forgiveness – Page 8 – Pursuing Prayer

Yesterday, I posted about praying for our enemies– those who have hurt us. We are commanded to forgive those who have wronged us, to do good to them, and to pray for them. But I want to make sure I don’t give the wrong impression about offering forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn’t ask us to excuse the inexcusable, or trust the untrustworthy. Forgiveness is trusting that God, in His wisdom, His Holiness, and His timing, will bring justice, healing, and peace, when nothing else can. This is important to remember, both as someone who asks for forgiveness, and as someone who gives it.

Jesus offers forgiveness–full, and free, and perfect– he died to make that offer. He gave it to whoever believes on His Name. But here’s the catch…he didn’t make that offer so you can temporarily wipe the slate clean and go on sinning without consequence.

Oscar Wilde wrote a chilling novel, “The Picture of Dorian Gray”, Dorian Gray/Wikipedia in which the title character finds a way to trap his soul, with all its ugliness, hatred, anger, and sin, inside a portrait. No matter what Dorian does, no matter how twisted or evil, he continues to look fresh, young, innocent, and handsome. The effects of his dissipated lifestyle–drug addiction, sleepless nights, years of hard living, even murder–are all trapped in the portrait. Over the years, the portrait haunts Dorian with its monstrous transformation from young man to gnarled wraith. In desperation, he “kills” the portrait– and himself– in disgust and anguish.

We live in an age of appearances– if all appears well on the surface, we ignore the deeper, long-term consequences of our sin. If we “get away with” small sins, we run the risk of sinking deeper into a sham lifestyle. We go through the motions of asking forgiveness, when what we really seek is escape from the consequences of our own actions. We begin to see sin as a valid alternative to obedience–I can obey God if it is convenient, but when it’s not, I can just ask forgiveness. This is a road strewn with lies, excuses, evasions, and it ends in death. It is a lifestyle that makes a mockery of God, of his Holiness, His Sacrifice on the cross, and His loving offer of restoration.

God doesn’t just want to transfer your ugliness and rebellion into a painting to hide it away. He wants to remove it “as far as the east is from the west.” We don’t become perfect in an instant, but our past is expunged so that we can be free to choose obedience and live more abundantly in fellowship with a Holy God. When we are truly sorry for our sins and seek true forgiveness, we want to make better decisions, we want to right wrongs– we want to redeem the past rather than merely escape from it.

When we, as imperfect people, offer forgiveness to someone else, we are not able to do what God does. Our forgiveness is imperfect; like love, or discipline, or a new habit, it needs to develop and grow. Forgiveness is not about freeing the offender, or wiping the slate clean for the other person. It’s about freeing yourself to heal, to move away from slavery to the pain of the past, and to learn to trust God to bring justice.

Forgiveness isn’t natural or easy. No one deserves forgiveness– that’s what makes it a miracle that God offers it to anyone who asks. But God doesn’t undo our sin. He doesn’t erase our actions, or clean up the messes we have made. If I commit murder, God can forgive me, wash away the guilt of what I’ve done, and give me the power to live a life that seeks to do good, rather than evil. But he’s not going to bring my victim back to life, or cause a judge and jury and the family of my victim to say, “Aw, that’s alright– you’ve probably learned your lesson. No hard feelings.” He can (and has) caused amazing healing to happen in such situations, but that’s the exception, not the expectation.

Similarly, if you have been hurt and you offer forgiveness, it doesn’t mean that the other person is no longer responsible for his/her actions. It doesn’t mean that you were never hurt or betrayed, and it doesn’t mean that you trust them immediately and without reservation. It is not hateful, intolerant, or unforgiving to allow justice to catch up with someone who has hurt you– it IS unforgiving to seek beyond justice to vengeance and self-defined retribution.

This is particularly important in cases of abuse. If someone has abused you, physically, emotionally, or mentally, they are likely to make you feel the guilt they don’t want to deal with. “You drove me to it.” “You are the only one who understands my anger.” Forgiving this person does not mean– it NEVER means– that you agree with their tactics and false accusations, or that you are giving them a pass. But it DOES mean that you are giving them, and the damage they caused, over to the God of all justice. Your case is closed; your final judgment is in his hands, and you are free to begin again– begin to heal, begin to see how God can bring something important and good and eternal out of something broken. Forgiveness is impossible, but God will give you the power to do it– it may take several attempts, and several years, but when it comes, it will be the miracle of God working through you to glory!

A couple of days ago, I wrote about “Little Prayers.” I believe God hears our prayers about the so-called “little things.” But I think there is a type of prayer that is not “little”, but “paltry.” What’s the difference? “Paltry” doesn’t just imply little or trivial, it connotes something meager and petty. And I think we waste a lot of time on it.

Paltry prayer is generic and insubstantial. It’s like the horrible small talk at a social event one doesn’t want to attend, but feels obligated to show up at, because it’s expected. When we throw up a prayer, but we really don’t want to get “real” before God, we’re offering crumbs instead of a sacrifice; face-time, instead of intimate conversation.

There are times when we cry out in desperation; we have no words or fleshed-out thoughts, only groans. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the times when we want to reassure ourselves that we’re one of the good guys– that our plans and wishes have God’s stamp of approval–without actually risking God’s authoritative answer. “God, help me to do your will today,” sounds like a great prayer, but do we really mean what we’re saying? Or are we really asking God to approve of our own will and plans as we go through the day?

I’m especially concerned that we are offering paltry prayers in regards to evangelism and revival. We want it to come– we want God to send a fresh wave of revival to our communities, our country, and our world– but let it begin and end without making us too uncomfortable, too aware of our own need for confession, forgiveness, or change. We want our neighbor to be saved– without the pain of witnessing and being laughed at or ostracized. We want to be emboldened to witness, but we don’t want to be humbled into listening. We want to be blessed; we don’t want to be tested.

I get very discouraged sometimes, when I realize that my own prayers have been paltry. But there is good news– the same loving Father that wants deeper conversation with me is endlessly forgiving, encouraging, and loving. And I am not alone in offering meager conversation or selfish complaints before His throne.

Jonah (yes the “Big Fish” guy of the Bible) was a prophet– a very successful one, except for the episode with Nineveh. Not only did Jonah run as far from Nineveh as a ship could take him; he basically committed suicide to avoid doing God’s bidding. When his shipmates are in a panic, Jonah demands that they throw him in the sea. This is not as a result of consulting with God, nor does the Bible suggest that it is at God’s command. The sailors continue to panic at the thought of throwing Jonah overboard, and are astonished when the storm stops as Jonah sinks toward the ocean floor. If not for the fish, Jonah would have drowned. God sent the fish to save Jonah, but there is nothing to suggest that Jonah had any idea of being rescued. However, from the belly of the fish, Jonah lifts up a poetic prayer, in which he sings the praises of the God who spared his life. He marvels at his rescue and restoration, and vows to go back to Nineveh and fulfill his destiny. His prayer strikes all the “holy” notes one would wish to see, but I would contend that this is, at its heart, a paltry prayer– sincere in the moment, but not the prayer of a man fully transformed by his near-death experience.

Fast forward to the fourth chapter of the book of Jonah. Nineveh has heard Jonah’s message about God’s wrath and impending judgment; the people have had a miraculous change of heart, and God has agreed to spare them from destruction (for a time– the Ninevites went back to their old habits and were eventually destroyed). Imagine if the late Billy Graham had held a rally in Moscow or Tehran or Los Angeles and the ENTIRE CITY had repented?! This is success beyond imagination. But we don’t find Jonah grateful and poetic as he was at the end of chapter two– instead, he is hateful and bitter, and praying for death! God causes a small vine to grow and provide some shade for Jonah as he sits and sulks, but then he sends a worm to chew up the vine so it withers. Jonah is more heartbroken at the loss of the vine then he was over the possibility of the destruction of an entire city. Jonah’s story doesn’t end in triumph, but in triviality.

Prayer is a great opportunity to pour out our hearts before God– but it also reveals the content and character of our hearts. If our prayers are paltry and our hearts shallow, God will often humble us. But he will also rescue us from our own sinfulness and sulking, and give us all that we need to finish victoriously. The book of Jonah is a great cautionary tale– let’s learn from it, today.

What can we do to make our prayers less “paltry” and more proactive? Check out the suggestions on the attached pages of this blog, or look online for prayer groups and prayer sites that offer constructive ideas.

Tag: forgiveness

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