The Ghost of Christmas Past

Charles Dickens wrote “A Christmas Carol”– a (literally) haunting tale of greed, bitterness, and, in the end, redemption. Set in Victorian England, the story involves a miser named Scrooge, his business partner, Marley, who has been dead for seven years, and three mysterious spirits: The Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present, and the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come…

Scrooge doesn’t really hate Christmas. He considers it a Humbug– an annoying and worthless distraction from the “reality” of making money. What bothers Scrooge– what eats at him and rules his actions– is the fear of poverty and powerlessness. He avoids relationships so that he cannot be hurt or abandoned. He avoids spending money– even for common comforts like coal to heat his office–for fear that he will fall into poverty. He does not like people because he will not trust anyone enough to risk getting hurt or used.

Scrooge’s only “friend,” his former partner Marley, lived by similar principles during his lifetime. He “visits” Scrooge on Christmas Eve to warn him of the fate that awaits those who fail to realize that there is more to life than making and keeping money. “Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, benevolence, were all my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!” Marley has managed to arrange for Scrooge to be haunted by memories of the past, visions of the present, and shadows of what may be in the future.

The first of these “spirits” reminds Scrooge of Christmases from his childhood and early adulthood. Some of the memories are sad– Scrooge is left to spend the holiday alone at school, as his cold and distant father refuses to show him love, mercy, or guidance. Later, Scrooge is reminded of how his decision to pursue wealth alienated the woman he could have married. But there are happier memories, too. His first boss, Mr. Fezziwig, brought happiness and a sense of camaraderie and purpose to Scrooge’s early employment. He celebrated both hard work and the joy of fellowship with his employees. Scrooge sees visions of his beloved sister and is reminded that he has a family (his sister’s son) with whom he could make and share happy memories– if only he would choose to do so.

I will write about the other visitations later, but I want to camp out here for a little bit.

What memories would the Ghost of Christmas Past bring to me? To you? Are there sad or painful memories of Christmases without loved ones? Christmases that included anger or rejection? Christmases spent with poverty, uncertainty, or sickness? Would you feel bitterness? Fear? Guilt? Regret? Or would there be nostalgia for days gone by? Longing for family members who have passed? Questions about what might have been?

It is tempting sometimes to shove our memories of Christmas past in a closet or an old trunk and try to forget them. In Dickens’ story, Scrooge ends up desperately trying to snuff out the light of Truth that the spirit is holding. He doesn’t want to remember; doesn’t want to know or deal with the pain and loss of his past.

But before we can truly live in the present, we must confront the past. We do not have to live there. Our memories– good and bad– are but shadows of the things that have been. But they can cast long and devastating shadows if we let them. Denying past pain or trauma can give us a false sense of control. Burying ourselves in work or pleasure or entertainment may feel like a solution. Being cautious and angry and cynical may seem like wisdom. We can blame others, blame ourselves, even blame God for our feelings of hurt and fear of being hurt again and again. OR we can, with the light of truth, revisit our past. We can discover the healing power of redemption and forgiveness. We can– we must– still acknowledge the pain, the injustice, the grief that lies on our past. But we also must see that the shadows of the past only fall behind us. However the past may have shaped us, damaged us, challenged us, or forged us, the present and the future can be turned in a new direction.

And that is possible because of Christmas– because of Christ!

When Scrooge first visits his past with the Ghost of Christmas Past, the first image he experiences is of his classmates from school riding in sleighs and wagons singing Christmas carols. Singing! He could not join in. As an adult he has chosen not to join others as they sing of the wonder of Christ’s birth. But the carols echo– their message endures! Christ is Born! Glory to the Newborn King!

My prayer today is that Christmas past holds some happy memories for you. But the very Good News of Christmas is that it isn’t just about the past. And our past Christmases don’t have to haunt us. Because the Light of Truth– The True Light of the World (John 1:9) –that came on that first Christmas so long ago leads the way forward!

December 29, 2025 0

Words Are Not Enough

When tragedy happens, words are not enough to bring justice, resolution, and immediate peace to the situation. “I’m so sorry,” or “I’m here for you,” or “I’m praying for you…” In themselves, the words have no power to change circumstances. Words cannot bring back a lost loved one or undo a fire or earthquake or violent attack.

Yet, when we say that we are sorry, or that we are “here,” or that we are praying, we are offering more than just the words we speak. We are offering to share someone’s grief; to help in practical ways that can ease even some of the suffering; to call attention to God’s presence in every situation, no matter how dire.

Prayers are more than just the words we speak. In Romans 8:26, the Apostle Paul says, “We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Prayer often involves our entire being– body, soul, mind, and spirit–as we bow our heads or lift our hands, sweat, groan, go through a range of emotions from grief to praise, and try to express our heart cry in muddled words.

But prayer is not about US. It is not about our words or our emotions or even our desires. Prayer is about staying connected to God. In ourselves, we will always be insufficient. We may be able to take actions that will help others (or ourselves) achieve some measure of relief or understanding when things go terribly wrong. But we cannot bring complete justice; we cannot reverse what has already happened; we cannot guarantee outcomes. In prayer, we give outcomes and justice to the Only One who can bring true healing, justice, and peace out of our tragedies. We give up on the idea that our own thoughts and actions can overcome all the things that are beyond our control. And we lift up our questions, our fears, and our deepest hurts, with whatever measure of Faith we have, to the one we trust to make all things right. And we relinquish the idea that God MUST give us what we desire in the moment to believe that He gives us what is best according to His eternal plan.

Prayer isn’t simple. It isn’t a “cop-out.” It is a sacrifice. God may never answer our desire for an explanation, or for revenge in this life, or for a re-instatement of all that we think we deserve. But prayer connects us to the Sovereign Heart of God. Prayer doesn’t change our circumstances. It changes the way we respond to them. It changes the way we see ourselves and our own limited power. It changes the way we see others– even those who would harm (or have harmed) us.

Words are not enough– but Prayer taps into the all-sufficiency of God. That is more than enough. And the more we pursue and practice Prayer, the more we will understand its power and sufficiency.

October 3, 2025 0

Prayer and Marriage

As a young girl, I prayed about being married. Most of my prayers were pretty shallow– more about the wedding than the marriage. I dreamed of dresses and decorations, flowers and a shadowy “prince charming” type of groom, whisking me off into the sunset and living happily, dreamily ever after.

The years went by…MANY years! I prayed and dreamed through my twenties; I prayed and hoped through my thirties; and I prayed with less hope and more desperation in my early forties! But my prayers changed as I saw marriages around me. I saw many marriages that were solid, even through tough times. And I saw many “fairy tale” marriages crumble. I saw a lot of heartbreak, anger, and tears, as people who had once vowed to love one another “’til death us do part” fought over furniture and who got the kids over minor holiday weekends. I heard from frustrated wives who felt like they had made a huge mistake, marrying the “man of their dreams.” Some of them compounded the mistake by looking around for a replacement “Mr. Right.”

Instead of praying about a wedding, I began praying about marriage. Instead of praying for “Mr. Right,” I started praying that God would help me become “Mrs. Right.” And I prayed that God would show me what I should do for others during the time that I was single, as well as what I could do for him in a marriage relationship.

Thirteen years ago, I married my husband, David. He isn’t “Prince Charming,” though he can be charming and noble at times. He is, as I am, a flawed human being. David was married before, and he carries the hurt of betrayal and loss of trust from the past. I carry the hurt of being rejected and passed over for so many years. Marriage doesn’t make the past disappear. Marriage is not a “cure” for such hurts.

But marriage is more. God instituted marriage from the beginning for a man and woman to come together in a mysteriously intimate relationship that models what God’s love is like. (See Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31 and others.) David and I don’t exist to “complete” each other. We don’t cease to be our own individual selves. And yet, we are not the same as we were before our marriage. We are more than the sum of our parts– we are ourselves, yet we are one– the Fairs. He is David Fair, and I am Lila Fair, but WE are THE Fairs. And spiritually, we are also one WITH Christ– as individuals and as a couple. We walk forward as One. We make decisions together. We share hopes and dreams, as well as struggles and disappointments. We fight sometimes– not against each other, but against differences or misunderstandings that could weaken US as a couple and weaken our relationship with Christ.

I don’t pray any less often or less fervently now that I am married, but I pray daily about my marriage. I thank God that He was with me through all the “single” years. I thank God that He continues to work in our marriage– that David and I know more about love and faith, hope and fulfillment than we did 13 years ago! I pray that David and I will grow together for many years to come. I pray that we will impact our family as we live out what a Godly marriage is supposed to be. I pray that our marriage will inspire young men and women who are looking (as I once was) to see what a solid marriage involves– that the way we talk to each other, and behave, and work, and live will give hope to future couples, and glory to God.

Marriage and prayer go hand in hand. Prayer cannot guarantee that marriage will be easy–or even than it will survive. Marriage takes two people praying and walking in the same direction! But marriage–and life– without prayer will never be all that God intends it to be.

September 22, 2025 2

Praying for the Enemy

Everybody has enemies. And when I use the term “enemies”, I’m mosl referring to two types of people. There are the people who are your enemies– they hate you. They are scheming to hurt or destroy you; people who defame or slander you; people who betray you; people who cheat and lie to and steal from and abuse you or those closest to you. Then there are the people for whom you are an enemy– you don’t like them, you don’t trust them, you don’t respect them; you probably defame or gossip about them, and you hurt them, even if it is unintentional. Some enemies fall into both categories, but not all.

And then there are existential “enemies”– not personal enemies, but those who live in opposition to our way of life, or our beliefs, or our nation. There are enemies within and enemies without– those who argue in the street, and enemies who plan catastrophic destruction to entire groups of people. And sometimes, those enemies can include “us.” “Us” v. “Them.”

I would love to say that I have no enemies–of any type. But, alas, they exist. God calls on us to love our enemies, to pray for them, to show them kindness, and to bless them! In our own power, we can’t do this. We can make the attempt to forgive the unforgivable, to love the unlovable, and reconcile the impossible, but we fall short in our attempts: the betrayal is too deep; the hurt is too overwhelming; the damage is irreversible, and the impossible is just…well…impossible.

Loving our enemies is one of the proofs of God’s existence, his goodness, his power, his own boundless love at work through our imperfect words and efforts. Praying for our enemies, showing kindness and grace in the face of hatred and betrayal–these are miracles that defy explanation. That is one good reason to keep praying for the enemies in our lives– God can work through us to effect reconciliation, healing, and peace. And this includes those enemies who want to do is immeasurable harm. We don’t have to pray for their triumph at our expense– but we should be praying for their salvation; for their safety; for their good! Yes, even “those” enemies. God can change even the most horrific situation.

Another good reason is that prayer changes US. Praying for our enemies is difficult. It is humbling. It breaks our pride and forces us to let go of the bitterness and recognize God’s rightful place as judge, avenger, and healer. It reminds us that God’s love, being boundless and eternal, stretches to those people who don’t deserve it, whether that is the hurtful person you don’t want to forgive, or the hurtful YOU who needs to be forgiven. God even loves those who seek our destruction. God loves those who hate HIM! God prayed for those who crucified Him– while He was dying. Can we say that we follow Him and do any less?

But praying for our enemies isn’t just about bringing peace and harmony or transforming us into better versions of ourselves. No amount of willpower, or good intention, or logic, or internal fortitude, or peaceful meditation, or persuasive rhetoric, or even powerful prayer will be enough to eliminate our enemies or make us perfect in love. Our prayers may stop neighborhood chaos or family feuds. They may even cause wars to cease. But they may NOT. Jesus is the Prince of Peace– not me. My job is to recognize that I cannot bring peace, but I can live in the Peace that passes all understanding– even in the midst of chaos and turmoil. And I can show love, even as I stand up for truth and hold fast to God’s Word. Love doesn’t mean that I will compromise. But I will respond with compassion– even in conflict.

We pray FOR our enemies, but not all of our enemies. There are two enemies we need to pray AGAINST– Sin and Satan. They are the true enemies, trying to destroy both sinner and sinned-against. They are not just our enemies, but enemies of God. Both are defeated. Their power is illusory, and their damage, while intensely painful, is temporary. And when we refuse to pray for our human “enemies” we serve their destructive purposes. When we follow our own fears, hurts, and feelings of outrage, instead of God’s wisdom in showing love to our enemies, they gain a temporary victory. And we end up on the losing end!

June 25, 2025 0

“…Lose All Their Guilty Stains!”

“There is a fountain filled with blood
Drawn from Immanuel’s veins;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood
Lose all their guilty stains.”
William Cowper

I love old hymns. So often, they express Biblical truths in simple purity, or in soaring poetry, that captures both the imagination and the memory.

Recently, I was listening to a radio broadcast of a sermon about mercy. It was a wonderful sermon, and the pastor talked about the richness and wideness of God’s mercy and lovingkindness in various situations– when we face injustice, pain, loss and grieving, guilt, and even when we are unaware of it throughout our life (Psalm 139:16-17) From the womb to the tomb, we live in the Mercy of God– God extends His Mercy and Grace for as long as we are alive to call out for it, accept it, and receive it. More than that, His Mercy and Lovingkindness endures forever (Psalm 136).

Later that day, I was doing housework– I had dirty dishes to wash and laundry to do. And there were stains! I have plastic dishes that I used to heat up leftovers in the microwave, and some of those leftovers had tomato-based sauce or cinnamon or turmeric. The dishes have a film of red or brown or yellow that didn’t come out, even when I washed and soaked them. A few of the stains will eventually fade away, but some of them will never come out. I also have clothes that are stained. David and I still wear them around the house, but there are paint stains, ink stains, oily stains, and mustard stains that didn’t come out the first time I washed (or the second or third time!)

As humans, we all have stains of one type or another. We try to hide them; we try to scrub them; we try to cover them up. Some of our stains are external and visible– scars or blemishes, imperfections and disabilities, worn or tattered “second-hand” clothes, missing teeth, poor posture, obesity, being “too” short or tall–things that people notice right away. Other stains are deep inside– guilt, shame, fear, anger, hatred, bigotry, envy, arrogance, hopelessness, depression, broken-heartedness, loneliness– we try to hide them by isolating, covering up, pretending that all is well, or denying the extent of our brokenness.

I was touched by the sermon about how God’s Mercy reaches us in all of these circumstances. The Bible is full of examples of God’s Mercy and its transforming power. But the words of this old hymn came to my mind, and a deeper realization swelled as I sang them quietly in my own heart: “And sinners plunged beneath that flood LOSE ALL THEIR GUILTY STAINS!”

I spend time washing and scrubbing at stains– silly mistakes, accidents, upsets– and even if I am successful, I can often point out where the stains were or find the last vestiges of them on an old shirt or a white plastic bowl. But I don’t “LOSE” stains. I don’t have the power to make stains totally disappear– especially stubborn ones like ink and oil. But the stains I worry about most– guilt, pain from my past, worry about how others might judge me– these stains are all in my doubting mind. In God’s Mercy, THEY DON’T EXIST! That doesn’t mean that others WON’T still judge me, or that I won’t still remember old hurts. But God WON’T! Their power is broken. God has removed them as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12-14)

Sin leaves stains in our lives– even if the sin wasn’t ours to begin with. That person who bullied me in third grade– that left a stain. The way I reacted– that probably left a stain, too. When I nearly died as an infant– that wasn’t my sin, or even my parent’ sin. But it left a stain because I was born into a world where we have disease, defects, and disasters. I have Diabetes. Part of that “stain” can be blamed on things I ate, and lifestyle choices I made. Part of that is genetic. There are people who live with abuse, injustice, chronic pain, and lasting heartaches. And God’s Mercy didn’t stop any of that from staining their lives.

But the “fountain…drawn from Immanuel’s veins” is powerful enough, and God’s Mercy is amazing enough to make those stains disappear. In this life, I still have to deal with diabetes, fatigue, misunderstandings, and my own sinful lapses. People still struggle with cancer, poverty, war, and doubt. But the stains won’t follow Christians into eternity. There won’t be any vestiges of uncleanness; there won’t be any memory of the hurts and losses we suffered during this lifetime. Christ’s blood is powerful enough, and His Mercy vast enough to make the effects of sin DISAPPEAR!

February 7, 2025 0

Fuzzy Socks

Every year at about this time, people come up with lists of “Things For Which I Am Thankful.” Some lists are elaborate. Some are short. Some are earnest; others are tongue-in-cheek– “Thanks for nothing.”

A few years back, one of my former students started posting on Facebook about her “thanks” list. She started on November first and listed one thing for every day of the month. I liked the idea, so I began doing the same. I’ve done it for a few years now. It’s not really difficult to find things to be thankful for– but it can be frustrating trying to come up with 30 different things that don’t end up overlapping or repeating. I could list individual family members on different days, but if I’ve already listed “Family” or “Grandkids” (as I did this year), it seems repetitive to list them separately. Also, what if I list some family members and leave others out? Won’t someone be hurt?

I began to realize, as well, that posting every day can become somewhat self-indulgent. What about those who are alone in the world? My rhapsodizing about family, good food, good health– isn’t that really just a subtle way of bragging about my blessings? The real goal of Thanksgiving shouldn’t be about WHAT, but about WHO? WHO is the source of all these blessings? WHO deserves to be thanked for any of the wonderful people, things, and situations in my life?

In the middle of all this second-guessing and self-righteous reflection one year, I was suddenly struck with a strange and ridiculous thought. I am really thankful for fuzzy socks! I used to run around barefoot every chance I got. But in the past few years, I’ve developed neuropathy in my feet from diabetes. My feet are often numb and cold. They aren’t so painful that I can’t walk, but sometimes the least little thing on the rug or floor can suddenly feel painful to my bare feet. Fuzzy socks are a treasure to me. They keep my feet warm, and cushion against some of the tiny antagonists– the pile of the carpet, the mote of dust on the floor, or the early morning temperature of the bathroom tile.

And it hit me. Thanksgiving is not just about the “important” things in life– though it’s wonderful to take the time to evaluate how much God has given me, and how many “big” things I often take for granted. But Thanksgiving is also about the little things– like fuzzy socks– that touch our lives. God cares about my neuropathy. He cares about my likes and dislikes, my comforts and my aches and pains.

And Thanksgiving is not just about “fun” or “pleasant” things. I am thankful for the times when God has disciplined me; when I have had to struggle to find the answers, when I have had to ask for help. I am thankful that God is with me in every situation. I am grateful to remember how much He REALLY cares about me. And in remembering all this, I want to share with as many people as I can reach how truly thank-full we ALL can be for the Love, Mercy, and Grace that is showered on us by God every day. Even when we are not aware; even when it involves something as simple as “fuzzy socks.”

So, I still post about 30 things every November. I discuss my thankfulness for family and friends, for vision and mobility, for a roof over my head, and for transportation, and the freedom to come and go. I list “Godly” things like prayer and my Bible or my Church. But I also list “fuzzy socks.” And pizza, and crossword puzzles, bird song, snowflakes, and books. Such things truly make me grateful.

November 27, 2024 0

May Day Mishaps

Today is the first of May– May Day. May Day has a long history, with pagan origins tied to the celebration of late spring or early summer. In many European nations, there would be dancing around a May Pole, or May bush, floral garlands, and floral bouquets offered at various shrines, including to the Virgin Mary. In some communities, girls vied to be crowned the “May Queen,” while stories were told of fairies. May Day was popular in the United States for many years around the turn of the 20th century– with parades, flower baskets, and more. It is less popular in modern times, and many of the floral parades and festive outings take place around Memorial Day, instead.

When I was a child in elementary school, we made paper “flowers” and a small paper coronet with a loop handle for May Day. I remember making daffodils, hyacinths, and tulips out of construction paper and other craft materials, and making the coronet “baskets” out of decorated paper cones. We glued or stapled the pieces together to take home. Then, we were encouraged to loop the handle over the door knob at the front door of our house when we got home, knock, and run and hide around the corner. Presumably, our mothers or babysitters would see the gift of flowers and wonder who could have left them there. It was a fun game to play, and a way to celebrate the season of wonderful spring flowers.

Unfortunately, when we did this in kindergarten, my flowers got trampled on the bus. It was a rainy day, and my flowers fell in the aisle, where a boy stepped on them with muddy sneakers. They were ruined. I cried and cried, and another boy on the bus gave me the flowers he had made. It was a thoughtful gesture– one I’ve never forgotten– but I remained desolate. I told my mother the whole sordid story, and she told me that, in her day, they had picked wildflowers, such as violets and even clovers, and tied them with a string to leave on someone’s porch. Then she took me outside, and we made a small bunch of violets with a couple of “Dutchman’s Breeches.” I didn’t get to surprise her, but we had such fun looking for wildflowers together.

I loved this game so much, I decided to go a step further the next year. We made paper “bouquets” at school, just like the previous year. Mine stayed clean and dry, and I hung it on the doorknob and mom pretended to be surprised. But later, I took one of our juice glasses from the cupboard, and picked a nice bunch of my mom’s live daffodils and hyacinths, a couple of her irises, and a tulip. I tried to arrange them in the juice glass, but it was too short and small to hold all the flowers I had picked. I left it on the porch, near the door, and knocked and hid, waiting to see my mom’s delight at her “surprise” bouquet. But instead of delight, I heard her wail– “Oh, no! My flowers!” The glass had tipped over, the flowers lay limply all over the porch, and the glass had rolled onto the ground. I thought I had made a wonderful surprise. Instead, I had made a mess. I had picked almost all of Mom’s best daffodils, and all of her pink hyacinths. I had trampled some of her other irises to get to the one I wanted. She only had a few tulips, and I had picked the only red one.

My intentions were good, but my execution was poor. And the result was disappointing and hurtful to us both. Mom didn’t realize I was right around the corner hearing her dismay, and I didn’t realize my “gift” would fall so flat.

It’s been over 50 years since my “May Day Mishap,” but there are some lessons I have never forgotten:

Picked flowers die! Mom wasn’t angry with me for wanting to pick flowers, but she knew that picked flowers would wilt and die. In later years, Mom loved receiving hanging flower baskets, and planters with live flowers. And we had many memories of planting live annuals in the front yard or at graves near Memorial Day– flowers that might take root and spread joy throughout the summer months. In the same way, there are so many “showy” projects that vie for our attention– projects that may seem urgent or offer quick rewards like status or money. We are tempted to “pick” projects that will make us look good or feel good in the moment. But the really important projects are those that have lasting impact, even if they don’t “show” as well. We are wise to invest in “little” things that have lasting impact over “big” but fleeting activities and investments.
When giving gifts, it really is the thought that counts! My mom was just as delighted by the “second-hand” flowers I got from my classmate as she was by the the ones I made the next year. Not because his were “better” than mine, but because they demonstrated that I had a good friend at school with a kind heart. My “mishap” gift came, in part, because I wanted to give a “better” gift, not because I wanted to delight my mom, but I wanted to impress her. My mom was a saver– she saved all my old school papers, old valentines, birthday cards, and more. And she saved letters from her friends and family– over eighty years of them! Not because the cards and letters themselves were so wonderful, but because each one came with good wishes. She had an entire farmhouse of good wishes and thoughtful memories when she passed away in 2023.
Relationships are more important and more valuable than resources. I loved looking for wildflowers with my Mom that year of kindergarten. It’s one of my favorite memories of May Day. And I still remember the kindness of my friend, Ken, whose heart has since led him to the mission field on more than one occasion. No May Day flowers will last over fifty years, but friendships and relationships can and do!
Forgiveness is sweeter than flowers. I was so astonished to think that my error in judgment had caused my mother pain– and yet, when she found me, she hugged me tight and gently offered both forgiveness and correction. She demonstrated exactly the way our Father loves us. So often, I want to come to God with a bouquet of praise, or a basket of good works, leave it before His Throne and run away and hide. But God isn’t impressed by my flowers or my grand gestures. He wants to spend time with ME. Every year, he sends fields of wild flowers; in every season of life He sends friends, helpers, and other blessings. And, more than anything, He wants to share all of it with me. Not because I deserve it, but because He is so full of love and forgiveness. He wants to remind me to “come home” to His gracious arms. He is not waiting to scold me, punish me, or make me feel small. He wants to hug me, and with patience and gentleness, He will offer His Love, and correction. No matter what “May Day Mishaps” I may have.

This May Day, I am encouraged by God’s faithfulness, His forgiveness, and the power of His love. I hope you are, too!

May 1, 2024 0

Do You Love Me?

¹⁵When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
¹⁶Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
¹⁷The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?”
He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. ¹⁸Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” ¹⁹Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
John 21:15-19 (NIV)

Today is Valentine’s Day, and many people will be saying, “I love you,” or asking, “Do you love me?” And many others will reply, “Yes, I love you,” or “I love you, too!” Cards and gifts may be exchanged; some couples will dine out or have romantic candlelit dinners at home. It is a day to celebrate love. There are thousands of poems and songs about love– ooey, gooey, gushy love; unrequited love; first love; true and lasting love; even “puppy” love.

But Valentine’s Day can also be a painful reminder– of lost love, betrayal, and loneliness. The story of Peter’s betrayal and reinstatement is not a “Valentine” story of romantic love, but it carries some lessons for today about love in general, and the Love of Christ in particular.

Love is a choice– freely given and freely accepted (apologies to Elvis Presley and others who have sung about not being able to help falling in love…) When Jesus first called Peter (and in the above passage as well) He simply asked Peter to “Follow me.” He made no demands, offered no bribes, used no intimidation. There is no long list of requirements or expectations; no bargaining; no “quid pro quo.” That said, Love is not a light-hearted or whimsical thing. Peter’s choice to love Christ, and to follow him cost him his life. Christ’s choice to love us led Him to humble Himself to death, even death on the cross (Philippians 2:8). Jesus could have escaped this fate several times over– He CHOSE to die for each of us!

Love is more than just a feeling. “Follow me” demands an action and a commitment. There are many today who “love” the idea of Jesus; they love the parables, or the gospel story; they are in love with “love.” But the idea that “Love” is all you need (apologies to the Beatles) misses the mark. Feelings change; feelings are transitory and often dependent on circumstances. Love chooses to follow– even when the going gets rough; even when it is not convenient, even when it involves sacrifice.
Loving someone involves taking the risk of being hurt, denied, or betrayed. There is no Biblical passage describing the amount of hurt Jesus must have felt when Peter denied Him three times, or when Judas betrayed Him. The Biblical account tells us that Jesus already knew and predicted these two events, but how agonizing–every bit as painful as the nails in His hands and feet! Jesus loved those who spit at Him, abandoned Him, condemned Him, and persecuted Him. And we also see Peter in this passage being hurt at Jesus’ questioning him a third time; Peter was shocked and hurt when Jesus predicted his denial, and when Jesus said to him, “Get behind me, Satan.”(Matthew 16:23) Love is never free from risk– especially the imperfect love we have as humans.

Love leads to restoration and forgiveness. Peter’s denial of Christ could have haunted him for the rest of his life. Had Jesus said nothing; done nothing to address this hurt, it would not have changed the fact that Peter was forgiven. But in publicly restoring Peter, Jesus made it clear that it was “all good” between them– Peter wasn’t just conditionally forgiven, he was completely restored!
Love is stronger than death! It is stronger than sin, or betrayal, denial, or hurt. Love is eternal and limitless, everlasting, and enduring. God IS Love and to know God is to know love. To speak to God and to hear His voice and read His Word is to converse with Love. Whether in the presence of saints on a mountaintop, in the midst of a raging storm, or on a quiet beach– Love is closer than our next breath, and more powerful than our deepest fear. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13: 8)

And that’s a love worth endless celebration!

February 14, 2024 0

Unspoken

What does it mean when someone says they have an “unspoken” prayer request? If you are new to Christianity or to prayer, this can seem confusing. Aren’t we supposed to present our requests to the Father? Aren’t we supposed to pray for one another? How can we ask someone to pray for us, and then hold back on giving a reason? Is that “cheating” somehow?

There are several reasons why someone may ask for “unspoken” prayer, and there is no reason why we should not pray just as fervently for an unspoken request. So why would someone be reluctant or even unable to speak their request?

Sometimes, they are passing along a request from another. Someone has shared a burden, and it seems too large for just one or two people. But the original request was not shared publicly, nor did the sharer give permission to share details in a group. It is important to honor the other person’s attempt to avoid gossip and oversharing.
Sometimes, the request involves a delicate personal situation– an unsaved spouse, an aging parent facing financial difficulties, etc.– and the details of a request might cause unnecessary pain or shame to another, or strain an already tenuous relationship.
Sometimes, the person asking for prayer cannot put their request into words. They know there is a problem, but they may not fully understand what they need or even want. Sometimes, a sudden change throws them into turmoil. Other times, an unrecognized problem has been looming, and they are taken by surprise. Sometimes, there are multiple issues and layers of issues that can’t be explained easily.
Sometimes, the person is ashamed of asking. They may feel like a failure for even asking. It may be an issue they thought they had overcome, and they are reluctant to admit that it isn’t resolved. They may not be ready to confess a secret sin, but they know they need help.

Whatever the reason, we should always be willing to pray, especially when asked to do so. But how can I pray for someone who won’t or can’t tell me what they need?

In many ways it is the same– If I know that “Sue” is battling cancer, I am still praying to the same God as I am for “Janet” who can’t tell me about her recent diagnosis or her ongoing battle with a wayward teenage daughter. Yes, I can be more specific in my prayer for Sue, but I can still lift up Janet as someone who needs God’s care, protection, and encouragement. I can acknowledge that God loves both women, and that God is the only one who can meet their needs. I can praise God that HE knows all; that He is sovereign over all, and that He cares about Sue and Janet (and Me) far more than I can understand.

What are some practical guidelines when praying for “unspoken” requests?

Honor the other person’s privacy. Don’t try to drag a confession or sordid details from someone who is already struggling to share their need for prayer. Your “need to know” all the details is less than another person’s need for earnest encouragement, compassion, and support.
Concentrate on the basics— don’t try to “guess” at specifics. Pray for their general health, well-being, growth, encouragement, and strength to persevere. If you know of an ongoing situation, don’t get bogged down on praying for just that issue. Use this opportunity to uphold your friend or neighbor, brother or sister in loving prayer, not intense scrutiny.

Do not cast judgment. It is NOT your place to decide whether or not the other person “should” be more open or share more details. It is NOT your place to decide whether or not the other person “really” needs your prayer. We all know people who “overshare,” and we all know people who seem addicted to drama. We all know other people who never open up or seem independent and self-contained. Their “unspoken” requests are still “real” requests– even if they are making the third one this week. Lift up your sister or brother with love, not exasperation or comparison with anyone else. Remember, you would not want someone else dissecting your life trying to decide if your prayer requests are “worth” their time.
Thank God for the opportunity to join God in loving others! If someone is asking for your prayer, it generally means that they respect and trust you to respond. God is giving you a unique and wonderful opportunity to join in His work! Prayer of this type is not a burden or an obligation. It should be a joyful experience.
Follow up. Let the other person know that you are praying for them. If possible, pray with them, remembering that this is not an opportunity to pry, poke, or condescend, but to uplift, encourage, and invite God to act! If you get the opportunity to do so, check in with the other person in a few days or a week, to let them know you are still praying.
Use this opportunity to build your relationship. ”In what other ways can I be praying for you?” ”Is there anything I can do for you?” Don’t make a fuss. They may (even probably will) say no. Don’t pry about details, but offer practical assistance, as well as prayer, whenever possible.

I try to use this model whenever I get an “unspoken” request– whether in person, as part of a prayer chain, or scrolling through social media. EVERY request is an opportunity. EVERY request deserves my eager and faithful response.

January 17, 2024 0

Praying in Anger

Ephesians 4:25-32 English Standard Version (ESV)

²⁵Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. ²⁶Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, ²⁷and give no opportunity to the devil. ²⁸Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. ²⁹Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. ³⁰And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ³²Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

I grew up hearing that anger is a sin. Yet God experiences anger and wrath. And the Apostle Paul says in this passage that we are to “Be angry and do not sin” (Eph. 4:26a).

Anger is an emotion; feeding on anger, wallowing in it, stewing and screaming and acting out under the control of our anger– that is sin. That is why Paul goes on to say that we should “not let the sun go down on your anger ” (4:26b). Anger doesn’t have to be a bad emotion, but it is a bad master. We need to take control over our anger to resolve it, and let it go. In Genesis, God spoke to Cain about this very thing–Cain and his brother Abel had brought sacrifices to God; Abel’s sacrifice was pleasing to God, but Cain’s sacrifice did not find God’s favor. The sacrifices were voluntary– Cain and Abel were not in competition to see who could bring the “best” sacrifice. God had not ordered them to bring a sacrifice only to find fault with Cain’s efforts or the way he chose to present the sacrifice. The scriptures don’t even say that God rebuked Cain or pointed out a flaw in his offering. He simply found favor with Abel’s offering– Abel had brought the best he had; the firstborn of his flocks. Cain had brought “some” of his crops.

garlic beside ginger and pepper on brown wooden table

The difference in the sacrifices had nothing to do with the content or the manner of offering, but in the intent to worship God halfheartedly, instead of wholeheartedly. God saw that Cain was angry (as well as proud and envious of his brother). Instead of rebuke, God offered grace and wisdom:

Genesis 4:6-7 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

⁶The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your countenance fallen? ⁷If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it.”

God doesn’t want us to deny our anger or pretend we are never angry. But He does want us to acknowledge it, and deal with it. Why am I angry? What should I do about it? Anger can motivate us to do the wrong things, but it can also spur us to change our course, and do something good. Righteous anger can spur us to speak out about injustice, and seek to correct wrongs. Anger can lead us to our knees, asking God for direction, strength, or His intervention and justice. King David often prayed angry prayers asking God to strike down the people who were plotting against him, or those who were doing evil or mocking God’s people.

I wish I could say that I had mastered this area, but I’m writing as much for my own instruction today as anything else. Here are some wonderful steps we can and SHOULD take to deal with anger:

Pray! Anger can strangle us, or it can sneak up and suffocate us, but the worst it can do is drive us away from our source of help and hope. God WANTS us to come to him. He reached out to Cain in his anger, wanting to draw him near and help him overcome it; He offers us the same help. God can handle our anger– he can give us the power to let it go, and direct our feelings appropriately.
Own it–Angry people tend to deflect responsibility. Yes, other people can say or do things that make you angry, but they can’t make you say or do sinful things in response to their actions. You still bear the responsibility for what you do with your anger– even “righteous indignation.”
Question it!–This is something I have found helpful. Just as God asked Cain, ask yourself, “Why am I angry? Why am I downcast?” And then, answer them honestly. Many times, the root of my anger isn’t justified–instead it’s “just a lie”. I have no right to be angry with someone else when I chose to waste time, cut corners, or neglect to do what was necessary. I have no right to be angry or outraged because someone else feels differently or sees a different side of an issue. In fact, if I keep listening instead of exploding, I might find compassion overriding the anger. I might even learn something new! Or I might better understand why I feel or think as I do, and be better able to explain it to others, instead of just yelling the same thing over again.

Deal with it–This is a difficult one for me. I don’t like confrontation. If someone hurts me, I just want to walk away and lick my wounds. And we shouldn’t confront others WITH our anger, striking out at them and seeking to hurt them. But I have found that a lot of anger and hurt that I have harbored is not only unjustified, but is based on misunderstandings and pride. It takes humility, but it also takes courage to seek out someone to offer an apology you don’t want to give, or to ask for clarification instead of harboring hurt.

Don’t spread it! “Don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath” is not permission to “vent” to seven (or seven hundred) friends by spreading your hurt and outrage until you feel calmer. This is particularly true in the age of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. In the short-term, this may seem right– “they need to know what is happening”– but it is just the opposite. Anger often leads to rash judgments, and hasty actions that we can’t undo or call back. If you are not talking with the object of resolving a misunderstanding, apologizing, or offering a positive solution, you are engaging in sin. The old saying, “If you can’t say something nice about a person, say nothing at all” applies here. And it applies about situations and circumstances, too. I am angry about various practices and policies by governments, companies, even churches; what I need to spread is not my anger about them, but awareness of how God can change them, and why we should be seeking His justice, His righteousness, and His grace toward those who have been impacted by them.

Repent of any anger-related sin. Remember, anger itself is an emotion. God experiences it; we are made in His image, so we experience it, too. But God’s anger is Holy; ours is often tainted with other feelings and thoughts– pride, envy, greed– or even other human frailties like misunderstanding, exhaustion, hunger and pain. Instead of feeling guilt over the anger, we need to turn away from the sin that overpowers us in our anger.

For more Biblical wisdom about dealing with anger, see the following: