Face to Face

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The other day, someone complained that she couldn’t “hear” me because we were both wearing face masks, due to COVID restrictions at the doctor’s office. I remarked that the masks didn’t cover her ears, but I know what she meant. Not only did the mask cover my mouth, which limited my volume, but, more importantly, it covered the lower half of my face, so that she couldn’t see my lips or read my facial expressions. Nor could I see hers. It is terribly frustrating to be sitting half-face-to-half-face!

Effective communication is up to 90% non-verbal! That means facial expressions, tone of voice, choice of words, etc.. When we cannot see fully “face-to-face” we lose a lot of our ability to understand and interpret what someone else is saying– even if we can hear the words.

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The same is true in communication by phone or social media. Someone can read my words or listen to me talk, and still be confused about my meaning. Am I being serious or sarcastic? Am I fully engaged, or just “throwing out” words? How can I know if someone has understood what I’ve said or written?

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We crave the intimacy of “real” communication– talking and being “heard;” listening and being engaged with another person’s thoughts and feelings. Knowing that someone else understands and sympathizes. Someday, our human limitations will be removed. The Apostle Paul writes about it this way:

12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:12 (ESV)
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The Apostle John also comments:

Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.

1 John 3:2 (NKJV)
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What an amazing promise! The next time you are having a “face-to-face” conversation with a friend, imagine what it will be like to be able to talk and share that kind of intimacy with God! And then, when you pray, remember that God ALREADY sees and hears you with perfect clarity and understanding!

There is a flip side to this, however. Imagine that your thoughts and “hidden” comments are also uncovered and known by all. One of the dangers of living in a digital, global age is that we feel free to post our immediate thoughts and feelings without regard to how they may be received and interpreted. We post things and say things that we might never say “face-to-face.” We spew out indignation, sarcasm, arrogance, snide criticism, and offense, assuming that others will admire our cleverness or our virtue, rather than seeing our selfish conceit and our rush to judgment. We spill out all the supposed “wrongs” done to us, but we excuse our own wrongs and failings– even brag about them.

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Someday, we will see how very hurtful, selfish, and short-sighted we have been– and so will everyone else. This will shock or embarrass many of us, but God will not be surprised or upset– He has already known the worst about us. And He still listens to us and speaks words of compassion that we often ignore or dismiss. Someday we will not only hear the words, but see the compassion, love, and mercy in His eyes as they meet ours.

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That’s the image I want to take into prayer today– and every day. Even though I can’t see it today, it is already eternal reality!

Oh, Be Careful, Little Tongue

13 Suppose I speak in the languages of human beings or of angels. If I don’t have love, I am only a loud gong or a noisy cymbal. Suppose I have the gift of prophecy. Suppose I can understand all the secret things of God and know everything about him. And suppose I have enough faith to move mountains. If I don’t have love, I am nothing at all. Suppose I give everything I have to poor people. And suppose I give myself over to a difficult life so I can brag. If I don’t have love, I get nothing at all.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIRV) via biblegateway.com
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We run a small shop, my husband and I. The other day, a sweet-looking elderly lady came in looking for antique buttons. She was delighted to find a few that would suit her purpose and she came to pay for them. We struck up a conversation, and I was appalled to hear the words coming out of her mouth. It was like listening to an R-rated stand-up comedian–filled with profanities and bigoted remarks–all delivered in quiet, honeyed tones. I was stunned!

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Such talk becomes habitual. Most people don’t even notice how often they say offensive words or off-color remarks. In this situation, I simply kept a kind of stony silence– I neither exploded with offense, nor nodded in compliance. She stopped talking and made her exit, knowing she had somehow displeased me, but likely unaware of how she actually sounded. I felt guilty for not having challenged her, but I truly think she was oblivious. She had not been swearing in anger; she had not used obvious slurs, but to me, her language was like a cesspool. My ears felt dirty just listening.

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But after I had judged her harshly, I turned the lens on myself. How often do I offend others with my language? I don’t mean with obvious swear words or racist language, but with careless statements or unkind sarcasm? Or with selfish empty boasts about how wonderful my life is or even how good God has been to me? How often do I sound like a clanging, clamoring “noisy cymbal?”

I love to talk, but do I talk with Love? Do I speak words of truth and beauty; blessing and encouragement? Do I speak words of conviction out of love for others, or out of my own contempt? Do I pray with a heart of grieving for those who struggle, and those who are lost? So I assume, as this woman did, that my ugly words will be accepted because I speak them in polite and dulcet tones to someone who looks like me? Or because “everyone else” I know uses such words or spreads such opinions? Do I choose to listen to celebrities, or neighbors, or family members whose speech is filled with hatred and filth? Do I add my nervous laughter when others make careless remarks– worse yet, am I developing bad habits in my own speech or in my social media interactions?

Oh, be careful, little tongue!

Salty Talk

With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in God’s likeness. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. It should not be like this, my brothers! 11 A spring cannot pour both fresh and brackish water from the same opening, can it? 12 My brothers, a fig tree cannot produce olives, nor a grapevine figs, can it? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

James 3:9-12 (International Standard Version) via biblegateway.com
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We live in a culture of complaint and condescension. We pass judgment on people we’ve never met, based on stories we read second- or third-hand on Facebook or in a magazine, or hear on a gossipy talk show. We complain about situations we’ve never been in, on behalf of yet more people we’ve never met. We take pleasure in tearing down the reputation and character of people who don’t even know we exist.

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And then we pray…

Our Father, who art in Heaven…”

I have caught myself in the middle of criticizing someone, as the Holy Spirit reminds me that God LOVES that person. Jesus DIED for that person, just as He died for me. Even if my criticism seems “valid,” it is not for me to pass judgment– especially to others and behind their back.

James (the brother of Jesus) wrote about our words coming out of our mouths like water pouring forth from a spring. We cannot pour forth pure, fresh water and brackish, salty water from the same spring. Similarly, we cannot pour forth praise and wholesome words, and turn around and trash-talk our neighbor–people will “taste” what pours out, and judge the whole spring.

This seems like such a small thing in our culture–surely a sarcastic comment about someone “everyone” dislikes can do no lasting harm, right? Yet an old proverb my parents taught me still rings true: “If you can’t say anything nice about a person, say nothing at all.” Imagine the difference it would make in the world if we all followed that advice. The silence would be deafening!

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Yes, it’s tempting to add our “two cents” to a conversation that is filled with criticism and complaint– but the price we pay in the long run is just not worth it! When we give in to temptation, snarling and sniping and slandering others, we ruin our own reputation. We become known for gossip and sarcasm, and ill-will. Like saltwater flowing from a spring, we bring a bad taste– and bad results to everything we touch. God wants us to bring forth pure water– encouragement, truth, and justice– when we speak. God knows each person — there is no hiding from HIS judgment. But He will not be snide, or clever, or nasty. He will be righteous and Holy in His judgment, not petty or vindictive. As followers of Christ, we should strive to do the same.

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Father, guide my tongue. Purify it, so that I speak words of life and healing; words that honor you AND those you have created in your image. Help me to remember that words matter. Words hurt, and words heal– words give life and hope, or they bring darkness and dissension. May my words reflect the True Word–Christ– in me. Amen.

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Piece of Mind v. Peace of Mind

We live in an angry world, filled with outrage, entitlement, bitterness, hurt, and arrogance. Everywhere we look, someone is giving someone else (sometimes everyone else) a “piece of their mind.” And those who do are often lauded and celebrated. Pundits, critics, “talking heads,” columnists, “expert” opinion-makers (recognized or self-appointed)– all make careers out of sharing their opinions, their theories, expertise, or knowledge. They may be clever, intelligent, even entertaining; they may be popular, intimidating, or impressive in their range of knowledge. I may agree with their opinions, and share their conclusions or beliefs. But I should be careful not to become “puffed up” with knowledge.

Knowledge puffs up but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God. 1 Corinthians 8:1-3

1 Corinthians 8:1-3
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https://dailydevotionscripture.blogspot.com/2012/11/knowledge-puffs-up-love-builds-up.html#:~:text=Knowledge%20puffs%20up%20but%20love%20builds

It is very tempting– VERY tempting– to join in this practice of verbal tongue-lashing. To show off our superior knowledge or our righteous opinions. To win arguments and create “mic-drop” moments.

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Meeting anger with anger, sarcasm with sarcasm, and pride with pride is natural. But it is not God’s way. God calls for us to have peace of mind– to have a mind that can see and hear the reality of our fallen world, but respond in an unnaturally loving and gracious manner given to us by the Holy Spirit. We are to speak words of peace, to walk in humility, and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

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Our words can be powerful– for good or evil. We can speak peace and goodwill, harmony, and love into a world that is drowning in hateful comparisons, disdain, selfishness, malicious gossip, idle chatter, and careless opinions. Words can uplift, encourage, heal, and strengthen. Words–even quiet words– can stem the tide of malice and bring light and hope.

And it is not just what we pass on to others with our words– we become what we speak! When we speak arrogance and self-righteousness, we become (and remain) self-righteous and arrogant. When we speak love and joy, peace and patience, trust and truth, we become more peaceful, joyful, patient and trustworthy.

Jesus– the Word of God– often used a quiet sentence to bring hope, reassurance, and blessing to people in need. Jesus felt anger– and He had every right to speak HIS opinion and HIS omniscience when He was tested and unfairly questioned. But He chose to be patient. His answers were not laced with malice and sarcasm, but they silenced His critics, and served as lessons for others who were listening. What a great example for us!

What might happen if we spent less time giving a “piece of our mind” and more time spreading “peace of mind” in our world?

Unwholesome Talk

My husband and I visited the local Fair in the neighboring county last week.  We love to visit local fairs and festivals (see Pass It On).  We love the pageantry, tradition, history, celebration, food, and general enjoyment.  We also love to see the exhibits– crafts, home arts, commercial exhibits, artwork, produce, and animals.

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Our visit last week began as the fair was “waking up.”  It was after dawn, but still early in the day.  The animals were being fed and/or groomed– some were getting ready to be shown; others were happily munching away as ribbons earned earlier in the week fluttered above their pens.  There were turkeys and rabbits, draft and work horses, ducks, pigs, shaggy highland cattle, newly-shorn sheep, calves, pigeons, roosters, racing horses, jersey cows, goats, geese, and baby chicks.  And there were noises–crowing, lowing, neighing, and squawking, quacking, cooing, oinking and snuffling.  Lastly, the noises of people– classroom groups of children exclaiming over the various animals; their teachers and chaperones reminding them of the rules (“Don’t touch!”, “Stay together”, “Don’t run!”); older couples reminiscing; owners and volunteers and caretakers discussing the tasks of the day.

men and women combining hands together while smiling
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mohawk haan crows close up
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As the day wore on, the noises changed.  On the midway, announcements blared.  Game booths and vendors hawked their wares and prizes.  Even the animals were noisier– more restless as the crowds grew larger and the heat of the day became oppressive.  The roosters were drowned out by the cackling of hens.  The quiet “good morning” on the lips of strangers passing by turned into harried questions; “Where did you get that corn dog?”  “How much did you pay for it?”  “Do you know where we can get some ice cream?”  “Don’t they have any restrooms around here?”  “Who’s giving out the canvas bags/yard sticks/free popcorn?”

photo of crowd of people in the market
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This wasn’t universal–the announcer for the harness races was amazing.  Between races, he gave information about the racing program– how to read it, what the various terms meant, and how to use the guides to understand more about the horses, their training, their pedigree, the drivers, their records, and much more.  What a wealth of knowledge, and what a great opportunity to listen and learn!  And near the dairy barn, a young teen dressed in a cow costume (who had to be roasting from the heat) danced around, mooing and ringing a bell calling people to visit the dairy booth, where other teens cheerfully gave away recipe books, magnets, pens, and information.

sky people colorful colourful
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What a contrast to some of the comments from fair-goers and workers.  Some were sullen, some were rude, and some irreverent.  Some of the language was not just unwholesome, it was discouraging, disparaging, and mean.  Again, this was not universal; nor was it unique to this venue.  Go almost anywhere in public, and eventually, you will hear crowing, cackling, snuffling, and quacking by bitter, impatient, and self-involved people.

close up of hand feeding on tree trunk
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Unwholesome talk– rude remarks, snide mumbles, bellowing guffaws, complaints, sarcasm–it starts out small, dripping out of our mouths before we even notice.  But each drip flows into a stream, and then a river, until our words pour out in anger and malice and one-up-man-ship.

Ephesians 4:29 New International Version (NIV)

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Psalm 19:14 New Living Translation (NLT)

14 May the words of my mouth
    and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
    Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

 

 

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