Recipe for Prayer

I love to cook. I’ve been cooking for most of my life, and sometimes, I don’t use a recipe. Often, it’s a dish I’ve made so many times, I make it from memory. Other times, I’m adapting for ingredients I have, or substituting one cooking technique for another.

But I don’t recommend creating a new dish without a recipe or guideline. Cooking is a lot like chemistry– too much of one ingredient, or leaving out another one entirely, can result in disaster! You can’t just throw together a little of this and a little of that, cook it for who knows how long, and expect good results.

The same can be said for pursuing prayer as a lifestyle. I use a “recipe” for prayer. And yes, there are times when I vary from it. But a good, healthy prayer LIFE should contain the following four ingredients:

Praise/Worship/Adoration: After all, we are not praying to an unknown being with unknown qualities. We are praying to the One True God, whose marvelous attributes are worthy of unending praise. If I am praying regularly, and NOT praising God, what is the purpose of my prayer? It can devolve into a laundry list of my complaints, worries, wishes, and whims, instead of being a conversation between a child and her Beloved and Faithful Father.

Confession/Repentance/Review: This ingredient is a stumbling block for many people. If we have been forgiven, why do we need to confess or repent? God already knows our deeds, and Jesus’ death and resurrection have already removed our sins as far as the East is from the West, right? Right. But Confession is not about beating ourselves up over wrongs we cannot undo. Rather, it is simply agreeing with God about our condition and actions. Yes, Jesus has forgiven me. But I need to acknowledge who I am before Him. I am forgiven, not by being better than someone else, or even better than I was before, but because God has extended His Grace and Mercy. And if I don’t remind myself of this fundamental truth, I may forget, and begin to believe that I no longer “need” God’s mercy in my life.

Asking/Requests/Supplication: Supplication is an old word that means asking or pleading. Once again, this can be a stumbling block in a couple of different ways. As with confession, God already knows what we are going to ask. He already knows our needs. Saying them isn’t about making God aware; it’s about giving us a chance to seek HIS mercy, HIS will, and HIS answer. And it’s about acknowledging HIS sovereignty in all aspects of our life. I can’t count the number of times I have asked God for something, and realized that I was not really asking, but rather trying to dictate to God what I wanted to have happen. If I’ve started with the first two ingredients above, I quickly realize that, while God knows what is in my heart, He also knows what is best– and often that is much larger or better than I can imagine!

Thanksgiving/Responding/Yielding: The last ingredient in a healthy prayer life is a heart bursting with Thanksgiving and willing response to God’s Love and Care in my life. Prayer is, at heart, a conversation we have with God. And part of any good relationship is affirming that bond. If I talk with my friend, and even ask a favor, or share some of my burdens, I don’t just walk away without acknowledging how much their friendship and love mean to me– regardless of whether they respond immediately to my request. And I don’t listen to their loving advice and support and walk away as though they never spoke. Prayer should include a time of saying, “YES!” to our relationship with Jesus. YES, I trust you. YES, I gladly accept Your will and all the blessings You have provided in my life. YES, I will obey you and follow you!

Of course, every prayer and every pray-er is unique. Some prayers will have more asking than confessing; others will be “heavy” on Thanksgiving (especially those coming up later this month!). But it is good to stop and consider how the “ingredients” of prayer are producing a harvest in the way we live and the way we pursue a Godly lifestyle. For more about this topic, see https://www.dailyeffectiveprayer.org/prayer-acronym/ and also https://proverbs31mentor.com/acts-prayer/.

November 20, 2024 0

“I Would Prefer Not To..”

Years ago, our high school class read a classic short story by the American author, Herman Melville. Bartleby the Scrivener tells the story of an unusual clerk– one who begins as a good worker, efficient and conscientious, but ends up dying in prison, hopeless, ruined, and broken. His tragic downward spiral begins one day when the lawyer for whom he works asks him to examine a short document. This is a commonplace request, much like asking a writer to proofread her final draft before submitting it to the editor. However, Bartleby responds by saying “I would prefer not to.” The startled lawyer decides not to force the issue, and gives the task to someone else.

Bartleby’s refusal to do what is expected of him escalates until he no longer does ANY work. He refuses to work, refuses to leave the office, and refuses to eat. He isn’t angry or violent, but he remains defiant until the very end.

So it is with us when we are living in sin and rebellion against God. It may start out small– some little habit or attitude. We know it is wrong, but instead of obeying God’s word, we calmly say, “I would prefer not to…” not to tell the truth, not to turn away from porn, not to help my neighbor, not to agree with God about my behavior.

8 The Lord is merciful and gracious,
    slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹He will not always chide,
    nor will he keep his anger forever.
¹⁰He does not deal with us according to our sins,
    nor repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
¹²as far as the east is from the west,
    so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:6-12 (ESV)

God is patient. He is gracious and kind. He does not treat us as our offenses deserve. He gives us the chance to repent. He offers forgiveness. But every time we say to God, “I would prefer not to,” we get a little more like Bartleby– isolating ourselves, wasting our potential to be all that God created us to be, growing more defiant and more rebellious, until we waste away into a prison of our own making, and, finally, death.

One of the things that makes Melville’s story so disturbing is that the narrator keeps trying to explain away Bartleby’s defiance–perhaps he is having trouble with his eyesight and doesn’t want to admit it; perhaps he was traumatized at a previous job; maybe there is a reason for his passive aggression. But in all of his attempts to understand, the narrator cannot save Bartleby from prison and death.

Understanding sin cannot change us. Excusing sin does nothing to stop its consequences (see Romans 6:23). No one killed Bartleby, yet he died because he “would prefer not to” do the things he needed to do to live. His small act of defiance, which starts out singular and almost heroic (after all, who wouldn’t like to tell the boss, “I would prefer not to,” every once in awhile?), sounds innocuous. Such a little thing to refuse. Surely God would not punish us for so small a thing…until one small thing leads to another…and another; a bigger rebellion; a numbing complacency; loss of perspective; a heart of stone; isolation; starvation; imprisonment; death.

What am I refusing to do for God today? What am I refusing to give up? Refusing to admit? Refusing to listen to? Am I excusing myself? Do I tell myself I am not in rebellion because I have been polite in my refusal to obey? Do I comfort myself that my rebellion is really just a matter of “preference,” and will not be consequential? That God’s Holiness is less important than my comfort or convenience?

Many people coast through life in the belief that God is SO merciful and SO loving that He can’t also be Holy and Just– that His commands are really suggestions; that His wrath is mythical; that our own wisdom is sufficient for living a “good” life and pleasing Him. But God isn’t concerned about whether we live a “good” life– He wants us to have an abundant life– filled with joy and peace, love and relationship, both now and forevermore. In fact, He would “prefer not to” punish us. He is not “willing” (i.e. desirous) that any should perish (2 Peter 3:9), but that everyone would some to repentance. That doesn’t mean that He won’t punish those who refuse to obey Him, or those who refuse to turn from their rebellion and trust Him; only that He will continue to give us the opportunity to recognize our need for forgiveness.

¹⁰If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. ¹¹These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.¹²“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. ¹³Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. ¹⁴You are my friends if you do what I command you. ¹⁵No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
John 15:10-15 ESV– taken from biblegateway.com

God has made it possible for us to be more than servants. We don’t have to respond to God as Bartleby responded to his boss– though God has the ultimate authority to demand our loyalty and obedience. Through Jesus, we are sons and daughters and friends! When God gives us commands, like “Love one another,” they are still commands. But His heart is that we should trust that all of His commands are righteous, life-giving, and in our eternal best interest. But some of us are still saying, “I would prefer not to.”

October 7, 2024 0

Pharisee Prayers

⁹He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: ¹⁰“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed^[a] thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. ¹²I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ ¹³But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ ¹⁴I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 19:9-14 (ESV)

I study prayer. I write about prayer. But I am not an “expert” on prayer. That is not to say that one cannot become proficient in prayer or learn to pray “better.” But prayer is ultimately the pursuit of a relationship. I can pray eloquently in public. I can pray earnestly at home. I can pray fervently every day. And I will still pursue prayer– “more” “deeper” “better” prayer.

But it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that my relationship with God is based on my own efforts. That the “more” or “better” I pray, the more God will listen; the more God will accept me. That is a lie. God doesn’t want my “best.” He wants my all. He wants me to come to Him “just as I am”– not in an idealized version of myself.

Jesus spoke of this kind of prayer in the parable of the Pharisee and the Sinner. The Pharisee knows how to pray eloquently about himself. He is confident in his own righteousness. He does not need to ask God for anything. He really doesn’t need to thank God for anything. He has secured his own righteousness in his own eyes, and he wants to thank God for noticing (and surely rewarding?) his goodness.

We are sinners saved by grace. Yet we often act like sinners saved by our own cleverness in accepting God’s gracious gifts. Sure, Jesus paid a price for our sin on Calvary– but that was nearly 2,000 years ago. We are saved! We are justified! We “get it.” And our prayers are offered up in pride and self-confidence. God will hear us. God loves us. God will be impressed by our discipline and our fervor. When we do this, we are like the arrogant Pharisee in the parable. Such prayers do not honor God. They do not honor the work of the Cross. They do not reflect a right relationship with our LORD and Savior.

However, we are not exactly like the Sinner in this parable, either. If we have confessed our sins, and believe on Jesus Christ, our sins HAVE BEEN forgiven, and we have been justified. We do not need to offer sacrifices or beg for mercy over and over again for our past offenses. Our guilt has been washed away. We come humbly, but we come as sons and daughters of the King– co-heirs with Jesus.

God does not want wimpy, doubtful prayers. He does not want us to waver or hide from Him. He wants us to come boldly to the throne of Grace (See Hebrews 4;14-16). But we do so knowing that it is Jesus’ righteousness that gives us the right and His love that gives us the desire to come. It is the finished work of the Resurrection that makes us confident. We should pray honestly and humbly–whether in thanksgiving or confession of new sins– but with confidence and joy in our restored relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Let us never forget that we pray to an all-powerful, Holy God, who is also gracious and merciful. We can come with TRUE thanksgiving for what God has done; for who He is; and for who we are IN Him.

“Lord, I thank you that YOU are not like other men and women. I thank you that You have made a way for me to be cleansed. I thank you that no matter what I have done, or what I do, Your love for me never changes. And I thank you that You listen to, and answer my prayers! You are Holy, Faithful, and True.”

September 13, 2024 0

Choices

I like having choices. When I go to a restaurant, I get a menu, with several choices– appetizers, entrees, beverages, desserts. I have choices at the grocery store– brand X cereal or brand Y, different sizes of laundry detergent, which cucumber to put in a produce bag– sometimes even a choice between paper and plastic and reusable bags! I have a choice to buy or rent a house or apartment/condo. I have a choice about the car I drive or the choice not to drive, but to walk or take public transportation. I choose which church to attend, or not to attend at all. I choose when I get up in the morning and when I go to sleep. I choose what to wear each day. I choose to obey the law, including speed limits on the highway and slowing down in school zones, paying whatever taxes are due, and registering for the census, voting, and other civic duties.

Many of these choices seem benign. It doesn’t really matter to anyone else which brand of cereal I buy or when I eat it, or even if I decide not to eat it, but end up throwing it out. It doesn’t matter to most people where I live, or go to church, or what I am wearing. It doesn’t hurt anyone else if I drive a couple of miles faster than the speed limit on a back road somewhere.

But some choices DO matter– they matter a lot. If I choose to drive at high speed through a school zone, I might end up accidentally killing a student or school worker. If I live in a house or apartment I cannot afford, or if I refuse to maintain my house or apartment, I may end up evicted or homeless. If I choose to use drugs– even prescription drugs– in an unwise manner, I may end up in the hospital or in the cemetery! And I may hurt others around me in the process.

I live in a nation that prizes “freedom” and “freedom to choose.” But in the past century, more and more voices are being raised in an effort to make all choices “equal.” And they are not. Many of our “choices” are in direct contradiction to the Word of God, to traditional values, and even to common sense! Our choices have consequences– some benign, and some catastrophic. Voices are shouting about their “right to choose” even as they are also raised in righteous indignation about others’ rights and choices.

I could speak to this for days on end, defending my own choices, and pointing out which “choices” break my heart or offend me. But I feel compelled to point out just three things to consider about individual choices:

How does this choice honor God? I think it is easy to focus on “big” choices when we think of this, but I have been challenged lately to see how even my “easy” and “little” choices honor Him. Does it really matter which brand of cereal I eat in the morning? Probably not. But what about brands and manufacturers that support causes that do not honor God? Most of the time, I am unaware of such considerations. But the money I spend on my favorite sugary breakfast treat may help sponsor evil. And if I am aware of which manufacturers are giving large donations to causes I despise, but I am still buying their products every week, I am helping to sponsor that evil.
How does this choice impact others? We DO have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do NOT have freedom from the consequences of those actions. “My Body, My Choice” looks good on posters and banners, but things like abortion or gender reassignment have an impact beyond a single person. Abortion always ends with the death of a second “body”– one without any choice in the matter. Gender reassignment impacts more than just one person– it impacts their present and future relationships, as well as impacting their future physical health and reproductive system. It is also important to establish whether my choices are made to try to please or influence others. It’s easy to blame others after the fact, citing “peer pressure” or claiming “I didn’t have another choice,” but is that really true, or was one choice just a lot easier or more popular than another? That same group that pressured you make certain choices– will they be there for you afterward? No matter the consequences? Will they still be your friends if you make a different choice?
Does this choice help me grow into a better person? Many of our choices come from wanting to be a happier, wealthier, or more popular person– NOT a healthier, more mature, or wiser person. And most of our choices focus on immediate gratification, rather than long-term growth. Doing something because you have the “right to choose” is not the same as “doing the right thing.” Doing the right thing often involves sacrifice and even a season of suffering. Our present choices–even the small ones– will impact our future circumstances, and our development as an individual. Eating a donut today may be tasty, but eating donuts every day may lead to obesity, diabetes or heart disease, and even a lessening of enjoyment for donuts– they’re no longer a tasty treat, but a habitual threat to my health!
Am I angry and defensive about my “choice?” Years ago, I was stopped for speeding on my way to work. Of course, I had been running a little late, and being stopped made me even later. I had to explain my tardiness to my boss, who dismissed the whole incident with a sly “next time, don’t get caught..” But one of my co-workers self-righteously handed me a two-page pamphlet on the evils of driving over the speed limit. At that time, I was indignant and offended. (I still would be a bit miffed– I don’t agree with either of the reactions I got that day, but that’s another post…) As I have grown older, however, I have come to value the three questions above– and it changes my perspective. I KNOW it’s “wrong” to drive over the speed limit. I know many people do it anyway and get away with it. But the bottom line is this–speeding does not honor God. It does not help anyone else, and could potentially harm someone. And it does not grow my character. I don’t automatically become a “good” person if I DON’T speed– let me be clear about that. But I do grow in character when my choices are made out of a heart that prioritizes God and others over my own selfishness (and procrastination!) When I find myself getting angry and defensive, I need to consider whether or not it is really guilt. If I wasn’t speeding that day, I wouldn’t have had any reason to be angry with my co-worker or ashamed of being “caught.” If someone is angry and defensive about his or her behavior, it is often brought about by guilt, shame, and a rebellious spirit, tired of defending what everyone else (and sometimes their own conscience) tells them is “wrong.”

We make choices every day– some benign, some “good,” some “bad.” Let’s pray for wisdom to make the best choices, confess the “wrong” choices, and offer encouragement and truth, rather than judgment, to those around us.

Today, I’m praying about the “choice” of abortion and its impact on my nation (as well as worldwide). In the 50+ years since Roe v. Wade attempted to make abortion “legal” in all 50 of the United States, over 60 million abortions have been reported in the U.S. during those years.* This figure does not include other nations, unreported (back alley or non-clinical) abortions, or natural miscarriages. Not only does this represent the “choice” to end the lives of over 60 million precious individuals, it represents millions of women (along with men and other family members) who have been impacted by the deceptive offer of “freedom” and the increasing pressure to make this “choice” seem both normal and healthy. For my friends, family, and others who have made this choice– my heart aches for what you have been through, and I rejoice with those of you who have found Grace and renewed hope through Jesus. God loves you– YOU, not your past choices– and welcomes you to choose Him today and every day. For those who have not been in a position to be tempted by this “choice”– I pray that we live with compassion, and that we stand up for and speak up for TRUTH and LIFE– not self-righteousness and fear.
* A more conservative estimate still places the number at well over 40 million
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/03/25/what-the-data-says-about-abortion-in-the-us/
https://www.statista.com/statistics/185274/number-of-legal-abortions-in-the-us-since-2000/

The Offer of Life or Death

¹¹Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. ¹²It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, “Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” ¹³Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, “Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” ¹⁴No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it. ¹⁵See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. ¹⁶For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. ¹⁷But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, ¹⁸I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. ¹⁹This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live ²⁰and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
Deuteronomy 30: 11-20 (NIV)

²At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” ⁸Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
⁹At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”|
¹¹“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
St. John 8:2-11

August 30, 2024 0

Afraid to Pray?

Are you ever afraid to pray? Afraid that God will not hear, or worse yet, that God will hear but reject your prayers?

The Bible has much to say about fear and our worship of God and in our conduct before God. We are supposed to have a healthy “fear of the Lord.” After all, God is Sovereign. He holds absolute power over life and death, both in this life and throughout eternity! We should have the kind of awe and respect we have for one whose power is so great. We fear forces of nature, such as fire, floods, earthquakes and tornados. We should be afraid of God’s power in relation to our own. But what does this mean in relation to prayer? Does fear have any place in our pursuit of prayer?

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:16-19 (ESV)

The “fear of the Lord” has to do with God’s power and authority to punish sin. We live in a fallen, sinful world, and we are fallen, sinful people. Our natural response is that of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden– to hide from God, and try to avoid His righteous judgment against us. Those whose consciences have been seared will lose this healthy and natural fear– they will be proud in their defiance against God. They will say that God is not sovereign or Holy; that He does not have the power to judge them; that they can “bargain” with God about their eternal destiny– they will even deny His very existence. Others will claim that God is Holy, but not “Good.” They claim that He is disposed to judge harshly; that He is vindictive and without mercy; that He demands too much of us. On the other end of the spectrum, Christians and others can become so disposed to seeing God as their friend and advocate that they forget His awesome Holiness and Power. Christians have no reason to be afraid of God, but we have every reason to stand in AWE of Him!

The Truth of God, as revealed in Jesus Christ is that God is LOVE– perfect and everlasting Love! While He has the power and the authority to judge, it is His desire to lavish mercy on us! Such love should compel us to run TO God, rather than run away from Him! We fall on our knees in worship and adoration, not in abject terror.

So what could still cause us to be afraid to pray?

Perhaps we are still in sin, or we have strayed back into sin. Christ has already paid the penalty for Sin– it has no real power over the believer who “abides in God.” But it still has the power to draw us away from God and damage our relationship so long as we hide it, refuse to confess it, or repent of it. Even as we know that Christ has paid the price for our Sin, we also know that we need to abide in His Love to grow into a more perfect relationship with Him.

Perhaps we are holding on to old patterns of thinking and old guilt. Satan is an accuser. Even after we have confessed our sin and received God’s forgiveness, Satan will try to keep us enslaved to our guilt and shame. He will try to bring it to mind, or have others treat us with condemnation or condescension, so that we feel unforgiven or unlovable. We need to follow the advice of the Apostle Paul:

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

Photo by Rubenstein Rebello on Pexels.com

God’s love is PERFECT. But our love is not. Sometimes we are praying, not out of love, but out of duty or even selfish motives. We pray for God to give a green light to our wants and desires and plans, rather than listening for His wisdom and grace in our situation. We pray for God to “change” that person who annoys us or persecutes us, rather than praying for God’s blessing on them, and listening to the ways He may want to “change” us! Sometimes we cannot see the wisdom of an outcome we don’t like, and we are afraid of the unknown path we must take– even with God’s continued presence by our side.

We don’t have to be afraid to pray. But when we feel apprehensive, it may be a sign that we NEED to pray–honestly telling God what He already knows and asking for the grace and wisdom to listen to what He so lovingly wants to tell us.

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens—Jesus the Son of God—let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.Therefore, let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need.
Hebrews 4:14-16 (CSB)

June 5, 2024 0

May Day Mishaps

Today is the first of May– May Day. May Day has a long history, with pagan origins tied to the celebration of late spring or early summer. In many European nations, there would be dancing around a May Pole, or May bush, floral garlands, and floral bouquets offered at various shrines, including to the Virgin Mary. In some communities, girls vied to be crowned the “May Queen,” while stories were told of fairies. May Day was popular in the United States for many years around the turn of the 20th century– with parades, flower baskets, and more. It is less popular in modern times, and many of the floral parades and festive outings take place around Memorial Day, instead.

When I was a child in elementary school, we made paper “flowers” and a small paper coronet with a loop handle for May Day. I remember making daffodils, hyacinths, and tulips out of construction paper and other craft materials, and making the coronet “baskets” out of decorated paper cones. We glued or stapled the pieces together to take home. Then, we were encouraged to loop the handle over the door knob at the front door of our house when we got home, knock, and run and hide around the corner. Presumably, our mothers or babysitters would see the gift of flowers and wonder who could have left them there. It was a fun game to play, and a way to celebrate the season of wonderful spring flowers.

Unfortunately, when we did this in kindergarten, my flowers got trampled on the bus. It was a rainy day, and my flowers fell in the aisle, where a boy stepped on them with muddy sneakers. They were ruined. I cried and cried, and another boy on the bus gave me the flowers he had made. It was a thoughtful gesture– one I’ve never forgotten– but I remained desolate. I told my mother the whole sordid story, and she told me that, in her day, they had picked wildflowers, such as violets and even clovers, and tied them with a string to leave on someone’s porch. Then she took me outside, and we made a small bunch of violets with a couple of “Dutchman’s Breeches.” I didn’t get to surprise her, but we had such fun looking for wildflowers together.

I loved this game so much, I decided to go a step further the next year. We made paper “bouquets” at school, just like the previous year. Mine stayed clean and dry, and I hung it on the doorknob and mom pretended to be surprised. But later, I took one of our juice glasses from the cupboard, and picked a nice bunch of my mom’s live daffodils and hyacinths, a couple of her irises, and a tulip. I tried to arrange them in the juice glass, but it was too short and small to hold all the flowers I had picked. I left it on the porch, near the door, and knocked and hid, waiting to see my mom’s delight at her “surprise” bouquet. But instead of delight, I heard her wail– “Oh, no! My flowers!” The glass had tipped over, the flowers lay limply all over the porch, and the glass had rolled onto the ground. I thought I had made a wonderful surprise. Instead, I had made a mess. I had picked almost all of Mom’s best daffodils, and all of her pink hyacinths. I had trampled some of her other irises to get to the one I wanted. She only had a few tulips, and I had picked the only red one.

My intentions were good, but my execution was poor. And the result was disappointing and hurtful to us both. Mom didn’t realize I was right around the corner hearing her dismay, and I didn’t realize my “gift” would fall so flat.

It’s been over 50 years since my “May Day Mishap,” but there are some lessons I have never forgotten:

Picked flowers die! Mom wasn’t angry with me for wanting to pick flowers, but she knew that picked flowers would wilt and die. In later years, Mom loved receiving hanging flower baskets, and planters with live flowers. And we had many memories of planting live annuals in the front yard or at graves near Memorial Day– flowers that might take root and spread joy throughout the summer months. In the same way, there are so many “showy” projects that vie for our attention– projects that may seem urgent or offer quick rewards like status or money. We are tempted to “pick” projects that will make us look good or feel good in the moment. But the really important projects are those that have lasting impact, even if they don’t “show” as well. We are wise to invest in “little” things that have lasting impact over “big” but fleeting activities and investments.
When giving gifts, it really is the thought that counts! My mom was just as delighted by the “second-hand” flowers I got from my classmate as she was by the the ones I made the next year. Not because his were “better” than mine, but because they demonstrated that I had a good friend at school with a kind heart. My “mishap” gift came, in part, because I wanted to give a “better” gift, not because I wanted to delight my mom, but I wanted to impress her. My mom was a saver– she saved all my old school papers, old valentines, birthday cards, and more. And she saved letters from her friends and family– over eighty years of them! Not because the cards and letters themselves were so wonderful, but because each one came with good wishes. She had an entire farmhouse of good wishes and thoughtful memories when she passed away in 2023.
Relationships are more important and more valuable than resources. I loved looking for wildflowers with my Mom that year of kindergarten. It’s one of my favorite memories of May Day. And I still remember the kindness of my friend, Ken, whose heart has since led him to the mission field on more than one occasion. No May Day flowers will last over fifty years, but friendships and relationships can and do!
Forgiveness is sweeter than flowers. I was so astonished to think that my error in judgment had caused my mother pain– and yet, when she found me, she hugged me tight and gently offered both forgiveness and correction. She demonstrated exactly the way our Father loves us. So often, I want to come to God with a bouquet of praise, or a basket of good works, leave it before His Throne and run away and hide. But God isn’t impressed by my flowers or my grand gestures. He wants to spend time with ME. Every year, he sends fields of wild flowers; in every season of life He sends friends, helpers, and other blessings. And, more than anything, He wants to share all of it with me. Not because I deserve it, but because He is so full of love and forgiveness. He wants to remind me to “come home” to His gracious arms. He is not waiting to scold me, punish me, or make me feel small. He wants to hug me, and with patience and gentleness, He will offer His Love, and correction. No matter what “May Day Mishaps” I may have.

This May Day, I am encouraged by God’s faithfulness, His forgiveness, and the power of His love. I hope you are, too!

May 1, 2024 0

We Are Family…

The Bible is filled with images of family–long lists of “begats” and genealogies, parables about sons and fathers, brothers, weddings, brides and grooms…God is even described as our Father, with Christ as “the son.”

One of my hobbies is genealogy– tracing my family’s roots back through several generations and several different places. While the Bible warns that we should not get caught up in “endless” and vain genealogies that lead to false pride and foolish divisions (1 Tim. 1:4/Titus 3:9), there are many good reasons to pay attention to families, family histories, and family dynamics.

First, the family is God’s design– God instituted marriage, parenthood, and family units. It is God’s will and purpose that we should not live in isolation and self-absorption, but learn to depend on and be responsible to others. Families honor, protect, love, provide, comfort, teach, encourage, build and work together. Even in a broken world, filled with dysfunctional and chaotic family relationships, the purpose and design of “family” is still part of God’s good and perfect plan for living. Broken families and toxic relationships are not a failure of God’s plan– they are the result of Sin’s power to distort and corrupt the Good that only God can create. The great news is that God also has the power to restore and redeem individuals and families; offering “rebirth”, adoption, and an eternal “inheritance” within His family!

Second, families can teach us about the astounding and limitless love of God. There is something about the bonds of familial love that stretch us beyond our regular capacity to hope, to sacrifice, to share, to grieve, to endure, and to forgive. Who has seen a mother or father go hungry so their child can eat; or a sister or daughter donate her kidney or bone marrow to help heal a family member? Or a father carry his son who could not walk, or a wife who visits her aging husband when he no longer knows her face? How can we see such devotion and not be struck by how much greater, wider, deeper, and more eternal the Father’s love is for each of us?

Third, family (particularly the idea of genealogies and long family histories) teaches us the eternal nature of God. We live our lives as part of three or four generations– a span of 70 or 80 years for many of us–and we concentrate our efforts on “making our mark” for less than that entire span. But even the longest of our lives are so short in the span of God’s plan for His people. We have one lifespan to play an important role in the story of centuries. When we fail to understand that role, we can miss our sense of purpose in life. Sometimes, we overestimate our own importance or miss the significance of our own legacy. Even “important” people are forgotten, or have their legacies tarnished or rewritten in the pages of history. And those people who never made the history books are often the inspiration for actions and movements that span generations and change nations. When I study the history of my own family, I find lives that were cut short by war or disease– yet these lives shaped the lives (or were the lives) of my ancestors, and without them, I would not be who or how or where I am today. Maiden aunt, baby brother, empty seat at the table– every life touches others in ways that God alone truly comprehends. “Coincidental” meetings, “unplanned” children, migration patterns, epidemics– all loom large in a single generation, but they all become part of the fabric of each person’s “history.”

Lastly, genealogy reminds us that we are all one enormous family! There is so much talk on the news and online about all our differences– language, culture, skin tone, beliefs, skills, abilities, interests, even diets!– and it is important to note that God loves variety and created us each with unique and precious differences to reflect His infinite character. But sin twists our differences into conflicts; sin spreads lies about God’s character, and thus, about how we (or others) reflect, honor, understand, acknowledge, or obey our amazing creator. Differences may cause division in our broken world, but they do not cancel God’s mercy or limit the reach of His love for us all.

This lesson is being brought home to me in a secondary way as I see the time approaching for my 40th high school class reunion. Of course, we are not all directly related. And we are all the same general age, rather than being multi-generational. But it struck me that our class has been very much like a family– we grew up together; we learned to get along (most of the time), to share, to work together, to understand and appreciate our differences and our unique gifts–we send birthday greetings and share pictures, we laugh together, grieve together, share fond memories and special connections with one another. We pray for one another, argue with one another, encourage one another, and challenge one another. There are some who have distanced themselves–whether through physical distance or emotionally– from the rest of us. Some have even ended their earthly journeys. But that doesn’t make them any less a part of our class/our family. We are short and tall, thin and stout, hairy and bald, dark and light complected; we are single, married, divorced, and widowed– some with children still at home; some with no children at all. We are rich and poor, healthy and ill, walking around with scars and wounds and unresolved questions, arrogant assumptions, or chips on our shoulders. And we are optimists and mentors, healers and teachers, helpers and protectors. We are loud and quiet, social and task-oriented, driven and laid-back, dreamers and doers. And in my genealogy research, I have made genetic and marriage connections to about 1/3 of them! We really ARE family, and I can show how we are related! How small would this world seem if we looked at our brothers and sisters across the world, and realize that those connections are so much greater than the differences that divide us?

I’m also in the process of writing a book about my family. I estimate that there are nearly 500 people who can claim the same ancestral “roots” from the same two people, who lived through some of the most amazing events of the twentieth century! Once again, we don’t all look , or act, or think alike– some are tall, some are tattooed, some are old, some are newborns, some argue about college football teams, or politics. Some of us speak other native languages or live very different lifestyles. But we love each other, encourage each other, and many of us share our prayers and concerns and joys and pains. My great-grandparents (and all their children) left a legacy of love and faith that continues to influence and inspire the fourth, fifth and sixth generation to follow!

When we pray for others, we are always praying for our family! Praying for our neighbors and classmates and co-workers– we are praying for family! Praying for our enemies, for strangers, for those who look and speak differently than us–We are praying for family! May God give us eyes to see and hearts to love our brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, cousins and even the “long lost family members” and lift them up in prayer to the One who loves us and wants to bring us all into His family!

February 21, 2024 0

Do You Love Me?

¹⁵When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
¹⁶Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
¹⁷The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?”
He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. ¹⁸Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” ¹⁹Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
John 21:15-19 (NIV)

Today is Valentine’s Day, and many people will be saying, “I love you,” or asking, “Do you love me?” And many others will reply, “Yes, I love you,” or “I love you, too!” Cards and gifts may be exchanged; some couples will dine out or have romantic candlelit dinners at home. It is a day to celebrate love. There are thousands of poems and songs about love– ooey, gooey, gushy love; unrequited love; first love; true and lasting love; even “puppy” love.

But Valentine’s Day can also be a painful reminder– of lost love, betrayal, and loneliness. The story of Peter’s betrayal and reinstatement is not a “Valentine” story of romantic love, but it carries some lessons for today about love in general, and the Love of Christ in particular.

Love is a choice– freely given and freely accepted (apologies to Elvis Presley and others who have sung about not being able to help falling in love…) When Jesus first called Peter (and in the above passage as well) He simply asked Peter to “Follow me.” He made no demands, offered no bribes, used no intimidation. There is no long list of requirements or expectations; no bargaining; no “quid pro quo.” That said, Love is not a light-hearted or whimsical thing. Peter’s choice to love Christ, and to follow him cost him his life. Christ’s choice to love us led Him to humble Himself to death, even death on the cross (Philippians 2:8). Jesus could have escaped this fate several times over– He CHOSE to die for each of us!

Love is more than just a feeling. “Follow me” demands an action and a commitment. There are many today who “love” the idea of Jesus; they love the parables, or the gospel story; they are in love with “love.” But the idea that “Love” is all you need (apologies to the Beatles) misses the mark. Feelings change; feelings are transitory and often dependent on circumstances. Love chooses to follow– even when the going gets rough; even when it is not convenient, even when it involves sacrifice.
Loving someone involves taking the risk of being hurt, denied, or betrayed. There is no Biblical passage describing the amount of hurt Jesus must have felt when Peter denied Him three times, or when Judas betrayed Him. The Biblical account tells us that Jesus already knew and predicted these two events, but how agonizing–every bit as painful as the nails in His hands and feet! Jesus loved those who spit at Him, abandoned Him, condemned Him, and persecuted Him. And we also see Peter in this passage being hurt at Jesus’ questioning him a third time; Peter was shocked and hurt when Jesus predicted his denial, and when Jesus said to him, “Get behind me, Satan.”(Matthew 16:23) Love is never free from risk– especially the imperfect love we have as humans.

Love leads to restoration and forgiveness. Peter’s denial of Christ could have haunted him for the rest of his life. Had Jesus said nothing; done nothing to address this hurt, it would not have changed the fact that Peter was forgiven. But in publicly restoring Peter, Jesus made it clear that it was “all good” between them– Peter wasn’t just conditionally forgiven, he was completely restored!
Love is stronger than death! It is stronger than sin, or betrayal, denial, or hurt. Love is eternal and limitless, everlasting, and enduring. God IS Love and to know God is to know love. To speak to God and to hear His voice and read His Word is to converse with Love. Whether in the presence of saints on a mountaintop, in the midst of a raging storm, or on a quiet beach– Love is closer than our next breath, and more powerful than our deepest fear. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13: 8)

And that’s a love worth endless celebration!

February 14, 2024 0

The ABCs of Grace

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound…” Thus starts one of the best-known hymns of the Christian Faith. But, do we sometimes take Grace for granted? I realized the other day that I needed a “refresher course” on Grace. Let’s go back to the ABCs…

A–AMAZING. We sing about it, but are they just words? What is so actually so amazing about Grace? Whole books have been written on the topic (including one by Philip Yancey titled “What’s so Amazing about Grace?”) To answer the question, it helps to define what Grace actually IS. Grace is undeserved or unmerited favor. You cannot “earn” Grace. You cannot buy it. You cannot trade for it. It is a gift given to the undeserving. Something wholesome and blessed that comes unexpectedly. And the amazing part of Grace, as described in the Bible, is that God– the perfect giver of all good gifts– pours out blessings on US. We are not just powerless to earn such blessings, we often scorn or even refuse them; we reject, neglect, abuse, and even destroy God’s greatest gifts.

We waste our lives in worthless pursuits, we sabotage relationships, we mistreat nature, we laugh at God’s words of wisdom, and we deny God’s loving care– or even His very existence. Yet God still makes the sun to shine, the rain to fall; He gives us breath for our lungs and leads us to food and water and shelter. He gives us eyes to see, hands to work, minds to invent and plan, and access to friends and families where we might find love and acceptance. Instead of being amazed, we are often bitter and ungrateful as we see such gifts being misused or twisted by others like us. We want “more.” We want “different.” We want to manipulate the very gifts God offers us, and then complain when we are not satisfied with the results.

B– Boundless. God’s Grace knows no boundaries. God is gracious toward sinners. He lavishes riches on those who turn around and squander them! God gives good gifts to losers and rebels and lost causes, as well as His beloved children. God’s Grace can surprise us anywhere, any time. We can be in prison, and God’s Grace will still find us. We can be in a war-torn make-shift shelter; God’s Grace can still show up. We can be in the mountains, in the middle of the sea, or lost in the desert. We can be surrounded by noise and filth, or we can be alone in the dark, God’s Grace is there– if we are open to receive it.

And, having received God’s Grace, we can, through Him, extend the most extraordinary Grace to others. We can forgive those who have wronged us– those who have set themselves up as our enemies, or those who have neglected our rights. NOT because Grace causes us to be wimpy or powerless to seek justice, but because Grace is STRONGER than justice. God’s Grace never comes at the EXPENSE of justice, but it comes because God holds both Justice and Grace in His hands, and He chooses to deal with Justice in His time, not ours. He does the same with Grace– choosing to bless us when we cannot expect to earn it. And we have the power to do the same– to choose blessing over cursing; to choose love and forgiveness over bitterness and revenge.

C–Complete. God’s Grace is sufficient. Period. (see Romans 3:24, 2 Corinthians 9:8, 2 Corinthians 12:9, 2 2 Peter 1:3 We cannot add anything to God’s Grace to make it better or more effective. We cannot hoard God’s Grace for a “rainy day.” We cannot try to compound God’s many blessings into a “super” blessing. And we cannot compare our blessings with those of others. God, in His wisdom, gives us what He determines is best for us. And that includes Grace. He doesn’t give “lesser” Grace to someone who needs is “less” or deserves it “less.” His Grace is always enough. It washes away petty gossip and first degree murder. It renews lives touched by gambling addictions and sexual assault. It mends sibling rivalries and ancient feuds, neighborly spats and international conflicts.

Today, I choose to look for Grace– both in the way God has poured His Grace on me, and in the way He can empower me to show Grace to others. I pray that I will not take God’s Grace for granted in my life, but cherish it, recognize it, be grateful for it, and pass it on.

And I know I will be AMAZED! I pray you will find Amazing Grace today, as well. It’s really as simple as ABC!

February 9, 2024 0

Praying in Anger

Ephesians 4:25-32 English Standard Version (ESV)

²⁵Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. ²⁶Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, ²⁷and give no opportunity to the devil. ²⁸Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. ²⁹Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. ³⁰And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ³²Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

I grew up hearing that anger is a sin. Yet God experiences anger and wrath. And the Apostle Paul says in this passage that we are to “Be angry and do not sin” (Eph. 4:26a).

Anger is an emotion; feeding on anger, wallowing in it, stewing and screaming and acting out under the control of our anger– that is sin. That is why Paul goes on to say that we should “not let the sun go down on your anger ” (4:26b). Anger doesn’t have to be a bad emotion, but it is a bad master. We need to take control over our anger to resolve it, and let it go. In Genesis, God spoke to Cain about this very thing–Cain and his brother Abel had brought sacrifices to God; Abel’s sacrifice was pleasing to God, but Cain’s sacrifice did not find God’s favor. The sacrifices were voluntary– Cain and Abel were not in competition to see who could bring the “best” sacrifice. God had not ordered them to bring a sacrifice only to find fault with Cain’s efforts or the way he chose to present the sacrifice. The scriptures don’t even say that God rebuked Cain or pointed out a flaw in his offering. He simply found favor with Abel’s offering– Abel had brought the best he had; the firstborn of his flocks. Cain had brought “some” of his crops.

garlic beside ginger and pepper on brown wooden table

The difference in the sacrifices had nothing to do with the content or the manner of offering, but in the intent to worship God halfheartedly, instead of wholeheartedly. God saw that Cain was angry (as well as proud and envious of his brother). Instead of rebuke, God offered grace and wisdom:

Genesis 4:6-7 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

⁶The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your countenance fallen? ⁷If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it.”

God doesn’t want us to deny our anger or pretend we are never angry. But He does want us to acknowledge it, and deal with it. Why am I angry? What should I do about it? Anger can motivate us to do the wrong things, but it can also spur us to change our course, and do something good. Righteous anger can spur us to speak out about injustice, and seek to correct wrongs. Anger can lead us to our knees, asking God for direction, strength, or His intervention and justice. King David often prayed angry prayers asking God to strike down the people who were plotting against him, or those who were doing evil or mocking God’s people.

I wish I could say that I had mastered this area, but I’m writing as much for my own instruction today as anything else. Here are some wonderful steps we can and SHOULD take to deal with anger:

Pray! Anger can strangle us, or it can sneak up and suffocate us, but the worst it can do is drive us away from our source of help and hope. God WANTS us to come to him. He reached out to Cain in his anger, wanting to draw him near and help him overcome it; He offers us the same help. God can handle our anger– he can give us the power to let it go, and direct our feelings appropriately.
Own it–Angry people tend to deflect responsibility. Yes, other people can say or do things that make you angry, but they can’t make you say or do sinful things in response to their actions. You still bear the responsibility for what you do with your anger– even “righteous indignation.”
Question it!–This is something I have found helpful. Just as God asked Cain, ask yourself, “Why am I angry? Why am I downcast?” And then, answer them honestly. Many times, the root of my anger isn’t justified–instead it’s “just a lie”. I have no right to be angry with someone else when I chose to waste time, cut corners, or neglect to do what was necessary. I have no right to be angry or outraged because someone else feels differently or sees a different side of an issue. In fact, if I keep listening instead of exploding, I might find compassion overriding the anger. I might even learn something new! Or I might better understand why I feel or think as I do, and be better able to explain it to others, instead of just yelling the same thing over again.

Deal with it–This is a difficult one for me. I don’t like confrontation. If someone hurts me, I just want to walk away and lick my wounds. And we shouldn’t confront others WITH our anger, striking out at them and seeking to hurt them. But I have found that a lot of anger and hurt that I have harbored is not only unjustified, but is based on misunderstandings and pride. It takes humility, but it also takes courage to seek out someone to offer an apology you don’t want to give, or to ask for clarification instead of harboring hurt.

Don’t spread it! “Don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath” is not permission to “vent” to seven (or seven hundred) friends by spreading your hurt and outrage until you feel calmer. This is particularly true in the age of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. In the short-term, this may seem right– “they need to know what is happening”– but it is just the opposite. Anger often leads to rash judgments, and hasty actions that we can’t undo or call back. If you are not talking with the object of resolving a misunderstanding, apologizing, or offering a positive solution, you are engaging in sin. The old saying, “If you can’t say something nice about a person, say nothing at all” applies here. And it applies about situations and circumstances, too. I am angry about various practices and policies by governments, companies, even churches; what I need to spread is not my anger about them, but awareness of how God can change them, and why we should be seeking His justice, His righteousness, and His grace toward those who have been impacted by them.

Repent of any anger-related sin. Remember, anger itself is an emotion. God experiences it; we are made in His image, so we experience it, too. But God’s anger is Holy; ours is often tainted with other feelings and thoughts– pride, envy, greed– or even other human frailties like misunderstanding, exhaustion, hunger and pain. Instead of feeling guilt over the anger, we need to turn away from the sin that overpowers us in our anger.

For more Biblical wisdom about dealing with anger, see the following: