vows – Pursuing Prayer

There are many great examples of prayer throughout the Bible, but there are two that are often used out of context and applied wrongly. One is found in the book of the Judges; the other in the Chronicles.

Jephthah was a mighty warrior– the son of a mighty warrior and a prostitute. He had several half-brothers, but they wanted nothing to do with him. He was an outcast for much of his life, but when things got tough, the people of the region changed their tune and begged him to be their leader and help deliver them from the oppressive Ammonites. Before going into battle, Jephthah prayed, and made a tragic vow. In fact, his vow has become a model of what NOT to do in approaching God.

Judges 11:30-31 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

³⁰Jephthah made a vow to the Lord and said, “If You will indeed give the sons of Ammon into my hand, ³¹then it shall be that whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the sons of Ammon, it shall be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering.”

Upon returning from his success in battle, who should come out of the door of his house, but his only daughter, singing and dancing in celebration of her father’s victory! Having made such a rash vow, Jephthah now has to fulfill it, and sacrifices his only child on the altar.

Many people read this passage of scripture and are shocked– how could God be so cruel? Why didn’t he stop Jephthah from making such a rash vow? How could he hold Jephthah to such a vow? Doesn’t this prove that God is either clueless or deliberately cruel? Either God knew that the tragedy would happen, and failed to prevent it, or he had no idea of the outcome.

But I think this is a misreading of events and a misrepresentation of God. Just before Jephthah makes his vow, the text states that “the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jephthah. He crossed Gilead and Manasseh, passed through Mizpah of Gilead, and from there he advanced upon the Ammonites.” People make note of the first part of verse 29, that the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jephthah prior to his making the rash vow. But we should note that God’s Spirit did not require Jephthah to make ANY vow. Jephthah’s vow was rash and ill-considered– these are not attributes of God or of His Spirit. And God’s Spirit came upon Jephthah before he crossed his own native territory– territory he had fled early in life. In crossing back through lands that now welcomed him after making him feel unwanted and ashamed, Jephthah gets cocky. His vow is not about saving his nation from harm and oppression, or about bringing God glory. It is about himself. He mentions himself five times; his enemies, God, and his sacrifice, each twice; Israel never.

Jephthah had an incredible opportunity, not only to save his nation, but to redeem his reputation and become a leader of might and integrity. Instead, he is remembered for his rash vow. I believe that God could have stopped Jephthah from making such a vow; and God could have kept his daughter from coming out of the house that day of her father’s return. But I don’t believe it was cruelty that prevented him from acting. I believe God is both omnipotent and good. Jephthah learned the hard way that his rash self-promotion had disastrous consequences. His daughter, who was innocent, could have berated her father, or cursed God– instead, she honored them both in a way that reflected her culture and teaching. We are given a shocking reminder not to play games with our unknown future. God does not keep us from our own folly, nor from its consequences, when we fail to seek His wisdom above our own pride.

In contrast, we see another prayer in 1 Chronicles:

1 Chronicles 4:9-10 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

⁹Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother named him Jabez saying, “Because I bore him with pain.” ¹⁰Now Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my border, and that Your hand might be with me, and that You would keep me from harm that it may not pain me!” And God granted him what he requested.

Once again, this prayer is sometimes taken out of context and misused to suggest that God is like a genie in a bottle, and that a pain-free life and expanded riches are ours just for the asking. If we pray the prayer of Jabez, and we don’t see an immediate change in our circumstances, we sometimes question God’s goodness and His provision– doesn’t He care about our needs? Doesn’t he hear our prayer?

Jabez, unlike Jephthah above, is described as honorable. His prayer is more balanced and conscious of God’s sovereignty. Jabez mentions himself five times, just like Jephthah; but he mentions God three times in supplication– asking God to be with him, help him, and bless him, rather than vowing what he can do for God if God grants him victory. Notice also the context of the preceding verse. His prayer is partly asking God to remove the sting and curse of his name, which meant “pain.” He is not asking for enormous wealth or power, so much as asking for God’s presence and blessing. There is a subtle, but important difference here. Jephthah is playing at making a deal with God– If you grant me a victory, I will make it up to you by offering whatever comes out of my house. Jephthah is asking for God’s help, but he is also vowing to give God “whatever comes out of the doors of MY house” (emphasis added). If a rat had come scurrying out, would Jabez have offered that? If it was a chicken or a lizard, or a lame sheep? And “whatever” came out of Jephthah’s house already belonged to God, and came from the hand of God, didn’t it?

Jabez comes with nothing and asks God to be his portion and protection. He makes no bargain with God contingent on God’s answer. There is nothing in this prayer that assumes God’s riches will be his or that God owes him anything; only the faith that God is able to bless him, and that God, in his goodness can keep him from harm.

Jephthah, or Jabez? Two examples…two very different outcomes. May we have the wisdom not to confuse the two, or lose the lessons they teach.

The month of June is “Anniversary Month” in much of my family. My parents and one set of grandparents were all married on June 1st. My brother and sister both celebrate anniversaries next week, as does my one of my brothers-in-law. Marriage is in trouble in our society– many marriages are ending in divorce, while others are choosing to wait longer before making a commitment or choosing not to marry at all.

We tend to celebrate marriage as being all about feelings of love, but marriage is really about making and keeping promises. Two people stand before witnesses and take sacred oaths to be faithful, to love, honor, and cherish (and yipes! sometimes even to obey) one another for the rest of their lives. And most people who take such oaths do so with honest intent. Why, then, does it seem to be failing so often?

Photo by Asad Photo Maldives on Pexels.com

One of the reasons has to do with expectations. We expect the same giddy feelings of delight we have during courtship to carry us dreamily into the future. And we expect that the way we act during courtship will be the norm– the “happily ever after” fairy-tale life of story books and romance novels. We expect that we will always be the same as we are now: young, carefree, beautiful/handsome, and eager to please and be pleased by the boy/girl of our dreams… This is unrealistic. And even when we say we know better, we hang on to unrealistic expectations for our relationships, just as we do for other situations and circumstances. Even our “soulmates” can disappoint us, fail to understand us, suffer failures and setbacks, battle depression or addiction, lose their youth and good health, and even question their feelings for us.

Another related issue is that we usually take vows when we are young and our future looks bright. Circumstances can change; plans can fail. War, disease, financial ruin, the loss or miscarriage of a child or children, forced changes in living arrangements or work schedules– all can put enormous stress on a marriage.

But not all marriages crumble under the weight of unusual or unexpected circumstances. Some seem to erode slowly, even under “good” circumstances. Why?

One reason I’ve seen as I look around is a seeming inability to make and keep small promises. We make big, broad promises at a wedding– “for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..” “’til death us do part…” But we don’t promise to forgive him when he leaves the toilet seat up for the fifth time this week, or wait for her while she tries on every one of the six outfits she can’t decide on for the upcoming class reunion. We don’t promise to compromise on which family we will visit for Christmas each year, or what color we will have in the dining room. We think of marriage as a series of negotiations (which it IS), but ones in which one of us “wins” and the other “loses.” And if we consider that we are the “loser” in enough negotiations, we feel entitled to “break” our little promises.

Almost two years ago, my husband suffered an injury at work. He “punctured” his leg–the injury wasn’t huge, but it was deep, and on the back side of the leg, where he couldn’t see it. He knew it hurt, but thought it would heal up. Instead, it became infected. We had to go to the local wound clinic for several months, but between visits, I had to change the dressings, wash the wound, apply the various antibiotics and salves, redress the wound, etc.. David was still working full time, so the dressings would sometimes get sweaty and dirty on top of everything else. I promised to be faithful “in sickness and in health”– and that included washing out the pus-filled wound and caring for the pus-soaked dressings; it included wrapping his leg every other night for weeks. We went through hundreds of yards of gauze and anti-stick dressings, tubes of several different antibiotic salves, special compression socks, etc. Hundreds of dollars and hours later, his leg is slowly getting back to “normal.” During this same period, I was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. David has had to be patient with me as I learn to eat (and cook) differently. He has had to help me with glucose testing, dealing with low-sugar episodes, and put up with mood swings (even more than normal!).

And our health odyssey could be much worse– what about those who have to deal with cancer or dementia? But I think sometimes we minimize the commitment needed for the smaller, chronic conditions. The stress may be smaller, but it piles up, just the same. Our promises need to hold in the daily crises– big and small. And our promises need to hold when there is no crisis– and no adventure, either. Many marriages fall victim to “smooth sailing.” Things settle into a routine, and promises that were made to sustain the marriage in the face of “richer or poorer” fall apart in the settled comfort of middle class complacency. Vows take for “better or worse” fall apart in the “blah” and boredom of “good enough.”

Marriage is designed to be a picture of our relationship with Christ. As Christians, we are the “bride” of Christ! But we may need to review our vows and our commitment. Christ is eternally faithful; are we? In our flesh and our frail humanity, we cannot remain faithful on our own. But where are we? Have we lost our first love? Are we committed to Christ even in the midst of chronic illness or small setbacks? Are we flirting with the world because we have become “bored” with our Christian Walk? Has our joy been eroded by our failure to share our little stresses and secret sins with the Lover of our Soul?

Often, when we take a moment to remember our wedding day, we are reminded of the commitments we made, and the joy we felt on that special day. It can be bittersweet, if we have let circumstances or feelings pull us away from the one we love (or if they have moved away from their commitment). But it can be a wake-up call, as well, reminding us that promises made and promises kept are what leads to long-term joy and security. It can be helpful to take a few moments (or more) every once in awhile to remember when we came to Christ, and be reminded of the commitment we made– and the promises He has kept!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah+31&version=ESV

Read Jeremiah 31 for more about God’s “marriage” covenant with Israel

https://www.openbible.info/topics/the_bride_of_christ

Use the link above to read more about marriage in the context of Christ and the Church