Tag: relationships

Prayer and Marriage

As a young girl, I prayed about being married. Most of my prayers were pretty shallow– more about the wedding than the marriage. I dreamed of dresses and decorations, flowers and a shadowy “prince charming” type of groom, whisking me off into the sunset and living happily, dreamily ever after.

The years went by…MANY years! I prayed and dreamed through my twenties; I prayed and hoped through my thirties; and I prayed with less hope and more desperation in my early forties! But my prayers changed as I saw marriages around me. I saw many marriages that were solid, even through tough times. And I saw many “fairy tale” marriages crumble. I saw a lot of heartbreak, anger, and tears, as people who had once vowed to love one another “’til death us do part” fought over furniture and who got the kids over minor holiday weekends. I heard from frustrated wives who felt like they had made a huge mistake, marrying the “man of their dreams.” Some of them compounded the mistake by looking around for a replacement “Mr. Right.”

Instead of praying about a wedding, I began praying about marriage. Instead of praying for “Mr. Right,” I started praying that God would help me become “Mrs. Right.” And I prayed that God would show me what I should do for others during the time that I was single, as well as what I could do for him in a marriage relationship.

Thirteen years ago, I married my husband, David. He isn’t “Prince Charming,” though he can be charming and noble at times. He is, as I am, a flawed human being. David was married before, and he carries the hurt of betrayal and loss of trust from the past. I carry the hurt of being rejected and passed over for so many years. Marriage doesn’t make the past disappear. Marriage is not a “cure” for such hurts.

But marriage is more. God instituted marriage from the beginning for a man and woman to come together in a mysteriously intimate relationship that models what God’s love is like. (See Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31 and others.) David and I don’t exist to “complete” each other. We don’t cease to be our own individual selves. And yet, we are not the same as we were before our marriage. We are more than the sum of our parts– we are ourselves, yet we are one– the Fairs. He is David Fair, and I am Lila Fair, but WE are THE Fairs. And spiritually, we are also one WITH Christ– as individuals and as a couple. We walk forward as One. We make decisions together. We share hopes and dreams, as well as struggles and disappointments. We fight sometimes– not against each other, but against differences or misunderstandings that could weaken US as a couple and weaken our relationship with Christ.

I don’t pray any less often or less fervently now that I am married, but I pray daily about my marriage. I thank God that He was with me through all the “single” years. I thank God that He continues to work in our marriage– that David and I know more about love and faith, hope and fulfillment than we did 13 years ago! I pray that David and I will grow together for many years to come. I pray that we will impact our family as we live out what a Godly marriage is supposed to be. I pray that our marriage will inspire young men and women who are looking (as I once was) to see what a solid marriage involves– that the way we talk to each other, and behave, and work, and live will give hope to future couples, and glory to God.

Marriage and prayer go hand in hand. Prayer cannot guarantee that marriage will be easy–or even than it will survive. Marriage takes two people praying and walking in the same direction! But marriage–and life– without prayer will never be all that God intends it to be.

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Two Women

Based on Proverbs 9

photo of women taking picture

“Let all who are simple come in here.”

Two women, so alike in some ways–
Both attractive and energetic,
Both young and vivacious.

But

One has prepared a table; the other has prepared her bed,
One talks of virtue and honor; the other whispers secrets.
One requires commitment; the other promises no strings.
To enter either door is to be changed.

architectural design architecture brick wall bricks

A man entered the door of the wise woman.
He was simple, uncomplicated, straightforward;
A man of few words, but noble heart.
He ate at her table, put his boots outside the door–
Carried her over the threshold.
Time passed, children came.
They added on to the house.
Put in a garden; got a dog.
Others took note.
There were gatherings–
Holidays, barbecues, reunions.
The house was a home.
He never looked back.

man standing beside his wife teaching their child how to ride bicycle

Years later, the man died.
His neighbors and family all spoke
Of his honesty, integrity, and wisdom.
His wife mourned and was comforted.
He was the father of three,
The grandfather of seventeen.

adult affection baby child

Another man entered the door of the foolish woman.
He was simple, uncomplicated, straightforward.
A man of few words, but a yearning heart.
He ate her food and drank her wine; slept in her bed–
Wallowed in her perfumed sheets.
He laughed at her coarse jokes,
Reveled in her catfights with the other girls,
And the stares of other men.


He bought her jewelry.  She bought him a car.
They lived the dream: parties and vacations;
Dancing ’til dawn and no responsibilities.
They forgot to pay the bills; they wrecked the car.
Others took note and shook their heads.
Time passed.


She moved in with someone else.
He moved into a hotel.
There were other women
And other hotels.
There were neighbors, friends–
Cars, jobs, bright lights and
Stolen pleasures.
But he was never the same.

woman holding ceramic mug while smiling photo

Years later, the man died.
His neighbors and friends
Spoke of the loss
In passing, over a beer.
The woman had almost forgotten him.
When someone brought up his name,
She said, “Such a simple, stupid man.
I wonder what ever happened to him.”

“Let all who are simple come in here.”

 

 

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What God Didn’t Give Me

I’m very grateful for all the many blessings that God has given me– for Salvation, most of all. But God has blessed me with family, health, freedom, and so many other wonderful things. But there are several things God didn’t give me. Some of them are things I wanted (or thought I needed!) Others are things I never even imagined.

God didn’t give me a pony when I was younger. God didn’t give me blonde hair. God didn’t give me the genetics to be 5’9″ tall, athletic, and thin– I never became a ballerina or a model. God didn’t make it possible for me to study in France my junior year of college like I had wanted. God didn’t see fit to make “Mr. Right” fall in love with me in high school or college. God didn’t give me children to raise. God didn’t let my father live long enough to walk me down the aisle when I finally got married. And I never won the lottery (probably because I don’t play!– but still…)

It’s very human to look around and see what others have that we might desire– things that God did not choose to give us; even things that God has taken from us–and feel resentment, envy, and even anger. But we rarely look at those things others have that we would NOT desire. And we rarely look back and see how things we thought we wanted would not have been good for us, or how God removed things from our lives–even good things–for a better purpose. Sometimes, we cannot know or understand such things this side of heaven. But it might be a good practice once in awhile to look back and see what God DIDN’T give us– and thank Him for His wisdom and provision!

God allowed me to get chicken pox as a child– but He didn’t let me get Polio, or Diphtheria, Scarlet Fever or Whooping Cough. God didn’t give me blue eyes like my dad– but He didn’t give me Dad’s color-blindness, either. God prevented me from going on a date with one cute and popular boy who asked me out in high school. And the one in college. And the one I worked with. But God delivered me to my husband a virgin, and free of the guilt and shame of a string of failed relationships. God took my father at age 68. But He healed my father after a heart attack at age 50 (the reason I never got to study in France). We had and “extra” 18 years with Dad, and while Dad was sick most of the last years of his life, we didn’t have to see him suffer years of pain, misery, and helplessness. And about that semester in France? Some of my friends went that year– and they were plagued by injuries, nationwide strikes, and other issues. God knew what I wanted in each case; He also knew what was best for me.

A couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with Diabetes. God did not “give” me Diabetes. (That’s another mistake we often make.) God gives good gifts. (James 1:17) But we live in a fallen and imperfect world. Disease, injustice, pain, and heartache are part of this world. Someday, God will redeem the world and put an end to all of these, but for now, there is no guarantee that God will keep us in perfect health or happiness. So, I’m Diabetic. I’m not grateful because I have the disease, but I am grateful for so many things related to it. I am grateful that I live in a time when treatments are both available and accessible. I am grateful that I was diagnosed, rather than suffering a coma or dying without help. I am grateful that I have access to healthful foods and the ability to exercise– two things necessary to keep the Diabetes under control. I am grateful that I lived for so many years without the disease. I am grateful for a supportive husband and family members who help keep me motivated. And I am grateful that nothing about having Diabetes changes IN ANY WAY God’s love for me, and His plans to give me eternal life in Him!

Are there things, people, or situations in your life that God DIDN’T give you? Healing that was denied, or blessings withheld? Hurtful things that He allowed to happen in your life? That He took away from your life? God doesn’t want us to pretend that all is perfect in our world. He knows the pain of NOT getting what we wanted, and the agony of losing what we did want. But He also knows the joy that we haven’t yet experienced– the joy of renewal; the joy of restoration; and the joy of completion.

God didn’t give me a pony– nor the hard work of caring for it, or the heartbreak of losing it. God didn’t let me date the popular boy– but He gave me a man of gentleness and integrity. God didn’t give me children to raise, but He gave me grown children, and grandchildren to love. God didn’t “give” me the semester in France, but He did give me opportunities to meet people from France. He gave me opportunities to use the French language I studied– in Florida, Texas, and even the Dominican Republic! God didn’t let my father walk me down the aisle at my wedding. But He allowed Dad and David to meet and even know each other– years before we were married. God didn’t give me perfect health here on Earth– but there will be no disease or death in Heaven.

Thank you, God, for all that you have given me– even Diabetes–and for all that you have allowed to shape my life. Help me see You in every detail of my life– the pleasant, the painful, the difficult, and the mysterious– and to praise You in every circumstance. Thank you for today, and for all the plans you have for it, and for me. Thank You for being You!

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I Just Called to Say…

Near the end of 2020, my mother took a bad fall and broke her hip. Because of COVID, we were not allowed to visit her while she was recuperating. Thankfully, she had her cell phone and was able to make and receive phone calls. My mom was a very independent sort, but she loved to be “in the know” about all that was happening in the neighborhood and among our family members– births, deaths, hospitalizations, relocations, etc.. But, for all her interest in “what’s new,” Mom was completely computer-illiterate. She didn’t text, she didn’t have e-mail, and she knew nothing of social media. She relied on her phone and her desk calendar and notepad. Being trapped in a nursing home for six weeks was torture for her, even though she needed to recover and do physical therapy there. I tried to call her every day, and each time, she would ask, “Do you have any news?”

Sometimes, I had “news” for her; someone had tested positive for COVID, or a new baby had been born. But most days, I had to tell her– “I just called to say I love you, and I’m thinking of you.” And I could “hear” her smile on the other end of the line as she replied, “well, that means a lot. I just love to hear your voice.”

I don’t know why, but it struck me the other day how often we pray about circumstances– we “call” on God because we have “news”– situations that we want to bring to His attention– as if He didn’t already know! We pray because we want to lift up someone who is ill or suffering; we pray because we need to make a confession and ask forgiveness; we pray because we are facing an unknown future, and we desire God’s guidance and wisdom. Other times, we pray because we have a specific praise or thanks to offer. These are all legitimate reasons to reach out to God in prayer, and we certainly SHOULD pray in all circumstances, but how often do we call on God just to say, “I love you and I am thinking of you!” In fact, how often do we take the time to disconnect from social media and all the other distractions of our day to really focus on spending time with God?

Mom went back in a nursing home a couple of years after her first fall…she fell again and broke her other leg! So, I called her nearly every day– with or without “news.”

I marvel that God is every bit as eager to hear from me– even me– every day, “just because.” I’m so glad that I had the ability to talk to Mom; to hear her voice–and yes, even to share the “news.” She has been gone almost two years now, but what precious memories of our time together on the phone! How much greater my joy that I can talk to my creator; that I don’t have to worry about a busy signal or dropped call; that I can read His words to me any time of day; that His presence–even though I can’t see Him or hear His voice–follows me everywhere. And that He sends special people to call me, or text, or e-mail– “just because.” And no matter how I feel about my circumstances, God is so very glad to hear from me. And you!

This isn’t a hymn, but the music was running through my head as I wrote this. How often to we hear a ballad or a love song, and suddenly realize that God sings love songs over us?! (See Zephaniah 3:17!)

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Why Do You Love Me?

One of my very favorite bedtime stories when I was growing up was about a little bear cub. ( “Why do you love me?” by Mabel Watts) He and his mother were on a walk, and the little bear kept watching other little bears. Some were getting in trouble–running away to play in the brier patch, or climbing trees to get honey–and meeting up with bees! Little bear knew that sometimes he was like that. Other bear cubs were kind and helpful. He knew that sometimes he was like those bears. At one point, the cub was confused and asked his mother, “WHY do you love ME?” After all, he realized that he was helpless and accident-prone. Without his mother, he would be lost, hungry, and in danger. Yet his mother was always there when he needed her– even when he said he didn’t! His mother’s answer provided solid assurance– “Because you’re MY little bear!” The story book is almost impossible to find now. It is long out of print, and has been crowded out by newer books with similar titles. But for 50 years, I have cherished this story of unconditional love, because it echoes the Biblical story of God’s love for each of us.

We find many reasons to question God’s love. We find ourselves in trouble, and we are afraid to ask for help or forgiveness. After all, we have done nothing to earn it. We don’t deserve it. Even our good behavior cannot save us from our own limitations. And our bad decisions can hurt others in ways we cannot “fix.” We may have walked away from God or sneered at His care of us. We may be lost and hopeless without God’s intervention on our behalf. Why would He help? Why should He look kindly toward us?

But God’s answer is the same as that Mother Bear–You are MINE! I Love you with an everlasting love!

Even when we wander and try to do things we shouldn’t or can’t, God is near, and ready to help. He wants us to walk with Him and follow Him; He wants us to turn to Him in our need. Why? Because we belong together; we belong to HIM. And when we see others behaving badly–even when their actions hurt us–God still loves them, too. He created each one of us to walk with Him, trust Him, learn from Him, and experience His loving care.

In fact, as children of God, we should be showing the same kind of unconditional love to others. That does not mean that we condone wicked or dangerous behaviors. But we should love in such a way that people may even question it– “Why do you love me?” Instead of sharing our anger, or our own self-righteousness, what if we shared compassion and held to the truth without arrogance or disdain? What a great opportunity to share the reassurance and hope we know in Our Father’s great love!

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“Fruit-ful” Prayers

Our church has been presenting a series of sermons on being a BLESSing to our neighbors. BLESS is an acronym for Begin with Prayer; Listen with Care; Eat Together; Serve like Jesus; and Share Stories. We were challenged the first week to choose four close neighbors. We were to pray for them, and if we didn’t know them well, to reach out and make contact. This has been a true challenge for David and I, because we live in an apartment above our shop. Most of our neighbors are not residential, but commercial! Nevertheless, we decided on a couple of commercial “neighbors” and a couple of non-traditional “neighbors.” We started praying– praying for opportunities to get to know our neighbors a little better, and praying for their health, well-being, etc. We’re getting to know some of the workers at the two commercial locations, and getting to know our chosen “families” a little better. We’ve been more intentional about stopping to visit or chat, and making sure we listen and respond sincerely– this is not just a short-term “project” but an opportunity to build closer relationships. And we’ve been praying for opportunities to develop closer friendships.

So this week was the sermon I’ve been dreading– “Eat together.” You might wonder why this is so fearsome–doesn’t everyone like to eat? And I love meeting over a nice meal. I love to cook, as well. The problem? Our apartment is tiny and upstairs– NOT conducive to inviting people over for a warm, comfortable meal shared around a large table. We have two mismatched chairs around a small table in our tiny kitchen, and two more mismatched armchairs in the living room. No couches, no designated dining room, no space to “entertain” guests. I want to serve others. I want to grow friendships. But I’m not a hostess. Not in a cracker-box-sized apartment upstairs. I know this seems petty– I’ve known amazing hostesses who live in shacks and invite guests to sit on a dirt floor. I know. But I still struggle with the idea of entertaining others in my current circumstances.

I knew it was coming– we looked at all the examples in the Bible of good and even sacred things happening around the table and/or involving food– Passover Seders, Communion, the Wedding Feast of the Lamb (among others)… “But Lord,” I prayed, “I can’t invite the entire staff next door to my home for a meal. And some of the “residential” neighbors we are praying for are elderly and can’t manage the stairs to our apartment even if we had the room to host a meal. And it’s too expensive to invite some of the families or staff to a restaurant. How are we going to be able to bless others and “Eat” together?”

But God isn’t bound by conventional ideas– even when it comes to hospitality. At the end of the service, we were surprised by an announcement from our pastor– one of the families in our church owns a fruit farm. Last year, they had a bumper crop of apples, and they donated several bags of the apples to the church. There were enough apples for each family to take several bags to “BLESS” our neighbors! No meal to fix. No apologizing for the smallness and shabbiness of our living space. But a chance to share FOOD with my neighbors and bless them with wonderful apples! Thank you, God!

David and I wasted no time– we delivered most of the apples yesterday afternoon! And we had so many apples, we were able to bless more than just the four locations we had decided on earlier in the series. We were able to bless at least 13 different families/ businesses with at least one full bag of apples! We blessed families with small children, a retired couple; a single person on a fixed income; an extended family of four generations; we blessed people who go to another church; we blessed people who don’t attend church at all. We blessed the staffs at a couple of local businesses, and shared laughter (and concerns) with several friends, old and new.

Not everyone wanted the free apples. One family turned down our offer. Some people are suspicious of free gifts; some are too proud to accept food as a gift; some are simply not interested, or too busy. It is the same with the Good News. Some people do not want what we have to offer in Christ. Some are suspicious; some are too proud or even too ashamed to believe that God has Good News for them. Some are too caught up in their problems or their ambitions. We must not be discouraged, though. God has not given us such a precious gift without also giving us the opportunity share it with others. And we will see how God continues to work in mysterious ways. Some people were surprised and confused by the concept of “apples of blessing.” They wondered what we might ask for in return. We smiled and said there were no strings attached– we just wanted to share our blessing with them! Some people took more apples than we had planned to give them– that’s ok, too. Others wanted to bless us in return– we received over two dozen eggs in gratitude for a couple of bags of apples! Today, I’ll be delivering the last few bags to businesses that were closed yesterday (to share with their staff). I’m excited to share this gift–and I’m reminded of how good it is to share the free gift of the Gospel!

God didn’t change the circumstances of our apartment. I worried that I would be asked to host an elaborate meal, or that I would miss out on blessing others because of our circumstances. But in God’s economy, we can show hospitality, love, generosity, and compassion on the street. We can share food in a way that opens up opportunities to make memories, share stories, communicate prayer requests and concerns, serve others’ needs, and make new friends. There are dozens of ways we can open our hearts and our lives to our neighbors, serve them, and pray for them…

We kept one bag of apples– maybe someone in our neighborhood would like a pan of apple crisp! And now, David and I have a few extra eggs! Anyone interested?

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May Day Mishaps

Today is the first of May– May Day. May Day has a long history, with pagan origins tied to the celebration of late spring or early summer. In many European nations, there would be dancing around a May Pole, or May bush, floral garlands, and floral bouquets offered at various shrines, including to the Virgin Mary. In some communities, girls vied to be crowned the “May Queen,” while stories were told of fairies. May Day was popular in the United States for many years around the turn of the 20th century– with parades, flower baskets, and more. It is less popular in modern times, and many of the floral parades and festive outings take place around Memorial Day, instead.

When I was a child in elementary school, we made paper “flowers” and a small paper coronet with a loop handle for May Day. I remember making daffodils, hyacinths, and tulips out of construction paper and other craft materials, and making the coronet “baskets” out of decorated paper cones. We glued or stapled the pieces together to take home. Then, we were encouraged to loop the handle over the door knob at the front door of our house when we got home, knock, and run and hide around the corner. Presumably, our mothers or babysitters would see the gift of flowers and wonder who could have left them there. It was a fun game to play, and a way to celebrate the season of wonderful spring flowers.

Unfortunately, when we did this in kindergarten, my flowers got trampled on the bus. It was a rainy day, and my flowers fell in the aisle, where a boy stepped on them with muddy sneakers. They were ruined. I cried and cried, and another boy on the bus gave me the flowers he had made. It was a thoughtful gesture– one I’ve never forgotten– but I remained desolate. I told my mother the whole sordid story, and she told me that, in her day, they had picked wildflowers, such as violets and even clovers, and tied them with a string to leave on someone’s porch. Then she took me outside, and we made a small bunch of violets with a couple of “Dutchman’s Breeches.” I didn’t get to surprise her, but we had such fun looking for wildflowers together.

I loved this game so much, I decided to go a step further the next year. We made paper “bouquets” at school, just like the previous year. Mine stayed clean and dry, and I hung it on the doorknob and mom pretended to be surprised. But later, I took one of our juice glasses from the cupboard, and picked a nice bunch of my mom’s live daffodils and hyacinths, a couple of her irises, and a tulip. I tried to arrange them in the juice glass, but it was too short and small to hold all the flowers I had picked. I left it on the porch, near the door, and knocked and hid, waiting to see my mom’s delight at her “surprise” bouquet. But instead of delight, I heard her wail– “Oh, no! My flowers!” The glass had tipped over, the flowers lay limply all over the porch, and the glass had rolled onto the ground. I thought I had made a wonderful surprise. Instead, I had made a mess. I had picked almost all of Mom’s best daffodils, and all of her pink hyacinths. I had trampled some of her other irises to get to the one I wanted. She only had a few tulips, and I had picked the only red one.

My intentions were good, but my execution was poor. And the result was disappointing and hurtful to us both. Mom didn’t realize I was right around the corner hearing her dismay, and I didn’t realize my “gift” would fall so flat.

It’s been over 50 years since my “May Day Mishap,” but there are some lessons I have never forgotten:

  • Picked flowers die! Mom wasn’t angry with me for wanting to pick flowers, but she knew that picked flowers would wilt and die. In later years, Mom loved receiving hanging flower baskets, and planters with live flowers. And we had many memories of planting live annuals in the front yard or at graves near Memorial Day– flowers that might take root and spread joy throughout the summer months. In the same way, there are so many “showy” projects that vie for our attention– projects that may seem urgent or offer quick rewards like status or money. We are tempted to “pick” projects that will make us look good or feel good in the moment. But the really important projects are those that have lasting impact, even if they don’t “show” as well. We are wise to invest in “little” things that have lasting impact over “big” but fleeting activities and investments.
  • When giving gifts, it really is the thought that counts! My mom was just as delighted by the “second-hand” flowers I got from my classmate as she was by the the ones I made the next year. Not because his were “better” than mine, but because they demonstrated that I had a good friend at school with a kind heart. My “mishap” gift came, in part, because I wanted to give a “better” gift, not because I wanted to delight my mom, but I wanted to impress her. My mom was a saver– she saved all my old school papers, old valentines, birthday cards, and more. And she saved letters from her friends and family– over eighty years of them! Not because the cards and letters themselves were so wonderful, but because each one came with good wishes. She had an entire farmhouse of good wishes and thoughtful memories when she passed away in 2023.
  • Relationships are more important and more valuable than resources. I loved looking for wildflowers with my Mom that year of kindergarten. It’s one of my favorite memories of May Day. And I still remember the kindness of my friend, Ken, whose heart has since led him to the mission field on more than one occasion. No May Day flowers will last over fifty years, but friendships and relationships can and do!
  • Forgiveness is sweeter than flowers. I was so astonished to think that my error in judgment had caused my mother pain– and yet, when she found me, she hugged me tight and gently offered both forgiveness and correction. She demonstrated exactly the way our Father loves us. So often, I want to come to God with a bouquet of praise, or a basket of good works, leave it before His Throne and run away and hide. But God isn’t impressed by my flowers or my grand gestures. He wants to spend time with ME. Every year, he sends fields of wild flowers; in every season of life He sends friends, helpers, and other blessings. And, more than anything, He wants to share all of it with me. Not because I deserve it, but because He is so full of love and forgiveness. He wants to remind me to “come home” to His gracious arms. He is not waiting to scold me, punish me, or make me feel small. He wants to hug me, and with patience and gentleness, He will offer His Love, and correction. No matter what “May Day Mishaps” I may have.

This May Day, I am encouraged by God’s faithfulness, His forgiveness, and the power of His love. I hope you are, too!

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When God Doesn’t (Seem to) Answer…

Prayer is a conversation with God. But sometimes it can seem like a one-sided conversation. We have pressing needs for healing, or strength to bear up under stress or oppression. Sometimes, we pray for our loved ones’ struggles against addiction or wrong choices. And God seems silent.

Sometimes, it’s better to get an answer we don’t like than no answer at all. When I was younger, I prayed for a family– a dream family with a handsome husband (preferably wealthy), three adorable and well-behaved children (I already had names picked out..), and maybe a beloved family pet, all living in a beautiful house with a big back yard, and maybe a small woods. I waited and prayed; prayed and waited. When I was in my thirties, still waiting and praying, I found out that I have several health problems– none of them life-threatening, but they mean that the chances that I would ever have had children are slim to none. I would never have the pleasure of watching my own children grow up; never know the joy of having a little voice calling me “mommy.”

But God had not abandoned me. In my careers as a teacher and a children’s librarian (careers I had begun before I knew I couldn’t have children of my own), I had the joy of working with hundreds of children across a spectrum of ages, from nearly newborn through college! My memories are filled with a choir of voices calling me Miss Toney or Miss Lila (as I was known then). God had not closed the door on my dream– he had opened a window.

It wasn’t the answer I had hoped for, but it was an answer. However, I was still single. I didn’t want to be single. I didn’t feel it was what God wanted for my life, yet He didn’t seem to be listening or giving me any sign that He heard or understood. There was only silence. No promising relationships– only a few scattered dates over the long years–a few budding friendships, and many lonely days and nights.

There were many helpful friends and family with suggestions, ideas, advice, comforting thoughts, or “explanations.” “God is waiting for you to become more mature in your walk with Him.” “God is saving the best for last.” “You’re too picky (I was never quite sure what that meant in light of the scarcity of dates, but…)” “You need to ‘get out there’ more–have you tried on-line dating? (I did. It was ‘meh’..).” “You should change jobs– single men are not hanging out at the library.” “You should change churches– find one with more single men.” But God stayed silent through my thirties and into my forties.

I did take some of the very good advice I received. I signed up to do short term missions trips. I traveled when I could, with family and friends, and even on my own. I read and went back to college. I spent time in the woods and at the beach, meditating, singing, or just enjoying God’s nature. I got “involved” in various volunteer opportunities. I joined the church choir. And I continued to pray.

By the time I was squarely in my forties, I had decided to stop praying for a husband, to stop hoping, and praying, and seeking, and dreaming. And God said nothing. But I began getting phone calls from an old friend– someone I had known in childhood–in fact, the very first boy I had ever dated, nearly 30 years before! At first, I listened to his voice-mail messages, but didn’t return his calls. I was annoyed, and even a bit angry. After all this time, was God laughing at me? Did He really expect me to go all the way back to the very beginning and start over?

David and I on our wedding day.

Finally, I let go of my pride, and my ancient dream– I decided to give David a chance. Maybe it would lead to another (renewed) friendship. Maybe it would be another disappointment. But it led to a new dream. It led to marriage, and a huge extended family, including David’s wonderful children, and three adorable (and mostly well-behaved) grandchildren. My husband is kind, and honorable, and Godly. He is a treasure. And God’s timing is perfect, even as it is mysterious. God didn’t withhold marriage as a bargaining chip to get me to “grow up,” or grant it as a “reward” for going on a couple of mission trips. God was silent–but He wasn’t absent. He saw every teardrop, rejoiced in every busy child-filled day at work, smiled at every snapshot of every natural wonder, every Teddy Bear picnic, every Bible School. He want along on every date, kept track of all the hundreds of books I read over the years, and hovered over the dinner table set for one every night. I committed my life to serving Him– whether I was single or married, alone, or surrounded by children. His ways are higher, and better, and wiser than mine.

I may never understand why God allowed me to travel the roads that have been set before me. And my roads could have looked much different. I could have married young, unaware of my barrenness, and ended up bitter and feeling guilty about my body for years before I was diagnosed. I might have had a child (or children), and become proud and controlling and fearful. I might have made idols of my “dream” husband and family.

I know many dozens of people who are praying into the “silence” and waiting for God’s answer. Some are praying for healing. They may pray for days in the hospital, only to lose their loved one. They may pray for weeks or months, as their child battles chronic illness. They may pray for years as they battle depression and loneliness. God may seem silent. But He is never absent. His ways sometimes lead to a happy ending in this life. Sometimes, they lead us to have greater understanding and compassion for others. Sometimes, they lead us to unexpected purposes and goals– adventures beyond what we have ever dreamed of. Sometimes, they lead to a legacy that we cannot see this side of death. He does not promise us the answer we want, when or how we want it. He doesn’t promise us an easy or “happy” answer on the road ahead of us in this life. What He does promise is that He will never forsake us. Long after we have been tempted to give up, to doubt, to turn away, God will still be waiting– sometimes in the silence– for the perfect moment, the perfect justice, the perfect word, the perfect solution.

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But Not Yet…

I really need to go on that diet.
I really should call my Aunt Kay.
I need an hour of peace and quiet.
And time to sit and pray.

But I’m scrolling through Facebook.
I’m following the news.
I just need another look;
This meme has so many views..

I should greet that new couple at church.
I should make them feel at home.
But I need a cup of coffee first.
And my hair should be re-combed.

My Bible waits by my chair–
Unread these past four days.
Later, I know it will still be there–
Ready to catch my gaze

Tomorrow, or the next day.
God will understand.
I want to follow His Way,
But this wasn’t what I planned.

I got caught up in a magazine
I stopped to shoot the breeze–
My house is needing to be cleaned
Before I get on my knees.

I “had to,” “should have,” “had a mind”
To spend time with God, and yet
My day’s flown past, and now I find
I’ve only time to fret.

“Not yet” was my sad refrain
“Not yet” kept me on the go.
“Not yet” robbed me once again
Of time spent with One who loves me so.

And so my day was filled and rife
With wasted time and small regrets.
I missed the more abundant life
Of trust grown from obedience.

The internet will still be there
Tomorrow and the next day;
But the trust built up in an hour of prayer
Can never be taken away.

Today may be busy with “urgent” needs and countless distractions. But there will only be one “today” to meet with God– in prayer, Bible study, meditation, and worship. What is my priority today? Even if I can’t “find” an entire hour in my busy schedule, have I made a plan and a priority to meet with God? Am I searching for opportunities to serve Him and encourage others, or am I too busy searching for my own entertainment and fulfillment? What are the empty things in my life that I should be telling, “Not yet?”

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God’s Economy

“Times are tough!” I hear many people complaining about the economy lately. And they have good reason– gas prices, food prices, housing prices, taxes– everything is getting more expensive, and wages or other sources of income just aren’t keeping up.

While we may worry about the current economic conditions, we need to step back and look at a different economy– God’s economy.

This weekend, I wrote out checks and paid bills. I even put some money in the offering at church. But God doesn’t look at the amount of money I paid or gave away, how much I spent or saved, earned or invested. He’s aware, of course, of such things, but God looks at a different “bottom line.” God cares how I spend or save money, whether it’s pennies or thousands of dollars. But He also cares how I spend my time and energy. And my life is “richer” than just the money in my bank account or the things in my house.

God doesn’t give us everything we want– He loves us too much for that. Life isn’t about having the most “toys;” it isn’t about having the easiest or most entertaining experiences. It isn’t about “winning” and having “more.”

I have noticed that the happiest people are often those who have had to struggle the hardest. In God’s economy, it is His pleasure to give more than we can ask or imagine– but often in ways we would never expect. (see Ephesians 3:20-21) In God’s economy, I am rich. Not because of anything that I have done, or earned, or because I was born to a wealthy family or because I won the lottery. I am rich because of what God has done. And if I am tempted to doubt that, I can begin listing all the blessings of God– and I will run out of space and time!

God has given me life. I didn’t choose to be born. I did not have the power to create myself. But God made me unique among all the people who have ever lived. He gave me a body, a mind, a soul, and a spirit. He gave me thoughts and dreams and opportunities to grow and enjoy life.

God gives me hope and purpose and a reason to live. Life can be difficult. It can be painful. It can be tempting to see only the darkness, the grief, the regrets. But it can be beautiful. It can be almost painfully beautiful, sometimes. What a gift. And what a gift God offers in each new day. A new chance to hope. A new chance to strive. A new chance to make a difference.

God has given me family and friends. And sometimes, that can be a struggle! We aren’t perfect, and we don’t always see eye to eye. We step on the toes or we step on the feelings of others. But we also make each other laugh. We make each other stronger. We help each other grow. We enrich the lives of others, and others enrich our lives in return.

God has given me His word– His promises; His love-letter; His wisdom; His counsel; His power to shape my story. And yours! The Bible is not just a collection of stories or words. It is Truth. It is Grace. It is how we can KNOW the riches God has for each of us.

God has given me His Salvation. No matter what today brings; no matter what has happened in my past– whether things I have done, or things that have been done to me–God sees me as His child. And if I believe in Him; if I trust Him to be who He says He is– my Father, my Savior, my Lord–He will throw my past and my guilt “as far as the east is from the west”(see Psalm 103:12). I am debt-free! And I will inherit all that God will share with His children throughout eternity!

And God has given my His Presence. I am never alone. I am never forsaken or forgotten. NEVER. (Hebrews 13:5) If I am sitting in despair on an ash heap, seeing no hope and no future, God is sitting there with me, waiting for me to see Him, and accept that He is more than “enough” to get me through.

And with such riches, I can follow God’s lead and be generous in return. I don’t have the power to give life, but I can celebrate it, advocate for it, protect it, and remind others of its beauty and promise.

I can encourage others– with acts of service, with a smile, by faithfully lifting them up in prayer. What if we thought about hugs as endowments? What if, in God’s economy, every hug you give is worth $2,000? What if every prayer is like investing in a bank account? What if your smile is worth a fortune to someone today? I can be a friend to someone who feels unseen or unheard. I can share a conversation with someone who feels lonely. I can share a burden for someone who just needs a helping hand.

I can share God’s promises. I can share His wisdom. I can share His compassion. I can share His Mercy and Grace with those who least expect or “deserve” it. I can share my hope and my joy. I can help someone look up and look beyond a bad day. And where there is suffering and pain– I can share that, too, knowing it is part of God’s good economy. And maybe, as I offer my presence, I can help someone else see the presence of God sitting there with us both!

You may not feel very rich today. And in this world’s economy, you may be in great need. God may not shower you with cash or assets in the present moment. But God has promised to give you everything you truly need for life and Godliness (2 Peter 1:3-4)

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