Tag: pride

Restoration

A widow contacted a local church to come pick up an old rusty car that belonged to her late husband.  He had one request– that the car be kept in the old garage at the church parsonage and that anyone who wanted to could stop by and work on it.  He had purchased it years before with the intention of restoring it to drive around in during his retirement.  But time and ill-health had robbed him of his dream.  His hope was that someone might enjoy working on it, and if no one came to work on the car, perhaps the church could sell it to scrappers and at least get some money for it.  An ad was placed in the bulletin, and another in the local paper.  Hours were set up, when people could stop by to work on the car.

automobile car car repair classic

Soon, there was a great stir– several members of the congregation came forward to protest.  Some were concerned about the safety and liability involved in having the car in the garage where anyone could get to it.  Surely, it would be in the church’s best interest to have the car locked away, so only members of the congregation could get to it.  Others were arguing about how to restore the car properly– what was the original color of the chassis and the interior?  Could they find the exact parts for that make and model?  Who would work on the engine?  The interior?  The frame?  Surely the old man didn’t mean for just anyone to come in and work wherever s/he felt like working…how would the job get done?  Detailed schedules were posted and discussed; re-posted and opposed.

Weeks, and even months went by.  The church was divided; some threatened to leave.  And none of the church members had even visited the old car in the garage– it sat forgotten.  Except…

A young man in town had seen the notice in the newspaper.  He wrote down the original work schedule and followed it, quietly coming every Tuesday and Friday night after work, and patiently working to restore the car.  He cleaned and oiled parts, “tinkered” with others, sanded off rust, fixed hose lines and checked all the panels.  He patched upholstery and polished up the old tires.  He painted the chassis and found matching window wipers to replace the old ones.  He worked on the motor and the exhaust, and even the old AM radio.  He made sure the mirrors and windows were not cracked or chipped.  He even hunted around to find the right hood ornament to replace the one that was lost.  Only the pastor knew of his work, and even he had never joined the man or asked about his progress– he merely opened the garage door every time the young man arrived, and closed it when the young man left.

adult auto automobile automotive

After eight months, the division in the church had reached a fevered pitch.  One group demanded that the car be removed to a secure location and that the labor should be divided based on an elaborate chart that focused on how long someone had attended the church, their skill base, what time they were available to work, and whether they were currently an elder or deacon (or had ever served as an elder or deacon).

When the group arrived at the garage, they were shocked to discover that the car was completely restored, polished and glorious in its restoration.  Shocked and angry, they attacked the pastor– How could he have allowed this to happen “behind their backs?”  When the pastor admitted that he was as surprised as they were, their attention turned to the young man.  They hunted him down and demanded an explanation.  How dare he come and work on the church’s car without their knowledge or approval!  Who did he think he was?!

antique auto automobile automotive

The young man’s answer left them stunned.  He said, “I read an invitation that said anyone who wished could come and help restore an old car.  I came every week, and no one else ever showed up to help.  No one from your church did any work on this car.  No one ever came to check on it or see if any work had been done.  No one from your church gave me a word of encouragement, no one had a helpful suggestion or even constructive criticism.  No one offered me a word of gratitude.  No one helped hold a lamp or flashlight so I could see the hidden damage as I made repairs.  No one helped when I had to hoist the motor or clean off the grease and grime or polish the chrome.  The invitation was clear– whosoever will, may come.  I came.  I followed the directions I was given– I came on Tuesdays and Fridays, and I cleaned up each time before I left.  I put a lot of work into this car, and now I’m done.  I hope your church can decide on a good use for it; she’s a beauty, and I think she’ll run really well– I didn’t take her for a spin, but I hope someone will be able to enjoy her for many years to come.”

The crowd from the church still had one question– Why had the young man come in the first place, and why did he keep working on the car all those months?  Did he want the car for himself?

automobile car chrome classic

“No,” the man said; “when I first read the ad in the paper and I saw the word ‘restoration’, I was deeply moved.  Not too many years ago, I was living a very wild and dangerous life.  I felt alone and abandoned and I was filled with anger.  I was restless and destructive.  But one man in town took me under his wing.  He gave me a part-time job, and made me promise to stay in school.  But much more than that, he and his wife invited me over for dinner several times.  They made time out of their busy schedule to come and watch me play basketball after I finally made the team in my senior year.  When I joined the army, they sent letters and care packages.  The old man used to tell me that I reminded him of an old car he bought and kept in his garage.  He said it was an amazing machine that just needed restoration– he said I was an amazing person who just needed some restoration.  He told me that Jesus came to bring restoration to anyone who wanted to come to Him.”

“I finished my time in the army; I came back and started my own business.  I got busy and moved on with life.  I never came back to thank that man for his kindness, and he never asked for anything from me.  I guess I expected to thank him some day, but I found out that he had died.  I went to see his widow.  She was so gracious, asking about my family and wishing me the best, and then she mentioned her husband’s last request.  And when I saw the ad in the paper, I knew this was a way for me to thank the old man, but also to experience what restoration really means.  When I came to God, I was rusty, filthy, and broken.  God has sanded off the rust in my life, mended broken relationships, and given me new life.  It’s an honor to be able to bring restoration, no matter the circumstances.  God has done so much to restore my life, it’s the least I can do to help restore an old car.  I hope that somehow, this car can inspire renewal in someone else’s life the way its owner helped bring restoration to my life.”

road red street model

I wish I could say that the young man’s story changed the hearts of the angry deacons and elders.  A few of them were touched; some even convicted of their pride and selfishness.  But most were simply put out.

What have I done with the precious gift of restoration in my life?  God, lead me to someone today who needs to hear, and SEE, the miracle of restoration and Grace.

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Too Proud to Pray About It

I had a small habit.
Not a horrible addiction,
Or a life-threatening compulsion.
Just a little thing.
No need to pray about it…

I had a toothache.
Just a small one.
I made a dental appointment.
No need to pray about it…

My boss was giving me a hard time–
She “had it out for me.”
She was wrong, of course.
Everyone else said so.
No need to pray about it…

Finances were tight last month.
We were just a few dollars short.
No big deal.
Some bills were paid a little late.
No need to pray about it…

My son is having a hard time at school.
There’s a bully in his class.
I spoke to the teacher.
I gave him advice.
I told him all about the bullies I had faced.
Bullies I had dealt with and overcome.
No need to pray about it…

“Pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17)
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)
 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6)
“Look to the Lord and His strength: seek His face always.” (1 Chronicles 16:11)
“May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.” (Psalm 141:2)

God is not so far away
That He does not know my every need.
The “small” things I keep from Him
Keep me from seeing
Just how close He really is…

“For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly,
    but the haughty he knows from afar.” (Psalm 138:6)

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“Don’t Mess With Mister In Between”

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium (is)
Liable to walk upon the scene
“Accentuate the Positive” by Harold Arlen/Johnny Mercer

This popular song came out in 1944, as thousands of soldiers were dying in World War 2, and millions were facing homelessness and starvation in Europe, Asia, and northern Africa. Its syncopated rhythms and upbeat lyrics helped focus minds and hearts on hope in a world torn apart by war, hatred, and despair. Further lyrics refer to biblical characters Jonah and Noah, and their experiences facing “dark” times.

The Bible gives us similar (and more specific) advice. The Apostle Paul wrote from prison to believers in hard-pressed Philippi:

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:6-8 (NIV)

In other words– Accentuate the Positive and latch on to the affirmative!

To the Ephesian believers, he says:

The Old Way Has to Go (or, Eliminate the Negative):

And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can’t think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion. But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you. What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself. Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life. Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can’t work. Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted. Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:17-32 (The Message)

But what does it mean when the song says, “Don’t mess with Mister In Between”? The Bible gives some advice on this as well. The Apostle James has much to say about such a man in the first chapter of his epistle. He talks about being steadfast, not doubting, not double-minded, and not swept up in temptation, blaming others, and justifying his own philosophies:

22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24 For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. 25 But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. James 1:22-25 (ESV)

To James, “Mister In Between” is a shadow man, a person without root or discipline, who will listen to the word of truth, but then turn back to the darkness of the world to justify inaction and/or wrong actions. Mister In Between wants to straddle the fence between sin and obedience, revenge and forgiveness, anger and patience, comfort and compassion. But that doesn’t work. Such a person lives in a false reality– one where his/her “truth” changes with each new experience or emotion, each new encounter with pleasure or grief.

Jesus Himself spoke of the dangers of living “In Between”:

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? 26 Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels… 62 Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:23-26;62 (NIV)

13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:13-16 (NIV)

We may not be in the midst of a World War (though some reading this may be experiencing war, persecution, and suffering), but we are all involved in a great Spiritual Battle. There are negative forces and philosophies warring with God’s Truth– Anger, Despair, Hatred and Vengeance, Pride, Envy, Power, Greed, and many more. We need to keep our thoughts positively turned toward “whatever is true”.. and noble and praiseworthy– we need to keep our thoughts, prayers, and actions in tune with the teachings of Jesus. We also need to “eliminate” the negativity in our lives– doubts, regrets, shame, lust, bitterness, jealousy, and empty adherence to things of this world– we need to turn our back on old ways of thinking and doing (or NOT thinking or doing) and focus on Jesus. And we need to avoid “messing” with Mister In Between– stop compromising, stop trying to straddle the fence between loving others and making them feel comfortable or superior in their sin at the cost of our own soul.

It sounds easy and jaunty to “accentuate the positive.” But it involves commitment, and the willingness to let go of the negative and the complacent that creeps into our lives. That’s my prayer for today. I hope it is yours, too.

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Pray For Me, Not About Me

Gossip and judgment are nasty habits– what happens when they creep into our prayer life?

I’ve sometimes struggled with the idea of praying for those who have hurt me or mistreated those I love.  We are commanded to do it, but often, I am tempted to pray about my enemies instead of praying for them.  As if God didn’t know what they had done; as if he needed me to alert him to their bad behavior, and remind him of how I was slighted, misunderstood, or powerless to bring justice to my friend or family member who was wronged.  I want to tell God how to treat them– how to punish them, or abase them, or bring them to feel remorse.  I want to hang on to the indignation and sense of victimhood–after all, God is going to make it right in the end, vindicating me and humiliating them, right?  Except that’s not how it works in God’s economy…My vindication does not come at their expense, but through the blood of the truly innocent Lamb of God.  Let that sink in.  God is not in the business of torturing others to make himself feel more righteous.  If I want to follow Christ, my actions, and my prayers, should be full of his Grace, not my bitterness.

I am not alone in this– and I’m sure I have been “prayed about” often enough.  Even saints and matriarchs of old have done it.  And King David was guilty of it as well–several of the Psalms include angry, even vicious rants against David’s enemies.  It’s understandable; it’s only natural for us to feel indignant, angry, and hurt in the face of injustice, unkindness, hatred, and abuse.  And it’s not inappropriate for us to cry out for justice, or pour out our hurt and frustration. But it is wrong to stand in judgment and unforgiveness when we come before the throne of Heaven.

gossip

I believe that these are the difficult prayers that teach us to know God better– as well as ourselves.  To pray for those who have hurt us means that we must move beyond what they have done– not to deny it, or to excuse or forget about it, but to give it over to God –and deal with who they are.  They are lost exactly as we are lost, but for the grace of God.  They are redeemable, not because they can undo or atone for what has happened, but because God says that whosoever trusts in Him can be saved.  They are precious in God’s sight.  When we stop focusing on who hurt us, and how, we can instead focus on who heals us, and how he wants to heal others.

These prayers also serve to remind us that our true “enemies” are not the people who say or do unkind or even wicked things.  Our true enemies are not the ones who can hurt our feelings, or even our minds or bodies.  Our true enemies are the ones who would steal our souls– who tempt us to hold on to rage and despair, to hopelessness and doubt, to bitterness and shame.

It is so easy to write these words, and to “know” the right thing to do.  But it is a painful, heartbreaking, humbling, stumbling uphill climb to DO the right thing.  I still catch myself so often praying about certain people, instead of praying for them.  God knows my heart–he knows if my prayer is sincere.  And, as I struggle, I am reminded that the change I would wish to see in someone else mirrors the change I should wish to see in me  The same Grace that God sends to heal and comfort me is the same Grace he offers to everyone who will take it–even when they choose not to accept it.

So I hope I am learning to pray for those who sneer at me; those who lash out in their own pain, anger, or thoughtlessness.  To pray for their health and safety, their well-being, and their wholeness. For their sake–for the sake of the One who loves them eternally.  And in the hope that healing and restoration will triumph over what lies in the past.

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All of Nothing is Still All

What do I bring before God when I pray?  Awe, gratitude, requests, confession, what’s on my mind, my heart…there are many things I can lay on the altar.  But what do I bring God that doesn’t originate with Him?  What do I bring that has value independent of God? Nothing.

person holding plastic bottles and hose

My relationship with God is completely uneven.  God is the provider of everything I need.  I owe Him everything, and have nothing to give that can begin to “repay” Him.  What a blow to my pride, my self-sufficiency!  What is the point of pretending I have anything to bring before an all-knowing and all-powerful God?  All of nothing is still nothing.

But wait…

What do I bring before God when I pray?  Awe for the beauty and power that inspires and uplifts me; gratitude for the blessings He has poured out so lavishly– life, health, family, joy, peace, grace, love…  I bring requests, not idly, spewing them out to the wind or to random passers-by, but purposefully, to a God who hears.  Confession, not coerced through torture, not met with unbearable punishment, but given freely in the knowledge that there is forgiveness and restoration on the other side of confession and repentance.  I can bring thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams, joys, pains, disappointments, and frustrations and lay them on the altar–not as a reluctant sacrifice of a servant, but as the outpouring of love from a child to her beloved Father.

blonde haired girl wearing pink sweater

I can’t out-give God.  But that’s not a fault or a lack.  Instead, it is the mind-blowing reality that God is able to GIVE abundantly above all that I can hope or imagine.  And even though He needs nothing, He eagerly desires to share with me all the awe and wonder, all the beauty and grace, all the majesty and power of who He is, and to accept from me the joy and humble acceptance of His gifts–nothing more, and nothing less.

I could give God nothing– no time, no credit, no joy, no love.  Instead, I want to choose to give all.  Because even all of nothing is still ALL, thanks be to God!

adult back view bald crowd
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Ask…

 

Matthew 7:7-12 New International Version (NIV)

Ask, Seek, Knock

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

I’m really bad about asking for help.  I don’t mind asking for advice or opinions– I can listen and take the advice or ignore it; accept someone else’s opinion or not.  But asking for help puts a certain obligation to accept whatever help is given.  It also announces that you have a need; that you are struggling and can’t do “it” on your own.  This is especially true in situations where we are embarrassed to admit to shortcomings, inabilities, or perceived failures.

background conceptual contemporary creativity

Asking is difficult for most of us.  Not just because we must swallow our pride and admit to a need, but because we must hope that whoever we ask will be willing or able to meet that need.  Asking becomes more difficult when we don’t know who we can trust.  Admitting weakness to someone who is kind is a small risk–it may bruise our pride, or cause the other person to pity us.  Asking for help from someone who is deceitful, arrogant, incompetent, or abusive is a recipe for disaster.

Sometimes, we are afraid to ask for help because we sense that there is no help to be given.  We wallow in despair, thinking all is lost or hopeless.  But fear and despair are not wise counselors–they cannot help us out of our problems; they can’t even see beyond the current chaos or the next panic.  Sometimes, we are too proud to ask someone else to do what we feel we should be able to do– others can manage, others can triumph “on their own”– not realizing that they had help along the way, or that they need help in other areas where we are strong.

girl in pink jacket on wooden bridge in the forest

And sometimes, we don’t want the kind of “help” that is offered.  We want help to stay in our comfort zone, even if it means bondage to addiction, or losing an opportunity that comes only with hard work or sacrifice.  We want someone to lie to us, keep us comfortable, or flatter us, when our greatest need is someone to challenge us, coach us, and give us the truth, even when it stings.  In fact, if we have grown lethargic, entitled, and arrogant, we won’t ask for help– we will demand a lesser form of help that enables us to stay as we are and not help us become who we were meant to be.

sky sunset person silhouette

So consider this as you pray today– the God of the Universe– creator of galaxies and microcosms, ruler of eternity, the God who hears every sigh of every human on the face of the planet and knows who made it and why, the God who gave His only Son to fulfill the law and restore your soul–this God is waiting for you to ASK Him for help, for guidance, for wisdom, for your daily needs, for forgiveness that only He can give completely.  And He promises to give good gifts– joy, peace, hope, love.  He will not scorn us in our need– He already knows it, Why are you waiting?

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The Prince of Peace

They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace. Jeremiah 8:11(ESV)

While people are saying, “There is peace and security,” then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. 1 Thessalonians 5:3 (ESV)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27 (ESV)

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (ESV)

4 Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. 6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains…21 For then there will be great distress, unequaled from the beginning of the world until now—and never to be equaled again. Matthew 24:4-8; 21 (NIV)

One of the prophetic names given to Jesus in the book of Isaiah is “Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6). And yet, Jesus did not bring an end to the Roman occupation of Judea while He walked the earth. He did not end slavery or war or oppression. He did not bring the kind of “peace” that most of us look for even today. We live in a world of war, dissention, upheaval, and chaos. There is hatred, injustice, slavery, abuse, and oppression, and none of the efforts to bring peace in our world have succeeded in wiping out any of these evils. In the nearly 2000 years since His crucifixion and the rise of the Christian Church, these evils have remained. Great strides have been made over the years– slavery is officially outlawed in many areas of the world; human rights have been codified. Humanitarian efforts have greatly decreased the number of people who die of starvation and disease, homelessness and exposure to the elements. But there are thousands, and indeed hundreds of thousands of people around the world who are refugees from their home countries, who are denied human rights, who live in fear of bombing raids and terrorist attacks.

Where is the Peace?

Jesus spoke freely of the tribulations His followers through the generations would face. He never promised us a world without any trouble. He promised that, in this life, we WILL have trouble. And it will increase over time. People will grow suspicious, hateful, and cold. Nations will rise up against other nations; families will be divided in such a way that one’s greatest enemies will be their closest relatives! Wars and natural disasters will intensify. And ONLY Christ’s return will stop any of it. Human efforts may make a difference for a short while, or make a small difference for a long while, but nothing we can do, single-handedly or as a human race, will deliver us from the evil that lives in the human heart. In fact, we often delude ourselves into thinking that we can change the world on our own; we seek to force our plans on others “for their own good,” little knowing that we may be sowing the seeds of bitterness, backlash, and revenge.

Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace. He will administer perfect peace and justice when He returns. And in the meantime, He offers us an inner peace that passes all understanding. We can experience peace as bullets whip around us; as we are being misunderstood, mistreated, and abused; as we face injustice and oppression. We can do this because Jesus gave us the example. He did not fight back or even complain as He was arrested, falsely accused, sentenced, and executed. He did not seek to force everyone to accept His rightful claims. He did not even protest the unjust treatment of His people by the Romans.

What He did instead was to focus on God’s mission– He interacted with those who were suffering; He healed the sick; He brought comfort to those who were grieving. He brought sinners to repentance and sought to make peace between individuals and God. Jesus is the Prince of real and lasting Peace– not just peace in “our time” or peace for a generation, but eternal and everlastingly joyous Peace. This is the kind of peace that sees trouble and tribulation for what it is– temporary and transformational. Suffering can make us bitter or better, and Jesus shows us how to experience the latter. When we protest instead of pray, we forfeit that peace. When we pray, we gain wisdom in how to stand firm against injustice without losing our own peace and perspective.

These are not peaceful times, but we can still experience peace, hope, trust, endurance, joy, and light in the days ahead, thanks to our Prince of Peace.

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Jephthah or Jabez?

There are many great examples of prayer throughout the Bible, but there are two that are often used out of context and applied wrongly.  One is found in the book of the Judges; the other in the Chronicles.

Jephthah was a mighty warrior– the son of a mighty warrior and a prostitute.  He had several half-brothers, but they wanted nothing to do with him.  He was an outcast for much of his life, but when things got tough, the people of the region changed their tune and begged him to be their leader and help deliver them from the oppressive Ammonites.   Before going into battle, Jephthah prayed, and made a tragic vow.  In fact, his vow has become a model of what NOT to do in approaching God.

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Judges 11:30-31 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
30 Jephthah made a vow to the Lord and said, “If You will indeed give the sons of Ammon into my hand, 31 then it shall be that whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the sons of Ammon, it shall be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering.”

Upon returning from his success in battle, who should come out of the door of his house, but his only daughter, singing and dancing in celebration of her father’s victory!  Having made such a rash vow, Jephthah now has to fulfill it, and sacrifices his only child on the altar.

Many people read this passage of scripture and are shocked– how could God be so cruel?  Why didn’t he stop Jephthah from making such a rash vow?  How could he hold Jephthah to such a vow?  Doesn’t this prove that God is either clueless or deliberately cruel?  Either God knew that the tragedy would happen, and failed to prevent it, or he had no idea  of the outcome.

But I think this is a misreading of events and a misrepresentation of God.  Just before Jephthah makes his vow, the text states that “the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jephthah.  He crossed Gilead and Manasseh, passed through Mizpah of Gilead, and from there he advanced upon the Ammonites.”  People make note of the first part of verse 29, that the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jephthah prior to his making the rash vow.  But we should note that God’s Spirit did not require Jephthah to make ANY vow.   Jephthah’s vow was rash and ill-considered– these are not attributes of God or of His Spirit.  And God’s Spirit came upon Jephthah before he crossed his own native territory– territory he had fled early in life.  In crossing back through lands that now welcomed him after making him feel unwanted and ashamed, Jephthah gets cocky.  His vow is not about saving his nation from harm and oppression, or about bringing God glory.  It is about himself.  He mentions himself five times; his enemies, God, and his sacrifice, each twice; Israel never. 

Jephthah had an incredible opportunity, not only to save his nation, but to redeem his reputation and become a leader of might and integrity.  Instead, he is remembered for his rash vow.  I believe that God could have stopped Jephthah from making such a vow; and God could have kept his daughter from coming out of the house that day of her father’s return.  But I don’t believe it was cruelty that prevented him from acting.  I believe God is both omnipotent and good.  Jephthah learned the hard way that his rash self-promotion had disastrous consequences.  His daughter, who was innocent, could have berated her father, or cursed God– instead, she honored them both in a way that reflected her culture and teaching.  We are given a shocking reminder not to play games with our unknown future.  God does not keep us from our own folly, nor from its consequences, when we fail to seek His wisdom above our own pride.

In contrast, we see another prayer in 1 Chronicles:

1 Chronicles 4:9-10 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
9 Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother named him Jabez saying, “Because I bore him with pain.” 10 Now Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my border, and that Your hand might be with me, and that You would keep me from harm that it may not pain me!” And God granted him what he requested.

Once again, this prayer is sometimes taken out of context and misused to suggest that God is like a genie in a bottle, and that a pain-free life and expanded riches are ours just for the asking.  If we pray the prayer of Jabez, and we don’t see an immediate change in our circumstances, we sometimes question God’s goodness and His provision– doesn’t He care about our needs?  Doesn’t he hear our prayer?

Jabez, unlike Jephthah above, is described as honorable.  His prayer is more balanced and conscious of God’s sovereignty.  Jabez mentions himself five times, just like Jephthah; but he mentions God three times in supplication– asking God to be with him, help him, and bless him, rather than vowing what he can do for God if God grants him victory.    Notice also the context of the preceding verse.  His prayer is partly asking God to remove the sting and curse of his name, which meant “pain.”  He is not asking for enormous wealth or power, so much as asking for God’s presence and blessing.  There is a subtle, but important difference here.  Jephthah is playing at making a deal with God– If you grant me a victory, I will make it up to you by offering whatever comes out of my house.  Jephthah is asking for God’s help, but he is also vowing to give God “whatever comes out of the doors of MY house” (emphasis added). If a rat had come scurrying out, would Jabez have offered that? If it was a chicken or a lizard, or a lame sheep? And “whatever” came out of Jephthah’s house already belonged to God, and came from the hand of God, didn’t it?

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Jabez comes with nothing and asks God to be his portion and protection.  He makes no bargain with God contingent on God’s answer.  There is nothing in this prayer that assumes God’s riches will be his or that God owes him anything; only the faith that God is able to bless him, and that God, in his goodness can keep him from harm.

Jephthah, or Jabez?  Two examples…two very different outcomes.  May we have the wisdom not to confuse the two, or lose the lessons they teach.

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Prayer Bullies

When I first felt the urge to blog about prayer and prayer life, I held off a bit.  I think prayer is many things– important, impactful, practical, personal, holy, and humbling.  I finally decided to start writing, not because I am an expert on prayer, or that I have mastered the practice, but because I feel passionate about growing in my prayer and praying with more knowledge, focus, and impact. Seven years and over 900 posts later, I still feel the same. I’m sharing in the hope that you will be encouraged, challenged, and equipped to do the same.  I want to explore the many aspects of prayer and learn all that it can be. But one thing prayer should never be is a bludgeon.

I find it embarrassing to be in the company of certain fellow Christians when I hear them try to stop a discussion or argument with the phrase, “I’ll pray for you.”  There are many times and ways one can say this phrase in love and mean it as a sincere gesture, but sometimes it is as condescending and insincere as a Southern, “well, bless your little pea-pickin’ heart.” They want a type of “mic-drop” moment; an argument-ending, argument-winning phrase, and this is what comes out.

“I’ll pray for you”, in this context, suggests that you (and only you) have a problem.  I don’t need to listen to, reconsider, or even try to understand your argument, because I have already determined that you have no valid point, and I have no obligation to hear you out. I know I’m right and you are not. 

But more than that, it suggests two horrible things about prayer that are untrue and misleading.  First, it suggests that my only interest in praying for you is to “fix” you.  In other words, I can’t convince you to see things my way, so I will reluctantly spend some of my precious time praying that you see things my way.  I won’t listen to you, try to understand you, or give you any of my respect, but I will do my best to bring your bad behavior and/or faulty beliefs to God’s attention (in contrast to my.own).  Prayer should never be a threat, or a weapon to be used against another person. Nor should it be a boast about one’s self-righteousness or moral superiority.

Secondly, this way of saying, “I’ll pray for you” suggests that prayer is leverage; that I have God on some kind of leash.  I pray when things aren’t going my way, and God “fixes” them–including people who don’t share my theology or doctrine or worship preference.  Anyone who prays with this mindset is not really praying, and God will not be impressed or coerced into doing anything that goes against His will– no matter how “righteous” I may believe it to be.

One of the dangers of writing and talking about prayer in a public forum is the risk of seeming to or actually to impose personal preferences, practices, and beliefs on others.  I hope to suggest many prayer thoughts and practices that I find true, helpful, challenging, or even dangerous, but I don’t want to insist that there is only one way to think about prayer or to practice it.  Prayer is our way of communicating with our creator.  He didn’t make us all the same; we don’t all like the same things, we don’t all interact the same way; we don’t have the same talents, passions, or responses to the world around us.  The one constant in prayer is God.  What I believe about God will determine how I pray, why I pray, maybe even when or how often I pray.  But it won’t determine God’s character or his actions toward another person.  I cannot make God make you do anything.  I cannot use God as some kind of enforcer or hypnotist or brain-washer– nor should I wish to.  Because that’s not how God works, either.  He desires that everyone come to Him willingly.  He invites us into relationship with Him, not abject humiliation and mindless submission.

I do pray for people who dislike or despise me, who dishonor or deny God.  I pray for their health, their safety, and their redemption.  I pray for family and close friends and complete strangers.  But I should do so knowing that God cherishes each person–gave his life for each one.  God is not a bully, even though he has been characterized as such by some.  God wants us to pray for everyone–not with pride or bitterness or an agenda, but with his compassion, grace, and love.

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Prayer Requests

As someone who pursues prayer passionately, you might suspect that I hear a lot of prayer requests. And I do. And even so, it’s not enough. I always look for more! I admit to trolling on Facebook for prayer requests; following the church newsletter for prayer requests; and even asking friends if they have any requests when we chat. But what about prayer requests that aren’t exactly requests–

“Oh. It’s really nothing. I’m not worried about it or anything…”
“We’re just going through a rough patch. Nothing to be really concerned about…”
“It’s just something I have to deal with..”
“The doctor says it’s a chronic condition, so it’s just something I have to get used to…”
“I know so many other people who are hurting worse than we are…”

Sometimes, prayers are shortened or even missed because we are looking for prayer requests instead of prayer opportunities. Prayer is an opportunity to talk to God about anything that is on MY mind or in MY heart. Often, it comes in the wisp of a stray thought about someone else. Maybe I haven’t heard from them in weeks (or even years!), but suddenly, they are on my mind. Suddenly, I have an opportunity to pray for them. Do I know what is on their heart or mind? Probably not. But God knows! That schoolmate from fifth grade? Pray for them. So what if I only remember their first name– or their maiden name or their childhood nickname–God knows! That former co-worker who was having a rough time with her teenage son ten years ago? Ten years have passed! I know the son is now an adult. I don’t know if the relationship is better or worse now than it was a decade ago. I don’t even know for sure that the co-worker or her son are still alive. But God knows! My neighbor who seems to be doing fine, but I keep thinking about them, and I don’t know why– God knows! Each one is an opportunity to pray– nothing elaborate or specific– just to lovingly lift them up before God’s throne!

And what about the “actual” requests that I hear or see on-line? Sometimes, there are no details or specifics about “what” I am praying for. But it doesn’t matter. Because God already knows. Even more, He knows the end from the beginning, even if it isn’t exactly what is being requested. I can lift up in prayer situations about which I know very little– because God knows. And for those situations that seem dire or impossible– God knows those, too. And I can lift them up with confidence, even when I have no answers and the problems seem overwhelming.

This sounds easy, but it’s not. It forces me to step away from each request, each situation in which I might try to stake my own “claim.” Yes, I want my friend’s cancer to disappear, or my co-worker and her daughter to have a repaired and healthy relationship. But I don’t have the first clue how to make that happen. I don’t have any answers. I don’t know what GOD has planned in those situations. And while I know what sounds or feels good in the moment, I don’t know what is best in the grand scheme of things. But God knows! He doesn’t want me to solve each problem; He doesn’t need me to offer my “best” suggestion of how He should solve it. All He wants is for me to trust HIM to care for each need. In HIS way, in HIS time, and in the fulness of HIS love!

During Jesus’ ministry here on earth, He prayed many times, but His prayers rarely dwelt on details about specific situations. In fact, in teaching His disciples how to pray, He included the phrase, “THY kingdom come, THY Will be done in earth as it is in Heaven.” (Matthew 6:10) And that is a perfect phrase to exercise, whether I have a specific request, or a flash of memory, or a nagging worry about someone or something.

The same is true when it is my turn to request prayer. There are many times I find myself like the people I quoted above– trying to make light of a situation or avoid actually requesting prayer. It may sound humble and self-deprecating, but there is an element of arrogance in saying “I don’t need prayer for …”(whatever situation). We ALL need prayer. We ALL need to live in the assurance that we can “cast all our cares upon Him, for He cares for us” (1 Peter 5:7 paraphrased). And we need to acknowledge that we should share our cares with others as they share their cares with us. And that we need to allow for God to involve others in the way He cares for us. Asking for prayer is a way of allowing others to share our concerns– and share in our joy of receiving answers to prayer! Requesting others to pray for us is not a weakness. We are not being a burden on others when we allow them to pray for us.

That is not to say that I need to publish every problem and concern on Facebook or in the Church Newsletter! Nor should I try to dictate how or when or what others should pray for me. But it does mean that I must be open to sharing the very real struggles I have with trusted friends, especially if they ask how they can pray for me. Even the “chronic” ones; even the “silly” ones. Because I don’t know how God may use that opportunity in THEIR life; nor do I know how God may use their prayers to bless my life.

But GOD knows!

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