Why Do I Pray?

I pray every day. But why? There are short, glib answers– “Prayer works,” or “The Bible tells me to.” Or I could say that it’s just a “good” habit, or that it “does something” for me. But prayer is more complex than that. I can give a lot of generic reasons for someone to pray. I can list (and have listed) many benefits of regular prayer. But what are my personal reasons for praying?

Prayer does “do something” for me– lots of somethings. Not every time; not always in the same measure, but prayer can:

Put me in a better mindset; it changes my focus and my attitude. When I pray, the world around me shrinks, along with all the worries and distractions it presents. Instead, I begin to focus on “God” things– the metaphysical reality that I am not the center of the universe, and my limited understanding is not enough to navigate life in its fullest sense. Jesus offers “abundant life” (See John 10:10)– life to the full. And prayer ignites that, taps into that, and lifts me from futility and confusion to meet with One who sees the end from the beginning.

“Recharge my batteries.” Prayer, meditation, “quiet time”– they are all similar, and they all have a physical benefit. Spending time in prayer can lower blood pressure, promote clearer thinking, and increase a person’s ability to withstand stress. Prayer can improve mood, but it can also improve the body’s ability to fight off depression, infection, and other stress-related issues. This is very personal for me, because I have struggled with stress and depression at various times in my life, and prayer can calm me, help me to change negative thought patterns, and endure hardship better than anything else. (Please note this does not mean that I don’t also need to do other things– proper diet, plenty of sleep, hydration are all necessary. Some people may require medication– prayer is not a substitute for good health advice, rather it is an integral part of being physically and spiritually healthy.)

Deepen my faith. God doesn’t always give immediate and clear answers to my prayers. In fact, it may feel sometimes as though He has forgotten me. So why continue to pray? Because God DOES answer prayer. Often, He answers in surprising and unexpected ways. Sometimes His answers come so slowly, so subtly, that I might miss them– if I weren’t keeping track. This is one of the great benefits of keeping a prayer journal or diary…I will often see an old entry, one that I had given up on or forgotten, and realize that God answered it weeks ago without any startling revelation or dramatic rescue. If I only pray when I expect God to do the impossible immediately, I may miss the development of something even more amazing that I imagined!

Become a vital part of my discipleship. Being a disciple literally involves discipline…I can’t say that I follow Christ part-time. Ignoring daily habits, like prayer and Bible study; failing to make time for fellowship with others; depending on my feelings instead of God’s Truth to guide my life– is hypocritical. Also, prayer should open my heart and mind to others who need to BE discipled. And this leads me to another benefit…Prayer can
Help me develop empathy for others. As I pray for others, I learn more about the struggles they face; I learn about their deeper needs. For instance, I may begin praying for someone with a chronic illness to be healed. And that is good. But as I pray for them daily, I learn that along with healing, they desire help with everyday chores that they can no longer do, or they need support and encouragement. Maybe they need rides to doctor appointments and tests. If I am praying for someone struggling with past mistakes or addictions, I learn to see with eyes of compassion and encouragement, rather than judgment and self-righteousness. It’s not just about praying for the “big” needs but learning to pray for (and find ways to help with!) intermediate needs as well. Finally, prayer can…

Remind me that I am never alone! I don’t pray to a brick wall, nor do I pray in a vacuum. I LOVE meeting with our local prayer group every week. I love hearing the others pray. I love being reminded that God listens to my prayers– The Father listens; The Son is my intercessor; The Spirit translates even my groans and mumbles–God delights in hearing from me! (See Zechariah 3:17; Hebrews 13:5; others)

So, Yes, I would say that “Prayer works.” But not in the sense that I can show that God has answered my requests exactly how or when I wanted. There are prayers I have prayed for most of my life that have not been answered “my way” yet. Reckoning with hurtful words and deeds from my past; family members who still haven’t accepted Christ; friends who are still facing the consequences of sinful life choices; situations and circumstances that I would like to see changed. And I don’t have any jaw-dropping evidence that my prayers can cure cancer or end world hunger or make my life problem-free. Quite the opposite. But I DO have evidence that Prayer has made a difference in my life; that I HAVE seen lives changed in ways that are impossible to explain away; that prayer is worth pursuing.

And that is why I pray.

July 18, 2025 0

Choices

I like having choices. When I go to a restaurant, I get a menu, with several choices– appetizers, entrees, beverages, desserts. I have choices at the grocery store– brand X cereal or brand Y, different sizes of laundry detergent, which cucumber to put in a produce bag– sometimes even a choice between paper and plastic and reusable bags! I have a choice to buy or rent a house or apartment/condo. I have a choice about the car I drive or the choice not to drive, but to walk or take public transportation. I choose which church to attend, or not to attend at all. I choose when I get up in the morning and when I go to sleep. I choose what to wear each day. I choose to obey the law, including speed limits on the highway and slowing down in school zones, paying whatever taxes are due, and registering for the census, voting, and other civic duties.

Many of these choices seem benign. It doesn’t really matter to anyone else which brand of cereal I buy or when I eat it, or even if I decide not to eat it, but end up throwing it out. It doesn’t matter to most people where I live, or go to church, or what I am wearing. It doesn’t hurt anyone else if I drive a couple of miles faster than the speed limit on a back road somewhere.

But some choices DO matter– they matter a lot. If I choose to drive at high speed through a school zone, I might end up accidentally killing a student or school worker. If I live in a house or apartment I cannot afford, or if I refuse to maintain my house or apartment, I may end up evicted or homeless. If I choose to use drugs– even prescription drugs– in an unwise manner, I may end up in the hospital or in the cemetery! And I may hurt others around me in the process.

I live in a nation that prizes “freedom” and “freedom to choose.” But in the past century, more and more voices are being raised in an effort to make all choices “equal.” And they are not. Many of our “choices” are in direct contradiction to the Word of God, to traditional values, and even to common sense! Our choices have consequences– some benign, and some catastrophic. Voices are shouting about their “right to choose” even as they are also raised in righteous indignation about others’ rights and choices.

I could speak to this for days on end, defending my own choices, and pointing out which “choices” break my heart or offend me. But I feel compelled to point out just three things to consider about individual choices:

How does this choice honor God? I think it is easy to focus on “big” choices when we think of this, but I have been challenged lately to see how even my “easy” and “little” choices honor Him. Does it really matter which brand of cereal I eat in the morning? Probably not. But what about brands and manufacturers that support causes that do not honor God? Most of the time, I am unaware of such considerations. But the money I spend on my favorite sugary breakfast treat may help sponsor evil. And if I am aware of which manufacturers are giving large donations to causes I despise, but I am still buying their products every week, I am helping to sponsor that evil.
How does this choice impact others? We DO have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do NOT have freedom from the consequences of those actions. “My Body, My Choice” looks good on posters and banners, but things like abortion or gender reassignment have an impact beyond a single person. Abortion always ends with the death of a second “body”– one without any choice in the matter. Gender reassignment impacts more than just one person– it impacts their present and future relationships, as well as impacting their future physical health and reproductive system. It is also important to establish whether my choices are made to try to please or influence others. It’s easy to blame others after the fact, citing “peer pressure” or claiming “I didn’t have another choice,” but is that really true, or was one choice just a lot easier or more popular than another? That same group that pressured you make certain choices– will they be there for you afterward? No matter the consequences? Will they still be your friends if you make a different choice?
Does this choice help me grow into a better person? Many of our choices come from wanting to be a happier, wealthier, or more popular person– NOT a healthier, more mature, or wiser person. And most of our choices focus on immediate gratification, rather than long-term growth. Doing something because you have the “right to choose” is not the same as “doing the right thing.” Doing the right thing often involves sacrifice and even a season of suffering. Our present choices–even the small ones– will impact our future circumstances, and our development as an individual. Eating a donut today may be tasty, but eating donuts every day may lead to obesity, diabetes or heart disease, and even a lessening of enjoyment for donuts– they’re no longer a tasty treat, but a habitual threat to my health!
Am I angry and defensive about my “choice?” Years ago, I was stopped for speeding on my way to work. Of course, I had been running a little late, and being stopped made me even later. I had to explain my tardiness to my boss, who dismissed the whole incident with a sly “next time, don’t get caught..” But one of my co-workers self-righteously handed me a two-page pamphlet on the evils of driving over the speed limit. At that time, I was indignant and offended. (I still would be a bit miffed– I don’t agree with either of the reactions I got that day, but that’s another post…) As I have grown older, however, I have come to value the three questions above– and it changes my perspective. I KNOW it’s “wrong” to drive over the speed limit. I know many people do it anyway and get away with it. But the bottom line is this–speeding does not honor God. It does not help anyone else, and could potentially harm someone. And it does not grow my character. I don’t automatically become a “good” person if I DON’T speed– let me be clear about that. But I do grow in character when my choices are made out of a heart that prioritizes God and others over my own selfishness (and procrastination!) When I find myself getting angry and defensive, I need to consider whether or not it is really guilt. If I wasn’t speeding that day, I wouldn’t have had any reason to be angry with my co-worker or ashamed of being “caught.” If someone is angry and defensive about his or her behavior, it is often brought about by guilt, shame, and a rebellious spirit, tired of defending what everyone else (and sometimes their own conscience) tells them is “wrong.”

We make choices every day– some benign, some “good,” some “bad.” Let’s pray for wisdom to make the best choices, confess the “wrong” choices, and offer encouragement and truth, rather than judgment, to those around us.

Today, I’m praying about the “choice” of abortion and its impact on my nation (as well as worldwide). In the 50+ years since Roe v. Wade attempted to make abortion “legal” in all 50 of the United States, over 60 million abortions have been reported in the U.S. during those years.* This figure does not include other nations, unreported (back alley or non-clinical) abortions, or natural miscarriages. Not only does this represent the “choice” to end the lives of over 60 million precious individuals, it represents millions of women (along with men and other family members) who have been impacted by the deceptive offer of “freedom” and the increasing pressure to make this “choice” seem both normal and healthy. For my friends, family, and others who have made this choice– my heart aches for what you have been through, and I rejoice with those of you who have found Grace and renewed hope through Jesus. God loves you– YOU, not your past choices– and welcomes you to choose Him today and every day. For those who have not been in a position to be tempted by this “choice”– I pray that we live with compassion, and that we stand up for and speak up for TRUTH and LIFE– not self-righteousness and fear.
* A more conservative estimate still places the number at well over 40 million
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/03/25/what-the-data-says-about-abortion-in-the-us/
https://www.statista.com/statistics/185274/number-of-legal-abortions-in-the-us-since-2000/

The Offer of Life or Death

¹¹Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. ¹²It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, “Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” ¹³Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, “Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” ¹⁴No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it. ¹⁵See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. ¹⁶For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. ¹⁷But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, ¹⁸I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. ¹⁹This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live ²⁰and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
Deuteronomy 30: 11-20 (NIV)

²At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” ⁸Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
⁹At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”|
¹¹“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
St. John 8:2-11

August 30, 2024 0

Prayer in the Cyber Age

I attend a weekly prayer meeting at our church. A small group of us meets one morning a week to share prayer concerns, pray for our pastors and church workers, missionaries, community members in need, etc. It usually lasts just about an hour. On a “good day,” we have about seven people.

I grew up in a small rural area, and our little country church had a weekly Wednesday evening prayer service. On a “slow night,” we might have seven people. Sometimes, we had thirty or more (nearly half the church congregation)! They lasted about an hour and a half. When I was in college, we had groups that met once a week for prayer. It wasn’t always the same group, but it met at the same time, and, again, we sometimes had as many as thirty in attendance– for prayer. Often, we met in a dorm room, so it was cramped, and many of us were sitting or kneeling on the floor. Once, we had a fire drill, and my feet had “fallen asleep” and I had to be helped as we walked to the exit!

I don’t say this to disparage our current small group, but to point out some of the differences between life in the 1970s, 1980s and today. My current church has activities every Wednesday evening, and much larger attendance than the little country church ever attained. And prayer is still a small part of the Wednesday evening programming. Prayer is encouraged in small groups, individually, and we pray during service. But sustained time set aside for prayer– what the old hymn refers to as “Sweet Hour of Prayer”–in a group setting is becoming more of a rarity.

There are many reasons for it– some good, some not so good.

On the “good” side, it must be noted that corporate prayer today has expanded far beyond the traditional in-person prayer meeting. Prayer can be skyped, group-chatted, zoomed, and conference-called. Prayer can be “hosted” in one location, with satellite groups around the world praying in real time together. In such ways, thousands, and even millions of people can be joined in prayer. This is an amazing development!

And, along with such developments, prayer has become far more global, and far more immediate. I can receive a text or e-mail notifying me of a prayer request from nearly anywhere in the world, and know that I am joining with a host of other Christians when I stop and take a few moments to pray right then.

So what’s the “downside” of cyber prayer?

Speaking as one who has lived the experience of meeting with the same people at a dedicated time over many years specifically to pray, I have observed the following benefits:

In-person prayer meetings offer a more intimate time of fellowship, compassion, and service. I’m not just seeing other people on a screen, reading a text message, or even filling an auditorium seat as part of a huge “movement”– I’m sitting in a circle, breathing the same air, hearing the same hum of the furnace or fluorescent lights, the sound of others breathing, sighing, or even crying quietly around me. Sometimes, I’m holding another person’s hand, or giving them a hug. I am not just among fellow believers, I’m with family. We get to know one another in a deeper way. I know their families, their personal struggles and victories. I learn the rhythm of their prayers, and the issues closest to their hearts– and they know mine! And that can be a scary thing at first– building the kind of trust that intimate fellowship demands. But it pays off a thousand-fold!

In-person prayer meetings are also focused in a different way. Cyber prayer usually focuses on a specific need– sometimes an immediate, or even temporary issue. In-person prayer focuses on the long term discipline of praying. I have prayed with groups over years for lost relatives or unresolved health issues. And while that may seem depressing to read about, in practice it teaches patience, and deepens faith. As a group, we see God’s answers develop according to HIS timing and HIS plan. Sometimes, we see issues resolved quickly; other times, we see how God strengthens us in our trials; and still other times we see God do surprising and miraculous things just as we’ve almost given up hope. And there are some answers we may never “see.” But, primarily, we are not praying for an outcome– we are praying as a pursuit of Christian living; developing a life of prayer, faith, and obedience. We spend much of our time in prayer lifting up requests, but we also spend much of our time in praise, worship, adoration, confession, and thanksgiving– because prayer is a holistic pursuit.

Which brings me to another benefit, one that may not seem obvious at first. Meeting consistently and weekly for prayer is a habit. It builds a character of faithfulness and true compassion like very little else I’ve encountered. God can “show up” wherever two or three are gathered (see Matthew 18:20), and because God is beyond time and space, He can be present in a church meeting room, in cyberspace, or in outer space! But we are temporal. We have to learn patience, hope, and faithfulness. We learn to be trustworthy of the feelings and confidences of others by sharing our hearts. We learn to serve by the practice of serving those around us over an extended period of time. We learn patience by waiting on the Lord, stopping our busy, deadline-driven, goal-oriented lifestyle to make time for the development of our faith.

Finally, in a post-COVID society, sustained, regular, corporate prayer is also sustained, regular, corporate fellowship. We live in an increasingly isolated society. With more people on the earth than ever before, we are more lonely, depressed, anxious, and self-absorbed than ever before. Even in Church! Many people attend service regularly, but still feel unconnected and uninvolved. And others get “involved” in every activity, often burning themselves out trying to “outdo” themselves (or others). Activities that promise fellowship can sometimes fall “flat” in the face of social expectations. We attend, hoping to “get something” out of an experience. We want to be entertained, challenged, encouraged, uplifted, etc. But often, our expectations are not met. We don’t feel included, or we feel overwhelmed. We imagine we are being compared to others (or we do the comparing!), and feel that we fall short. We don’t know enough, do enough, are not “enough.” And we give up. We give up on the church, on other Christians, on God.

Committing to attend a weekly prayer meeting pulls us “out of ourselves.” We learn to pray for the needs of others. We learn to share our own needs and allow others to pray for us. We learn to be transparent and authentic. We learn to forgive.

Prayer is amazing– in any form. Communicating with the God of the Universe is an unspeakably miraculous opportunity, made possible BY God, THROUGH God, for OUR benefit. Prayer in the cyber age is diverse, global, immediate, and effective. But let’s consider the blessing of old-fashioned Prayer Meetings, and not forsake the practice of meeting together (see Hebrews 10:25) , in person, with no other goal than to spend a sweet hour in prayer!

April 5, 2024 0

Do Be Do Be Do…

I was reading the other day, and thinking about how often we read the Bible with preconceived notions. We sometimes think the Bible is a guide that tells us what to do or not to do. But a good portion of the Bible tells us, not what to do, but how to be. Even the Ten Commandments don’t tell us what to do— rather they tell us what we should NOT do.

God has given each of us free will, and created us with distinct skills and personalities and sets of circumstances. We will not– indeed we cannot– all do the same things. God doesn’t expect it of us. And He does not expect us to earn our salvation by what we do. What He does expect is that we will do those things that bring us closer to Him and closer to the people we were meant to be. His power will take care of the rest.

We have a tendency to get caught up in what we (and what others around us) are doing; we tend to judge and compare and criticize. Instead, we should concentrate on who and what we are becoming:

We want to learn–but do we want to be teachable?
We want to make money– but do we want to be generous?
We want to build a reputation– but do we want to be honest and reliable?
We want to have friends– do we want to be available?
We want a family–do we want to be intimately known and knowable?
We want freedom–do we want to be responsible?
We want justice– do we want to be just?
We want happiness–do we want to be content with what we have?

Jesus didn’t give His disciples a long “to do” list. He didn’t give them detailed lists of things to do. He gave them “Beatitudes”– “Be” “Attitudes”

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:3-12

Of course, much of who we are and who we become depends on what we do. And it is important to do what is right and honorable, just and compassionate. But it’s the “being” that is the goal, not merely the “doing.” God knows we cannot “do” what it takes to be perfectly righteous in our own power. But He will give us the guidance, the strength, and the encouragement to “become” more like Him as we live out the above attitudes.

October 16, 2023 0

Holiday Poison

Yesterday was Thanksgiving across the U.S. Many families enjoyed a large dinner, surrounded by family or friends. Traditionally, this dinner might include turkey (or ham or both!), vegetables and fruits (potatoes, sweet potatoes, green beans, baked beans, corn, squash or some kind of greens, cranberries or cranberry sauce, apples or fruit salad), dressing, stuffing, rolls, and/or bread, and some dessert, such as pumpkin pie, pumpkin roll, apple pie, or cake. It’s a holiday which focuses heavily on food and eating.

Because of this, it is also a holiday that carries the risk of food poisoning. Turkey and other meats, if not cooked properly or long enough, can make people sick. So can leftovers that are left out too long or not stored properly after the big meal.

But there is another kind of poison that can ruin Thanksgiving. It may not make us immediately physically ill, but it is not less dangerous. It is the poison of ingratitude. Like salmonella or other types of bacteria, ingratitude can be invisible. It can hide, waiting to attack without warning, causing everything to have a bitter aftertaste. It may cause violent reactions, such as rage, or lie dormant, causing depression, apathy, or a general dissatisfaction. And just like food poisoning ruining a holiday built around food, ingratitude is a natural problem to have during a time set aside for thankfulness.

One of the most insidious forms of this holiday poison comes through comparisons–we gather to be near family we love, only to compare ourselves with them. Which one is happier? Wealthier? More popular? More intelligent? Better looking? Is the host’s house nicer than mine (or is my house “good enough”)? Did I work harder? Did my contribution to the meal taste “better”(or was it passed by– again)? Why am I still sitting at “the kids’ table?” The list is endless of the petty grievances that we allow to overwhelm our intentions to be thankful and live in peace. Someone says something to “push our buttons,” or they seem to ignore us completely.

Another form of holiday poison spreads from person to person–complaining, venting, sounding off, moralizing, criticizing, blaming…what began as a thankful, joyful gathering becomes a snake pit of biting, poisonous talk. And we react. We take the bait, become defensive, get sucked into that political discussion we vowed to avoid, or we revisit old wounds we thought we had put behind us.

But unlike food poisoning, bitterness and ingratitude are choices. We can’t always choose our circumstances, nor can we choose what others say or do. But we DO choose our reactions and our attitudes. I can blame someone else’s anger or selfishness for my bitterness, but they didn’t MAKE me succumb to their poison. I can compare myself to others and feel arrogant or inept, but no one forces me to live someone else’s life or measure up to their circumstances.

God has given each of us life and breath, and a purpose. Some of His gifts to us are universal and exactly the same for each person. He has given us each 24 hours in each day; He gives sunshine and rain, day and night, and air to breathe. But some of his gifts are unique to each individual. Our response should be to open our unique gifts, so we can enjoy them and use them, NOT waste time coveting someone else’s gift when we have neglected even to open our own.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

I wish I could say that “holiday poison” was easy to avoid– it’s not. It is human nature to grumble and whine and wish for what we do not have. But it IS possible to get healing. It starts with humble confession. We DO wish for what we do not have–and the more we deny and try to bury our failings, the more susceptible we are to the poison they can bring. If we confess our feelings of inadequacy, our desire to have “more” or “better” in life, we can turn to God freely and let Him give us a better perspective. Suddenly, we “see” blessings where we used to see burdens, we can see hope where once there was only grief, and we see opportunities where we only saw obstacles before.

And God’s power to transform our attitude is just one more wonderful thing to be thankful for!

November 26, 2021 0

I Just Want Them to Be Happy…

..but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3b-5 ESV via biblegateway.com

I once had to drop out of a thread on social media. (Actually, I’ve had to drop out of a number of threads, but that is neither here nor there…) The thread was about parenting, and priorities. The main thrust was that, as a parent, one’s top priority was to make one’s children “happy.” If your child wanted a particular toy for her/his birthday, you would certainly do whatever you could to get “that” toy. If your child wanted the latest fashion in shoes, you would certainly try to buy them. If your child wanted to be successful, you would do whatever you could to see that he/she got into the “best” schools and had the “best” opportunities in life. And if they wanted to do something of which you disapproved, you would still encourage them to follow their dream– if it would make them happy. Of course, this didn’t include letting your child abuse drugs or become a criminal. But in general, it meant sacrificing and taking a back seat to your child’s emotional well-being.

Photo by Kampus Production on Pexels.com

On the surface, this seems like good parenting. Of course, I don’t “want” my child to be miserable, or unsuccessful, or “left out.” And I don’t want to impose my dreams and wishes onto my child, or live my life through him/her. I would not wish hardship and suffering to come to anyone, especially those I love. Except…I want them to develop endurance, and character, and hope, and compassion, and wisdom, and humility, and faith. And all these things come from suffering, losing, and learning from difficult experiences.

I dropped out of the thread for a couple of reasons: I have learned that whenever the subject of parenting comes up, my experience (or lack thereof) makes my opinion “invalid” to those who disagree. “You’ve never had children. You don’t know what it’s like.” But I know what it was like to BE a child, and to have parents. I’ve observed the results of parenting by others, both good and bad. I know that even good parenting can’t guarantee “happy” teenagers! And even “bad” parenting can produce children who break the cycle and become adults of integrity and joy. The other reason I held back was that, in my experience, those who post such threads only want their own opinions confirmed. The people posting on this thread were not “bad” parents–in fact, they probably would agree with me if we had the time to sit down and talk through the issue. But one of the downfalls of social media is that we want short, pithy advice, instead of long and serious discussions. We don’t want nuances; we want comfortable “likes.”

I don’t want my family members– my step-children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and cousins, etc.–to be defeated by suffering. I don’t want them to be overwhelmed by depression and anxiety. I don’t pray for them to be hurt or frustrated, because “it’s for their own good.” But I do pray that they will learn strength and courage, faith and trust, hope and joy as they overcome struggles, conquer fears, fight life’s battles, and walk in obedience to the One who has won the final victory. I don’t “just” want them to be happy. I want them to find the lasting joy that comes from developing a Godly character. That may bring me to tears when I see them fighting illness and hardship, persecution, depression, and other setbacks. But it also keeps me on my knees and reaching out as they understand that I’m there whether they’re sad, or angry, or hurting– and so is the God who loves them forever!

Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com

July 23, 2021 0

Lord, Lord!

²¹Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²²Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy by thy name, and by thy name cast out demons, and by thy name do many mighty works? ²³And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Matthew 7:21-23

In just the past three weeks, three of my family members and one of my friends have made the decision to be baptized as a public declaration of their decision to live for Christ. All of them (and the others who were baptized at the same times) were baptized by immersion, signifying that they have, spiritually, died to self, been buried, and are raised with Christ to eternal life. This is not a step to be taken lightly, and I have confidence that all four (and more) of those I know are serious in their passion to follow the Lord.

When I write about prayer as a pursuit, I hope to convey that prayer is part of a larger pursuit of seeking God. And seeking God must include acknowledging Him as Lord above all– especially self. Jesus warned about people who claim to follow Him in word, but do not obey Him. It is, unfortunately, very easy to “speak Christian-ese”: to sound righteous and reverent when we are around others who claim to believe, but justify behaviors that may or may not stem from selfish motives.

There are obvious examples of hypocrisy in our world, but in His famous “Sermon on the Mount,” Jesus warns that many who seem to be doing good deeds, and “talking the talk” will not be part of God’s eternal kingdom. We are not to be seduced into thinking that God will be impressed by charitable giving, memorizing Scripture, or working on the Mission field if we are not willing to repent of our “secret” sins and false attitudes. And it is not for us to point fingers at “other” hypocrites– it is for us to humbly assess whether or not we are truly acting in obedience and submission to our Lord, or satisfying our own selfish desires and hoping for God’s stamp of approval.

Prayer should be a two-way communication. We pray to God, but we also listen for God’s guidance, wisdom, conviction, and encouragement. And we must act in obedience, and confess our disobedience if we want to “keep the slate clean” and keep a close relationship. When we refuse, we are just giving God lip service, and using His name to impress others and deceive ourselves. Others may judge us on appearances, but God sees what is in our heart. And “in that day” (v. 22), He will not let imposters through the gates of Heaven.

The Good News is that Jesus doesn’t leave us hanging in verse 23. He goes on to say, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house upon the rock..” (Matthew 7:24) Jesus is our Lord, but also our Savior and our Advocate. When we call on Him AS our true Lord, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins (1 John 1:9), and His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3a)

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The act of Baptism alone does not have the power to save us. The practice of prayer alone has no saving power. But the pursuit of a relationship with Christ depends on such acts of obedience, humility, and trust. And the other good deeds that come from that relationship will not only help others, but will please God and strengthen that relationship. Instead of hearing, “I never knew you,” we can hear, “well done!” Not because of what we’ve done, but because of the partnership we’ve developed in God’s work.

May God bless all those who have recently taken the step of Baptism. And may we all continue to pursue that relationship of dying to self, being buried with Him, and rising to new life in Christ!

July 21, 2021 0

Risky Prayers

When I was a teenager, I read about Solomon and how he prayed for wisdom. God granted his request, and made Solomon the wisest ruler in Israel’s history. He also blessed Solomon with riches and fame, peace, and power. (see 1 Kings, chapter 3) I thought about what I should pray for in my own life– what attribute would I need as I became an adult, a wife, a parent, etc. I prayed for patience.

When I said that I wanted to pray for patience, several wise and respected adults cautioned me NOT to pray such a prayer! “You know what will happen…God won’t “give” you patience…He’ll bring all kinds of things into you life to “teach” you patience. You never pray for such things. It’s like asking for trouble. Be careful what you pray for.”

Looking back almost 40 years later, I would have to say that God answered my prayer. And, as I was warned, He allowed things to come into my life to try my patience and develop my patience. I remained unmarried until I was 46. I never had children of my own. Perhaps some people would wag their finger and say, “See, I told you so.” But I would not change my prayer or change my life’s circumstances. God’s answers were not what I expected, but His ways were better than my expectations. I wanted patience so that I could better handle life’s little ups and downs– so I could be the kind of wife and mother who was always composed; always at peace. Instead, I worked with teenagers and toddlers– many of whom knew very little peace at home. I wasn’t perfectly composed. Sometimes, I yelled at my class, or lost my temper with colleagues. Sometimes, I had to deal with crises–students who died in tragic accidents or by suicide; toddlers at story time whose parents were going through divorce or facing cancer. And all the while, I waited for the husband and family of my hopes and expectations.

I had prayed for patience– and I found it ONLY when I depended on God. All those years I was single and working with “other people’s” children, I learned to lean on God’s timing and wisdom. Even through the pain and tears, and wondering why God seemed silent and my dreams seemed to be out of reach, God was there, listening to my cries, giving me strength to keep going. And He is still doing the same for me now. My circumstances and expectations didn’t change who God was. But they helped shape who I was becoming, and who I am today.

During this time, I also watched peers who seemed to “have it all.” They had beautiful families, beautiful houses, handsome husbands, and fast-track jobs. But underneath, they were lonely and unfulfilled. Many of them ended up divorced, disillusioned, or burned-out. Some of them have turned (or returned) to God; others still struggle, trying to do everything their own way, and trying to juggle too much alone.

God doesn’t demand that we pray “risky” prayers. But when we choose to follow Him, we will have to take some risky steps. We may have to let go of our expectations; we may have to go through rejection and hardship. But what God has in store for us is worth the risk.

I’m not wealthy or famous. I wouldn’t recommend that everyone pray for patience, or wisdom, or some other virtue, thinking that God will make life easier or richer. (I think that’s what worried some of the people who “warned me off” praying this way.) But if you want to know God in a richer, deeper way, it will require a leap of faith.

What “risky prayer” have you been putting off? Today is a perfect day to take that next step. I promise, you won’t regret it.

May 7, 2021 0

Tag: character development