Tag: pain

Of Prime Rib and Bruised Kneecaps

My sister works for a multi-national corporation. Her division won a competition, and she invited me to the celebration event last weekend. It was a fabulous opportunity to spend time with my sister, meet many of her colleagues, and enjoy being “spoiled” as a guest. We flew to the world headquarters in Atlanta, took a tour, got dressed up and attended the “event.” They had prime rib, chicken wings with peach barbecue sauce, shrimp, a variety of pasta dishes and vegetable sides, desserts, beverages, and tons of “bling.” They gave out hats, patches, pins, bandanas, light-up bracelets, rings, and glasses, leather bookmarks, robot-drawn caricatures, photos, bags, and more. There was a private concert with a major musical artist, as well as a drum corps, trampoline artists, people walking around on stilts, and ladies in LED costumes dancing. It was like a Circus and a visit to Disneyworld all wrapped up together.

What does any of this have to do with prayer (or bruised kneecaps)? I’m getting to that…

My description of this weekend may not seem to include God, but He was definitely there every step of the way. We made it to the airport with plenty of time on Friday. This was important because my sister had mobility issues and cannot walk quickly through the airport. Right at the entrance, there was a lady from our airline who confirmed that a porter would be able to take my sister in a wheelchair directly to our gate, saving us both time and stress. He was amazing, helping us feel comfortable and even festive as we waited to board. At our gate, we were informed that our seat assignments had changed– we were right behind first class and had extra leg room!

The flight was terrific. I had not flown in a few years, and I always like to fly– to see clouds from the top, to see whole farms and villages rolling out below; to see rivers and hills and mountains from a distance and to realize just how big the world really is. It also reminds me that I am incredibly small and weak, but that God is bigger, more powerful, and more wonderful than anything I can see (or even imagine) from the airplane. Mary and I were able to chat, “catch up,” and reminisce as we sailed through cloudy skies and bumped pleasantly along with minor turbulence.

Then, mid-flight, we were told that our plane might have to divert to Montgomery or Birmingham due to a storm front in Atlanta. All or our arrangements had been carefully planned, and while we might not miss the event entirely, a delay for refueling or worse, having to change planes, would make us late and leave us with no time to check in at the hotel or change into our dress clothes! Yet, minutes later, our pilot informed us that all the details “had been worked out” so that we would land in Atlanta on time! Coincidence? I don’t think so!

We arrived at the Atlanta airport and were immediately surprised to learn that the wheelchair my sister requested was not only not there, all her information about the flight we just deboarded had been lost– they had no record that she had ordered a wheelchair, or even that she had been on the plane! But within less than ten minutes, all those details had been worked out, and we were escorted through the airport and taken directly and safely (by a very pleasant man from Senegal) to the area where we got an Uber to our hotel. The hotel had snacks and an event station where we were welcomed and made comfortable, and we were warmly greeted, not only by the hotel staff, but by many of my sister’s co-workers, including her boss’s boss’s boss! We had plenty of time, not only to change, but to take the tour we had planned earlier!

Returning to our hotel from the afternoon’s activities, we changed and went down to the lobby, where we were informed that, in spite of a last-minute cancellation, someone had been found to drive us (and another pair of sisters with mobility issues) to the event, instead of having to walk two or three blocks and several hundred yards through the gates and walkways at the stadium. More wheelchairs were provided for my sister and the other woman once we arrived at the venue, and my sister was warmly greeted (as was I) by more of her colleagues. This event could have been a nightmare of people pushing and shoving, jockeying for the best seats or the best food based on their seniority or title, chugging down free alcoholic drinks and becoming obnoxious, and generally behaving at their worst. Instead, it was civil, friendly, celebratory, and filled with people from all over North America, from all stations and positions within the corporation, enjoying a night of being together in one place and enjoying a well-earned celebration. One of the special guests of the night was the chairman of another large corporation– one known for His Christian values, which he spoke of freely!

We went back to the hotel, exhausted but strangely energized by the whole thing, and eager to enjoy the luxury of our hotel room. We had to wait several minutes for an elevator (due to the crowds returning from the event), which allowed us to meet yet another wonderful couple who were enjoying their anniversary. It has sometimes been my experience that when strangers have to wait in lines or ride through busy city streets, they can either get on one another’s last nerve, or they can become new friends. We made a lot of new friends in less than 24 hours!

The next day, we went to the Atlanta airport to get our flight home. Once again, we had a great porter who got us through security and even helped another couple who were struggling with her motorized wheelchair. The porter made sure we all stayed together until we had to split up at Concourse D. More new friends! We had plenty of time, so we walked down the long concourse (our gate was nearly the last one!) And that’s when disaster struck!

Have you ever had one of those moments when you know you are going to fall– you try to regain your balance, but you see yourself falling in a series of awkward stumbles and jerks, and the floor is rising rapidly to meet your face? Well, I ended up falling on my purse, which did a great job of protecting my rib cage. And I landed at such an angle that I did not hit my head or shoulder. I did not break or dislocate any of my bones. I did, however, land on my left knee and my right hand. Several people immediately came to see if I was ok. My knee and leg were throbbing, as was my hand near my thumb. But I was able to get up and walk, albeit painfully. I limped the rest of the way to our gate, waiting to see if I could hobble onto the plane and into my seat. We still had over an hour before our plane left, so I managed to hobble as far as a restroom and a snack bar (both within a few yards, thankfully) and back to the gate area, proving I could do so.

Yet God was there, too! My tumble could have been so very much worse. I could have required hospitalization in Atlanta (or even when I got home). I might have been concussed or suffered a sprain that would have kept us from making our final flight. Instead, I am sore, but able to recuperate at home, and write about my experience from the comfort of my own chair. And I have a much greater understanding of what my sister goes through each time she has to travel. My injuries are temporary and sharp– her pain is deep and chronic. I got to see how many wonderful people work to make it possible and even enjoyable for people with mobility issues to travel safely, and I was humbled to experience what it means to rely on the goodness of strangers.

They say that “the devil is in the details.” But this weekend, I was reminded over and over again that it is really God who shows up in the details. When God says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6), it covers everything and everywhere from 35,000 feet in the air, to staring at the parquet flooring of an airport concourse– from being in a long line waiting for an elevator to being guided through a tunnel underneath a huge stadium–from help with reservations and transportation to meeting needs for companionship and connection, and yes, even recuperation. God was there in every (even painful) step of the way!

This weekend saw blessings– from prime rib at dinner, to bruised kneecaps (not normally considered a blessing), and I’m grateful, knowing God saw all of this in advance and provided just the right help in His time!

We may not always see God’s hand at work in the moment, but rest assured that He is in control, that He is right by our side every moment, and that we can trust Him to work out the details!

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Perfect Peace

3 You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.
4 Trust in the Lord forever,
For in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength.
Isaiah 26:3-4 (NKJV)

We spent last weekend saying goodbye to my sister-in-law. NOT a final goodbye– more of a “see you later!” Wendy had suffered for years from both rheumatoid arthritis and stage four cancer. Many of her days were spent in agony, back and forth from hospital to home. In the middle of her battle, she had to say goodbye to her husband and navigate widowhood.

“Peace” would not seem to be a word connected in any way to Wendy’s struggles. Yet, the verses above from Isaiah kept speaking to me throughout last weekend. Not because Wendy ‘finally’ found peace and rest. But because she had a sustaining peace that “passes all understanding.” She lived with peace, trust, hope, and even joy, even while she suffered.

 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:6-9 (NKJV)

Perfect peace does not come from perfect circumstances. It does not come from willpower, or even positive thinking (notice that verse 7 precedes verse 8 in the passage above!) It comes from having your mind “stayed” on the great I AM. Not just thinking about Him in passing, or knowing a vast amount about Him, but keeping your focus and thoughts directed to Him. Peace is a by-product of a close and constant relationship with the one who is the “Prince of Peace” and the author of “shalom.”

We cannot generate perfect peace within ourselves because we are not perfect. We are not Holy, Righteous, or complete. But God is! And Paul’s advice to the Philippian believers above was written, not from peaceful surroundings, but from prison! His advice begins with prayer! Pray about everything! We can pray prayers of supplication (asking for healing, help, wisdom, direction, etc.) WITH thanksgiving– not because our circumstances are wonderful, or even because we expect God to work miracles to change our circumstances. We can thank and praise God from prison, from hospital beds or homeless shelters, refugee camps, storm shelters, blizzards, hurricane-battered houses, or sinking ships. Because God’s promises are faithful and true. They may not look like what we expect, imagine, or even hope for. They will involve pain and suffering because we still live in a broken world. God may bring us out of suffering, or help us avoid suffering, or He may settle in with us through the suffering. In every case, we can fix our eyes on the one who loves us perfectly, the one who has perfect power over every circumstance, perfect wisdom and vision to lead us through, and perfect plans for redemption, healing, hope, and eternal joy!

Wendy wasn’t perfect in this life. Suffering hurts. Pain ravages the body, and preys on the mind. Sleepless nights, loss of appetite, and nausea when one eats– such things cause us to cry out, to lament, and to ask “Why?!” Wendy did all that. But when we choose to focus less on the temporary trials of this life and look beyond to the greater story of redemption and ultimate glory, there is a peace that revives us, refreshes us, and strengthens us beyond what we can imagine. God is trustworthy– We can depend on Him when all around us is chaos and suffering. We can have hope and strength and blessed peace!

And that same peace is available to all of us who grieved for Wendy during her long illness. It sustains us with hope and strength that rises above the questions or doubts, beyond the tears and the memories of the past. We will have the joy of seeing Wendy (and many of our other family and loved ones) perfected. No more suffering; no more questions; no more separation. Perfect. Peace.

My challenge today is to stay focused on what really matters– on WHO is really in control. I pray that whatever you may be going through, that you will also find God’s perfect peace as you look to Him!

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Prayers for Healing

My family has prayed for years that my sister-in-law would be healed. She fought a pitched battle with cancer at the same time as she suffered from severe rheumatoid arthritis. Her bones and body were twisted, and she was in a lot of pain. Several days ago, she “lost” her battle and died at age 62. God didn’t give her the miraculous healing we hoped for. God let her suffer for years and then took her from us.

But is all that really true? Did she really “lose”? She lost the daily struggle of her earthly life. She lost the future years with her grown children, her siblings, her nieces and nephews, cousins and friends. And yes, God took her away from those of us who remain to mourn her passing from this life. But she is reunited with her husband and her father, and all those who died before. She is in the presence of the baby brother she never met. Most of all, she is standing, pain-free and glorified, before the very God who heard every prayer, felt every ache, and saw every tear drop.

Healing doesn’t always look like we imagine. Years ago, a close friend of ours got a diagnosis of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. She underwent experimental treatment and it went horribly wrong. While it killed many of the “bad” cells, it also killed some of her healthy cells and muscle tissue along her neck and throat. She eventually lost the ability to talk, to hold up her head, and to swallow solid food. She seemed to waste away right before our eyes. We all prayed for her to be healed and to have good health restored, but her decline was slow, agonizing, and final. Another friend, a schoolmate, died of cancer a few years ago, after hundreds of people had prayed for her healing. She had great faith, and great hope that she would be cured. But she, too, died. In spite of all the prayers, in spite of her great hope. Three precious women of faith; three lives cut short by pain and senseless suffering.

Pain and suffering challenges (and sometimes destroys) faith. But faith can also be strengthened, refined, and purified by suffering– whether we are suffering physically or mentally, suffering injustice or persecution. God does not abandon us in our struggles, and our pain does not bring Him pleasure. We may question why we suffer; we may even question why God allows suffering to continue. But God never leaves us. Even when we don’t feel relief; even when we don’t hear His voice.

Wendy, Jean, and Lena are great examples of women whose faith allowed them, even in the worst suffering, to feel joy and hope. They may have had moments of doubt, fear, or even anger. But each new day brought forth praise– praise for God’s love, for His beautiful creation, for His faithfulness in the past, AS WELL AS in the midst of their suffering. They saw God clearly– perhaps even more clearly– for their struggles. And they inspired others to hope and to rejoice! They endured much. They “fought the good fight and kept the faith” as Paul said in one of his last letters to Timothy (2 Timothy 4:7-8).

I hope that I write words that are true, encouraging, and strong. I’ve read beautiful tributes to God’s faithfulness from many other people as well. But words spoken by those who suffer speak more clearly and powerfully than words written in ease or quiet contemplation. Sometimes, they scream. But they make a deep and lasting impact on those who hear. And then those words testify to God’s glory and love…they echo for generations to come.

God absolutely answered every prayer we prayed over Wendy and over others who have suffered. His healing is not always what we want or expect. But it is eternal, powerful, and glorious. I fully expect to see Wendy (and so many other) completely healed and glorious someday. And all the grief, all the unanswered questions, all the “what ifs…” that I wrestle with now will be wiped away in an instant.

We are blessed to pray for those who need healing. And, in some cases, God answers with miracles we can’t explain. Sometimes, He answers with pain and grief we can’t explain. But we continue to pray. Because healing, whether in this life or the next, is something only God can do perfectly. He heals broken bodies, grieving hearts, and troubled minds. He heals the past, redeems the present, and promises a glorious eternity with Him!

Praise Be to Jehovah Rophe– The God who heals!

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Risky Prayers

When I was a teenager, I read about Solomon and how he prayed for wisdom. God granted his request, and made Solomon the wisest ruler in Israel’s history. He also blessed Solomon with riches and fame, peace, and power. (see 1 Kings, chapter 3) I thought about what I should pray for in my own life– what attribute would I need as I became an adult, a wife, a parent, etc. I prayed for patience.

When I said that I wanted to pray for patience, several wise and respected adults cautioned me NOT to pray such a prayer! “You know what will happen…God won’t “give” you patience…He’ll bring all kinds of things into you life to “teach” you patience. You never pray for such things. It’s like asking for trouble. Be careful what you pray for.”

Looking back over 40 years later, I would have to say that God answered my prayer. And, as I was warned, He allowed things to come into my life to try my patience and develop my patience. I remained unmarried until I was 46. I never had children of my own. Perhaps some people would wag their finger and say, “See, I told you so.” But I would not change my prayer or change my life’s circumstances. God’s answers were not what I expected, but His ways were better than my expectations. I wanted patience so that I could better handle life’s little ups and downs– so I could be the kind of wife and mother who was always composed; always at peace. Instead, I worked with teenagers and toddlers– many of whom knew very little peace at home. I wasn’t perfectly composed. Sometimes, I yelled at my class or lost my temper with colleagues. Sometimes, I had to deal with crises–students who died in tragic accidents or by suicide; toddlers at story time whose parents were going through divorce or facing cancer. And all the while, I waited for the husband and family of my hopes and expectations.

I had prayed for patience– and I found it ONLY when I depended on God. All those years I was single and working with “other people’s” children, I learned to lean on God’s timing and wisdom. Even through the pain and tears, and wondering why God seemed silent and my dreams seemed to be out of reach, God was there, listening to my cries, giving me strength to keep going. And He is still doing the same for me now. My circumstances and expectations didn’t change who God was. But they helped shape who I was becoming, and who I am today.

During this time, I also watched peers who seemed to “have it all.” They had beautiful families, beautiful houses, handsome husbands, and fast-track jobs. But underneath, many were lonely and unfulfilled. Many of them ended up divorced, disillusioned, or burned-out. Some of them have turned (or returned) to God; others still struggle, trying to do everything their own way, and trying to juggle too much alone.

God doesn’t demand that we pray “risky” prayers. But when we choose to follow Him, we will have to take some risky steps. We may have to let go of our expectations; we may have to go through rejection and hardship. But what God has in store for us is worth the risk.

I’m not wealthy or famous. I wouldn’t recommend that everyone pray for patience, or wisdom, or some other virtue, thinking that God will make life easier or richer. (I think that’s what worried some of the people who “warned me off” praying this way.) But if you want to know God in a richer, deeper way, it will require a leap of faith.

What “risky prayer” have you been putting off? Today is a perfect day to take that next step. I promise, you won’t regret it.

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Broken Prayers

food healthy yellow broken

In “Pursuing Prayer”, I want to explore ways to develop my prayers; to become “better” at praying– more confident, more Christlike.  But along the way, I have found that “better” doesn’t always mean what I think it ought to mean.  Sometimes, becoming “better” requires becoming broken.

I don’t like being broken.  I don’t want to be shattered, ruined, like a broken vase.  I don’t want to pray like a broken record– sending up the same failures, the same weaknesses, the same painful memories.  I don’t want to be pinched, and cracked, and mangled.  I don’t want to be stretched and molded and squeezed.  I want to have comforting chats with God, not drawn-out confessions, or rebukes, or unanswered questions.

blur broken ceramic clay

It is tempting to avoid brokenness–cover it up, pretend, deny, ignore its existence.  I don’t want to bring God my questions, my fears, my hurts.  I don’t want to open up the dark places of my soul.  I want to wear a smile and make small talk with God–“How are you today?”  “Just lovely, Father, and how are you?”  “Fine weather we’re having.”  “Yes, thank you for the breezes yesterday.  And could I just put in a plug for my neighbor’s gall bladder surgery?  I told her I would pray for her, so could you just give her a speedy healing?  That’d be great.  Well, gotta run. Talk to you soon…Oh, and I’m sorry for the way I blew up at the kids the other day.  I don’t know WHAT got into me.  You know I’m just not that way, right?  So I’m just asking for grace to kinda cover that up and make it ok again.  Thanks.”

God is not fooled.  God is not impressed or amused at our shallow righteousness.  He’s not impressed or overcome by our brokenness, either.  But He wants it, anyway.  He wants all of it.  Because He wants to build honesty, intimacy, and most of all, restoration.  God doesn’t want us to wallow in our failures, any more than He wants us to gloat in our false perfection.  He wants to break the bondage they have over us.  He doesn’t get tired of hearing our voices, even in guilt or shame, rage or despair…if they are raised to Him.  He doesn’t want us to stay shattered and ruined.  But He needs us to be redirected, refreshed, rebuilt, rekindled, and renewed.

farm against sky

There are many things that need to be “broken” to become better– we “break” in shoes, we “break” ground to create a new field or prepare for a new building.  We “break bread” to eat it and share it with others.  We “break” horses in order to prepare them to run or work more effectively.  We “break” bad habits.  We even “break” the ice in a new friendship.  The point is not to stay broken, but to “break through” whatever is keeping us oppressed and held down.

petaled flower drawing on white egg shell

When I am feeling broken, and I cry out to God, He doesn’t deny my brokenness; He doesn’t turn away in disgust; He doesn’t stick a hasty bandage on my wounds.  God acknowledges my pain, He listens to my questions.  He loves me enough to come and stay with me through the worst moments–even when others have gone; even when I deny His presence and turn my face to the wall–and He begins the process of turning even those scars and cracks and tears into treasures.

Brokenness is inevitable in our fallen and broken world– God is not out to break us; people and time, circumstances, and even our own good intentions will cause us to fall and fail–am I willing to uncover my brokenness and need, and allow God to reshape my shattered dreams?

yellow and pink flowers view behind broken glass

 

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On the Occasion of a Whimper

Have you ever noticed in reading through the Bible how often God shows up, not on the occasion of fanfare and praise, but on the occasion of a whimper? When all hope seems lost, and a heart is so broken it can no longer call out– when words are useless and all that is left is a dull, exhausted moaning?

God “inhabits the praise of His people” (Psalm 22:3), but He is also “close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18). We work so hard to get close to the heart of God, but sometimes, we need to be broken to actually get there. We need to experience the God who finds us in our failures and rescues us from disasters– even those of our own making. God loves us enough to come to us in our brokenness– and He loves us too much to leave us there. God is not a “fairy godfather” who will magically make our circumstances comfortable and painless. But He is a true Father, who will provide comfort and strength to get back up and face the future with hope and courage.

Long ago, a woman named Hagar was despondent. She was a slave who was told by her mistress to sleep with the master so he could have a son. Hagar got pregnant when her mistress couldn’t, and she became proud and disdainful toward her mistress. When she was punished for her arrogance, she ran away into the desert–a foolish and impulsive act, as she had nowhere to go and no one to support her or her unborn son. An angel found her by a spring of water and told her to return and submit to her mistress. Several years later, she and her son, Ishmael, were sent into the desert because of Ishmael’s contempt for his brother. Ishmael was near death, and his mother in despair. Not being able to watch her son die, she moved a short distance away and began to sob. But another angel came and showed Hagar a well of water. He reminded her that God had seen her the first time she ran to the desert, and He had heard her crying this time, too. Hagar was not a queen; she was not a warrior princess or the daughter of a noble. She was not righteous or innocent. She was a rebellious slave; the victim of a sinful scheme, but headstrong and rash. God did not stop her from running away; He did not give her victory over her mistress. But God rescued Hagar and Ishmael. And He blessed them both– on the occasion of a whimper. (See Genesis 16 and Genesis 21)

Today, don’t be afraid to whimper. Don’t pretend that everything is under your control– it isn’t. But be willing to look and listen for the ways that God will show himself. It may be in the words of a stranger; it may be in the beauty of a sunset; it may even be that song on the radio, or a cool drink of water in the middle of a desert. God doesn’t always rescue us from sorrow and pain. Sometimes He rescues us through it.

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I Shall Not Want..

Of all the 150 Psalms in the Bible, Psalm 23 is the most well-known. It speaks of our Lord as a Shepherd who takes care of us, leading us to green pastures and calming our fears even in the valley of the shadow of death. But these four words in the very first verse, though comforting to many, have also been a source of grief to others. If the Lord is my Shepherd, I should have no reason to want. But what if I still have wants? Unanswered prayers? Struggles and trials and lacks?

Let’s look at the phrase carefully. “I shall not want” is the wording in the King James (English) version of scripture. More modern translations render the phrase as “I lack nothing (NIV),” “I have what I need (CSB),” or other variations of “I shall not want.” Let’s stick with “I shall not want,” and look at it word by word.

This Psalm is very personal. The Lord is MY Shepherd– I shall not want. This is between me and my Shepherd. I may be tempted to look around and compare, to want what someone else has, even if I don’t need it; even if it isn’t good for me. But when I depend on my Shepherd to provide, I can trust that whatever comes, He knows what I want and what I need. He knows what is best. Therefore, I shall not worry or wonder or want.

I am a former English teacher, so the verb “shall” interests me here. “Shall” and “will” are sometimes used interchangeably in English, but they are not exactly the same. “Shall” is not used much, but it indicates a future condition, or a condition that is ongoing into the future. It is not the active verb in this phrase, but rather the indicator of when that action (wanting, lacking, needing) will take place and how. The difference between “shall” and “will” in this case is not one of action, or time, but of volition. “Will” indicates a conscious decision– I “Will not want” means I will determine the action and outcome–without a Shepherd’s guidance or provision. I “Shall not want” means the outcome is determined by my Shepherd (in this case), not by my own volition or actions. There may be things I “will” still want– if I’m trying to go my own way and depend on my own wisdom and abilities, but that doesn’t change my condition–God has provided. God has given. God WILL continue to provide.

“I shall NOT want”– I may desire something else; I may not have what others have; I may be poor or sick or sad. I may respond to my circumstances with grumbling, doubt, anger, envy, greed, or disbelief. But I can also respond with trust, gratitude, wonder and worship, knowing that God sees me, knows me, and cares for my always. God doesn’t force me to respond positively to hard times– the Psalmist doesn’t say, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall be grateful,” or “I shall never complain.” He doesn’t say, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall have whatever gives me pleasure or makes my life easier.” Rather, he gives us a true picture life– I will NOT have everything I wish for; I will NOT understand or take pleasure in all the circumstances of my life, but I shall NOT be abandoned, left alone and without help or resources, lacking any source of hope, joy, peace, or love.

Finally, we come to the word “want.” In this context, it is meant to signify lack– I shall lack for nothing; I shall not be without (God who provides). And this is where many people struggle with the verse; with the Psalm; with the Shepherd Himself. We DO lack– many things. We lack money to pay the bills, we lack in our relationships, we lack perfect health, we lack patience…the list is endless. We “want” for many things. And we read Psalm 23, and it seems to mock us. If God is our Shepherd, why do we lose loved ones to disease? Why do we have to declare bankruptcy? Why did our spouse file for divorce? Why can’t we break that bad habit or addiction? Why do we see “good” people suffering? Doesn’t God see or care? God doesn’t give us easy answers. He doesn’t promise ease and comfort in this fallen world. But He is with us, not matter where, no matter what, no matter how we got there. And He promises to renew, restore, and redeem all that we lack in the present– perfectly and forever after.

I shall not WANT. I shall suffer in the present– loss, pain, confusion, heartbreak, disappointment, failure. But I am not “without”– not without God’s presence in this world, and not without His promise of justice, mercy, hope, and love now and in the world to come. I am still a sheep–I have needs, I make unwise decisions, and I don’t have the ability to see or defend against the dangers of this world. But I have a Shepherd– all-knowing, all-powerful, and extravagant in Love and Grace. I will depend on Him. I will call out to Him. I will follow Him. And I shall not want!

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When God “Remembers No More…”

In my last post, I discussed what it means (or doesn’t mean) when the Bible says that “God remembered…” God is not forgetful. He is omniscient, meaning that He knows everything, all the time. When God “remembers,” the Bible is usually talking about God’s timing. God “remembers” His promises– meaning that the time has come for God’s promises to be fulfilled. The reminder isn’t for God– it is for US. We need to trust that God will fulfill ALL of His promises in His time, not ours.

So what does it mean when God says, “ “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Hebrews 8:12? Or “And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.” Jeremiah 31:34 ? (emphasis added)

How can a God who knows everything and remembers everything say that He will NOT remember? Once again, God does not forget. But He does choose what He will call to mind– what He will hold against us, or what He will hold in our favor. And, just as God remembers His promises, He promises to “forget” our sins and remove them “as far as the east is from the west” Psalm 103:12.

God’s perfect justice demands that He should remember every wrong, every injustice, every sin–and punish them. God will never leave one of His precious children as an eternal victim. Every martyr, every victim of theft, abuse, betrayal, slander, and injury will someday be vindicated, healed, and made whole. But God can, more perfectly than any human being, remember and correct the injustice without attaching all of the punishment to guilty party. Instead, He sees the Blood of Christ as the complete and entire payment for our sins! God has promised that the Blood of Christ has fully atoned for Sin. Our response of Faith allows us to claim that promise and move forward in New Life. Not just Eternal Life, but newness and abundance of Life today. Just as God can “remember (our) sins no more,” so we too can turn away from them.

There is great comfort in remembering that God always remembers His promises. There is also great comfort in knowing that God will NOT remember all of our failures and rebellious thoughts and actions. His forgiveness is not conditional on our level of guilt or our attempt to make atonement. It is complete, even to the point of wiping clear the very memory of our past sins! And Christ’s finished work on the cross also guarantees that every hurt and injustice we have suffered will also be made right–in His perfect way and time.

But there is a further comfort– WE can rest in the promise that our guilt and shame can stay in the past. We do not have to continually ask for God’s forgiveness for the sins we committed years ago, nor do we have to continually live in the guilt of knowing we have fallen short of the Glory of God. We do not have to live as constant victims of someone else’s sin. We do not have to rehearse our failures, justify our scars, or live as second-class Christians, feeling that we are not “as good” as others, since we are all saved by Faith, and not by our own works of goodness (see Ephesians 2:8-9).

Being a Christian is not a matter of what we’ve done (or what has been done to us) in the past. It is walking a new road, following Christ’s example and resting in His assurances. It is allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us on the road ahead, not letting our accuser (Satan) drag us back to our former paths. We will still remember our old actions, the pain of what we have suffered, the pain we have caused others. But we need not live in those memories. We can be ecstatically grateful for God’s promise to “remember (our) sins no more!”

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The Ghost of Christmas Past

Charles Dickens wrote “A Christmas Carol”– a (literally) haunting tale of greed, bitterness, and, in the end, redemption. Set in Victorian England, the story involves a miser named Scrooge, his business partner, Marley, who has been dead for seven years, and three mysterious spirits: The Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present, and the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come…

Scrooge and Marley

Scrooge doesn’t really hate Christmas. He considers it a Humbug– an annoying and worthless distraction from the “reality” of making money. What bothers Scrooge– what eats at him and rules his actions– is the fear of poverty and powerlessness. He avoids relationships so that he cannot be hurt or abandoned. He avoids spending money– even for common comforts like coal to heat his office–for fear that he will fall into poverty. He does not like people because he will not trust anyone enough to risk getting hurt or used.

Scrooge’s only “friend,” his former partner Marley, lived by similar principles during his lifetime. He “visits” Scrooge on Christmas Eve to warn him of the fate that awaits those who fail to realize that there is more to life than making and keeping money. “Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, benevolence, were all my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!” Marley has managed to arrange for Scrooge to be haunted by memories of the past, visions of the present, and shadows of what may be in the future.

The first of these “spirits” reminds Scrooge of Christmases from his childhood and early adulthood. Some of the memories are sad– Scrooge is left to spend the holiday alone at school, as his cold and distant father refuses to show him love, mercy, or guidance. Later, Scrooge is reminded of how his decision to pursue wealth alienated the woman he could have married. But there are happier memories, too. His first boss, Mr. Fezziwig, brought happiness and a sense of camaraderie and purpose to Scrooge’s early employment. He celebrated both hard work and the joy of fellowship with his employees. Scrooge sees visions of his beloved sister and is reminded that he has a family (his sister’s son) with whom he could make and share happy memories– if only he would choose to do so.

I will write about the other visitations later, but I want to camp out here for a little bit.

What memories would the Ghost of Christmas Past bring to me? To you? Are there sad or painful memories of Christmases without loved ones? Christmases that included anger or rejection? Christmases spent with poverty, uncertainty, or sickness? Would you feel bitterness? Fear? Guilt? Regret? Or would there be nostalgia for days gone by? Longing for family members who have passed? Questions about what might have been?

It is tempting sometimes to shove our memories of Christmas past in a closet or an old trunk and try to forget them. In Dickens’ story, Scrooge ends up desperately trying to snuff out the light of Truth that the spirit is holding. He doesn’t want to remember; doesn’t want to know or deal with the pain and loss of his past.

But before we can truly live in the present, we must confront the past. We do not have to live there. Our memories– good and bad– are but shadows of the things that have been. But they can cast long and devastating shadows if we let them. Denying past pain or trauma can give us a false sense of control. Burying ourselves in work or pleasure or entertainment may feel like a solution. Being cautious and angry and cynical may seem like wisdom. We can blame others, blame ourselves, even blame God for our feelings of hurt and fear of being hurt again and again. OR we can, with the light of truth, revisit our past. We can discover the healing power of redemption and forgiveness. We can– we must– still acknowledge the pain, the injustice, the grief that lies on our past. But we also must see that the shadows of the past only fall behind us. However the past may have shaped us, damaged us, challenged us, or forged us, the present and the future can be turned in a new direction.

And that is possible because of Christmas– because of Christ!

When Scrooge first visits his past with the Ghost of Christmas Past, the first image he experiences is of his classmates from school riding in sleighs and wagons singing Christmas carols. Singing! He could not join in. As an adult he has chosen not to join others as they sing of the wonder of Christ’s birth. But the carols echo– their message endures! Christ is Born! Glory to the Newborn King!

My prayer today is that Christmas past holds some happy memories for you. But the very Good News of Christmas is that it isn’t just about the past. And our past Christmases don’t have to haunt us. Because the Light of Truth– The True Light of the World (John 1:9) –that came on that first Christmas so long ago leads the way forward!

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“Seeing” Answered Prayer

God always hears our prayers. He always has an answer. But it isn’t always the answer we expect. Sometimes, God answers, “No,” or “Not yet.” Sometimes, He answers in ways that seem confusing and mysterious, and even ironic.

I remember as a young teen praying for a woman in the community who had lymphoma. In treating her condition, the doctors, trying a new experimental treatment, did permanent damage to certain muscles, leading to a progressively debilitating condition. She died a slow and painful death, unrelated to her original condition. Where was God? How could He listen to our prayers and give such a cold, cruel answer?

But God sees a bigger picture than we do. This precious woman had incredible faith and grit. She had spent years working diligently to help others and teach God’s Word. She continued her work, even in the midst of her health struggles almost to the end of her life. What might have caused some people to turn their backs on God made her more dependent on His Grace. She faced her pain and weakness with grit, strength, and hope in God’s eternal healing. God’s answer wasn’t to rescue her from the suffering, but to be present in it with her. And her example lives on to this day.

Some people would read about this and be dismissive. What a cop-out! What a delusion! But there is much more to her story than her own condition or even her response. One of the men in our church really struggled with God’s seeming indifference. He wrestled with his own faith for many months while watching her get weaker and weaker. But through his struggle, he grew in his conviction that God was present in every situation. He was inspired to do short-term mission work, partly as a result of this growth. Knowing that God would be with him, he threw himself into loving people from a different culture–different climate, different language, different work ethic– and helped build churches and other facilities for those in need. Many people were helped, inspired, and encouraged because of his dependence on God– a dependence enhanced by facing his own questions and doubts.

Family members and community members, watching her struggles, were inspired to pick up where she left off– working and teaching and reaching out to others with zeal and joy–following her marvelous example. Today, some of her family members are leaders in their churches, raising the next generations of witnesses to God’s mercy and power. Doctors, having failed in her treatment, learned from it– a difficult lesson for all, but a lesson, nonetheless. Her joyful attitude (before and during her struggles) inspired me to direct the Vacation Bible School program at our church for a few years, and to teach Sunday School when I moved to a new location. And those are just a few of the ways I have “seen” God’s answers to our prayers. God did not give our friend the physical healing we wanted. But her struggles– and her response of faith and perseverance–inspired a ripple effect far beyond her own pain and disappointment. And she has received the ultimate healing! Her pain, intense and unjust as it was, was only temporary. Her life, her legacy, her joy– they all live on!

How often do we look at a situation and think we know what is “best?” How often do we feel that God’s answers are “wrong?” Wrong timing, wrong outcome, full of hardship or pain– how can this be God’s “perfect” will for us? There was nothing about this woman’s situation that was comfortable; no reason to see a good outcome for her or her immediate family. She died. She experienced pain, with no earthly justice. Her suffering was undeserved and unmitigated. She refused to sue the hospital or the doctors– she wanted them to be able to continue to learn from her experience so they could help others NOT to suffer in the future. But her life was shortened and made grueling in the process, and she received no payout, no financial compensation, no symbolic reparation for her sacrifice. We received no “miraculous” answer to our prayers. It seemed at the time that the more we prayed for healing, the worse her condition became. We continued to pray anyway, knowing that God DID hear us, and God’s ways were not our ways– they are always better. Even when His ways seem like silence.

This all happened several decades ago, and many of the “answers” from our urgent prayers are still hidden from our eyes. Many of our questions remain unanswered. But God’s will is still active, even in these tragic circumstances. Someday in Heaven, it may be revealed to us exactly how God used this woman’s life and struggles to bring about blessings to hundreds of other people– causing them to grow strong through her weakness, drawing them to His healing and wisdom in a world of pain and confusion.

I have lost many friends to cancer. I pray for each one, and the outcomes are never exactly the same. Some go into remission, only to have the cancer return three or four years later. Others get amazing healing– surgeons are astonished and perplexed by the rapid or miraculous disappearance of cancer cells. Some go into fast decline and die almost immediately after their diagnoses. And each situation impacts people in different ways, showing God’s power and presence for those who are willing to look for them. Prayer isn’t a magic formula for immediate and total healing. Prayer is lifting up a situation that is beyond our control or understanding and trusting that God has a perfect plan beyond what we can see or understand. Cancer cannot take God by surprise. Death cannot outwit or overpower God. We live in a world where Evil can overwhelm us; our bodies can betray us; our future can be lost in the fog of uncertainty and suffering. But God is present– not only IN our suffering, but ABOVE and BEYOND our suffering.

We don’t pray for our friends and loved ones to suffer. We want them to be healed, to be free of pain and grief; to be at ease and blessed with abundance. This is normal; it is good. God wants to bless us. It doesn’t bring Him joy to watch us suffer. But He also wants us to see the blessing of His presence, His wisdom, and His power. Sometimes, we can’t see that as we look around. Sometimes, we need to look up! Even from a hospital bed (see John, chapter 9). Even from the flames of suffering (see Daniel, chapter 3). Or from the belly of a whale (see Jonah, chapter 2). And we will find that God is there.

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