannot help me stay strong and sharp.  I need to be deliberate and careful about what and who I include in the sharpening process.  I also need to be as deliberate and as careful about who I “sharpen”.  We are here to live, and work, and build relationships together.  But I need to learn when and how to “sharpen” others in my life.  Otherwise, I can cause great damage to others and to my own soul.

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What can I do to keep sharpened and help others stay sharp?

  • Pray.  I don’t have answers, I don’t have the power to stay sharp on my own.  But God is the one who can give us wisdom, power, and send us all we need (2 Peter 1:3)  Also, seek out a prayer partner or prayer group.
  • Get involved in Bible Study– seek out a Bible Study group or an on-line resource where you can ask questions, have meaningful discussions, and share insights.

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  • Seek out “iron” friends– friends who will hold you accountable, who will offer support, but also share their own struggles.  We all have friends who fill one or the other of these roles, but seek out friends who are not merely takers or givers, but true brothers and sisters in the faith.

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  • Don’t run away from challenges, “tough” questions, and earnest discussions–that doesn’t mean that we need to get pulled into senseless arguments, either; but we are disciples— that’s the same root word as discipline!  We need to come out of our comfortable corners and exercise our faith.

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As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend— such a short verse, but it’s packed with wisdom and promise.

Coming Out of the Closet

For anyone who is reading this expecting a big announcement or a shocking confession– please don’t read too much into the title…this is a blog about a lifestyle of prayer, not about gender identity or sexual orientation.  I want to talk about the benefits of communal prayer as opposed to prayer that is deeply personal, and takes place in isolation.

There is a time and place for solitary meditation and prayer, and it should become our habit and practice to meet with God daily.  But we are told that we should also meet with and interact with others– and this includes sharing our prayer life.  Many people have a small group of friends, or even one special friend that they pray with on a regular basis.  Others (like me) are “lone rangers.”  We rarely meet with others specifically to pray or even share prayer concerns.  I get notices on FB or e-mail, or in the church’s weekly newsletter, but it isn’t the same.  Just as God wants to hear our hearts and share communication and communion with us, he wants us to share closeness with others.

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Why isn’t it enough to just go into the closet (or other quiet space) to pray?  What are the benefits of praying with a small group?  Here are some:

  • we need social interaction– FACE-TO-FACE interaction.  We need to have eye contact, hear inflections and tones of voice from others, and to have others listen to ours.  We need to share more than just stories on a screen– we need to share laughter, tears, and common ground.  We make deeper friendships when we share concerns (not gossip), struggles, and triumphs (not bragging).  And we can share burdens, recipes!, helpful tips, jokes, and more
  • meeting with others helps us keep our perspective–when we are alone, our problems become bigger; our joys fade, and our talents waste away.  Meeting together helps shrink our worry and pride, ignite our hope, and drive our confidence.  It also opens up our world to the experiences and concerns of others and teaches us about differences and commonalities
  • it strengthens our faith to hear from others who are “in the same” place in their walk; it encourages us to hear from others who have been “through the fire”; it reminds us to be grateful, and gives us an opportunity to build someone up if we have been in their shoes; and it amazes us to hear again what a mighty God we serve, and how he has been faithful
  • it creates a time to break us out of our routine– whether that routine is zooming or “glooming”– we need to mix things up and get out of our rut
  • God commands us to meet together, to live in unity, and to lift each other up

Can you think of other benefits?  Are you in the habit of praying with others?  If not, you may be wondering– how do I find others?  What are the ground rules (if any)?  Are there issues I should be aware of?

Once again, I can list a few that come to mind or that have arisen from experience:

To find others:

  • Join an existing group– a Bible study group that includes prayer time; a weekly or monthly prayer meeting group; a special interest group within a local church– Moms of Pre-schoolers, or a Dorcas group, or a volunteer group that includes prayer
  • Start up a group!  Meet weekly, twice a week, monthly– whenever and whatever works for you and a few others.  Don’t be discouraged if there are only two in your “group”; and don’t feel bad about keeping your group limited– you may find enough interested people to form two or three groups in your neighborhood!
  • Think outside the box– you may stumble on to a group during your commute to work each day; in your child’s play group; at the gym; at a neighborhood church you have never visited (it doesn’t mean you are being “unfaithful” to your church to reach out to fellow brothers or sisters throughout the week!)

Ground rules:

  • Groups should have some structure, leadership, and accountability
  • Participants (including leaders) should be careful not to confuse gossip for “concerns”, or use the group for a sounding board, on-going therapy, or a captive audience for their personal drama or their political or social agenda
  • Group leaders need to create boundaries, so participants feel free to share real burdens and concerns but take responsibility for others’ privacy and vulnerability
  • Groups should be open to visitors, new members, and seekers of all backgrounds

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Issues to watch for–Any group that is made up of humans can fall victim to unhealthy and unwholesome practices.  Just because a group meets with good intentions and calls itself a prayer group doesn’t mean that it is a “safe” place to meet.  Keep your eyes and ears open for the following:

  • Groups that make you feel uncomfortable for showing up, or for sharing (or not sharing every one of) your authentic concerns, your questions, or your feedback.  Sometimes, we can feel uncomfortable sharing about ourselves because we feel shame or guilt about our past or about our lack of knowledge or experience; sometimes we’re defensive or hypersensitive because we’re in a new situation.  But if you are being made to feel ashamed or isolated or patronized, especially if you are being labeled or discriminated against, get out.  LEAVE– shake the dust off of your shoes as you go  (One caveat here– there are groups that meet for specific issues (see below)…if the group is meeting to pray as parents of toddlers, and you aren’t a parent or grandparent or aunt or uncle of a toddler– not only will you feel uncomfortable, but so will the rest of the group.  You should still leave this group, but you can forego the shoe shaking…)
  • Groups that have one or two members who dominate and intimidate the other members.  Leaders need to provide boundaries and structure, but they should not squash authentic dialogue or force everyone to listen to someone else’s “true confessions” (especially if it’s a repeat of the last meeting!)  This is more a “comfort zone” issue than the first one– some groups just have a couple of “talkers” and a couple of “listeners”–the point here is that there needs to be a balance so that all members have a chance to contribute
  • .arrogant
  • Groups that get “taken over” or sidetracked by a single issue– unless that is what you signed up for.  If you are a group whose purpose is prayer, it’s not safe to assume that everyone in your group will also want to go on a protest march or volunteer an entire Saturday at the soup kitchen.  There’s nothing wrong with other activities, but it shouldn’t be a requirement of your prayer group (see above)
  • Groups that are only “token” prayer groups–they may “share” what’s going on in their families as “requests” but they don’t actually take time to pray about them in the group setting.  They talk and eat, and maybe even say “spiritual” things.  There’s nothing wrong with friends getting together, whether they pray or not, but if you’re going to call it a prayer group or a prayer meeting….
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  • That brings me to the group that uses “prayer” as a cover for gossip or grumbling.  Prayer should be constructive and God-centered.  If it isn’t either, it isn’t really prayer.  Even if it sounds positive and holy, if it is centered on how “blessed” you are, or what you know God needs to do in someone else’s life– it isn’t really prayer unless His name is magnified and ours is minimized.
  • Any group that does not honor God’s word, God’s sovereignty, or God’s goodness–Not every group that prays is praying to Almighty God, in the name of Jesus Christ, or for His will to be accomplished.  While prayer groups should be open to all people, and there are wonderful opportunities for ecumenical and all-faith prayer in the public forum, a weekly or monthly prayer group is probably not the best venue.  That being said, I recommend exposure to various Christian prayer styles and practices– formal and ritual prayer, spirit-filled worship prayer, gospel-infused crying out, simple “popcorn” utterances, and eloquent prayers that roll off righteous tongues in an engaging crescendo, punctuated with holy hushes.

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