Ninety years ago today, my grandparents were married in a small ceremony in Elkhart, Indiana. Thirty-one years later, my parents were married in another small ceremony in Cassopolis, Michigan. My grandparents were married almost 63 years before my grandmother passed away. My parents were married over 35 years before my dad passed. My mother, when I was preparing to marry, passed on some of the advice she had received from her grandparents (who were married over 50 years themselves!) . It involved what my great-grandmother called “selective hearing.”
My great-grandmother, my grandfather, and my mother were all “fussers.” They tended to fret and stew over little things. They liked to “vent” their feelings in the moment when they felt them. Their spouses learned to listen without comment, or even walk away and let their partners “get it out of their system.” Later, they could have a calmer discussion if the situation warranted it. Similarly, if the “fretting” partner was impatient about something, the other would sometimes selectively “ignore” a summons or critical remark. It wasn’t that they were bad listeners– in fact they were excellent listeners–but they learned the wisdom of not immediately responding or reacting to things said in moments of emotion or frustration. They were listening beyond just the words that were being spoken– especially when the words were many and emotional!
God is always listening to us. He hears our every cry for help, and also all of our complaints! In His wisdom, He also practices “selective hearing.” He may sometimes seem silent or even indifferent; but often He is letting us “talk it out of our system.” He remains with us, ready to give us the help we need, but not willing to indulge our emotional tirades or snits.
One of the greatest examples of this can be found in the Psalms. David (and other psalmists) often poured out all their fears and frustrations– “where are you, God?,” “why do the wicked prosper?,” “when will you rescue me?” Amazingly, many of their complaints and questions are not answered with a specific action. Yet these same psalms end with hope and assurance–as the psalmist “talks it out,” he is reminded of God’s essential character and faithfulness through the years. God’s steady and gentle presence, though silent, communicates His commitment and Love.
I tend to be a “fretter,” and my loving husband has learned to have “selective hearing” around me. His faithful presence and willingness to let me “talk it out” without judgment and recrimination is very freeing. David very seldom “frets,” but when he does, I am learning to respond with wisdom and selectively hear what is in his heart, and not just what comes out of his mouth in a moment of frustration.
I am so thankful for the wisdom of God (and the wisdom of my husband), that doesn’t immediately jump into my occasional emotional whirlpool, but waits to pull me out and set me on calmer, solid ground! I am grateful for God’s “selective hearing!”