We like to point out scripture that assures us that God will hear (and answer) our prayers. We like to remember God’s promises of blessing and peace and grace. And we tend to ignore or forget that there are some prayers that God has said He will not hear or answer.
God will not answer prayers that are selfish, or hypocritical. He will not answer prayers offered in pride, self-righteousness, or unbelief (see Luke 18:9-14, and Hebrews 11:6). He will not listen to prayers offered by those who oppress the poor, those who worship idols, or those who practice violence. And He will not listen to the prayers of those who reject Him, and remain in sin. https://www.gty.org/library/questions/QA160/does-god-answer-the-prayers-of-unbelievers (Please note: I don’t totally agree with the general conclusion here, but there are several great references for the individual points..)
Please note that God does not say that He will not answer prayer based on WHO a person is–God does not refuse to answer prayers based on a person’s age, nationality, gender, physical health, mental health, height, weight, social status, or any other label, including their past religious affiliation! This means that a sincere prayer of a person who is seeking God may be heard ahead of (or instead of) a prideful prayer of someone who claims to be a Christ-follower.
God is sovereign and omniscient– He knows what is in each heart, and He answers, not according to who we are, but according to who HE is. And just as He can separate our sins “as far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12), and “remember (our) sins no more”(Hebrews 8:12), He can choose not to hear prayers that are offered with wrong motives or offered in defiance of His sovereignty and holiness.
None of this takes away from the fact that God DOES hear and answer prayer…God LOVES to hear from anyone and everyone who seeks His face. Nothing external can separate you from His love. Come with your anger, questions, sorrows, pains, gratitude, hope; bring your failures, your fears, and your triumphs. But God, like a wise father, doesn’t suffer fools and fakers. Even if you can fool your neighbors, friends, family, or yourself, you cannot fool God. He doesn’t want a false narrative– He wants you as you really are. He wants you to acknowledge who He REALLY is. And He will listen with an everlasting love and compassion to all such prayers!
Social media is a dangerous place these days. Everyone is an expert on something– pain, medicine, race relations, politics, religion… I’m an expert, too. I am an expert in my own opinion! I know all I ever need to know about how I feel, what I’ve experienced, how I would solve all the world’s problems, and what everyone else should know, do, and think.
And when I pray, I am an expert in what I want, and what God should do–right?
Turns out, the Bible disagrees with me. Prayer is not about telling God what I think He should do. And one of the things He doesn’t want me to do is go about telling everyone how much I know and how right I am about everything.
I know– it flies in the face of common thought and practice. But my words are not to be about how good I am, how smart I am, how righteous I am, how “woke” I am, or how tolerant I am. My words shouldn’t be all about ME. When I do speak (or write), it should be for one of four reasons:
To praise– to bring honor and glory to God for who He is and all that He has done. To rehearse and proclaim His good deeds and righteous acts so that others may hear and praise Him, too.
To encourage, build up, edify, or heal others. Words have the power to bring hope, energy, confidence, light, and love. They also have the power to destroy, devalue, and discourage. Finally, words have the power to suck energy, waste time, and bring confusion and chaos. When I speak carelessly, selfishly, or foolishly, it does nothing to build up others. (And it probably doesn’t do me much good, either!)
To speak truth and stand up for righteousness–not in an arrogant way, and not to win “points”, but to honestly and firmly defend what I know to be true. I must realize that there will be others who will stand in opposition to the truth and refuse to hear what I say. Others will misconstrue and misrepresent the truth. It is NOT for me to make them believe– only to stand up and give voice to the truth when I see it under attack.
To express unique and creative thoughts, which is part of praising my maker. Everyone has SOMETHING to say– something that expresses their inner thoughts and unique perspectives. That should cause me to take great joy. And it should cause me to take the same joy in helping others find their voice and share their stories and ideas. Not because I’m “right” about the world, or because they are “right” in their ideas. But because God gave each of us a voice. I can listen and not agree; they can do the same. But sometimes, in the act of listening, we do more to come to understanding and agreement than we ever do by speaking. And in being allowed to speak freely, we might listen to ourselves more carefully, too.
Jesus spoke wonderful parables, deep and thoughtful prayers, piercing sermons, and tender words of encouragement and love. But He also listened–not only to the critics and enemies, but to those who hid in the shadows; those who were outcast and oppressed; those whose voices were drowned out by the crowds. He was RIGHT! More than anyone ever, He had the right to be heard…He chose to listen as well as speak. Jesus was more interested in being Himself than being “right.” More interested in showing love than showing off. More interested in understanding than overpowering. Jesus spoke–but He also laughed, and wept, and lived, and listened.
I heard a riddle a few years ago, that went something like this: ”What kind of car would Jesus drive? A Honda–it says in the Bible that Jesus and his disciples were all in one Accord!”
While that pun may raise some groans, it also hints at a valid principle. Those who follow Christ should be “in one accord.” Whether we are riding together in a car, or sitting together in a service, or serving together on the mission field, we should be of one mind. But what does that actually mean in a practical sense? How does it relate to a pursuit of prayer?
To be “in accord” is to be unified, in agreement, in consensus, in harmony, with all the others of a group. It is the act of blending together for a single purpose– to match up with others in a single focus–to unite in one glorious expression. Think of a harmonic musical chord– three or more single notes being played together to make a fuller, richer, more complete burst of sound. The notes must act together– they must be in harmony within the scale, and they must be played at the same time. There is even such a concept in music of “resolving” a chord– first playing a chord in a minor key, then changing one or more of the notes to form a similar chord in a major key. The human ear is drawn to chords that “resolve”– music that ends on a “positive note.”
In human relationships, we also like resolution and harmony. As Christians, we are strongly encouraged to live in harmony and unity, living for others, so that we may “glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ with one mind and one voice.” (Romans 15:6 CSB) We are not to insist on having things “our way,” to resist those who offer Godly correction, or to be part of creating divisions. Instead, we are to refrain from selfish ambition, to remain faithful to Christ’s teachings, and to “resolve” conflict whenever possible.
Likewise in prayer. We should echo the prayers of others, as we seek God’s will to triumph over situations and circumstances. That doesn’t mean that we all have to intone the same rote words whenever we are together. But it does mean that we should support each other in prayer, just as we would in speaking to each other and about each other.
And that involves seriously evaluating how we speak and act and think about our fellow Christians. If we gossip or spread complaints about our Brothers and Sisters in Christ, we are NOT in accord, and our prayers cannot be in harmony with theirs. If we are waiting for others to see things “our way,” we should be very careful about how we pray– it may be that WE are the ones who need to reconsider, or it may be that we need to listen before we presume to judge. Being “in one accord” involves humility, kindness, gentleness, and a willingness to accept (and sometimes to give) difficult Godly correction. The goal is not for others to see things “my way,” but for all of us to see things God’s way!
And when that happens, our prayers will be like a symphony, built of gloriously harmonious chords. Just imagine how delightful it is to pray “in one accord,” knowing that our prayers not only reach heaven, but fill it with music!
“A Mighty Fortress is our God; a bulwark, never failing..” These words are known and sung (in various translations and languages) around the world. But Martin Luther wrote this song over four hundred years ago. What relevance can these words have in an age of nuclear bombs and globalized economies and climate change? What do they mean to us today?
I don’t live in a nation of many castles. There are two stone “mansions” in the small town where I live. They seem tiny compared to mansions in other parts of the U.S. and the world. And we have a small armory; home to a National Guard outpost. But a mansion (or even an armory) is not the same as a castle or a fortress. Mansions are built to be impressive; armories are built to be immediately prepared for disasters or attacks; castles are built to be impregnable and permanent. Our God is not just a fortress; one outpost among many mighty gods– He is The Mighty One–uniquely sovereign, eternally victorious, and perfectly protecting all within His power.
And this protection doesn’t depend on my might or fighting ability, or my weapons or strategies. It depends on my being inside the fortress, safe and sound. The war rages all around, but it cannot defeat me, so long as I am in the fortress.
There are mighty castles, forts, towers, citadels, and walls around the world– all built by people and victims of the ravages of war, time, weather, fire, bad management, etc. Over the years, types of fortresses have given way to new weapons designed to bring them down. Wooden forts are susceptible to fire; stone castles can be brought down by catapults, battering rams, and bombs. Underground bunkers can even be ruined by earthquakes or nuclear assault. And yet, we are still amazed at the power and legacy they represent. Many have stood for hundreds or even thousands of years. But God is eternal; His might and protection will never fail. No weapon forged or imagined can triumph over His power and sovereignty.
Prayer brings us into the safe and powerful presence of God Almighty. There is nothing of our worries, our guilt, our doubts, or the accusations of the enemy that can shake the foundations of God’s fortress. And the cornerstone is none other than Jesus Christ– unshakable, victorious, and eternally one with the Father and the Spirit.
That doesn’t mean that we won’t ever find ourselves in battle, trusting in God’s armor against the arrows of the enemy. But the war is already won– His Kingdom is forever! And ever!
I keep a prayer journal. I’ve written about it several times on this blog. I keep track of people and places to pray about every day of the year. But I also have a tool I call “Prayer Points.” Each day of the week, I like to focus on a different aspect of life around me. One day a week, I focus on family matters. Another day, I focus on finances. Yet another day is all about cultural influences. And one day is for community. When the weather allows, I love to take walks around my neighborhood. And as I walk, I think about how I can pray for my community. I pray for the local churches (including, but not limited to my home church). I pray for the local schools, our local community college, and our local day care facilities, and their influence over our children and grandchildren. I pray for our local businesses– the grocery stores, the insurance reps, the chiropractor’s office down the street, the local bakery, the museum across the tracks (the train station, while I’m at it). I pray for houses, parks, families and pets, trees and roads, too! I am amazed at how much I notice on my walks as I am thinking of ways to pray.
It’s winter in our area right now, so I can’t physically take a walk around the block without bundling up. But I can walk the perimeter of my small shop and mentally take a walk around the neighborhood, praying as I pace back and forth. I did this the other day, and couldn’t believe how quickly the time had passed! And next week, I can take another “walk” as I pray for gas stations, fast-food restaurants (as well as the local diners and bistros), the library, the post office, the hospital….
I post this, not as a model for everyone who reads this. Some people live in remote areas– where I grew up, there were only about seven houses and four fields on “my block”! And it may not be possible, or even safe to walk around your neighborhood praying for specific buildings. But mentally, we can each consider how to pray for “our” neighborhood. It may be your neighborhood at work, or on your commute, or at school. It may be the neighborhood of your closest village or your apartment complex or cul-de-sac. You may wish to draw a map to remind you to pray for those around you. You may be able to drive around periodically. You may wish to list your closest neighbors in a journal or planner.
It’s important for our prayers to be inclusive–to reach out and carry burdens for those around us. That doesn’t mean ignoring our own needs or concerns. But it can help put those needs in perspective. We are not meant to “do life” alone. We are part of our communities, whether we acknowledge it or not; whether we participate in community life or not. And that should find reflection in our pursuit of prayer.
Have you taken a walk around the block lately? Have you noticed situations around you that call for praise or petition? What are some of the ways you see God working in your neighborhood? How would you like to see more of God’s hand at work there? In what ways might God be calling you to become more involved in community activities or one-on-one with your neighbors?
What does it mean when someone says they have an “unspoken” prayer request? If you are new to Christianity or to prayer, this can seem confusing. Aren’t we supposed to present our requests to the Father? Aren’t we supposed to pray for one another? How can we ask someone to pray for us, and then hold back on giving a reason? Is that “cheating” somehow?
There are several reasons why someone may ask for “unspoken” prayer, and there is no reason why we should not pray just as fervently for an unspoken request. So why would someone be reluctant or even unable to speak their request?
Sometimes, they are passing along a request from another. Someone has shared a burden, and it seems too large for just one or two people. But the original request was not shared publicly, nor did the sharer give permission to share details in a group. It is important to honor the other person’s attempt to avoid gossip and oversharing.
Sometimes, the request involves a delicate personal situation– an unsaved spouse, an aging parent facing financial difficulties, etc.– and the details of a request might cause unnecessary pain or shame to another, or strain an already tenuous relationship.
Sometimes, the person asking for prayer cannot put their request into words. They know there is a problem, but they may not fully understand what they need or even want. Sometimes, a sudden change throws them into turmoil. Other times, an unrecognized problem has been looming, and they are taken by surprise. Sometimes, there are multiple issues and layers of issues that can’t be explained easily.
Sometimes, the person is ashamed of asking. They may feel like a failure for even asking. It may be an issue they thought they had overcome, and they are reluctant to admit that it isn’t resolved. They may not be ready to confess a secret sin, but they know they need help.
Whatever the reason, we should always be willing to pray, especially when asked to do so. But how can I pray for someone who won’t or can’t tell me what they need?
In many ways it is the same– If I know that “Sue” is battling cancer, I am still praying to the same God as I am for “Janet” who can’t tell me about her recent diagnosis or her ongoing battle with a wayward teenage daughter. Yes, I can be more specific in my prayer for Sue, but I can still lift up Janet as someone who needs God’s care, protection, and encouragement. I can acknowledge that God loves both women, and that God is the only one who can meet their needs. I can praise God that HE knows all; that He is sovereign over all, and that He cares about Sue and Janet (and Me) far more than I can understand.
What are some practical guidelines when praying for “unspoken” requests?
Honor the other person’s privacy. Don’t try to drag a confession or sordid details from someone who is already struggling to share their need for prayer. Your “need to know” all the details is less than another person’s need for earnest encouragement, compassion, and support.
Concentrate on the basics— don’t try to “guess” at specifics. Pray for their general health, well-being, growth, encouragement, and strength to persevere. If you know of an ongoing situation, don’t get bogged down on praying for just that issue. Use this opportunity to uphold your friend or neighbor, brother or sister in loving prayer, not intense scrutiny.
Do not cast judgment. It is NOT your place to decide whether or not the other person “should” be more open or share more details. It is NOT your place to decide whether or not the other person “really” needs your prayer. We all know people who “overshare,” and we all know people who seem addicted to drama. We all know other people who never open up or seem independent and self-contained. Their “unspoken” requests are still “real” requests– even if they are making the third one this week. Lift up your sister or brother with love, not exasperation or comparison with anyone else. Remember, you would not want someone else dissecting your life trying to decide if your prayer requests are “worth” their time.
Thank God for the opportunity to join God in loving others! If someone is asking for your prayer, it generally means that they respect and trust you to respond. God is giving you a unique and wonderful opportunity to join in His work! Prayer of this type is not a burden or an obligation. It should be a joyful experience.
Follow up. Let the other person know that you are praying for them. If possible, pray with them, remembering that this is not an opportunity to pry, poke, or condescend, but to uplift, encourage, and invite God to act! If you get the opportunity to do so, check in with the other person in a few days or a week, to let them know you are still praying.
Use this opportunity to build your relationship. ”In what other ways can I be praying for you?” ”Is there anything I can do for you?” Don’t make a fuss. They may (even probably will) say no. Don’t pry about details, but offer practical assistance, as well as prayer, whenever possible.
I try to use this model whenever I get an “unspoken” request– whether in person, as part of a prayer chain, or scrolling through social media. EVERY request is an opportunity. EVERY request deserves my eager and faithful response.
Prayer is a wonderful thing; sometimes it’s also a curious thing. Why do we pray to a God who is omniscient? If He already knows our needs, why do we bother to ask? If He already knows everything we’ve done, why do we need to confess? If He already knows about my neighbor’s cancer, why do I start a prayer chain?
Prayer is much more than sharing information with God. It is sharing my heart with God. What I pray, who I pray for, how and when and even where I pray– all come from my heart. God knows the information. He knows my heart, too. But He longs for me to take the time and effort to share it with Him (and to listen to His response!). God doesn’t want to be the one I turn to when I’ve tried all the other options. He is my Father, and He wants me to come to Him at every opportunity.
Moreover, when I pray, God is not surprised by anything I say, but sometimes I am! I find that one confession often leads to another– God already knew all that I had done and all about my attitude, but I lied to myself about my motive or about a small act or comment. Only in prayer does God have my full attention, and His Spirit uses that opportunity to help me see myself better, and clean the slate. Sometimes, I ask God for something I want, and God’s Spirit causes me to see what I really need, instead. Often, when I pray for someone I know, the Spirit will remind me of other ways I can pray for them, or bring another person to my thoughts. I may not know the other person’s need– but God already knows!
Finally, I find it a great comfort to pray to the one who holds everything together– the one who knows the end from the beginning, and everything in between. I don’t pray to a God who is kind, but ineffective. I don’t pray to a God who knows, but doesn’t care. God is the maker and sustainer of the universe; He is the lover of my soul, and the Almighty and Eternal One.
Today may be full of surprises– some good, some disappointing, some even overwhelming. God already knows. He knows our anguish, our hopes, our faults, and our triumphs (even the tiny ones). Many things about my life are difficult to understand or anticipate. I don’t have to know all the answers. I don’t even have to know all the “right” questions. God already knows!
When I was a late teen, and into my early twenties, I loved English pop music, including the duo, Wham! Their music was bubbly, upbeat (mostly), and easy to sing along to. I listened along, sang along, watched their videos, and danced along. When the duo broke up, I was eager to follow the rise of singer/songwriter George Michael, whose first two solo albums I bought and listened to, as well. But the tone of his solo music was different. There were danceable, singable tunes, but they were darker and more cynical. And many of the songs were less about enjoying life and more about social commentary, confusion, and even despair. The songs were well-crafted, but they were haunting, rather than enjoyable or uplifting. They spoke of sadness, depression, and world-weariness.
One of the songs that has haunted me for years was from his second album, “Listen Without Prejudice.” In it, he talks about greed, poverty, apathy, and a loss of innocence. It’s called “Praying for Time,” but the tone of the song suggests that time has all but run out.
And yet…
One of the ideas that still shines through the words of the song is that prayer–specifically praying for time–may be the only hope that we can still cling to. And in a time of darkness and hopelessness, prayer can reach beyond “wounded skies” to a God whose Grace extends even to His children who have “slipped out the back door.”
There is something about the idea of time as a gift from God that stays in the soul, long after most hope is gone. I think it is why we are so driven by the concept of time and time “running out” as we hustle through our busy lives. I think it is why we spend time avoiding “down time” and “alone time” and the quiet time we should take to reflect, meditate, and yes, even time to pray. And I think, too, that it is why we recognize that wasted time is a sin– that there is a purpose in our time on Earth that transcends having “fun” or living for our own selfish aims. George Michael often used “spiritual” words and phrases for his songs– often with a cynical twist, pointing out some of the hypocrisy he saw around him (and occasionally, within himself).
These are the days of the open hand They will not be the last Look around now These are the days of the beggars and the choosers
This is the year of the hungry man Whose place is in the past Hand in hand with ignorance And legitimate excuses
The rich declare themselves poor And most of us are not sure If we have too much But we’ll take our chances ‘Cause God’s stopped keeping score
I guess somewhere along the way He must have let us all out to play Turned his back and all God’s children Crept out the back door
And it’s hard to love, there’s so much to hate Hanging on to hope When there is no hope to speak of And the wounded skies above say it’s much, much too late Well, maybe we should all be praying for time
These are the days of the empty hand Oh, you hold on to what you can And charity is a coat you wear twice a year
This is the year of the guilty man Your television takes a stand And you find that what was over there is over here
So you scream from behind your door Say, “What’s mine is mine and not yours” I may have too much but I’ll take my chances ‘Cause God’s stopped keeping score
And you cling to the things they sold you Did you cover your eyes when they told you That he can’t come back ‘Cause he has no children to come back for
It’s hard to love, there’s so much to hate Hanging on to hope when there is no hope to speak of And the wounded skies above say it’s much too late So maybe we should all be praying for time
“Praying for Time” George Michael, Listen Without Prejudice, 1990 (lyrics taken from Lyrics.com)
In an interview, George Michael analyzes his own lyrics:
While he mentions “He” and “God,” it is clearly humanity he blames for the apathy and selfishness, greed and scandal, the “empty hand” and “wounded skies” mentioned in the song. And his repetition of “all God’s Children” and its counterpart, “no children to come back for,” is aimed at US– people who “slipped out the back door,” moving away from God and embracing our own wickedness. WE have entered this time of hopelessness and despair. WE have crafted it in our own ignorance, and then in our own pride and stubbornness. But we can still pray for time– time to repent, time to return, time to reach out to others with compassion and hope. What the song just barely misses is that prayer can open so much more than just time. Prayer can bring renewal, justice, redemption, and eternal hope! God hasn’t stopped “keeping score,” by any means. But He is holding back the wrath and judgment we all deserve, giving us time to seek Him! Most of all, we can pray, not with desperation, but with confidence– even in times of confusion and distress, because we have an Advocate, Jesus Christ, who hears all our prayers– desperate, confused, ashamed, angry, hopeful, offered with no more than a mustard seed’s faith.
George Michael, like all of us, lived in a fallen world. He was looking at the world, and seeing injustice, greed, apathy, corruption, violence, and the ravages of Sin. His own life was plagued with sorrow, tragedy, pain, injustice, drug addiction, betrayal, and the effects of Sin– both his own and others’. I don’t know if he ever found peace and hope in this life. I hope so. His gifted life ended early and tragically. But his song lives on with a warning, and a hint of promise, too.
We SHOULD all be praying for time– time to change. Time to repent, and seek God’s wisdom. Time to reach out to a darkened world with more than despair and dark analysis. To reach out with the Hope of Christ, who brings Redemption, Justice, and MERCY! We should be praying for time to meditate on the Goodness of God, as well as time to see the needs of others. We should be praying for wisdom to share our resources, and to multiply the good we can do– things that only God’s power can really accomplish. We should be praying for connection– restored relationships, and renewed fellowship with the Father. We should be praying for time to pray! Not just a desperate kind of prayer that this song suggests, but a lifelong pursuit of prayer that connects us to the Source of Hope, Joy, Peace, Power, and Love.
This year, while I don’t often listen to George Michael’s music anymore, I will be “praying for time.” And I will be investing more time in prayer! I hope you will join me in the time God has gifted us with this year!
For more analysis of the song and its relation to prayer see the following:
25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,27 and give no opportunity to the devil.28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
I grew up hearing that anger is a sin. Yet God experiences anger and wrath. And the Apostle Paul says in this passage that we are to “Be angry and do not sin” (Eph. 4:26a).
Anger is an emotion; feeding on anger, wallowing in it, stewing and screaming and acting out under the control of our anger– that is sin. That is why Paul goes on to say that we should “not let the sun go down on your anger ” (4:26b). Anger doesn’t have to be a bad emotion, but it is a bad master. We need to take control over our anger to resolve it, and let it go. In Genesis, God spoke to Cain about this very thing–Cain and his brother Abel had brought sacrifices to God; Abel’s sacrifice was pleasing to God, but Cain’s sacrifice did not find God’s favor. The sacrifices were voluntary– Cain and Abel were not in competition to see who could bring the “best” sacrifice. God had not ordered them to bring a sacrifice only to find fault with Cain’s efforts or the way he chose to present the sacrifice. The scriptures don’t even say that God rebuked Cain or pointed out a flaw in his offering. He simply found favor with Abel’s offering– Abel had brought the best he had; the firstborn of his flocks. Cain had brought “some” of his crops.
The difference in the sacrifices had nothing to do with the content or the manner of offering, but in the intent to worship God halfheartedly, instead of wholeheartedly. God saw that Cain was angry (as well as proud and envious of his brother). Instead of rebuke, God offered grace and wisdom:
Genesis 4:6-7New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
6 The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your countenance fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it.”
God doesn’t want us to deny our anger or pretend we are never angry. But He does want us to acknowledge it, and deal with it. Why am I angry? What should I do about it? Anger can motivate us to do the wrong things, but it can also spur us to change our course, and do something good. Righteous anger can spur us to speak out about injustice, and seek to correct wrongs. Anger can lead us to our knees, asking God for direction, strength, or His intervention and justice. King David often prayed angry prayers asking God to strike down the people who were plotting against him, or those who were doing evil or mocking God’s people.
I wish I could say that I had mastered this area, but I’m writing as much for my own instruction today as anything else. Here are some wonderful steps we can and SHOULD take to deal with anger:
Pray! Anger can strangle us, or it can sneak up and suffocate us, but the worst it can do is drive us away from our source of help and hope. God WANTS us to come to him. He reached out to Cain in his anger, wanting to draw him near and help him overcome it; He offers us the same help. God can handle our anger– he can give us the power to let it go, and direct our feelings appropriately.
Own it–Angry people tend to deflect responsibility. Yes, other people can say or do things that make you angry, but they can’t make you say or do sinful things in response to their actions. You still bear the responsibility for what you do with your anger– even “righteous indignation.”
Question it!–This is something I have found helpful. Just as God asked Cain, ask yourself, “Why am I angry? Why am I downcast?” And then, answer them honestly. Many times, the root of my anger isn’t justified–instead it’s “just a lie”. I have no right to be angry with someone else when I chose to waste time, cut corners, or neglect to do what was necessary. I have no right to be angry or outraged because someone else feels differently or sees a different side of an issue. In fact, if I keep listening instead of exploding, I might find compassion overriding the anger. I might even learn something new! Or I might better understand why I feel or think as I do, and be better able to explain it to others, instead of just yelling the same thing over again.
Deal with it–This is a difficult one for me. I don’t like confrontation. If someone hurts me, I just want to walk away and lick my wounds. And we shouldn’t confront others WITH our anger, striking out at them and seeking to hurt them. But I have found that a lot of anger and hurt that I have harbored is not only unjustified, but is based on misunderstandings and pride. It takes humility, but it also takes courage to seek out someone to offer an apology you don’t want to give, or to ask for clarification instead of harboring hurt.
Don’t spread it! “Don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath” is not permission to “vent” to seven (or seven hundred) friends by spreading your hurt and outrage until you feel calmer. This is particularly true in the age of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. In the short-term, this may seem right– “they need to know what is happening”– but it is just the opposite. Anger often leads to rash judgments, and hasty actions that we can’t undo or call back. If you are not talking with the object of resolving a misunderstanding, apologizing, or offering a positive solution, you are engaging in sin. The old saying, “If you can’t say something nice about a person, say nothing at all” applies here. And it applies about situations and circumstances, too. I am angry about various practices and policies by governments, companies, even churches; what I need to spread is not my anger about them, but awareness of how God can change them, and why we should be seeking His justice, His righteousness, and His grace toward those who have been impacted by them.
Repent of any anger-related sin. Remember, anger itself is an emotion. God experiences it; we are made in His image, so we experience it, too. But God’s anger is Holy; ours is often tainted with other feelings and thoughts– pride, envy, greed– or even other human frailties like misunderstanding, exhaustion, hunger and pain. Instead of feeling guilt over the anger, we need to turn away from the sin that overpowers us in our anger.
For more Biblical wisdom about dealing with anger, see the following:
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for.3 By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible… 6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Faith is essential to prayer. Not only is it essential that we know the truth, we must depend on it. Those who lift up general prayers to some unknown “force” in the universe have no real hope that their prayers will be heard, instead of bouncing around among the planets in silent expectation. We pray to a God who sees, hears, loves, and works among us. And He will answer our prayers– in His way, in His time, and to our ultimate benefit.
That does’t mean that we must blindly believe everything we hear about God, or that we must agree exactly with everyone else who claims to believe. None of us has ever seen God face-to-face, nor can we claim perfect knowledge. But there are certain truths that do not change– God is GOD; creator, ruler, unchanging and Holy. God is who He says He is, not who someone speculates or imagines Him to be. God is mysterious, but He is “Knowable”–we see His character in the natural world, and we can see His reflection in the people around us who are all created in His image. Most of all, we have the testimony of Jesus Christ and of all who have followed Him and been transformed by Him. To all who earnestly seek Him, He has given us His Word, and His Spirit to guide us. And God is Good. Even though nature (and human nature) has been tainted and twisted by sin, God remains true to His own goodness. Even in the hard times, when God seems distant–especially when He seems distant–faith looks beyond our present circumstances, and the taunts of our enemies, to remind us of God’s providence, His Power, and His promises. Our present trials and calamities are not beyond His ability or His willingness to turn to good purpose, and they do not compare to the promises God has given.
Faith is essential to prayer, but so is faithfulness. Prayer is part of a growing relationship with our Maker. And like any relationship, it must be maintained. God is eternally faithful, but we are not–not in our own power or in our own will. And our faith, without faithfulness (in prayer, in devotion, in our everyday thoughts and actions) will wither and die. The same thirst we have for prayer in the valleys of life should be present when we reach the mountaintops. The same need we have to cry out for help should be the need we feel to cry out in praise. This will not happen without discipline, developed by daily seeking His face.
As we approach a new year, we can make many plans and resolutions– let one of them be to strive for faithfulness, especially in our pursuit of prayer. We know it is the right thing to do. And our faithfulness is not just for us. It blesses the heart of the One who was faithful even unto death. And it shines as an example to those around us– inspiring some to faith, and others to renewed faithfulness.
Finally, let’s also resolve to move forward a step each day, remembering that “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV)
God’s mercies are new every morning. And our resolve should be renewed every morning. It is God’s faithfulness that allows us to work toward greater faithfulness. We will not keep our resolutions in our own power, nor will we keep them by remaining stuck in our past failures.
Let’s embrace the coming new year as an opportunity to stretch our faith muscles, grow in faithfulness, and move forward in mercy!
Pursuing Prayer 