Yesterday, I posted about praying for our enemies– those who have hurt us. We are commanded to forgive those who have wronged us, to do good to them, and to pray for them. But I want to make sure I don’t give the wrong impression about offering forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn’t ask us to excuse the inexcusable, or trust the untrustworthy. Forgiveness is trusting that God, in His wisdom, His Holiness, and His timing, will bring justice, healing, and peace, when nothing else can. This is important to remember, both as someone who asks for forgiveness, and as someone who gives it.
Jesus offers forgiveness–full, and free, and perfect– he died to make that offer. He gave it to whoever believes on His Name. But here’s the catch…he didn’t make that offer so you can temporarily wipe the slate clean and go on sinning without consequence.
Oscar Wilde wrote a chilling novel, “The Picture of Dorian Gray”, Dorian Gray/Wikipedia in which the title character finds a way to trap his soul, with all its ugliness, hatred, anger, and sin, inside a portrait. No matter what Dorian does, no matter how twisted or evil, he continues to look fresh, young, innocent, and handsome. The effects of his dissipated lifestyle–drug addiction, sleepless nights, years of hard living, even murder–are all trapped in the portrait. Over the years, the portrait haunts Dorian with its monstrous transformation from young man to gnarled wraith. In desperation, he “kills” the portrait– and himself– in disgust and anguish.
We live in an age of appearances– if all appears well on the surface, we ignore the deeper, long-term consequences of our sin. If we “get away with” small sins, we run the risk of sinking deeper into a sham lifestyle. We go through the motions of asking forgiveness, when what we really seek is escape from the consequences of our own actions. We begin to see sin as a valid alternative to obedience–I can obey God if it is convenient, but when it’s not, I can just ask forgiveness. This is a road strewn with lies, excuses, evasions, and it ends in death. It is a lifestyle that makes a mockery of God, of his Holiness, His Sacrifice on the cross, and His loving offer of restoration.
God doesn’t just want to transfer your ugliness and rebellion into a painting to hide it away. He wants to remove it “as far as the east is from the west.” We don’t become perfect in an instant, but our past is expunged so that we can be free to choose obedience and live more abundantly in fellowship with a Holy God. When we are truly sorry for our sins and seek true forgiveness, we want to make better decisions, we want to right wrongs– we want to redeem the past rather than merely escape from it.
When we, as imperfect people, offer forgiveness to someone else, we are not able to do what God does. Our forgiveness is imperfect; like love, or discipline, or a new habit, it needs to develop and grow. Forgiveness is not about freeing the offender, or wiping the slate clean for the other person. It’s about freeing yourself to heal, to move away from slavery to the pain of the past, and to learn to trust God to bring justice.
Forgiveness isn’t natural or easy. No one deserves forgiveness– that’s what makes it a miracle that God offers it to anyone who asks. But God doesn’t undo our sin. He doesn’t erase our actions, or clean up the messes we have made. If I commit murder, God can forgive me, wash away the guilt of what I’ve done, and give me the power to live a life that seeks to do good, rather than evil. But he’s not going to bring my victim back to life, or cause a judge and jury and the family of my victim to say, “Aw, that’s alright– you’ve probably learned your lesson. No hard feelings.” He can (and has) caused amazing healing to happen in such situations, but that’s the exception, not the expectation.
Similarly, if you have been hurt and you offer forgiveness, it doesn’t mean that the other person is no longer responsible for his/her actions. It doesn’t mean that you were never hurt or betrayed, and it doesn’t mean that you trust them immediately and without reservation. It is not hateful, intolerant, or unforgiving to allow justice to catch up with someone who has hurt you– it IS unforgiving to seek beyond justice to vengeance and self-defined retribution.
This is particularly important in cases of abuse. If someone has abused you, physically, emotionally, or mentally, they are likely to make you feel the guilt they don’t want to deal with. “You drove me to it.” “You are the only one who understands my anger.” Forgiving this person does not mean– it NEVER means– that you agree with their tactics and false accusations, or that you are giving them a pass. But it DOES mean that you are giving them, and the damage they caused, over to the God of all justice. Your case is closed; your final judgment is in his hands, and you are free to begin again– begin to heal, begin to see how God can bring something important and good and eternal out of something broken. Forgiveness is impossible, but God will give you the power to do it– it may take several attempts, and several years, but when it comes, it will be the miracle of God working through you to glory!