The “Curse” of Proverbs 31

If you are a woman who has grown up “in the church,” you are probably familiar with Proverbs 31. It is the chapter about a virtuous woman. She is the role-model that is held up for young girls and older women alike. And she is, like Mary Poppins, “practically perfect in every way.” She gets up before the sun, stays up late into the night–always busy, always productive; she never slows down. She never has a bad hair day, never loses her temper, never forgets to pack a lunch or fold the laundry. She never nags, never scolds, never pouts, and never has to raise her voice.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

It helps that she has serving girls to do her bidding, and has her own business. She appears to be independently wealthy and active, yet she has time to raise children who “rise up and call her blessed,” and satisfy her husband, who “lacks nothing of value.”

I would love to say that I am just like that woman. Most days, however, I feel nothing like her. I don’t have money to buy a new field. I don’t get up before the sun and my hands are not eager to work. I don’t make and sell linen garments. No one is running around calling me “blessed” or singing my praises… I can never measure up to this woman. I feel cursed.

But a closer reading of this chapter makes me think again.

While the woman described in this chapter is a model to emulate, she is not the norm. Nor is she the standard to which I must adhere to “earn” my way into God’s good graces. Indeed, God’s Mercy is the richer and His Grace more precious for knowing that I cannot “measure up.”

Instead of using Proverbs 31 to beat myself up for not being perfect (or using it to discourage or intimidate others), I need to learn from it. Here are a few things I’m hanging on to as I read through it this week:

“She brings him (her husband) good, not harm…” (v. 12) What are some ways I can bring good, not harm, into my home and marriage? How can I listen more, nag, less, be more available, and otherwise show love and care? I won’t be perfect, but I can look for ways to improve!
“She works with eager hands..” (v. 13) “She sets about her work vigorously…”(v. 17) I may not be spinning wool or flax in the early light; I may not have serving girls to order, but I have hands and work to do throughout the day. How can I do a better job of seeing chores as opportunities, rather than oppression and drudgery? How can I bring a greater sense of purpose to my tasks? I may not have serving girls, but I have appliances–am I “ordering” them properly by taking care of them, instead of just taking them for granted? And am I grateful for their help?
“She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy…” (v. 20) What can I do to “give” more–donate, volunteer, provide hospitality and encouragement? How can I keep in mind that during various seasons of life the “poor” and “needy” may be in my own home and family–children or grandchildren needing nourishment and discipline; parents needing care and support…How can I be more available to those outside of my home, or during my work hours? Can I send an e-mail or make a call to offer encouragement? Can I share a recipe with a friend, or invite them to come with me shopping or to church? Can I make time to pray with a neighbor? Can I clean out a closet and donate clothes or linens?
“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue..” (v. 26) What a challenge!? What is “on my tongue?” Gossip? Criticism? Complaining? Idle chatter? Do I speak too much? Do I remain silent when I could offer needed instruction, encouragement, or correction? Do I speak with gentleness and compassion? With conviction and truth?

“…she does not eat the bread of idleness..”(v27). Ouch! Everyone needs to rest– even the seemingly indefatigable woman of Proverbs 31! But am I becoming “fat” on leisure time? How much time to I waste on distractions and entertainment that could be put to better use?
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised..” (v30) I may strive to be an “accomplished” woman– someone who is poised, talented, successful in business and society, with a picture-perfect house and garden, children on the dean’s list or the winning sports team; I can be will-traveled and well-educated, someone who seems to “have it all”–and still NOT be a woman of noble character. God isn’t impressed by my clothes or my achievements; He doesn’t give me credit for being “better” than my next door neighbor, or having the best kitchen on the block; God will not love me any more for being more successful or productive than anyone else. If my house is cluttered, my hair is untame-able, my kids have public melt-downs, and I don’t belong to the “in” club; if my business fails, my car is rusty (or I don’t have one), and my husband and I wear second-hand clothes, God still sees my heart. I can still be a woman who fears, trusts, and serves the Lord– one who is loved, accepted, and even “praised” by the One who matters most!
Finally, I can Pray to become a woman/wife of noble character (v.10), striving for good habits, rather than fretting over and wallowing in bad ones. I can trust God’s willingness and ability to transform my life and my attitudes. In fact, I am reminded of a seemingly unrelated portion of scripture from Philippians:

^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message)

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

I need to spend less of my time worrying about getting things “done”, than getting them done God’s way! I don’t need to fear the “curse” of Proverbs 31– failure to measure up to a model– instead, I need to see the opportunity to become a woman after God’s own heart– one who accepts God’s help and wisdom to become the woman HE wants me to be. I pray that God will give me the chance to develop–and help others–today and each new day.

August 19, 2022 0

Praying for Bahrain

I have never been to Bahrain. I know very little about Bahrain. All I know is that it is a small country in the Middle East, located on a series of islands in the Persian Gulf. But I prayed for Bahrain the other day. It’s on my prayer calendar/journal. Every day of the year, I have a nation, city, or geographic region (desert, ocean, continent) to pray for. It’s somewhat random, and personal–many of the “cities” are really local small towns or places close to my heart–and it doesn’t make my prayers virtuous or important. My prayers can’t “save” the world, or any corner of it, from natural disaster or political corruption, disease, or any other malady common to our fallen world. So why do it?

First, because God loves and cares about the whole world. It’s easy for me to focus on my surrounding community; my state; my country. I know the people and language and culture here. But there is nothing exclusive about God’s love. Throughout the Bible, it is clear that our God is a global God. Sure, God “chose” Abraham and the nation of Israel to display His Holiness. But He also raised up other nations and leaders– Pharaoh, Nebuchadnezzar, the Queen of Sheba, Caesar Augustus–and sent prophetic warnings to Babylon, Edom, Assyria, Egypt, and many other nations who neither knew Him nor worshipped Him. I don’t know enough to know how many of the people of Bahrain are Christians, Muslims, Atheists, or any other religion. I don’t know how many of them are suffering from depression, domestic abuse, or disease. But I know that God knows– and cares. Even though I am praying “blind,” I am making an effort to “see” God’s heart for others.

Second, as I pray for various nations, I become more interested in them. I learn more about them. I recognize them when they are mentioned in the news, or when I hear about people who live or visit there. Again, this doesn’t make me a better person, or my prayers better than anyone else’s–but it helps me be a more informed (and hopefully more compassionate) person than I was yesterday or last year.

Praying for others reminds me of two important truths: I am very small in the scheme of things– one of more than 8 billion people on the planet! I cannot know them all; I cannot care for them all or influence them, or change their situations. But God can! I serve a God who not only knows all 8 billion individuals; He knows their thoughts, their pasts and their futures–He even knows the number of hairs on each head! The second truth that arises from that is that, small as I am, I am known by God. He cares about ME, just as He cares about each person that breathes. HE can change the small circumstances of my life, and the lives of those I know and love; AND He can raise up kingdoms and break down empires!

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Pursuing prayer is about following God. Part of that is learning discipline. God isn’t “grading” me on whether or not I pray for Bahrain, or Belarus, or Boston, or the tiny local town of Baroda. He isn’t going to turn His back on me if I don’t pray for any of these places. And He won’t love me more if I do. But I will get better insight into His character as I learn to pray faithfully, consistently, and compassionately for others– wherever they are.

January 31, 2022 0

I Hate Waiting…

One of my favorite movies is “The Princess Bride.” It’s a quirky movie, based on a novel by William Goldman. It’s part fairy-tale, part satire, part warm and funny love story. In it, one of the characters, Inigo Montoya, is impatiently trying to track down his father’s killer, the vicious Count Rugen. Ironically, to fund his quest for revenge, he takes a job working as a mercenary for Rugen’s mentor, Prince Humperdinck. Part of his job is to kidnap Humperdinck’s fiancee, Princess Buttercup, and kill the mysterious man who is trying to rescue her. When the mysterious masked man climbs the perilous Cliffs of Despair, Inigo waits at the top to challenge him to a duel.

But Inigo is impatient. He calls down to the struggling masked man. “I do not suppose you can hurry things up a bit,” he suggests. He even offers to help the man–“though I do not think you will accept my help, since I am only waiting to kill you..”

Inigo is not cut out to be a vicious mercenary– clearly– because he befriends the masked man before their deadly duel (which doesn’t result in anyone’s death). He even waits–yes, WAITS– for his opponent to get rested and prepared before the duel begins. Inigo may hate to wait, but he has developed the gift of waiting for others when it really counts. (A skill he demonstrates elsewhere in the tale.)

What does any of this have to do with prayer? We are entering a season of Advent. It is a reminder that the whole world waited impatiently for the coming of the Messiah. Centuries of impatience; centuries of expectation, centuries of waiting for a coming Hope.

We will spend a few weeks waiting– and it may be made more anxious because of COVID–waiting for presents, or to reunite with family. And we all hate waiting. We are uncomfortable with delayed expectations, and uncertainty in our immediate future. Even with the joyous anticipation that Christmas brings, the period of Advent can be nerve-wracking.

Inigo Montoya spent years anticipating and “waiting” to exact revenge for his father’s death. He hated waiting. But he used that time wisely. In the waiting, he prepared. He studied the art of sword-fighting. He searched far and wide for his quarry. His life revolved around this less-than-holy goal. And, though he “hated” waiting, he waited for decades, never giving up, and finally, achieving his goal. Along the way, he made many mistakes, but he also made friends, and avenged his father’s honor.

This Advent, we “await” the coming of the Christ child. And, as followers of that same Christ, we await His victorious second coming. This is so much better than waiting for revenge. We wait for reconciliation, for restoration, and for renewed life! We have a great hope– the anticipation of Eternal Victory and Joy! How are we preparing? Do we spend our time complaining? Do we give up? Or do we seek diligently, not for a six-fingered man to kill, but for opportunities to spread the Joy and Hope we have found?!

Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com

November 27, 2020 0

Getting Ready…

My husband and I recently celebrated our anniversary. We married late– I became a bride at nearly 47 years of age. I spent most of my childhood and adulthood “preparing” to be a bride–I learned how to cook and sew and keep house with the goal of becoming a wife and mother. I saved items in a “hope” chest– collecting dishes and linens, candles, books–items I thought would help fill our home. After several years, I had quite a collection! Even so, when the time came, I found there were several things I still needed to learn, prepare, collect, and even change as David and I began our life together. And it wasn’t just me– David also made a lot of preparations and sacrifices to ensure that we could begin our lives in safety and relative comfort.

And marriage requires learning, and adjusting, and growing after the wedding, too. So even though we are still happily married after seven years, and even though I spent years before preparing to be a wife, I am still learning and we are still growing in our love for each other and for God.

Jesus compares our eternal life to a marriage. He has paid the “bride price”– redeeming us to belong to Him. He has gone ahead to “prepare a place” for us (John 14: 1-4). Our response should be to prepare for our eternal future with Him! In fact, our marriages should be a reflection and a model of Christ’s relationship with His Bride, the Church.

As we live out our lives, learning and preparing to spend eternity with God, there are (at least) two things to remember:

Don’t “go it alone”– God uses the imagery of weddings and marriages for good reason– He wants us to live in communion, unity, and togetherness for eternity. To try to live independently, grow, learn, and act independently, is to work outside of God’s plan. Insisting on the “perfect” mate– one that will never challenge you to grow–or bailing out at the first sign of conflict may be signs of trouble in our relationship with God. That doesn’t mean that we can’t grow or learn outside of earthly marriage– nor does it mean that marriage alone can teach us all God wants us to learn about relationships. But it does mean that relationships should be more than just superficial interactions, and working through relationship struggles can often teach us about God’s steady and enduring love, and help us develop our own capacity to love wisely and well. Heaven has many “rooms” or “mansions”, but it doesn’t have hideaways and solitary confinement!
Preparation must be a priority–imagine getting engaged and doing nothing to prepare for a wedding! No date or time, no venue, no dress, no invitations or guests, no menu, no vows?! And worse– no plan for the marriage–no idea where to live, no furniture, no discussions on how to rear children, pay bills, manage the household expenses, plan for the future?! Yet many of us become Christians and do little or nothing to prepare for our future eternal life with Christ! We spend no time reading His word, seeking His face, or learning about His character. And we spend no time investing in relationships with people who will be our neighbors for eternity– or inviting others to join us for the most important wedding in history!

I have wonderful pictures and memories of a wedding day seven years ago–how much more wonderful to prepare for the ultimate wedding day!

September 23, 2019 0

Everything We Need

2 Peter 1:3-8 New International Version (NIV)

³His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. ⁴Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. ⁵For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. ⁸For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

If you ask most people what they need, you will not hear the items listed in this passage of scripture. Most people view needs in very personal and concrete terms– food, water, shelter, safety, air…we need these to exist during our life on earth. God cares about our physical and most basic needs. But most people have other “needs” that they try to meet with what the Apostle Peter refers to here as “evil desires”. We “need” to feel loved– but we end up in unhealthy relationships, or fleeting relationships that don’t meet our need. We “need” to feel secure and worthwhile– but we end up feeling fearful and ashamed. We “need” to achieve; to find fulfillment and worth in our actions, words, relationships, and legacy–but, too often, our efforts lead us to compromise the very dreams and ambitions we started with, leading us to mediocrity or even disaster.

full length of man sitting outdoors — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Jesus, through His divine power, has given us everything we need–everything! His death and resurrection provided the way for us to find true forgiveness and new life. We won’t find it in any of the things we think we “need”– a new job, or a new relationship; a new car or a new cause.

woman in maroon long sleeved top holding smartphone with shopping bags at daytime — Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

Over the years, I have returned to this passage many times. There is a lot to unpack in just a few verses. One of the things that always “gets” me about this passage is that I want to just leap from Faith to Love without the steps in-between. The world needs love– I need love– and I want to spread love, reflect love, and be known for loving others. God is Love, and showed His love through Christ– I believe in God and trust Christ. Voila!– He has given me everything I need, so I should be loving. But Peter writes what he knows very well. Following Jesus, learning from Him, growing to be more like Him–it begins with Faith, but it grows through discipleship. I “loved” people before I had Faith in Christ. I may “feel” love for others, but if my thoughts and actions are not being transformed by His Spirit; or if I continue to act out of habit or selfish impulse, my “love” will be corrupted and compromised by the world. It will be “my” love and not God’s love working through me. For that to happen, I need to add goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance and all the rest.

And adding these virtues requires that I humble myself to admit that I am not “good”, that I don’t already “know” everything…that I “need” to depend on God for any goodness, wisdom, discipline, strength to persevere, etc.

man wearing white sweater and black shorts about to run — Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

God is Good– He has already made provision for me to have everything I really need. He will guide me every step of the way; giving me all that I need when and how I need it most. I don’t “need” to worry or run myself ragged trying to earn God’s approval or favor. But I do “need” to trust that God will continue to work in me and through me for His Glory. And I need to come daily before His throne to listen and learn from Him, and reach out daily to go through the steps of turning Faith into Love in action.

November 6, 2018 0

Childlike Faith

carefree child enjoyment field — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I got to spend the day with my granddaughter earlier this week. She’s three, and has all the energy of a firecracker, and the curiosity of a kitten. She is learning to discern what things and which people are trustworthy (or not). Having worked with children from infants to teens over the years, I have seen this progression in others– sometimes with good results, and sometimes ending in disaster.

We hear about “childlike” faith–Jesus spoke of it; even praised it. Yet we see examples of people whose simple faith puts them in danger from predators, bullies, scam artists, and other perils. Is this really what Christ wants from us? No! Jesus didn’t commend foolishness; he told dozens of parables warning of foolishness and simple-mindedness. The Apostle Paul also talks of “babies” in the faith needing to grow wiser and stronger. There is a difference between having the faith of a child, and having the brain of a child. Jesus doesn’t want us to be ignorant, gullible, or bratty, but He loved the willingness of children to ask questions, seek out answers, and listen with open minds and hearts.

three toddler eating on white table — Photo by Naomi Shi on Pexels.com

Most people become cynical over the years– some far earlier than others. They trust no one and nothing but themselves, thinking they know best, or frightened to find out what they don’t know. In many ways, they are as vulnerable (or even more so) as those who trust everyone.

adorable beautiful child cute — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

My granddaughter is still at the stage where she trusts her parents and grandparents to watch out for her, give her good advice, and answer all her many questions. As she learns new skills, she often “consults” with us; asking our approval, wanting our input–as she meets new people, she will also take many of her cues from us. Should she be polite, informal, respectful, quiet, reserved, loud, assertive? She is still learning, but she still trusts us more than, say, her brothers or peers. There will come a time when she will develop the habit of either following the examples we have set for manners, traditions, habits, and such, or looking to other models.

a man and a woman assisting a girl while jumping — Photo by Agung Pandit Wiguna on Pexels.com

Watching her, I was reminded of two very important questions I need to ask myself?

What does she see and hear from me? Am I trustworthy in the way I talk to (and about!) others? About her? Am I giving her solid advice and good examples that will help her develop good habits and relationships? Am I “present”– not being distracted or half-hearted in responding to her needs? Am I teaching her wisdom about the dangers she must face in this world? Or do I pretend they don’t exist or won’t touch her?

photography of child pushing the wagon — Photo by Jennifer Murray on Pexels.com

Who am I trusting? The obvious “right” answer is Jesus Christ, but is that the reality? Do I lean on my own understanding, or consult with “experts” without asking for God’s wisdom or seeking His approval? Am I seeking to learn from Him how to navigate the dangers of this world, or pretending they won’t touch me?

close up portrait of human eye — Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

Having childlike faith is not the same as having a childish faith; it’s not the same as being foolish or ignoring facts. Smart children ask questions– lots of them! But they listen to the answers. Foolish children (and foolish adults) claim to know all the answers, and refuse to listen to advice.