Forgetting the Names of God

My given name is Lila June. I was named after my great-grandmother, Lila, and my aunt, Ila June. I have never used a nickname or my middle name, but my Aunt June rarely used her given name of Ila. In fact, she used it so seldom that she forgot it. Not literally forgot that it was her name but forgot that anyone might use it to refer to her. She and her husband lived on a series of Army bases, and when she went to the doctor’s office, they used the name on her official paperwork. A nurse would come out and call for Ila to come back to see the doctor. Startled at first, she looked around the waiting room to see who else could possibly have the same unusual name– only to hear the nurse call for Ila Mellinger! SHE was the Ila being called. But it took her a few moments to respond.

I was reminded of my aunt, and her name, this week. On my Facebook feed, there was a short video by a pastor. In the video he was lamenting that, in his view, the modern Christian church is so focused on practical Christian living– on good deeds and kind words; on outreach programs and building projects– that we have lost sight of WHO GOD IS! We serve the church; we serve the community; we serve our own notion of what makes us “good people,” but we do not serve God, because we don’t really know Him.

He was placing much of the blame for this on other pastors and institutional leaders– saying that they were at fault for not teaching the names of God. I’m not sure I totally agree with him. I think there is some merit in what he said, but ultimately, when I stand before the throne of judgment, I’m not going to be asked whether my pastor taught me the names of God. I will not be asked how much I knew ABOUT God. I won’t even be asked whether or not I know God–I will either hear that my name is in the Lamb’s Book of Life, or it isn’t! My pastors might face judgment for how true they were in teaching the Gospel, but my mission is to know God experientially. It is MY job to learn who God is, and to follow Him— to trust and obey Him.

But I DO agree that modern churches spend less time on this subject than I remember in my church growing up. Not because we spent so much time on the list of individual “names” of God, but we spent more time in worshipping God for WHO HE IS, and not for what he’s done for me, or what I can be doing for Him, saying about Him, or “identifying” as a Christian, a Christ-follower, or a Believer (and all the tiny differences in meaning that those terms might have).

Part of that comes from the habit of studying the Bible as a narrative. We used to study the “patriarchs” of the Old Testament, the “red letter” words of Jesus Christ, and the letters and “acts” of the Apostles. In fact, it is no longer politically correct to even use words like “patriarchs,” and out of fashion to teach the Bible as historical fact. But there is a value in studying this way– not because the characters are mostly men, or even because they are “heroes of the Faith.” It is important to study them precisely because they are so flawed and broken and in need of a Savior– just as we are! And as they encountered God or walked with Jesus, they saw Him– and NAMED Him– for all of His attributes.

In the Old Testament, He is Yahweh, Jehovah, the LORD. He is Almighty. He is the God who sees, the God who hears, the God who saves, the God who provides, the God who saves, the All-sufficient One, the Lord (who) is my Shepherd, the Most High God, the One whose name is a Strong Tower, the Everlasting God and the Lord of Hosts, among others. Jesus, the promised Messiah, also has a host of names, including Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, Lion of Judah, Son of God, Son of Man, Emmanuel, Light of the World, the Living Word of God, Savior, Master, Redeemer, Rabboni, the Bread of Life, the Living Water, the Lamb of God, the Risen Lord, the Alpha and Omega, and many more. What a rich picture of God we get from His Names!

I also remember the old hymns and worship songs doing a better job of helping us to see the God of the Bible. I know we have modern worship songs that include God’s many names and attributes, but others seem to concentrate, not on who GOD is, but who I AM because of God–I’m forgiven, I’m a Child of God, etc. I miss the old hymns that remind me that God is a Mighty Fortress, He is my Vision, my Blessed Redeemer, the Rock of Ages, whose grace is Amazing, and whose Love is “greater far than tongue or pen could ever tell!”

I don’t want to “forget” any of the many titles and attributes of my Father, His Son, or the Holy Spirit. When I lose track of them, I am less likely to worship, less likely to obey, and less likely to turn to Him first in every situation. As we close in on Easter this year, I want to spend some time looking at some of His many Names. But for today, I want to take a deep breath, and worship the one who is “worthy, O LORD, to receive Glory and Honor and Power” (Revelation 4:11).

April 7, 2025 0

When God says, “Wait!”

I hate waiting. Most people do. I hate waiting rooms at the doctor’s office or the waiting area at the garage or the DMV. They try to make it a bit more pleasant with music, or a TV, or magazines lying around to keep you occupied. But usually, I spend the whole time thinking of “useful” things I could be doing if I wasn’t sitting around waiting. Recently, I published my first book, and I had to wait for freshly printed copies to be sent to my door. Every day, I waited for the delivery van to pull up– and every day, I missed it. Finally, I had to pick them up at the post office. Those few days seemed to take forever.

But I have learned over the years that waiting is necessary, and even good sometimes.

I was thinking about my first “real” teaching job–not student teaching or getting called in as a substitute, but a permanent position. I applied for a teaching job in my hometown. They needed an English teacher for middle and high school– perfect! I felt the interview went well, and I was a “known quantity”– many of the staff knew me from my time as a student just a few years before. Nevertheless, I waited and waited and finally got bad news. The job had gone to another applicant with more teaching experience. I was disappointed. I had prayed so hard, and it seemed like the perfect “fit.” I knew I should trust that God knew about my situation, and had everything in hand, but I just felt the outcome wasn’t “right.” What would I do now? I looked for other teaching positions, but could find nothing. I ended up doing substitute teaching. It was sporadic and unpredictable. I wasn’t really teaching as much as babysitting– especially in classes like elementary music!

Still, I learned a lot about classroom discipline; something I hadn’t really experienced much of before. My student teaching had been done with master teachers who were amazing examples of quiet but stern management. Even when they “turned their class over” to me in the final weeks, the students knew that their other teachers would back me up in a classroom situation.

Not so with substitute teaching! Not only was I “on my own” in the classroom, I frequently traveled to schools where I knew no one on staff and no one knew me. I had no idea what kind of discipline was practiced by either the teacher or the administration at some of the schools. Most were ok, and staff were friendly and supportive. Most of the students were typically a bit naughty, but not out of reason. But not all! There was one class of over thirty-five fourth- and fifth-graders whose teacher had left no lesson plans, and another day at a high school where the entire staff was intimidated by the football team– most of whom were in the same third hour class. The lesson plan called for them to do research in the library– the librarian hid– and I was trying to stop them from literally throwing the pumpkins that were meant to be decorations at each other!

All this to say that after several months, I got a phone call. It was my old school, wanting to know if I would be interested in finishing out the school year in the position I had applied for the previous fall. It turns out the teacher they had hired had serious health issues and had missed over 60 days! They had been trying to fill in with substitutes, but wanted someone who could bring stability and order to the classes for the last marking periods of the year.

My first week in the new position was a nightmare. Every class had fallen behind. The succession of substitutes had given up. The classes lacked discipline and focus. In fact, the other regular teacher had written off all the students as irredeemable hooligans, and she was glad to give up the position. My first day, one of the high school students attempted to sneak out of the window at the back of the classroom, while another classmate tried to sneak out the door! And I found out that my last hour class was to be held in the middle school band room– it was a computer class! I had to commute from the high school to the middle school, which took up part of my preparation period, so I had little time for planning or grading paperwork.

In spite of all the challenges, that first “trial by fire” proved that I really was a “fit” for the position after all. I spent another seven years teaching in my hometown. Eventually, my schedule was changed and I no longer had to commute. I loved my students (most of them), and I am still in touch with some of them to this day! Even the ones from that first disastrous partial year.

God did not answer those first eager prayers that I should get the teaching position right away. And even when I finally “got” it, it was filled with challenges and obstacles. But in the waiting, God was there. Even in the difficult substitute assignments, and the adjustments, and the questions about why I didn’t get the job when I first interviewed.

God may not tell us audibly why He wants us to wait. He won’t tell us how long we must wait. And He generally doesn’t put us in a “waiting room”, filled with soothing music or distracting TV ads or old magazines. But we can trust that God has good reasons for us to wait– whether it’s for a job, or a spouse, a chronic illness, loss of income, or change in circumstances. What He asks is that we trust Him, and that we continue walking a praying in faith. Because I will be worth the wait.

February 10, 2025 0

“Bathed” in Prayer

We were reviewing last week’s VBS at our church–sharing stories, “crunching” numbers, evaluating the various elements that made up each day… One of the phrases that came out of our various talks and meetings was that Bible School week had been “bathed in prayer.” What does that actually mean?

For me, it represents how prayer surrounded us– much like bath water.

It covered every part of our efforts– we prayed for the children who were registered– and those who came unexpectedly as guests. We prayed for the families of the children–those from our church, those from neighboring churches, and those who are unchurched. We prayed for all the volunteers– teens, adults, those who where there each day of VBS, and those who helped before and after with decorations, building, providing supplies and funding, advertising, etc. We prayed for each team– teaching, drama, singing, videography, sound and lights, registration, group leaders, science and crafts, snacks, sports and games, record-keeping, security, and more! We prayed weeks before VBS, and we are still praying that the seeds planted last week will grow and produce a harvest!
It flowed freely. We had organized prayer meetings, and spontaneous outbursts of prayer. We prayed in the “opportune moment” and in the planned schedule. Prayer was a consistent part of each day, but came in random bursts, as well. It came from staff, from volunteers, from children and retirees. Everyone can’t work at VBS– but everyone can pray!

It “cleansed” our efforts. It is easy to get side-tracked with the chaos and fol-de-rol of an event like Bible School. It is easy to lose focus and let stress, frustration, and even bitterness worm their way into our efforts. On the very first day, our registration and check-in system crashed– and this could have been a disaster. But we had prayed before; we prayed during our confusion, and we praised God that, system or no, HE knew who was there, where they should go, and how we should respond to THEM. We are in the middle of a construction project in our children’s wing– we had to plan around fewer classrooms available, and less indoor space. On the hottest week of the summer (so far) we had to hope that the weather would cooperate for our games. God provided cloud cover on at least two of the mornings, and overnight showers– we did not have to deal with heavy rains or the worst heat of the day on any of our days! And (at least partly) because we had prayed in advance, we were grateful instead of stressful about our circumstances, marveling at God’s provision.
Praying brings peace– like the clean and relaxed feeling you have after a good soak in the bath! And I hope that peace was reflected in the way we welcomed each child each day– in the way we listened, and in the way we spoke; in the way we encouraged, and in the way we taught; in the way we interacted with the children, and with the other volunteers.

We tend to “bathe” our “big concerns” in prayer. But what about our “little things?” What if we spent as much time praying about our next doctor appointment? Our next church service? Our next family outing?

We NEED prayer! Our efforts, without prayer, humility, and submission to the Spirit of the Lord, will be fruitless. With prayer, our lives, efforts, and plans will be clean, and bring Glory to God!

Just a thought– but if we bathed more things in prayer, we might just receive more “showers of blessing!”

June 28, 2024 0

Miss Whitcomb

When I was in seventh grade, I had a teacher named Miss Whitcomb. She was notorious throughout the school system as the “toughest” teacher we would ever have. She was ruthless. She demanded absolute quiet, she did not grade “on a curve,” and she never smiled. She had an ongoing war with grape-flavored chewing gum and students who were three seconds late for class. She gave impossible assignments and offered little in the way of help, comfort, or guidance. She had a point system for behavior, and most students ended up earning detentions. Everyone dreaded her class. Many normally confident and competent students failed her class. They worried themselves into sleepless nights and second-guessing their own abilities.

I suffered through two years of Miss Whitcomb’s classes. I had her for American History, English, and introductory drafting class. She was exacting and frustrating. But I learned a lot. Her assignments often seemed impossible, but some of them were creative as well as challenging. I never learned to love Miss Whitcomb’s class, but I learned to survive it– and, while I can’t say I learned to like her, I learned to respect her.

Years later, I returned to my home town as a teacher. And Miss Whitcomb was my colleague. A new generation of students were suffering under Miss Whitcomb’s impossible demands, and many were sure they could petition the school administration to get her fired. They came to me seeking support. I wouldn’t give it. I told them I remembered how difficult her classes were, but that I felt that it was important that they experience tough teachers, like Miss Whitcomb, because they would often experience tough bosses or professors, and tough situations as adults; learning to survive Miss Whitcomb’s class would give them practice for tough times in the future. And I suggested that they look at her classes as a challenge to be faced, rather than a punishment to be feared.

I had a difficult time understanding why Miss Whitcomb was so “tough.” But I got an insight from an unexpected event. A group of high school students were going on a field trip to see the hit musical, “Les Miserables” at a local university theater. They needed chaperones, and I agreed to come, as it was a wonderful chance to see a national touring company perform a terrific play. Surprisingly, Miss Whitcomb also came as a chaperone. I never thought of musicals as “her thing,” but she had decided to give it a try. Of course, the students were terrified of her, and she ended up sitting on the far side of the group (but it was a much quieter ride up to the campus!)

The play was magnificent, but Miss Whitcomb was very disturbed by it. The next day, she tackled the teacher who had organized the trip to complain. Her complaint was not with the students or the performers. It was about the story itself! She was somewhat familiar with the novel’s plot, but seeing it “live,” she was bothered by the character of Javert, and his pursuit of the main character, Jean Valjean. In the story, Javert has spent the better part of 25 years tracking Valjean, an escaped convict. When he finally finds him, Valjean ends up saving his life. Javert cannot reconcile that the “criminal” he has been looking for– his enemy– has saved him. Miss Whitcomb so identified with Javert, that she found the story untenable.

Why was she so upset? Because Javert was “righteous.” He represented the law. His quest was legal–his foe, Valjean, HAD escaped from prison. He had every “right” to pursue him and force him to complete his extra sentence (Valjean had completed his original term). But Javert was the one, in the end, who needed to be saved. And Valjean, who had every reason to let Javert die, risked his life to save his arch-enemy. This was not how Miss Whitcomb viewed life. The righteous should be the saviors; the guilty should be punished, not celebrated. Miss Whitcomb understood right and wrong– but she had no room for grace or forgiveness.

There is a Bible verse that has always caused me to be curious. Romans 5:8 is well known– “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” But Romans 5:7 says, “Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.” (emphasis added) Paul is making a distinction that Jesus also often made–not everyone who is “righteous” is “good.” In Mark 10, Jesus is asked by a rich young ruler what he must do to inherit eternal life. The young man calls Jesus, “good teacher.” But before Jesus answers the question, he turns it back on the young man. “‘Why do you call me good,’ Jesus asked. ‘Only God is truly good” (v. 18). The rich young ruler does not want to know how to become “good.” He does not want to learn from Jesus. He merely wants to be judged as “good enough” to inherit eternal life. And he believes that he is “righteous” enough to have earned it.

Miss Whitcomb was a dedicated teacher. She was a “righteous” educator. But she never learned (or was able to teach) compassion, humility, or mercy. And that was a lesson her students missed. It is a lesson far greater than knowing U.S. History, or Government, or English grammar. I have heard from some of her adult education students that she was far less harsh with them. I hope this is true. She had a lot to give, and she suffered greatly from her own high standards and lack of compassion in relation to her younger students. I believe she had “good” intentions– that she believed her high standards were “right” and that any show of mercy was a weakness. But she missed out on so much– so many students who might have liked her better, and learned more from her–by putting righteousness ahead of mercy.

We serve a God who is BOTH– completely HOLY and Good, and Righteous, as well as merciful, gracious and compassionate. God forgives us without lowering His standards. He sent His Son to save us– While we were yet sinners! Romans 5 continues, “Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!” (Romans 5:9-10) We don’t have to be terrified of God. We don’t have to be constantly reminded of our past guilt and shame. We don’t have to fear that we will “fail” to please God if we choose to follow Him.

October 11, 2023 1

Be Careful What You Pray For…

When I was a young woman, I prayed for patience. Several well-meaning friends and family tried to tell me that this was a mistake. “Be careful what you pray for,” they said. It was their belief that, if I prayed for patience, God would send situations into my life that would force me to be patient. God doesn’t “give” patience, they warned–He merely teaches us to be patient.

I wanted more patience, in preparation for marriage and children; I wanted to be a patient wife and mother. But I was unprepared for this reaction of others. DON’T ask God for something good? Isn’t patience (long-suffering) one of the attributes listed as the “Fruit of the Spirit?”(Galatians 5:23-24) Why should I hesitate, or fear to ask God for something that will help me serve Him better?

Looking back, I suppose some of those same friends and family might say, “I told you so!” I’m sure they wanted a happy and easy future for me– one that didn’t include some of the challenges that I have had to face. And in their eyes, I was “tempting fate” to draw attention to my lack of patience. On the surface, it probably looks like that’s exactly what happened. I never had any children; I didn’t marry until I was in my mid-40s, and I have learned patience in many areas through many challenges.

But that’s just one perspective. What if I hadn’t prayed that prayer? Would God have let me drift through life without “needing” more patience? Would I have “avoided” the years of loneliness and lack of children? Would I have married and had a family and lived happily ever after without having to learn patience? Would my life have been totally different? Or would my circumstances have been the same, except that I never would have learned patience–never sought to become more patient during the same trials and challenges? What kind of life might I have had WITHOUT patience?

During the years that I was single, I worked full-time in youth-oriented jobs– teaching and serving in the youth department at a library. I learned patience by disciplining teenagers, cleaning up after toddlers, answering the same questions twenty times a day, and dealing with obstinate parents! I suffered with my students when one of their classmates died; and when it happened again the next year. I agonized with my student who chose to keep her baby after those close to her wanted her to have an abortion. And I rejoiced with her when she brought her son to visit me a year later. I suffered the frustration of parents whose children were rebellious, or had learning issues, or had been diagnosed with autism or ADHD. But I also endured the long nights when I had no little ones to tuck in or talk to (and learned to be thankful for the nights I didn’t have to deal with fever and sickness, or arguing–again– about the rules of the house!) But in the course of my work, I connected with hundreds of children and teens. They were never “mine” to hold or scold or say, “I love you”, but they touched my life, and I hope that I touched theirs as well. I didn’t choose my career path knowing that I would never become a “mom.” But I needed (and learned) patience in the process. I learned patience in the years I spent single–and I learned to appreciate my husband in ways I wouldn’t have as a young woman.

There IS some truth to the phrase, “Be careful what you pray for.” When we pray, we should pray for things that align with His will– like wisdom, patience, courage, or peace. We should not pray for things that contradict His will– instant popularity, wealth without work, or relationships or circumstances that dishonor Him. We should also be prepared for God to answer in the way He deems best–which may not look or feel like what we desired. It was His best for me not to marry young or have children of my own. He has since blessed me with a wonderful husband and step-children and grandchildren. But He might have chosen not to. And I would still thank Him for the life I have led. It’s been fantastic. I’ve met amazing people, had amazing opportunities, and traveled to wonderful places. I don’t feel like God ever “punished” me for asking for patience– instead, I feel that He has more than answered my prayer. That doesn’t mean that I have learned to be perfectly patient in every situation (just ask my husband!) But God is eternally good and faithful to give us what is in our best interest– if we ask, AND if we trust His answer more than our expectation. (see Hebrews 11:6; John 17; 1 Peter 5:7)

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

Don’t be too afraid or too proud to ask God for any good thing. God will not only give you what you need, He will be with you every step of the way as you learn and grow, and develop into the person He wants you to be!

January 14, 2022 0

Presumptuous Prayers

The Pharisee and the Tax Collector

⁹He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: ¹⁰“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. ¹²I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ ¹³But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ ¹⁴I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Luke 18:9-14 ESV (via biblegateway.com)

“Father, help my neighbor see her sin. Change her heart, Lord Jesus.”

“Heavenly Father, I know it is not your will that I face this diagnosis of cancer. Help the doctors to see their mistake.”

“God, this job opening is a perfect opportunity– I claim this job in Your Name.”

I’m not saying that the above examples are all about presumption, especially taken out of context, but I think it is easy to fall into a dangerous habit of thinking that our will must also be God’s will, and not the other way around. What if God is waiting for me to reach out in Love to my “sinful” neighbor? What if it is MY heart that needs to be changed? What if God’s plan for my life includes cancer– or a miraculous healing from it? What if my response to cancer is an opportunity to show God’s peace? What if God has a better job, or better timing for that job?

I actually had that experience. When I was first out of college, I applied for many teaching positions– nothing was open the first year, and I ended up working at a public relations firm as a proofreader. I was laid off nine months later– just in time to apply for teaching positions again. The “perfect” job came up at my old high school, where they needed an English teacher. I interviewed well, and thought I had the job. But they went with a teacher who had more experience. So I signed up to do substitute work– not what I wanted, but it paid for my room and board, and not much else. It was late January when I got the call. The other teacher had been chronically ill, and they needed me to “substitute” for the rest of the year, with a possibility of a contract the next year. When I arrived, the classes were in chaos. The students were unruly and way behind in their studies. It wasn’t the “perfect” job– it was difficult. But I prayed– agonizing, humbling, needy prayers. I stayed at that position another seven years. Any I prayed through every day. But what if I had gotten the job at the first try? Would my prayers have been as pure, or would they have been laced with presumption?

I pray every day. I read God’s word every day. But I am in need– every day– of God’s mercy, His wisdom, and His Holy Spirit to guide my thoughts. Too often, I presume when I pray– that God will do what I want, that He will see things from my perspective, that He will not ask me to go through hardship or disappointment, or pain.

Our prayers don’t need to be as arrogant as that of the Pharisee in this parable to hold certain prideful presumptions.

“Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner! Give me strength to face the day ahead, grace to share Your Love with those around me, and eyes to see Your hands at work. Thank you for Your salvation, for Your promises, and for Your faithfulness. Amen.”

March 29, 2021 0

Mothers and others..

Sunday will be Mother’s Day. People are already talking about how this year will be “different” because of COVID-19. They say it will be more difficult because of the social distancing measures in place. And it will be for many families. There will be few family gatherings, few long and happy discussions around a dinner table, fewer flowers, fewer hugs…Many will still have the opportunity to see their mothers/children via skype or zoom or through a window. Many can still hear a familiar and much-loved voice over the phone, and send messages via text, email or even a letter or card. But it’s not the same. There is something about a mother’s presence– her touch, her voice, her smile, the subtle scent that belongs to no one else– that we cherish and celebrate.

But for many people, this Mother’s Day will be no different. Sadly, there are many who will spend Mother’s Day alone. There is a visceral, painful place– a gaping wound– where there is no “Mother” on Mother’s Day. Maybe it’s caused by death–either the death of our mother, or the death of our child/children. Maybe it’s some other wrenching separation– Alzheimer’s, a ruptured relationship, addiction, mental illness, abandonment, deployment, rejection… We miss what once was, or we miss what we never had. COVID-19 may bring this horror to some this year, and it may leave some with that horror for years to come, but the pain and loss is no different for being caused by a virus. The pain of losing (or not having) a Mother runs deep. It may be felt more keenly on this day, but it aches and gnaws every day. Mothers give life. They nurture. They are the safe arms in which babies find peaceful rest (..eventually). They are the kissers of boo-boos; the proud recipients of our first attempts at writing, and drawing; our first audience for concerts and dances; our first teachers and nurses, police officers, drill sergeants, and life coaches; often our first playmates, too.

For many years, I have lived on “the other side” of motherhood. I am a daughter– blessed with an amazing, kind, strong, wise and Godly mother. I cherish the relationship we have, and look forward to the time when I can visit with her in person, instead of over the phone. She spent long nights rocking me to sleep; hours praying and crying by my hospital bed when I almost died as a toddler; listened patiently while I ranted and railed in teenage rebellion; encouraged me when I was exhausted from work and frustrated about living alone; and taught me the joy of spending time with God and loving others. And I want to honor her every day for the Godly example she has been to me and to others.

But I have spent most of my adult life outside the experience of motherhood, watching others with tiny arms wrapped around their necks, others kissing boo-boos and receiving artwork, others taking pictures of their graduating seniors and swapping stories with other moms. And, I have been reminded– sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes with contempt–that I do not “belong.” “You don’t know what I go through.” “You don’t understand.” “Who do you think you are to tell me about my daughter? You’re just her teacher. I’m her MOTHER!” “You can’t tell my children what to do.” None of these statements are wrong– but they hurt. And most of them come from someone else’s pain– their fear of failure, their frustration, their guilt, even a lack of sleep or a migraine…

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Because of my experience, however, I have learned two things– a greater appreciation for my own excellent mother; and a new appreciation for the role I have been allowed to play as an “Other.”

Mothers are vital, but they are not perfect, and, especially where they are missing or rejected or removed, the world needs Others. Women (and men) who will stand as surrogates, substitutes, and valued helpers. Sometimes it is a thankless job; often it is temporary, even momentary, and unexpected. Throughout our lives, there are Others who inspire us, who have our backs, who cheer for us through track meets, or at dance recitals, or spelling bees. Others who may not kiss boo-boos, but patch them up in the moment. There are Others who are the first to spot our hidden potential, or warn us of dangers that no one else has spotted. Others who pray for us, cry with us, and share our smiles. Others who buy Girl Scout cookies, or magazine subscriptions, lemonade, or raffle tickets.

It was not God’s will for me to be a Mother. I have been blessed in recent years to be a step-mother and -grandmother, and I adore my kids and grandkids. I am so grateful for the mothers and others who shaped their lives, and the honor of being part of their families. But God has also given me a lifetime of being an Other. I may not have the “normal” experience of Motherhood, but I’ve had my share of doubts, failures, “bad” days, and sleepless nights. And I’ve been blessed to get to know hundreds of children– through school, Bible School, Sunday School, mission trips, Story Hours, school visits, Summer Reading, camps, baby sitting, extended family, and more.

If you are a mother– celebrate Mother’s Day this year. There are millions who have been denied the honor. And many who have lost the privilege.

If your Mother is still alive, but you can’t be with her– celebrate Mother’s Day this year. If you can’t be together in person, make an effort to be together in word and spirit. Flowers are nice; a fancy meal is fine, too, but your time– listening, sharing laughter and memories–it priceless. There will come another year when you won’t be able to be with her– and no phone line or video chat will be able to bring her closer. If your mother is alive, but your relationship is strained, you can still celebrate Mother’s Day. Use this day as a starting point to move forward– some relationships can be repaired if you are willing to take a first step. Others need closure. All relationships need forgiveness– for YOUR sake.

If you are missing your mother or have no mother–celebrate Other’s Day this year. Look for the people who have encouraged or uplifted you– aunts, neighbors, teachers, college roommates–let them know they’ve made a difference.

If you are not a mother– and even if you are– you are someone’s Other. Celebrate the opportunity to be the best Other you can be. Someone needs an Other today!

May 8, 2020 0

I Don’t Know…

I spent a good portion of my adult life working in positions where my value rested in my ability to impart knowledge and answer questions. As a teacher, my job was to guide students into a base of knowledge about the English language (and especially spoken communication) so that they would be prepared to adequately speak, read, write, explain, defend, and use it. I was expected to know enough about grammar, spelling, connotations of words, nonverbal communication, sound logic (and fallacies to avoid), presentation, tone of voice, etc., to enable students to improve their communication and use language more effectively in their careers, academic endeavors, business dealings, and even in personal relationships. If they had questions about word choices, written or spoken directions, propaganda techniques, advertising tricks, euphemisms, or a hundred other topics, I was expected to have an answer– and one that would shape their ability to succeed.
When I made the transition to working in a public library, my job was to have answers– which books were at the appropriate reading level for various elementary students; where could someone find information about manatees; who wrote the Captain Underpants books (Dav Pilkey); did our library loan out encyclopedia volumes or sets of early reader books; could our library borrow a rare book from another library; what was the capital of Uganda (Kampala); did we have books that might help a child coping with the loss of a pet, or a parent struggling with toilet-training their toddler; where could someone find … the list was endless and extraordinarily varied. My job was to have an answer– or know where to find it.

At no time was it expected that I would simply answer “I don’t know.” Even if I didn’t know in the moment, I was expected to search until I found an answer that was sufficient and satisfactory. However, in each case, I found situations where my “answer,” while satisfactory to me, and even to everyone else I had dealt with, was not enough to satisfy the person in front of me. Sometimes, I had misunderstood the question and given an answer to what I heard or assumed I had heard. I needed to listen some more, or ask for clarification before I could answer the question correctly. Sometimes, the other person was looking for an answer that didn’t exist– either they wanted confirmation of a falsehood they believed to be true, or they wanted a single, absolute answer to a question that was complex and open-ended. In rare cases, there were questions for which I could find no satisfactory answer– it doesn’t mean that there was none, but I had not found it, nor had I found someone else who could find it in the time allowed. I might find an answer that was not satisfactory, or I might find seven possible answers, but not one that stood out from the others, or I would find nothing but dead ends.

The Apostle Peter tells each follower of Christ:

¹⁵But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, ¹⁶keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
1 Peter 3:15 & 16 (NIV via biblegateway.com)–emphasis added

This does not mean that we must completely satisfy everyone who asks– the curious neighbor who knows nothing of the Bible and has dozens of confusing questions, or the nay-saying agnostic with a single “gotcha” question. Nor must we fight and fuss and pound the Bible until we “win” every theological and metaphysical argument–because we won’t! There are many things about the Bible, about Spiritual matters, etc., for which we will not have absolute or definitive answers–and neither will they! (That’s why they ask, sometimes.) And those things that satisfy our longings, our questions, our doubts– sometimes don’t meet the needs of the one who is asking, not because the answers are deficient, but because we are all different in our needs, and understanding, and experiences.

Some people will listen to us merely to scoff and try to make us lose heart or make us look foolish. Others are afraid that our answer will make them feel lost or guilty. Some people have been hurt by others who have used the Bible as a cudgel or a whip– bringing shame, judgment, and contention wherever they go. We must not expect that our answers, our arguments, even our favorite scripture verses– that WE are enough to satisfy the questions, the doubts, and the spiritual needs of everyone we meet.

What we should always have is an answer for the hope that is in us– why have we chosen to believe? Why do we choose to trust when we do not know all the answers? And our answers should be given with gentleness and respect– not arrogance and snide judgment. I don’t have hope because I know answers to tough questions. In order to have that kind of hope, I would need to know all the answers to all the questions– even those I haven’t asked or imagined! I don’t know about the future– I can’t explain why God allows evil (there are compelling arguments for some reasons, but no absolute answer that stops the question)–I don’t know how God’s Spirit moves, or why He drew me to Himself. I cannot “prove” God to someone who is determined to deny Him– not because God doesn’t exist, but because He will not force anyone to accept Him in this life, and especially not because I said a few words based on my limited understanding. My job is not to explain God–only God is big enough and wise enough to do that– but to reflect His character in a changed nature, and to explain what God has done in my life to effect that change. My hope is in the ONE I choose to trust– the ONE who does have the answers! God has not promised to answer all our “what ifs” or our “whys”– but He has promised to answer all our needs, and to BE the answer in every situation, no matter how daunting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_yAVustomU

November 11, 2019 0

Tag: teaching