Our Father

Dad.  Daddy.  Pops.  Papi.  Da.  Father.

During my youngest years, I called my father “Daddy.”  Daddy was someone to hold me when I was tired, or frightened, or just in need of a hug.  Daddy had all the answers; he could turn my tears into giggles, my pouts into apologies.  His stern word could melt away rebellion; his smile could fill my heart to bursting.

As I grew older, he became “Dad.”  Dad was wise.  Dad gave good advise– even when I didn’t always take it.  Dad listened and showed interest in what I said.  Dad challenged me to do better, think deeper, try harder, and work smarter.  Dad didn’t pick me up and carry me, but he was there beside me when I needed someone to lean on or lend a hand.  Dad was my coach and advocate.

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As an adult, Dad sometimes became “Pa.”  Pa was someone who had “been there”.  He had experience, and wisdom.  He had patience and compassion.  But his days of coaching and propping me up were fewer; his days of sharing his own faults, his unfulfilled dreams, his regrets–commiserating rather than commanding– grew more and became more precious to me.  He was still my father, but he was also my friend– a fellow traveler on this road; one I knew well and loved dearly.  One I respected and trusted, even though he was not perfect.

I was blessed to have a father who was good and kind; a man of integrity and humor; a man who loved his family more than life, loved his neighbors, his community, music, nature, animals, and good food.  Most of all, he loved God.  Not with fire and brimstone fanaticism, but with humble astonishment that God would send his son to die for him.  He lived in the wonder of that truth– that “whosoever believeth (in him) should not perish, but have eternal life” included him.

I say all this, not just to honor my earthly father, or to thank my heavenly father for that relationship, but to point out how prayer is often a reflection of how we view fatherhood.  Some people have a difficult time praying and trusting God because they have never known an earthly father; or they’ve only known earthly fathers who were distant, unapproachable, or abusive.  If this is the case for you, may I encourage you to ask God to reveal himself in a fresh way, with a name and vision that is personal and distinct from the earthly father you have known.  Some people view God as “Daddy”–someone who fixes everything, holds us close, and keeps us safe.  And he is all those things.  But he is also “Dad” who wants to challenge us and coach us to grow and develop our character.  He is “Abba”, and “Senor”, “Lord,” and “Father” and “Papa”.  He is not “Pa” in the sense I knew my father, in that we are not his peers when we reach adulthood.  He has no faults to share, no regrets.  But he wants to share that precious intimacy that comes with time and familiarity–he wants us to develop trust and love as we get to know him better, however we call him.

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There is one clear difference between God and any of our earthly parents– God is GOD– he is the creator and ruler of galaxies, and of microcosms,  omnipotent and omniscient, omnipresent and eternal, holy and sovereign.

And when I pray, I pray to him– almighty King of Kings– and my Father!

“Now I Lay Me Down…”

We used to teach children to say bedtime prayers by rote:

Now I lay me down to sleep;
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.

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I don’t actually remember praying this exact prayer at bedtime– partly because it seemed morbid and conjured the stuff of nightmares more than peaceful rest.  Thankfully, my parents taught me more about praying than just this little prayer.  We learned the Lord’s Prayer, and to lift up our friends and family to God’s care.  We prayed for family stationed far from home, family members who were ill or suffering in some way, and for neighbors and classmates we cared about.  We prayed for missionaries and the people and places that called them far away.  We prayed for our nation and leaders. And we prayed confession, and thanksgiving, and worship, and intercession.

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But I was reminded of this old prayer when I watched a video our aunt sent us the other day.  It was a short documentary about a nature photographer who spent over 18 months building up trust with a wild cheetah in order to get “close up” shots of her in the wild– hunting, eating, resting, bathing.  All was going well, until she disappeared on him.  Several months later, a park ranger located her– and her five newborn cubs! The photographer knew he was taking a huge risk, but he drove his jeep (known to the mother cheetah) and went to the area where she was now caring for her young.  He got out of the jeep and sat down in the grass nearby.  Mother cheetah was nervous, but she did not attack.  Hoping this was a good sign, the photographer did the unthinkable– he lay down in the grass, helpless, to show that he was not a threat.  As he moved from the sitting position, the mother cheetah stood up and watched.  As he lay sprawling on the ground, she too lay down, letting her cubs know that they were free to explore.  They came over to the photographer– they bit at his toes, climbed all over him, and let him pet them and poke at them with his finger.  He never sat up, lifted his head, or played rough with them.  He never grabbed them by the nape or spoke.  When they got tired of “the new thing” and returned to their mother, the photographer was able to sit up, move close to the family, and take some incredible photos of the whole group.

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Why did this remind me of a child’s prayer?  The photographer kept saying in the voice-over that it was all about trust– he was patiently building a relationship with this single cheetah for over a year and a half, showing her that he could be trusted.  And he was rewarded by her reaction when he signaled that he wanted to be close to her cubs.  His act of lying down and essentially putting his life in the balance caused her to respond with a similar act showing her trust was complete.  And her act of trust signaled to her cubs that this “new thing” was safe to approach– he could be trusted.  Gaining her trust was a matter of life and death for the photographer. A mother cheetah in the wild can run faster than a sports car and kill without a second thought to protect her young.

But she lay still and rested in her trust of this man.

How often do we “lay down” in our trust of God– stop brooding, worrying, fidgeting, and fighting to make sense of things, to build a safety net, to get ahead, to keep up with the neighbors, to feed our dreams and aspirations?  The Psalmist in Psalm 23 says, “He makes me to lie down in green pastures…”

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Trust isn’t just about lying down and resting– we are commanded to “Go” to “run the race” and to “stand firm in the faith”.  But what would it look like if people could see followers of Christ at rest in the certainty of God’s provision and power?   What if we opened our eyes to see God patiently building a relationship with us, waiting for the day that we would trust Him enough to enter our daily life?  How much more might our children learn to trust God if they saw parents who followed God’s cue to lie down in peace and hope, instead of scurrying around trying to do God’s work in their own (used up) energy?   What if, instead of praying with a morbid expectation of dying, we lay down to sleep, knowing that our soul is eternally safe, and that our future is secure and blessed because of the One who hears our prayer?

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“Now I lay me down to sleep;
I know the Lord my soul will keep.
If I should live another day,
He then will light my every way!”

Why Being “Nice” Matters

(I am re-posting an article from a few years ago. This first appeared in August of 2018.)

I spent the day with my granddaughter today.  We went to the bakery, the bank, the grocery, and the library.  Some days we visit the post office or a local cafe.  We live downtown, so we walk everywhere, and say hello to people we meet along the way.  At each stop, we thank the people behind the counter or desk.  My granddaughter is learning manners– how to be polite in public.  Her parents do a wonderful job of this, and it’s very easy for me to bask in the proud glow of people remarking on how cute and polite and engaging she is.  (I may be a little biased, but they DO say such things…)

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Years ago, when I worked at a library, there were always families who came in and practiced good manners– “Please” and “Thank You,” “Excuse me,” “I’m sorry,” and “May I?”  Often, the children were prompted, especially when they were young.  Sometimes, they didn’t understand why they were being told to say such things.  A couple of times, I had other parents roll their eyes and comment negatively on such practices.  “They don’t even understand what they’re saying.”  “I’ll bet they don’t say any of those things at home– what hypocrites.  They’re just trying to make people think they’re better than everybody else.”  “You shouldn’t force kids to say such things.  They’ll just resent you for it later.”

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There are actually parenting articles about forcing children to say “I’m sorry.”  They are well-intentioned, and some are helpful about explaining what the issues are (here’s a link to one of the articles) .  Other articles advise parents not to prompt children to say, “Thank You.” (Here’s another link.)  I don’t disagree with these authors.  In fact, I think they make a valid point about teaching our kids “shallow” manners and neglecting the deeper values of gratitude and empathy.  But I think children need both.

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Manners (especially as they reflect deeper values) are important.  We live in a society where manners are becoming relics–laughable reminders of a quaint culture we have long outgrown.  There are pockets of the country (and the larger world) where politeness is almost an obsession.  It is not polite or helpful to be facetiously “nice” or sarcastically “nice”.  But what happens when we no longer dare to show gratitude or empathy without inviting ridicule and contempt?  What happens when saying “Please” and “Thank you” make you a target for mockery? When and how did this happen to our culture?

With all due respect to the recent spate of articles, I think something gets lost in the hyperbolic headlines and fascination with “feelings”–manners should originate, not with feelings, but with the acknowledgement of some basic truths:

  • I am not the center of the universe!
  • Other people– all other people–have value, worth, and dignity.
  • I need other people, and they need me–I am not an island.
  • There is a God who is kind, forgiving, loving, and wise.
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I am polite to others, not because I feel “nice”, but because I recognize that God created all people; He loves us all equally, and I have a duty to treat others with dignity, respect, and kindness– even if I don’t “feel” it; even if they don’t respond in kind.  Do I always remember and acknowledge this, even as an adult?  Sadly, no.  But I practice politeness as a discipline and a reminder that this should be so.  I teach it for the same reason.  And the amazing thing is that it makes a huge difference.  Maybe not in the moment, with all my emotions running wild…but in the quiet aftermath of knowing that I said “Thank you” instead of the hurtful and sarcastic comment.  I said “I’m sorry” instead of holding on to my pride and bitterness.  And I may never know the difference it made to the harried waitress, or lonely shopper, or tired mechanic to hear two or three kind words– “Thank You” (You are noticed– you matter).  “I’m so sorry” (you have dignity–you are worthy of kindness) “Please” (you have value–your time, skill, or service is special)

I’m not a “nice” person– I am often hateful and stubborn and impatient.  But God has been abundantly gracious and merciful to me when I don’t deserve it.  Being polite is such a small thing in light of God’s eternal and boundless love toward us.

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I Can Always Pray

“Pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

Of course, we can’t literally pray all the time– we need to eat, sleep, work, travel, and talk with other people as we go through our days. But we always have the ability and the access to cry out to God. There is never a time when God is too busy, or we are unable to formulate a prayer in our hearts and minds. Even if we can’t find the words!

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This was borne to me again in the last few months of my Mom’s life. As her health deteriorated; as she started to have trouble remembering names and seeing faces, she still remained committed to prayer. She was always eager for information– who was traveling; who was celebrating a birthday; who was in the hospital; who was in the middle of a divorce; who was moving to a new community, or had just moved here from elsewhere? Even if she couldn’t send a greeting card, or attend a wedding or other event, she could pray.

I know several moms and dads whose lives are hectic. They don’t have the luxury of hours to devote to prayer and Bible study. They may have minutes! Their lives are filled with the morning commute, with cleaning up small disasters everywhere, with trying to balance family life and work life. But they can pray– they can pray as they ride the train, or at their desk; they can pray as they sweep up the latest mess, or as they take a precious (and too-short) bathroom break! They can pray with their children, for their children, or surrounded by co-workers. They can pray silent, desperate prayers or short bursts of praise.

I know several others who are in my mom’s situation. They are aging, or ill; they are bedridden and in pain. They can’t get up; they can’t DO the things they would wish to do. They can’t give hugs or write letters or make phone calls to encourage others. Many of them cannot feed themselves or talk. But they can pray! They have the same access to God’s comfort, wisdom, and Love as everyone else. They can pray with groans and thoughts– even scattered and burdened ones.

I know some people who “don’t know how” to pray. They are new to Faith, or they have strayed so far, they just can’t seem to concentrate on what they want to say to God. They are plagued by guilt, shame, or unresolved bitterness. They feel unworthy, or unclean. Yet, they can still pray. They can cry out in lingering doubt and despair– “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24) They can ask the difficult questions for which only God has the answers– questions about forgiveness, injustice, pain, and grief.

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I am fortunate. I have a lot of “down time” at our shop. It’s not a very busy (or very prosperous!) shop. But it offers me the opportunity to pray, and to write about prayer. I have the time to think about prayer– what it means, how it works, why it is so vital. And even after a lifetime of praying, I still get surprised by new opportunities for prayer. The other day, a customer walked in, very upset. She was a stranger to me, but I was prompted to ask if I could just take a minute to pray for her. Suddenly, her heart spilled out. The details are her story, and not for this blog post, but God gave me the opportunity to offer encouragement and hope and (hopefully) wise advice as she has many life-changing decisions to make.

I can continue to pray for her situation today. And I can lift up prayers for family, friends, neighbors, and so many others throughout the day. I can pray for Estonia– a nation I’ve never visited and know very little about, but one that God knows and loves dearly! I can pray for K____, one of our “regulars” who stops by the shop to talk and look around, and occasionally to buy something small that he can afford. I can sing praises for all the many attributes or our Amazing God! I can thank God for His many blessings, including a praying mother! I can seek wisdom for the days ahead, and forgiveness for the sins of the past.

I can pray from my seat behind the counter. I can pray in a booth at the local fast food place, and with my husband at our dinner table. I can pray while I wait in line at the grocery. I can pray as I sort through my Mom’s papers and clothes, or as I clean around the shop or at home. I can pray in bed. And yes, I can even pray in the bathroom! I can pray whether I am happy or sad; whether I am under stress or breezing through the day. I can pray in English or “Spanglish” or with groans or snatches of song. I can pray with my eyes open, with my fingers flying across the keys of my computer, or as I walk to the post office.

Children can pray; prison inmates can pray; patients in hospitals can pray; soldiers and construction workers and chefs can all pray. Sewer workers and surgeons, clowns and corporate CEOs, gardeners and guards, taxi drivers (eyes opened!) and teachers– all can pray. Moms and Grandfathers, sisters and uncles can all pray. Those who are blind, lame, mute, or mentally challenged can all pray. Wise men and fools can pray. Strong or weak, rich or poor, king or captive– all can pray.

The question today is, WILL WE?

Be Sure Your Sin Will Find You Out

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When I was a child, my Mom used scripture to teach and correct me. One of her favorites was found in Numbers 32:23b “..you may be sure your sin will find you out.” This was a warning not to try to hide or excuse bad behavior. I could lie about cleaning my room, but sooner or later, Mom would find out. I could pretend to eat my peas at dinner, but sooner or later, my pile of uneaten veggies would show up as evidence. And I could be nice to my little sister around company, but that wouldn’t fool those who knew us well, or convince my sister that I wasn’t going to be bossy after they left. Most importantly, God would know what I did– and I would know that God knew!

Sin is more than just a simple action, or an accident. Sin is an infection–a poison. And it leaves traces, and scars, and has consequences– not just in actions or consequences, but in the shaping of our minds, attitudes, and character. Sin– concealed, denied, ignored, or excused–breeds and grows; it poisons our thoughts and emotions. Instead of reacting openly and honestly, we become defensive, secretive, paranoid, and apprehensive.

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Praying involves communicating openly and honestly with God. Sin will get in the way of that communication. Not on God’s part– He is unchanging. But on our part– we will not be fully open with God. We will be suspicious of His goodness, and doubtful of His mercy. We will try to hide our guilt and our true motives. As early as the Garden of Eden, this is the pattern. Adam and Eve tried to hide from God after they had eaten the forbidden fruit. “Where are you?” asked God (Genesis 3:9). Certainly He knew where they were, and why they were hiding. But Adam replied, “…I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” (Genesis 3:10) When God asked Cain about his brother, Cain tried to cover-up the murder with distractions. “I don’t know. Am I my brother’s keeper?”(Genesis 4:9) God never asked Cain whether or not he was responsible for his brother. But God already knew that Cain had killed Abel; Cain’s attempts to redirect the conversation did nothing to hide his guilt– it merely confirmed that Sin had wormed its way into his thoughts and attitudes. Cain never asked for forgiveness. He never confessed to the murder of his brother. Instead, he received the punishment for his sin– banishment and isolation. Later, Cain’s descendants even bragged about their family history of murder and exile! (Genesis 4:23-24)

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Of all the people we might try to impress, God cannot be fooled by our false righteousness. He cannot be impressed or distracted by arguments or justifications. And He can’t ignore how Sin is poisoning us, and leading us toward death– both physical and spiritual death. Even “little” “secret” sins will infect our relationships– with God and with others– and cause us to grow emotionally and spiritually numb. Unfortunately, the poison of Sin can cause us to withdraw further from the very source of healing. We attempt to bargain with God; to justify or excuse our actions in our own eyes, asking Him to ignore our condition. We may even be defiant, knowing we deserve punishment, but doubting God’s willingness or ability to bring about justice. We march boldly in the opposite direction, doubling down on our bitterness, anger, or shame.

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We need to seek God’s mercy and grace through confession and repentance. God is faithful to forgive and eager to restore to us the joy of His salvation (Psalm 51:11) He will do what all our mind-games and excuse-making cannot do–He will remove our sins from us as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). And once the poison of Sin is drawn off, we can see and hear, think and act with a clear conscience, free of guilt and shame; free of secrets and excuses. We may still face the earthly consequences of our actions– punishment for things we’ve stolen or lives we’ve hurt, broken relationships or changed circumstances–but the eternal consequences of death and separation from God have been erased by the Blood of Christ and removed forever.

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And that will lead us to prayers of worship and thanksgiving, freely and joyfully raised!

For more discussion on this principle, see https://www.gotquestions.org/be-sure-your-sin-will-find-you-out.html

All the Same

When I was growing up, my Mom used to say, “I love all my children differently, but I love them all the same.” It didn’t make sense to me at first, but what she meant was that she loved us equally, but also uniquely as individuals. She didn’t treat us exactly the same, because we weren’t the same person, and because our circumstances were different. When my brother was small, there wasn’t enough time or money to do some of the things she did with me or my sister. When my sister and I were young, Mom was older and had less energy to do some of the things she had done with my brother. She punished us in slightly different ways, and encouraged us in slightly different ways, because we responded differently.

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Mom is human, so even her best efforts weren’t perfect. Sometimes, we felt she treated us unfairly in certain matters. But overall, Mom has lived out her intention to “love us all the same.”

God follows the same principle. He shows no partiality; no favoritism. He sends rain and sunshine on “the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45) He allows us to face sickness, trials, hardships, and disasters, regardless of our status or our relationship with Him. And He allows others, even evil-doers, to prosper and enjoy good health. This can be difficult for some of us to accept. I know many people who believe that they have an “in” with God– a special status that is supposed to keep them “safe” from disappointments and hardships, while punishing those who cross them in some way. But it doesn’t happen like that. God loves us and treats us each differently, according to our unique circumstances and personalities.

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It is especially difficult to accept this in relation to prayer. God does not promise that, if we pray or if we have dozens of others praying for us, we will be spared pain and suffering, or receive only blessing and favor. This past year, we prayed for many friends and family who struggled with COVID (including David and I!) Many of them recovered; but others died. I just heard some wonderful news about a relative who was supposed to have a biopsy of a tumor on his brain. As he was being prepped for surgery, the surgeon realized that the lump had disappeared– there was nothing to biopsy! Case closed! It was wonderful news, and an answer to prayer. But what about my friend who had dozens praying for him to be healed of cancer? He had been in remission, but his cancer came back and just kept getting worse, and then he died. Does God love my relative more than my friend? Is he a “better” person, or more deserving of health and life? Absolutely not!

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When we pray, we pray about what we see and what we understand. But God loves us each as individuals, and with perfect understanding and wisdom that we lack. I may never understand why some of my friends died of COVID or cancer, while others lived. I don’t know why some of the people I love have had to suffer pain and grief and loss, while others have been blessed with good health, opportunity, and riches. But I know this– God loves each one exactly as much as the others, and exactly as much as He loves me. Nothing about who I am or what I do can change God’s love for me– but it can and DOES change my love for Him!

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Praying for those we love, especially those who are suffering, is not a “magic” formula. While God listens to and answers prayer, He doesn’t guarantee that “more” prayers or “better” prayers will change our circumstances or the outcomes of our circumstances. But prayer changes US. It can change our outlook and our attitude. It can change circumstances in unseen ways we cannot measure or imagine. One thing prayer cannot change– it won’t cause God to love us any more or less than He already does. His love is perfect in scope and power. He loves us–“All the Same!”

I Just Want Them to Be Happy…

..but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3b-5 ESV via biblegateway.com
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I once had to drop out of a thread on social media. (Actually, I’ve had to drop out of a number of threads, but that is neither here nor there…) The thread was about parenting, and priorities. The main thrust was that, as a parent, one’s top priority was to make one’s children “happy.” If your child wanted a particular toy for her/his birthday, you would certainly do whatever you could to get “that” toy. If your child wanted the latest fashion in shoes, you would certainly try to buy them. If your child wanted to be successful, you would do whatever you could to see that he/she got into the “best” schools and had the “best” opportunities in life. And if they wanted to do something of which you disapproved, you would still encourage them to follow their dream– if it would make them happy. Of course, this didn’t include letting your child abuse drugs or become a criminal. But in general, it meant sacrificing and taking a back seat to your child’s emotional well-being.

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On the surface, this seems like good parenting. Of course, I don’t “want” my child to be miserable, or unsuccessful, or “left out.” And I don’t want to impose my dreams and wishes onto my child, or live my life through him/her. I would not wish hardship and suffering to come to anyone, especially those I love. Except…I want them to develop endurance, and character, and hope, and compassion, and wisdom, and humility, and faith. And all these things come from suffering, losing, and learning from difficult experiences.

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I dropped out of the thread for a couple of reasons: I have learned that whenever the subject of parenting comes up, my experience (or lack thereof) makes my opinion “invalid” to those who disagree. “You’ve never had children. You don’t know what it’s like.” But I know what it was like to BE a child, and to have parents. I’ve observed the results of parenting by others, both good and bad. I know that even good parenting can’t guarantee “happy” teenagers! And even “bad” parenting can produce children who break the cycle and become adults of integrity and joy. The other reason I held back was that, in my experience, those who post such threads only want their own opinions confirmed. The people posting on this thread were not “bad” parents–in fact, they probably would agree with me if we had the time to sit down and talk through the issue. But one of the downfalls of social media is that we want short, pithy advice, instead of long and serious discussions. We don’t want nuances; we want comfortable “likes.”

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I don’t want my family members– my step-children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and cousins, etc.–to be defeated by suffering. I don’t want them to be overwhelmed by depression and anxiety. I don’t pray for them to be hurt or frustrated, because “it’s for their own good.” But I do pray that they will learn strength and courage, faith and trust, hope and joy as they overcome struggles, conquer fears, fight life’s battles, and walk in obedience to the One who has won the final victory. I don’t “just” want them to be happy. I want them to find the lasting joy that comes from developing a Godly character. That may bring me to tears when I see them fighting illness and hardship, persecution, depression, and other setbacks. But it also keeps me on my knees and reaching out as they understand that I’m there whether they’re sad, or angry, or hurting– and so is the God who loves them forever!

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Praying For My Children From Another Mother

(Dedicated to all those who are step-mothers, adoptive mothers, foster mothers, or in other ways entrusted with children not of their womb.)

I did not give birth to them, Father. They are not the children of my womb; they are still the children of my heart.

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And I know you love them more than I do. That they are YOUR children first, last, and foremost.

God, Thank You for giving me the privilege of letting me be part of their lives; for allowing me to share their hopes and dreams, their failures and their struggles; their smiles and their tears. Thank you for their unique interests and personalities. Thank you for their laughter, and their questions. Thank you for their hugs, and their pouts, and more questions…

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Father, help me to see them with your eyes– not through the lens of my own hopes or expectations; or my inadequacies and fears–help me to see who they are, and who you created them to be. Help me to help them to see how special they are in your eyes.

Help me to honor these children by not dishonoring the mother who gave them birth. May I never cause her children to despise her–or themselves– because of what I say about her. But help me to protect these precious children from anyone–anyone– who would hurt, abuse, exploit, or endanger them. May our home be a safe place to learn love and forgiveness and healing in a world of broken families.

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Help me to honor my husband as the leader in our home. Help me to model how to be a true “help-mate” and partner– not a nag; nor a dishrag–a strong, compassionate, supportive, and respectful team player.

Help me to foster good relationships among all the children of this household– to love them each differently, and yet the same. To be fair to each individual, giving them guidance and “space” according to their needs. To do and say all in my power to help each child feel secure in our love and secure in their “place” as part of this family.

Help me to forgive and ask forgiveness freely– through outbursts, baggage, fears, and tantrums– theirs and mine!

Most of all, help me to introduce each one to Your all-encompassing love, Your wisdom, and Your eternal care. May they see you in the things I say and do; in the way we love and forgive as a family; in the way we seek the best together.

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In the name of Jesus, whose earthly father was entrusted with a similar gift,

Amen

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