When God Doesn’t (Seem to) Answer…

Prayer is a conversation with God. But sometimes it can seem like a one-sided conversation. We have pressing needs for healing, or strength to bear up under stress or oppression. Sometimes, we pray for our loved ones’ struggles against addiction or wrong choices. And God seems silent.

Sometimes, it’s better to get an answer we don’t like than no answer at all. When I was younger, I prayed for a family– a dream family with a handsome husband (preferably wealthy), three adorable and well-behaved children (I already had names picked out..), and maybe a beloved family pet, all living in a beautiful house with a big back yard, and maybe a small woods. I waited and prayed; prayed and waited. When I was in my thirties, still waiting and praying, I found out that I have several health problems– none of them life-threatening, but they mean that the chances that I would ever have had children are slim to none. I would never have the pleasure of watching my own children grow up; never know the joy of having a little voice calling me “mommy.”

But God had not abandoned me. In my careers as a teacher and a children’s librarian (careers I had begun before I knew I couldn’t have children of my own), I had the joy of working with hundreds of children across a spectrum of ages, from nearly newborn through college! My memories are filled with a choir of voices calling me Miss Toney or Miss Lila (as I was known then). God had not closed the door on my dream– he had opened a window.

It wasn’t the answer I had hoped for, but it was an answer. However, I was still single. I didn’t want to be single. I didn’t feel it was what God wanted for my life, yet He didn’t seem to be listening or giving me any sign that He heard or understood. There was only silence. No promising relationships– only a few scattered dates over the long years–a few budding friendships, and many lonely days and nights.

There were many helpful friends and family with suggestions, ideas, advice, comforting thoughts, or “explanations.” “God is waiting for you to become more mature in your walk with Him.” “God is saving the best for last.” “You’re too picky (I was never quite sure what that meant in light of the scarcity of dates, but…)” “You need to ‘get out there’ more–have you tried on-line dating? (I did. It was ‘meh’..).” “You should change jobs– single men are not hanging out at the library.” “You should change churches– find one with more single men.” But God stayed silent through my thirties and into my forties.

I did take some of the very good advice I received. I signed up to do short term missions trips. I traveled when I could, with family and friends, and even on my own. I read and went back to college. I spent time in the woods and at the beach, meditating, singing, or just enjoying God’s nature. I got “involved” in various volunteer opportunities. I joined the church choir. And I continued to pray.

By the time I was squarely in my forties, I had decided to stop praying for a husband, to stop hoping, and praying, and seeking, and dreaming. And God said nothing. But I began getting phone calls from an old friend– someone I had known in childhood–in fact, the very first boy I had ever dated, nearly 30 years before! At first, I listened to his voice-mail messages, but didn’t return his calls. I was annoyed, and even a bit angry. After all this time, was God laughing at me? Did He really expect me to go all the way back to the very beginning and start over?

Finally, I let go of my pride, and my ancient dream– I decided to give David a chance. Maybe it would lead to another (renewed) friendship. Maybe it would be another disappointment. But it led to a new dream. It led to marriage, and a huge extended family, including David’s wonderful children, and three adorable (and mostly well-behaved) grandchildren. My husband is kind, and honorable, and Godly. He is a treasure. And God’s timing is perfect, even as it is mysterious. God didn’t withhold marriage as a bargaining chip to get me to “grow up,” or grant it as a “reward” for going on a couple of mission trips. God was silent–but He wasn’t absent. He saw every teardrop, rejoiced in every busy child-filled day at work, smiled at every snapshot of every natural wonder, every Teddy Bear picnic, every Bible School. He want along on every date, kept track of all the hundreds of books I read over the years, and hovered over the dinner table set for one every night. I committed my life to serving Him– whether I was single or married, alone, or surrounded by children. His ways are higher, and better, and wiser than mine.

I may never understand why God allowed me to travel the roads that have been set before me. And my roads could have looked much different. I could have married young, unaware of my barrenness, and ended up bitter and feeling guilty about my body for years before I was diagnosed. I might have had a child (or children), and become proud and controlling and fearful. I might have made idols of my “dream” husband and family.

I know many dozens of people who are praying into the “silence” and waiting for God’s answer. Some are praying for healing. They may pray for days in the hospital, only to lose their loved one. They may pray for weeks or months, as their child battles chronic illness. They may pray for years as they battle depression and loneliness. God may seem silent. But He is never absent. His ways sometimes lead to a happy ending in this life. Sometimes, they lead us to have greater understanding and compassion for others. Sometimes, they lead us to unexpected purposes and goals– adventures beyond what we have ever dreamed of. Sometimes, they lead to a legacy that we cannot see this side of death. He does not promise us the answer we want, when or how we want it. He doesn’t promise us an easy or “happy” answer on the road ahead of us in this life. What He does promise is that He will never forsake us. Long after we have been tempted to give up, to doubt, to turn away, God will still be waiting– sometimes in the silence– for the perfect moment, the perfect justice, the perfect word, the perfect solution.

March 13, 2024 0

“Just a Vacation” by Faith

There is an old joke about a young boy who could hardly wait to go to a local evangelistic service. He begged to go– he counted the days– he thought of little else. Surprised and a little curious, his mother finally asked him why he was so excited. He said, “Mom, they said on the radio that the evangelist is going to be talking about “just a vacation” by faith. I want to go along– especially if he’s taking us to Hawaii!”

Of course, the joke is that the boy misunderstood what he had heard over the radio waves– “Justification” for “Just a vacation.” The evangelist wasn’t promoting travel or taking time off from work, or relaxing on an exotic beach somewhere.

But I think we often make a similar mistake when we talk about Faith. We make it sound like a vacation– a vacation from worry; a vacation from consequences; even a vacation from reason and “justification” for our beliefs. We carry our Faith as a kind of talisman against bad circumstances, or like a “free pass” from worry or responsibility. “If I just believe it, I will receive it!” is a great meme, but we need to believe in Jesus Christ– not just our belief about belief.

Faith goes hand in hand with work. Faith, according to the writer of Hebrews, “is the substance of things hoped for– the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1 emphasis added) Faith is more than just positive or wishful thinking; more than just the power of hoping for the best; more than just acceptance of traditions and platitudes, or falling under the spell of a powerful speaker. It results in changed thinking and a changed lifestyle. Faith is transformative– our new life is evidence of our Faith IN Christ and His Holy Spirit working IN us! We don’t take a “vacation” from our old life or old habits– we change course. Faith isn’t momentary or circumstantial.

Nor is Faith about taking a vacation from responsibilities or hardships. Faith doesn’t magically make pain go away or trials vanish. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have cause to worry, or even to question, “Why?” Instead, Faith wrestles with such questions, and moves ahead, even when we cannot see over the next rise. Faith doesn’t make hard circumstances go away, or painful problems vanish. Hard times are still hard; pain is still pain, even with Faith. But Faith makes the seemingly unbearable, bearable. Faith gives us the endurance and the peace that helps us– with Christ– overcome whatever comes our way (See Philippians 4:12-13)

Faith doesn’t change our circumstances– it changes our perspective. Today is difficult– but today is not the same as forever. Tomorrow’s unknowns might be frightening, but so were yesterday’s trials. God was there with us then; He is with us today, and He has promised to be with us always. Our lack of faith doesn’t negate God’s promises, nor does our Faith cause them. But our Faith has a solid foundation– one that has been put to the test by millions of others over thousands of years and has not been found lacking! God is Faith-ful!

So when I pray today, I am not coming to God with wishful thinking or wondering if God will hear my prayer or be willing to act on my behalf. I trust that God knows my needs, hears my prayers and will answer according to His wisdom. He knows exactly what I need and when I need it– not just what I desire in a particular moment or when I think I would like my circumstances to change–but my true need. Whether or not that includes a vacation!

July 17, 2023 0

When God is “Too Early…”

We spend a lot of time wondering about God’s timing– usually when we are waiting for God to act as we expect! But there are times when God acts before we expect– sometimes before we even ask!

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Tucked in the pages of the book of Acts is a curious little story about Peter’s miraculous escape from prison. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts%2012&version=ESV

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Peter’s situation was dire. Herod had already killed James, the brother of the Apostle John; he was planning to make a spectacle of Peter, likely by having him executed at the time of Passover. In verse 5, we see that earnest prayers were being made for Peter’s rescue. But just a few verses later, when Peter shows up at the prayer meeting, everyone is incredulous– “you are out of your mind,” they told poor Rhoda when she brought the good news. They left Peter standing outside knocking and trying to gain entry to the prayer meeting being held for his rescue!

(Point of clarification— in verse 17, Peter says to “Tell James and the brothers” about his release…this is NOT the James who was martyred, but likely either James the son of Alpheus, or James, the brother of Christ, both of whom were leaders in the early church.)

God’s timing is not our timing– but God is ALWAYS “on time.” This can be difficult for us to accept. We may be waiting for a loved one to be cured, or for an abusive situation to be ended. When it ends in tragedy or death, we feel that God “didn’t show up on time.” But the same can happen when God seems to show up “too early.” We may wonder whether the rescue was really “of God” or just “coincidence.”

We must remember that God is not bound by time the way we are. We see time in one dimension–from the present going backward through the past. We cannot see the future; we cannot see “what might have been.” We cannot see at what moment God’s intervention will have the greatest impact.

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The rest of Acts 12 tells the “rest of the story,” one often overlooked. Peter reassured the believers, and then quietly escaped from Jerusalem. The next day, there was a massive search for Peter, which resulted in a sentence of death for the guards who “let him escape.” Herod’s campaign against the early Christ-followers was interrupted by political turmoil. But Herod, in his success and in his arrogance, failed to turn to God. “Immediately an angel of the Lord struck him down, because he did not give God the glory, and he was eaten by worms and breathed his last.” (v.23) The earnest prayers of the believers were answered in a way that far surpassed their expectations– not only was Peter rescued in a miraculous way, but God eliminated one of their fiercest enemies in a dramatic (and graphic) way! Not only that, but “the word of God increased and multiplied.” (v. 24)

Someone might say, “God could have removed Herod from authority long before He did.” Or, “God could have rescued Peter in a different way.” But who can argue that God was “early” or “late” in doing what He did? Who can argue that God “should” have acted differently?

As difficult as it may be to accept in the moment, we can learn to trust God’s timing and His ways. And when we pray, we must remember that God will answer us as He chooses–and it will always be “on time.”

February 27, 2023 0

At Just the Right Time..

⁴But when the right time came, the time God decided on, he sent his Son, born of a woman, born as a Jew, ⁵to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law so that he could adopt us as his very own sons. ⁶And because we are his sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, so now we can rightly speak of God as our dear Father.
Galatians 4:4-6 (Living Bible)

I went to the local farmer’s market the other day. All the “in season” veggies and fruits were on display– peaches, zucchini, sweet corn, some late raspberries, onions, tomatoes, various flowers, peppers, summer squash, pickles, and more! This is the season that we seem to be almost drowning in certain veggies– tomatoes and zucchini seem to top the list–and something needs to be done with them all. Canning, freezing, making jams and jellies, and baking double batches of zucchini bread, making salsa…it is a busy time.

It got me thinking about God’s timing. Sometimes, we might question– why does it seem that so many veggies all ripen at the same time? And yet–I enjoyed blueberries back in July; asparagus earlier in the year, and I’m waiting for apples and pumpkins to ripen later in the fall. God has made every good thing in its own season. There is a “just right” time for each veggie and fruit. And even in times when we might feel overwhelmed by the produce of one season, we have an incredible variety of other produce to fill out the year. And the abundance now, properly preserved, will carry us through the long days of winter.

God created seasons– and not just for fruits and vegetables. We go through seasons of life– childhood, becoming an adult, parenting, empty-nesting, aging– and each season has its own “fruit” of growing, learning, and changing. But God lives outside of human time– His “seasons” include the rise and fall of empires, and the wide and sweeping changes of the centuries.

So when God talks about Christ coming at “the right time,” we can be assured that God knew precisely, exactly when the time was “right” for that series of events. Christ will return at precisely, exactly the “right” time in God’s plan. Just like a flower that seems to take forever to bud, and then seems to open up overnight; so God’s plan seems mysterious to us on this side of time. Our perspective is so narrow that we tend to see only a small part of the whole picture.

This is true in our personal seasons as well. “When will I be older so I can…?” “When will I find the time to…?” “Where did the time go…?” And yet, everything comes according to God’s plan at the “right” time. This can be a comforting thought, in the midst of confusing circumstances. The same God who waited for the “right” time to enter human history controls all the “times” of my life. What ripens in my life– relationships, opportunities, even tragedies–comes at the exact moment the God has decided. Never a moment “too soon” or a nanosecond “too late.” While I may not understand or be prepared for events or circumstances, God is NEVER taken by surprise or shaken by “unexpected” harvests.

My job in going to the farm market is not to choose which fruits, vegetables, or flowers will be available. My job is to choose which ones I will purchase and use from what is already there. My job in going through life is not to control my circumstances and their timing, but to use God’s wisdom and provision to keep going, growing, and producing His “fruit” along the way!

I need to keep this in mind as I pray each day. God wants to listen to my heart– all my joys and all my concerns. But He already knows the end from the beginning. My job is to take it all to Him, and then trust Him (AND His timing) as I travel on. Everything will ripen in its season.

August 26, 2022 0

“Wait For It…”

Movies and television shows are breeding grounds for popular phrases that enter the culture and resonate with millions of people. Just utter the phrase, and nearly everyone in the group “gets” the reference. A recent American sitcom has made the phrase “Wait for it..” an iconic reference to comedic timing. It’s often the anticipation of a punchline, a pratfall, an ironic twist, that makes it memorable or noteworthy, and a clever person will use the timing to maximize the humor in a joke or prank.

We have an innate desire to see “what happens” next in life– “Where will I be in five years?” “Will I get the job?” “When will the baby come?” “Will she say ‘Yes’?” “Will the tests come back negative?” The last thing we want at such times is a clever, smug comedian sitting back and using our anticipation for his own entertainment.

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Often, the wait is exciting, short-lived, and rewarded with relief in the form of a pleasant outcome–She does say, “Yes!”; or the medical test comes back with good news. Sometimes, the anticipation of the “punch line” produces shared laughter. But sometimes, it seems that the “joke” is on us– the wait never seems to end, or the punch line comes with a gut-wrenching punch–we didn’t get the job; the baby comes too early; the plans and the hard work end in disaster and shame.

Some people imagine God sitting in Heaven, smug and distant, pointing at us and laughing, “Wait for it..” Every time they face disappointment, frustration, oppression, they raise their fists to Heaven and blame their creator for everything they haven’t gotten, every missed opportunity, every setback, every heartache. “If God really loved me, he would not let me be hurt/sad/poor…”

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But, when God says “Wait for it…”, he’s not talking about a punchline or an ironic twist of fate. He knows that bad things will happen, but he’s not asking us to wait for those things. And he certainly isn’t sitting back laughing at our pain and disappointment. He’s asking us to wait for something better. Something we cannot even begin to imagine. A restoration of all things– the dead brought back to life, the sick completely healed, the love we long for lavishly poured out in its fullness.

Anticipation is not part of a joke; hope is not corny or naive– it is built into the very soul of each person. We long for what we have never experienced, but what we know is “out there”. In this world, we will be left anticipating, because NOTHING can measure up to what God has in store. Even the best of relationships, the best of comforts, the best of experiences, will leave us wanting something more. And this is a gift, even though it can leave us disappointed, restless, and even hurt. In light of what’s coming, there is no loss or setback so great as to cancel out the hope and the promise that stirs within.

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It’s because of this that we can pray with confidence in the midst of our struggles, and with abandon in times of frustration and pain. We live in the finished work of the cross, but the unfinished and ongoing work of renewal and restoration.

Wait for it..

August 3, 2022 0

Time Flies

Yesterday had 24 hours, the same as every other day. Yet it seemed to zoom past, leaving me “behind” in getting my blog ready for today. So here I am, writing “under the gun” so that I can publish today.

Blogs like this don’t have “deadlines” in the sense of print publications or broadcasts. I don’t have advertisers or managers demanding that I have content by a certain time or date. There are no editors to determine the length of any particular blog post. This one is likely to be shorter than most, in fact. And God isn’t standing by waiting to scold me for being late today. It is my own sense of expectation that gives me grief.

But God has placed all of us in time and space with a purpose. We do not have the power to “stretch” time, to reclaim it, or to bargain for more of it. Time “flies”–and what we do in the time we have flies, too. And He wants us to give our time to Him first of all.

Falling behind on a blog entry is not a life-or-death matter. Falling behind in life is another matter.

I pray that today will be a productive day, a restful day, even a challenging day– and that, as it flies by, we will fulfill God’s purpose in it. And He’ll take care of the timing!

May 15, 2020 0

Tag: timing