How Must I Pray for My Enemies?

We are commanded to pray for our enemies. This is not an easy command to understand, let alone follow. Should I pray for the destruction of my enemies? Or should I pray for their success? Surely, God doesn’t want me to pray that they will continue in evil or succeed in corruption and destruction. So where is the balance? What does God want from me?

I wish I had a simple answer, but I don’t. The Bible, however, gives us several examples and guidelines. There are things we should pray for, and things that we need to give over to God.

DO pray for the following:

Pray for the protection of your enemies– protection from their own folly, protection from the temptations and wiles of the enemy, etc.
Pray for them to choose repentance and accept God’s salvation through Jesus Christ.
Pray for their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Is your enemy hungry? Suffering from grief or loneliness? Do they have cancer? Are they blind to God’s Grace because they have followed false teachers or doctrines? Pray for their health in all areas and be willing to offer practical help when possible.
Pray for their families.
Forgive them–pray for the strength to forgive and to let go of any bitterness or resentment against them for past wrongs or current actions.
Pray that God will bring peaceful resolution–and be willing to do whatever you can within God’s will to help bring that about.
Pray that God will bring Justice–not personal revenge for you. Pray that God will, in His way and His timing, uphold what is righteous and wholly just.

DO NOT pray for:

Their destruction. If they are not following Christ, they are already on the road to destruction! Praying for their death, or physical harm is not Biblical. This does NOT mean that we cannot pray that their deception should be exposed, or their power over others for evil should not be stripped away. Remember, our “enemy” is not the person or persons involved, but the EVIL they represent. If you are tempted to pray for someone’s death or wishing them to get cancer or cheering on those who would hurt them, YOU are just as guilty of grieving the Holy Spirit as they are!
Their triumph. “Praying for your enemy” is not the same as cheering them on. Forgiving them is not the same as praying that they get a “free pass” on past behavior.
God to “make” them change. God desires that we choose to follow Him. Pray instead that God will bring opportunities for others to want to seek Him, and to choose repentance.
Them to apologize, grovel, or be humiliated so that you can feel better. God MAY cause any of those things to happen, but we should not demand our own importance over God’s Grace.

Along with these guidelines, we should remember that we must treat everyone with respect and love. But that doesn’t mean that we compromise on the truth. Many of “our” enemies are really in rebellion against God and His Word. We can continue to love and respect their humanity and their need for compassion without condoning their behavior or accepting as valid their false narratives.

*David spares Saul’s life in the cave (1 Samuel 24)*

King David often prayed about his enemies. And some of his prayers may seem like the ones on the DO NOT list above. David often prayed that his enemies would be vanquished; that their names would be blotted out, or that they would fall victim to their own traps. But David also refused to harm his arch-enemy King Saul. Though God had promised that the kingdom would be taken from Saul and given to him, David refused to kill one who had been anointed as king of Israel (see 1 Samuel chapters 24 and 26). David killed many men in battle, and he committed murder in ordering the death of Uriah, but he showed kindness to Saul’s family, rather than punishing them (2 Samuel 9). God punished David for murder, but He blessed David for showing compassion to his enemies.

Jesus prayed for His disciples– that they would grow in Love and Grace. He instructed them to pray for those who have hurt them (Matthew 5:43-48). He never prayed for the destruction of the Pharisees or the Roman oppressors who caused so much suffering in Judea. Instead, he healed the son of the Roman official (see John 4:46-54) who asked for help. Even when the mob came to arrest Jesus in the garden before His crucifixion, He healed the ear of the soldier, after Peter cut it off trying to defend Him. And on the Cross, Jesus prayed that the father would “forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34)

Stephen, as he was being stoned, prayed for the forgiveness of his killers. Saul, who became the Apostle Paul, would have heard this prayer as he stood guarding the coats of the assassins. Throughout the epistles, we are reminded to pray for our enemies, AND to do our best to live in peace with them. (Romans 12:18; 1 Timothy 2:1-3; see also 2 Peter 3:9)

It is very tempting to want God to step in and do what we want– bring instant justice and punishment to those who harm us. But that is NOT God’s will. It IS His will that we should trust HIM to bring about true justice and to bring others to repentance. Including our “enemies.”

November 21, 2025 0

Coming Out of the Closet

For anyone who is reading this expecting a big announcement or a shocking confession– please don’t read too much into the title…this is a blog about a lifestyle of prayer, not about gender identity or sexual orientation. I want to talk about the benefits of communal prayer as opposed to prayer that is deeply personal, and takes place in isolation.

There is a time and place for solitary meditation and prayer, and it should become our habit and practice to meet with God daily. But we are told that we should also meet with and interact with others– and this includes sharing our prayer life. For many years, I was one of the “lone rangers.” I rarely met with others specifically to pray or even share prayer concerns. I would get notices on FB or e-mail, or in the church’s weekly newsletter, but it wasn’t the same. Just as God wants to hear our hearts and share communication and communion with us, he wants us to share closeness with others.

Why isn’t it enough to just go into the closet (or other quiet space) to pray? What are the benefits of praying with a small group? Here are some:

We need social interaction– FACE-TO-FACE interaction. God did not create us to live in isolation. We need to have eye contact, hear inflections and tones of voice from others, and to have others listen to ours. We need to share more than just stories on a screen– we need to share laughter, tears, and common ground. We make deeper friendships when we share concerns (not gossip), struggles, and triumphs (not bragging). And we can share burdens, recipes!, helpful tips, jokes, and more
Meeting with others helps us keep our perspective–when we are alone, our problems become bigger; our joys fade, and our talents waste away. Meeting together helps shrink our worry and pride, ignite our hope, and drive our confidence. It also opens up our world to the experiences and concerns of others and teaches us about differences and commonalities
Our faith is strengthened to hear from others who are “in the same” place in their walk; it encourages us to hear from others who have been “through the fire”; it reminds us to be grateful, and gives us an opportunity to build someone up if we have been in their shoes; and it amazes us to hear again what a mighty God we serve, and how he has been faithful
Communal prayer creates a time to break us out of our routine– whether that routine is zooming or “glooming”– we need to mix things up and get out of our rut
God commands us to meet together, to live in unity, and to lift each other up

Can you think of other benefits? Are you in the habit of praying with others? If not, you may be wondering– how do I find others? What are the ground rules (if any)? Are there issues I should be aware of?

Once again, I can list a few that come to mind or that have arisen from experience:

To find others:

Join an existing group– a Bible study group that includes prayer time; a weekly or monthly prayer meeting group; a special interest group within a local church– Moms of Pre-schoolers, or a Dorcas group, or a volunteer group that includes prayer
Start up a group! Meet weekly, twice a week, monthly– whenever, wherever, and whatever works for you and a few others. If you don’t have a space in your home or don’t want to meet at a church, be creative– meet at a park or a local coffee house, or take turns hosting a prayer meeting with others in your group. Don’t be discouraged if there are only two in your “group”; and don’t feel bad about keeping your group limited– you may find enough interested people to form two or three groups in your neighborhood!
Think outside the box– you may stumble on to a group during your commute to work each day; in your child’s play group; at the gym; at a neighborhood church you have never visited (it doesn’t mean you are being “unfaithful” to your church to reach out to fellow brothers or sisters throughout the week!)

Ground rules:

Groups should have some structure, leadership, and accountability
Participants (including leaders) should be careful not to confuse gossip for “concerns”, or use the group for a sounding board, on-going therapy, or a captive audience for their personal drama or their political or social agenda
Group leaders need to create boundaries, so participants feel free to share real burdens and concerns but take responsibility for others’ privacy and vulnerability
Groups should be open to visitors, new members, and seekers of all backgrounds

Issues to watch for–Any group that is made up of humans can fall victim to unhealthy and unwholesome practices. Just because a group meets with good intentions and calls itself a prayer group doesn’t mean that it is a “safe” place to meet. Keep your eyes and ears open for the following:

Groups that make you feel uncomfortable for showing up, or for sharing (or not sharing every one of) your authentic concerns, your questions, or your feedback. Sometimes, we can feel uncomfortable sharing about ourselves because we feel shame or guilt about our past or about our lack of knowledge or experience; sometimes we’re defensive or hypersensitive because we’re in a new situation. But if you are being made to feel ashamed or isolated or patronized, especially if you are being labeled or discriminated against, get out. LEAVE– shake the dust off of your shoes as you go (One caveat here– there are groups that meet for specific issues (see below)…if the group is meeting to pray as parents of toddlers, and you aren’t a parent or grandparent or aunt or uncle of a toddler– not only will you feel uncomfortable, but so will the rest of the group. You should still leave this group, but you can forego the shoe shaking…)
Groups that have one or two members who dominate and intimidate the other members. Leaders need to provide boundaries and structure, but they should not squash authentic dialogue or force everyone to listen to someone else’s “true confessions” (especially if it’s a repeat of the last meeting!) This is more a “comfort zone” issue than the first one– some groups just have a couple of “talkers” and a couple of “listeners”–the point here is that there needs to be a balance so that all members have a chance to contribute
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Groups that get “taken over” or sidetracked by a single issue– unless that is what you signed up for. If you are a group whose purpose is prayer, it’s not safe to assume that everyone in your group will also want to go on a protest march or volunteer an entire Saturday at the soup kitchen. There’s nothing wrong with other activities, but it shouldn’t be a requirement of your prayer group (see above)
Groups that are only “token” prayer groups–they may “share” what’s going on in their families as “requests” but they don’t actually take time to pray about them in the group setting. They talk and eat, and maybe even say “spiritual” things. There’s nothing wrong with friends getting together, whether they pray or not, but if you’re going to call it a prayer group or a prayer meeting….
That brings me to the group that uses “prayer” as a cover for gossip or grumbling. Prayer should be constructive and God-centered. If it isn’t either, it isn’t really prayer. Even if it sounds positive and holy, if it is centered on how “blessed” you are, or what you know God needs to do in someone else’s life– it isn’t really prayer unless His name is magnified and ours is minimized.
Any group that does not honor God’s word, God’s sovereignty, or God’s goodness–Not every group that prays is praying to Almighty God, in the name of Jesus Christ, or for His will to be accomplished. While prayer groups should be open to all people, and there are wonderful opportunities for ecumenical and all-faith prayer in the public forum, a weekly or monthly prayer group is probably not the best venue. That being said, I recommend exposure to various Christian prayer styles and practices– formal and ritual prayer, spirit-filled worship prayer, gospel-infused crying out, simple “popcorn” utterances, and eloquent prayers that roll off righteous tongues in an engaging crescendo, punctuated with holy hushes.

March 24, 2025 0

Unspoken

What does it mean when someone says they have an “unspoken” prayer request? If you are new to Christianity or to prayer, this can seem confusing. Aren’t we supposed to present our requests to the Father? Aren’t we supposed to pray for one another? How can we ask someone to pray for us, and then hold back on giving a reason? Is that “cheating” somehow?

There are several reasons why someone may ask for “unspoken” prayer, and there is no reason why we should not pray just as fervently for an unspoken request. So why would someone be reluctant or even unable to speak their request?

Sometimes, they are passing along a request from another. Someone has shared a burden, and it seems too large for just one or two people. But the original request was not shared publicly, nor did the sharer give permission to share details in a group. It is important to honor the other person’s attempt to avoid gossip and oversharing.
Sometimes, the request involves a delicate personal situation– an unsaved spouse, an aging parent facing financial difficulties, etc.– and the details of a request might cause unnecessary pain or shame to another, or strain an already tenuous relationship.
Sometimes, the person asking for prayer cannot put their request into words. They know there is a problem, but they may not fully understand what they need or even want. Sometimes, a sudden change throws them into turmoil. Other times, an unrecognized problem has been looming, and they are taken by surprise. Sometimes, there are multiple issues and layers of issues that can’t be explained easily.
Sometimes, the person is ashamed of asking. They may feel like a failure for even asking. It may be an issue they thought they had overcome, and they are reluctant to admit that it isn’t resolved. They may not be ready to confess a secret sin, but they know they need help.

Whatever the reason, we should always be willing to pray, especially when asked to do so. But how can I pray for someone who won’t or can’t tell me what they need?

In many ways it is the same– If I know that “Sue” is battling cancer, I am still praying to the same God as I am for “Janet” who can’t tell me about her recent diagnosis or her ongoing battle with a wayward teenage daughter. Yes, I can be more specific in my prayer for Sue, but I can still lift up Janet as someone who needs God’s care, protection, and encouragement. I can acknowledge that God loves both women, and that God is the only one who can meet their needs. I can praise God that HE knows all; that He is sovereign over all, and that He cares about Sue and Janet (and Me) far more than I can understand.

What are some practical guidelines when praying for “unspoken” requests?

Honor the other person’s privacy. Don’t try to drag a confession or sordid details from someone who is already struggling to share their need for prayer. Your “need to know” all the details is less than another person’s need for earnest encouragement, compassion, and support.
Concentrate on the basics— don’t try to “guess” at specifics. Pray for their general health, well-being, growth, encouragement, and strength to persevere. If you know of an ongoing situation, don’t get bogged down on praying for just that issue. Use this opportunity to uphold your friend or neighbor, brother or sister in loving prayer, not intense scrutiny.

Do not cast judgment. It is NOT your place to decide whether or not the other person “should” be more open or share more details. It is NOT your place to decide whether or not the other person “really” needs your prayer. We all know people who “overshare,” and we all know people who seem addicted to drama. We all know other people who never open up or seem independent and self-contained. Their “unspoken” requests are still “real” requests– even if they are making the third one this week. Lift up your sister or brother with love, not exasperation or comparison with anyone else. Remember, you would not want someone else dissecting your life trying to decide if your prayer requests are “worth” their time.
Thank God for the opportunity to join God in loving others! If someone is asking for your prayer, it generally means that they respect and trust you to respond. God is giving you a unique and wonderful opportunity to join in His work! Prayer of this type is not a burden or an obligation. It should be a joyful experience.
Follow up. Let the other person know that you are praying for them. If possible, pray with them, remembering that this is not an opportunity to pry, poke, or condescend, but to uplift, encourage, and invite God to act! If you get the opportunity to do so, check in with the other person in a few days or a week, to let them know you are still praying.
Use this opportunity to build your relationship. ”In what other ways can I be praying for you?” ”Is there anything I can do for you?” Don’t make a fuss. They may (even probably will) say no. Don’t pry about details, but offer practical assistance, as well as prayer, whenever possible.

I try to use this model whenever I get an “unspoken” request– whether in person, as part of a prayer chain, or scrolling through social media. EVERY request is an opportunity. EVERY request deserves my eager and faithful response.

January 17, 2024 0

Building Blocks of Healthy Prayer

When I was in elementary school, we learned about nutrition. Back then, we were taught that there were four basic food groups (nutrition education has gone through several “cycles” since then– food pyramid, healthy plate, “eating the rainbow”, etc.). Eating a healthy balance of foods is essential to good health. If I only eat meat, or only sweets, I will not be healthy. If I just eat whatever or whenever I feel like it, my body won’t get all the necessary nutrients to grow, fight off diseases, and stay strong.

Pursuing a healthy prayer life includes essential “building blocks” or nutrients, as well. Over the course of many years, I have seen various guidelines and acronyms to help include different building blocks in prayer. I want to share a couple of them again today. These guidelines are just that– guidelines. But they can help balance our prayer life, and help it grow.

The first acronym I learned, and the one I have used for decades, is ACTS. Here’s how it works:

Adoration/Acknowledgement– begin each prayer by acknowledging God’s Sovereignty, His Holiness, His Goodness, and other qualities worth worshipping. This helps put you in the right frame of mind when talking to God. I am not just talking to a neighbor or a “good buddy”– I am speaking with the One who holds all of Creation in His hands! And He WANTS a relationship with me! He is all-powerful: there is nothing I can ask that He cannot do! His is all-loving: there is nothing I can ask that He won’t filter through His loving wisdom and will. Even if I don’t know what to ask for; even if I ask for the “wrong” thing– God will only allow those things that He can use for good. God is beyond space and time: He knows all that has happened– all the triumphs and tragedies of my life so far, and all that is to come. He is LORD: He is in control– now and forevermore. Whatever seemingly impossible circumstances I face, they are nothing compared to the eternal, almighty plans of God.
Confession–This doesn’t mean an endless repetition of all my failures and sins from six months ago, or raking myself over the coals for not being “holy enough.” This is an honest assessment of who I am in relation to God. God is Holy and perfect. I am not. If I acknowledge God’s goodness, I must also acknowledge that I fall short. I don’t know everything. I don’t always act with the right motives. I NEED the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and I DEPEND on Christ’s finished work on Calvary for my Salvation. This should naturally lead to
Thanksgiving/Trust– I can trust God to save me, NOT because of who I am, but because of what He has done. I can see God’s hand working in and around and through me as I yield to His Spirit in me. I can recall, and acknowledge so many of the ways that God has blessed me and others around me. Once I have these building blocks in place, I can bring burdens to God through
Supplication– this is just a fancy term for asking God to work His will in specific areas– healing, guidance, encouragement, strength, understanding, submitting to His will, and following Him. I can ask for personal help, or lift up family members, neighbors, friends, and yes, even enemies! I can pray about situations great and small–from wars and famines to lost keys and short tempers.

I learned about ACTS when I was in college, and I have found it to be a great guideline. While I don’t use it for every prayer– sometimes an issue calls for immediate and direct supplication, for instance– I find that using this in daily prayer helps me grow in faith, patience, endurance, and hope. When I come to God in panic or stress, and I haven’t built up a healthy, consistent practice of prayer, my words can be anemic– lacking in faith and based on my fear or anger. I pray with my focus on problems, rather than on God’s power to overcome any circumstance. Using ACTS helps me remember that it is GOD who “acts,” and always for the best!

The second acronym I have used is PRAY. It is very similar to ACTS, but the end focus is slightly different:

Praise/Adoration– once again, it begins with praising the God who is worthy; the God who hears me, sees me, loves me, and knows what is best. I cannot live victoriously without remembering the source of hope and victory, and putting my heart in HIS hands.
Repentance– as with Confession above, this is not an act of groveling and rehearsing past shame. It is acknowledging anything that I might be holding on to that gets in the way of my worship of and submission to God’. E.M. Blaiklock, the Christian apologist from New Zealand once said: “God alone knows how to humble us without humiliating us and how to exalt us without flattering us.” Repentance is not about humiliation or holding on to guilt, but rather about staying humble and honest about our need for God’s Grace and Power. And turning from anything that might get in the way of following Jesus Christ.
Ask– once we have a right view of who God is, and who we are, we are free to ask Him whatever is on our mind, and share our questions, fears, burdens, etc., with the One who has all the answers!
Yield/ “Yes, LORD!”– The final step is making sure we are ready to listen and respond to God as we expect His answer. No matter what God’s answer may be, we should trust and obey His wisdom above our own.

I have come to value PRAY as a wonderful tool to help in my pursuit of prayer, and in my broader pursuit of Christlikeness. Both ACTS and PRAY help me pray “better.” It’s not that God grades my prayers or listens more or responds differently: but it helps me to better appreciate the power of prayer, and the power behind prayer. Individual prayers can change circumstances, but the pursuit of prayer is meant to change US as well. Prayer that shapes us, helps us grow– if that isn’t at least part of our pursuit of prayer, we are missing out on what God wants to do through us, and not just for us.

It is important, just as with nutrition, that we have a healthy balance in our prayer life. That balance consists of worship, repentance, sharing our burdens, showing gratitude, and offering ourselves in humble service. Prayer is too important to just “wing it.” We need to pursue it with the same (or better!) dedication that we give to our physical health.

October 20, 2023 0

People, Places, and Things

Most of the time, when I lift up prayer requests, they are about people. I love people, and so does God, so it makes sense to remember those who are rejoicing, those who are mourning, and those who are struggling.

But I also pray about places. God created places, just as He created people. Through the prophets, God spoke of places– nations, certainly, but also specific mountains, rivers, cities, forests, and deserts. God pronounces judgment on people, but He mourns the destruction of places, as well.

At least once each month, I hope to post some thoughts or practices that I have found helpful in my pursuit of prayer over the years. Today, I want to talk about the importance of place.

Every day, on my prayer journal pages, I have a focus on a specific place. Yesterday, it was the island of Madagascar. Many times, I pray for the people of a specific place. Sometimes, I know of conflicts or natural disasters that impact the people living there. But often, I know very little about the places I pray for. I can look them up to find out more– what language do the people speak? what is the climate like? what are the natural resources of the area? Madagascar is home to many animal and plant species that are found nowhere else on the planet. God cares about His creation, and so should I. I may not have the resources to protect wildlife in Madagascar, but I know the creator and sustainer of all creation. And in praying for the land, people, and wildlife in Madagascar, I am taking the time to remember the vastness and variety of God’s creation, and His power to sustain life and cause it to flourish.

Jesus prayed over Jerusalem. He prayed over the Temple there. If Jesus can pray over places, then maybe we should, too. Over the past several weeks, I’ve been praying over the house where I grew up. After my mom’s death, we children decided to put the house up for sale. It hasn’t been an easy decision, but we feel it is the right one. I’ve been praying, not just that the house would sell, but that it would become a nurturing, safe place for a new family– a place where God would be honored and wonderful memories made. We aren’t finished with the process yet, but I believe that God can honor such prayers. God transcends “place.” He is omnipresent. But I believe that there are special places that resonate with the power of God’s work in the past (and other places that are haunted by the evil done there in years gone by). We should take time to acknowledge both the work that God has done in special places, and the need for His cleansing (and/or judgment) in others. Places are not more important that people, but they have lasting impact and are part of God’s purpose.

Cities, habitats, people groups, wildlife; wars, famines, floods and droughts, pollution and climate issues– from urban blight to toxic waste in the oceans. God’s heart is that we would do our best to care for the places in which we live– and that we would trust Him with the changes that are out of our control. Not just in Madagascar, or Ukraine or Rio de Janiero, but in our own backyard or in the next city block. Buildings, lakes, roads and parks– we can also lift them up in prayer, knowing that God is Lord of ALL around us–all that makes up life around us.

What might happen in our world if, instead of wringing our hands about climate change, we prayed and asked God what small steps we could take to make a difference right around us? What would happen if we prayed about the oceans and deserts and the wildlife that inhabit them– after all, I have no idea how many seals and gazelles, coral reefs and cacti there are in the world, but God knows them all!

Prayer doesn’t negate our need to care for the places around us– it’s still important to pick up litter, recycle, and be responsible about using, caring for, and disposing of resources. But praying about places will keep us “in tune” with God’s love of creation, and His desire that we honor Him in everything– everywhere!

July 21, 2023 0

Tag: guidelines

How Must I Pray for My Enemies?

Building Blocks of Healthy Prayer

People, Places, and Things

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