Tag: struggle

Prayer and Marriage

As a young girl, I prayed about being married. Most of my prayers were pretty shallow– more about the wedding than the marriage. I dreamed of dresses and decorations, flowers and a shadowy “prince charming” type of groom, whisking me off into the sunset and living happily, dreamily ever after.

The years went by…MANY years! I prayed and dreamed through my twenties; I prayed and hoped through my thirties; and I prayed with less hope and more desperation in my early forties! But my prayers changed as I saw marriages around me. I saw many marriages that were solid, even through tough times. And I saw many “fairy tale” marriages crumble. I saw a lot of heartbreak, anger, and tears, as people who had once vowed to love one another “’til death us do part” fought over furniture and who got the kids over minor holiday weekends. I heard from frustrated wives who felt like they had made a huge mistake, marrying the “man of their dreams.” Some of them compounded the mistake by looking around for a replacement “Mr. Right.”

Instead of praying about a wedding, I began praying about marriage. Instead of praying for “Mr. Right,” I started praying that God would help me become “Mrs. Right.” And I prayed that God would show me what I should do for others during the time that I was single, as well as what I could do for him in a marriage relationship.

Thirteen years ago, I married my husband, David. He isn’t “Prince Charming,” though he can be charming and noble at times. He is, as I am, a flawed human being. David was married before, and he carries the hurt of betrayal and loss of trust from the past. I carry the hurt of being rejected and passed over for so many years. Marriage doesn’t make the past disappear. Marriage is not a “cure” for such hurts.

But marriage is more. God instituted marriage from the beginning for a man and woman to come together in a mysteriously intimate relationship that models what God’s love is like. (See Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31 and others.) David and I don’t exist to “complete” each other. We don’t cease to be our own individual selves. And yet, we are not the same as we were before our marriage. We are more than the sum of our parts– we are ourselves, yet we are one– the Fairs. He is David Fair, and I am Lila Fair, but WE are THE Fairs. And spiritually, we are also one WITH Christ– as individuals and as a couple. We walk forward as One. We make decisions together. We share hopes and dreams, as well as struggles and disappointments. We fight sometimes– not against each other, but against differences or misunderstandings that could weaken US as a couple and weaken our relationship with Christ.

I don’t pray any less often or less fervently now that I am married, but I pray daily about my marriage. I thank God that He was with me through all the “single” years. I thank God that He continues to work in our marriage– that David and I know more about love and faith, hope and fulfillment than we did 13 years ago! I pray that David and I will grow together for many years to come. I pray that we will impact our family as we live out what a Godly marriage is supposed to be. I pray that our marriage will inspire young men and women who are looking (as I once was) to see what a solid marriage involves– that the way we talk to each other, and behave, and work, and live will give hope to future couples, and glory to God.

Marriage and prayer go hand in hand. Prayer cannot guarantee that marriage will be easy–or even than it will survive. Marriage takes two people praying and walking in the same direction! But marriage–and life– without prayer will never be all that God intends it to be.

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God Doesn’t Make Mistakes

Our current culture is obsessed with “fixing” things– including ourselves. Makeovers, plastic surgery, Botox injections, even gender reassignment. We seem to be convinced that God, who knit us together in our mother’s womb, got it “wrong.” I’m not opposed to someone wanting to look or feel more attractive, and there are many surgeries and makeover techniques that can actually improve our physical health. Not all such actions come from a rebellion against God’s design, but in many cases, people are trying to remake themselves in their own “fantasy” image– women having plastic surgery to make themselves look more like a Barbie doll, or like their online avatar; some people even risking their lives just to look like something they’re not.

The smug Christian may answer such behavior with, “God made you that way, and God doesn’t make mistakes!” But such an answer is dismissive of some very real concerns. In fact, it may lead people who experience dysphoria and chronic health crises to conclude that God either doesn’t care about them, or that He simply doesn’t exist.

What about my family member who was born with a rare condition? She experienced strokes in utero– she was stricken in the womb–and she had to have urgent brain surgery at six months. She is bound to a bed or wheelchair for life. Yet God created her. Did He make a mistake? What about the person who was born a biological boy, but an accident in his infancy crushed his “boy parts” and the doctors did emergency surgery and reassigned his gender? Was God sleeping on the job? If He knows all that will happen to us, why not just create that person to be a girl from the beginning? What about children born with a cleft palate? Or those born without hands? How can a loving God sit back and let such things happen? And how can a Christian say, “God doesn’t make mistakes.”

I don’t have a mic-drop, definitive, uncontestable answer for such questions. I don’t know why God chooses to allow certain people to suffer physically, mentally, or emotionally, through no fault of their own. I don’t understand why some people develop ALS or dementia, either. What I do know is that God’s original creation was perfect. And when Sin entered the world, it wasn’t just that people sinned– the whole world was infected. It’s not just that people are born with defects– all of nature suffers. There are diseases that cause deformity in animals, diseases that attacks certain species of trees or plants. We have earthquakes and volcano eruptions, sink holes, and hurricanes. And some people carry genetic diseases that impact their life from conception to death. Others will face mental health issues– some of which won’t show up for many years.

But God doesn’t MAKE such things happen. How do I know this? Jesus Himself addressed this issue during His ministry. In the gospel of John, chapter 9, Jesus and His disciples come across a man born blind. The disciples assume that the “cause” of this man’s affliction is a particular sin– either his own or his parents’. They assume that bad things happen to people because God is punishing them for something they’ve done. But Jesus dismisses that reasoning. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him” (John 9:3 NLT). LIFE is God’s gift– not necessarily perfect health or a problem-free existence. In fact, later in John’s gospel, Jesus says, “In this world you WILL HAVE TROUBLE. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NIV–emphasis added)

God doesn’t make mistakes– He offers redemption. There are some things in this world that we have the power to “fix”– we can forgive those who wrong us. We can work to bring justice and peace to those around us. We can build and re-build relationships. But there are many things that only God can “fix.” God has the power to heal bodies, minds, and hearts. He has the power to give us the strength necessary to endure trials and afflictions and grief. And He can give us a peace that passes all understanding when we trust Him in the middle of life’s struggles.

That doesn’t mean that we will always understand or enjoy what life brings our way. We DO live in a fallen and disease-ridden world. But this is NOT the ultimate fate for those who trust God.

It is when we refuse to trust God and His design that we lose out on the strength, peace, and joy of walking (or even lying in bed) by His side! It is when we try to “fix” things in our own power that we miss out on seeing the mighty power of God working for our ultimate GOOD. God allows for mistakes– but His joy and His plan are to make all things NEW!

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The Prince of Peace

They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace. Jeremiah 8:11(ESV)

While people are saying, “There is peace and security,” then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. 1 Thessalonians 5:3 (ESV)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27 (ESV)

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (ESV)

4 Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. 6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains…21 For then there will be great distress, unequaled from the beginning of the world until now—and never to be equaled again. Matthew 24:4-8; 21 (NIV)

One of the prophetic names given to Jesus in the book of Isaiah is “Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6). And yet, Jesus did not bring an end to the Roman occupation of Judea while He walked the earth. He did not end slavery or war or oppression. He did not bring the kind of “peace” that most of us look for even today. We live in a world of war, dissention, upheaval, and chaos. There is hatred, injustice, slavery, abuse, and oppression, and none of the efforts to bring peace in our world have succeeded in wiping out any of these evils. In the nearly 2000 years since His crucifixion and the rise of the Christian Church, these evils have remained. Great strides have been made over the years– slavery is officially outlawed in many areas of the world; human rights have been codified. Humanitarian efforts have greatly decreased the number of people who die of starvation and disease, homelessness and exposure to the elements. But there are thousands, and indeed hundreds of thousands of people around the world who are refugees from their home countries, who are denied human rights, who live in fear of bombing raids and terrorist attacks.

Where is the Peace?

Jesus spoke freely of the tribulations His followers through the generations would face. He never promised us a world without any trouble. He promised that, in this life, we WILL have trouble. And it will increase over time. People will grow suspicious, hateful, and cold. Nations will rise up against other nations; families will be divided in such a way that one’s greatest enemies will be their closest relatives! Wars and natural disasters will intensify. And ONLY Christ’s return will stop any of it. Human efforts may make a difference for a short while, or make a small difference for a long while, but nothing we can do, single-handedly or as a human race, will deliver us from the evil that lives in the human heart. In fact, we often delude ourselves into thinking that we can change the world on our own; we seek to force our plans on others “for their own good,” little knowing that we may be sowing the seeds of bitterness, backlash, and revenge.

Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace. He will administer perfect peace and justice when He returns. And in the meantime, He offers us an inner peace that passes all understanding. We can experience peace as bullets whip around us; as we are being misunderstood, mistreated, and abused; as we face injustice and oppression. We can do this because Jesus gave us the example. He did not fight back or even complain as He was arrested, falsely accused, sentenced, and executed. He did not seek to force everyone to accept His rightful claims. He did not even protest the unjust treatment of His people by the Romans.

What He did instead was to focus on God’s mission– He interacted with those who were suffering; He healed the sick; He brought comfort to those who were grieving. He brought sinners to repentance and sought to make peace between individuals and God. Jesus is the Prince of real and lasting Peace– not just peace in “our time” or peace for a generation, but eternal and everlastingly joyous Peace. This is the kind of peace that sees trouble and tribulation for what it is– temporary and transformational. Suffering can make us bitter or better, and Jesus shows us how to experience the latter. When we protest instead of pray, we forfeit that peace. When we pray, we gain wisdom in how to stand firm against injustice without losing our own peace and perspective.

These are not peaceful times, but we can still experience peace, hope, trust, endurance, joy, and light in the days ahead, thanks to our Prince of Peace.

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Holy!

“‘Holy, holy, holy|
is the Lord God Almighty,
who was, and is, and is to come.”
Revelation 4:8b (NIV)

Not so much a name of God as a description of His Character, the word Holy means “sacred, separate or set apart, morally blameless; complete; whole; lacking nothing; worthy of worship.” God is Holy. There is no force, no person, no entity who can rival God or be a peer of God. Satan is not God’s equal. Sin, death, evil, none of these can successfully oppose God, or cause Him to stumble or challenge Him. God is Supreme– Alone in His Power and Glory and Sovereignty.

I pray to a Holy God. I pray with the guidance of His Holy Spirit. I follow Christ, who demonstrated Holiness in human form during His time on earth. Sinless perfection, He walked among sinful men and women, healing, teaching, and showing perfect Love and Mercy.

We live in a world that constantly questions this aspect of God. How can a Holy God allow people to suffer injustice, doubts and struggles, and even death? Surely, this is a mistake! God must have failed at some point, or we would live in a perfect world.

God doesn’t make mistakes! And sometimes, that is a concept that can be difficult to fully comprehend. Yes, we know God is “good.” And we know He is powerful. But He is so much more than that. He is without guilt, without doubt, without confusion, without failure. When I see and experience injustice or disease, disappointment, misunderstanding, exhaustion, grief–these are not from God. They come from a fallen world in rebellion against our perfect maker.

Except we once did! Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden, and God provided for their every need. They didn’t need clothing– it never got cold, and the insects, animals, and plants posed no threats. They didn’t need the Law, because they walked with God and knew only good. They didn’t need jobs or houses, money or banks, governments, medicine, dictionaries, alarm clocks or Wikipedia. God didn’t sin– they did. And God didn’t get caught by surprise by the Fall– He already had planned for mankind’s redemption. God didn’t fail. He was, is, and will always be Holy.

This also means He is always “wholly” sufficient for our every need. Even the needs to be understood and to be rescued from our own failures. God, who is Holy, sent His Holy Son to live IN our fallen world– to taste OUR failure, and to set things right. Whatever we suffer now is not God’s “fault,” and it has already been made right in His perfect plan. He understands our temporary pain and suffering differently than we do, because He sees the finished product– our renewal, redemption, and “perfection” in Him!

So I am very thankful today for the Holiness of God. It is something I cannot fully understand until I experience it first-hand, but I can trust in it, put my hope in it, and LIVE in the promise of it, even when I stumble, fail, and struggle.

For more on the Holiness of God, see https://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-is-the-biblical-definition-of-holy/#:~:text=If%20you%20think%20God%20is%20concerned https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/what-does-it-mean-to-be-holy.html

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“Thy Will Be Done”

At the age of 14 months, just after I had learned to walk well, and had learned to say “Mama” and “Da-da”, I became very ill.  Our doctor was baffled– I was tired and weak, I was losing weight, but I wasn’t carrying a fever.  It wasn’t any of the “usual” culprits– we did find out I was allergic to penicillin, but other antibiotics had no effect.  We tried a different doctor– he was also stumped, and all the while, I got weaker.  My desperate parents prayed for healing as the weeks went on.  I was too little to even describe any symptoms– I whimpered and slept; I ate very little, and became too weak to walk.

God was listening to my parents’ prayers, even though the situation seemed impossible and tragic, and God seemed silent and distant.  My mother, in the years since this incident, has shared with me the “breakthrough” moment for her– that moment when her prayers changed from “heal my little girl”, to “thy will be done.”  Not immediately, but shortly after that, the new doctor was inspired to look for another cause.  After some blood tests, he determined that my body wasn’t absorbing and processing protein.  As soon as I began a regimen of protein booster shots, my health began to improve.  I was still sickly as a child; I had immunity issues, and I was small for my age, but I was out of grave danger.  I had to relearn how to walk, and my return to solid foods (especially meat) was a gradual one.  I have no actual memory of these events, but I learned a valuable lesson about prayer.

Praying hands

When we pray “Thy will be done,” we sometimes think it is “our” will vs. “God’s” will… that God’s will is always opposed to ours; that it will lead to us losing whatever it is we are holding on to.  That may be the case, sometimes.  We grapple with God’s will, struggling and wrestling, like Jacob, until we are forced to give in.  Some of us limp our way to the altar of prayer.  But God’s will is not set in relation to ours– His will is His own.  It is higher than ours.  It is perfect and complete.  That doesn’t always make it pleasant, comfortable, or easy.  In my family’s case, it meant months of trips to get shots– every day for the first few weeks; every week for months afterwards, and every month after that until the time I started Kindergarten (a year later than I might have if I had been healthier).  For many, “Thy will be done,” means saying goodbye to a loved one.  Sometimes it means losing a limb, or letting go of a cherished dream.  But what we see; what we experience; these are mere moments in God’s plan for our eternity.  Like the booster shots I had to have as a child, they bring a momentary sting, and the fear of them may loom large, but in God’s plan, they bring us the opportunity for life and health and ultimately, triumph.

Sometimes God’s will means walking through the fire, or walking through the valley of the shadow of death.  Long before my birth and health scare, my mother had lost twins, and been a divorced mother of a young son.  She had already faced death and heartbreak and hardship.  After this incident, she would be hurt by my brother’s teenage rebellion, face depression, and go through health issues with my father before his death; but she would also gain another daughter and live to see grandchildren and great-grandchildren who brought her joy.  In my own life, I have faced the shattered dream of wanting children of my own. I struggled for years with singleness, when I wanted to be married and have a family.  But God’s will was for me to learn patience, compassion, and empathy for others who hurt in these areas.  And he has blessed me with a family I would never have imagined–not only the husband, step-children, and grandkids, but all the students and children I met through my careers in education and public libraries.

It is natural and easy to pray for what our will, our feelings, or our intuition tells us is best– healing for the sick (immediate healing is even better), success for our ventures and those of our families and friends, safety in travels and daily routines, prosperity, and happiness.  It is not wrong to want these things.  But it is better by far to remember that God is sovereign and good.  Giving him complete control over our situations is not weakness; it is not “giving up”.  Instead, it is investing our future– putting it in the hands of the one who holds tomorrow, and all of eternity!  It is trusting the one who is most trustworthy to make the most of our hours and days, our treasures and our dreams.

Even Jesus taught His disciples to pray “thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10b). But He didn’t just teach that phrase to His disciples– He prayed it Himself in the Garden of Gethsemane. “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). Jesus knew he would face humiliation, torture, and death. He knew that He would take on the punishment for all the sins of the world– punishment He did not deserve– and that He would be subject to the full wrath of God. In His humanness, He was anguished to the point of sweating drops of blood. Yet He chose to pray, “Thy will be done.”

I have never been in that kind of anguish– even when I was so very sick or depressed about seemingly broken dreams. But I still find it difficult to fully surrender to God’s sovereign will when the future is in doubt, and when the present looks overwhelming. But growth and victory come when I let God take the reins and guide me through the valleys and wilderness walkways of life. His will is mysterious and sometimes scary, but He is always faithful. And I know that from experience.

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Be Still and Know…

Psalm 46
For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to alamoth. A song.
1 God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the Lord has done,
    the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
    to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the shields with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

When I am tempted to fret or worry, I like to read through Psalm 46. I love the way the psalmists use hyperbole to shrink fear and maximize faith– God is an “ever-present help”, we will not fear, “though the earth give way, and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea”, “He lifts his voice, the earth melts!” And I love that the phrase is repeated– “The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”

There is so much to unpack in just 11 verses of psalm! But I want to stick to two that always stand out to me.

First, the phrase, “the God of Jacob.” God is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He is the God of Moses, the God of Israel, the God of David…His titles are many. But in this case, He is the God of Jacob. NOT the God of Israel– even though God changed His name. No, He is the God of Jacob– the “heel grabber,” the son who stole his brother’s blessing and tricked his brother out of his birthright– the same Jacob who fled his homeland and worked for twenty years for his duplicitous uncle Laban. This is not the God of the victorious, but the God of those who have had to learn the hard way. He is the God of the one who has acted unjustly, and the God of one who has been treated unjustly. He is the God of the one who wrestles and demands a blessing, the God of the second son, the disappointed husband, and the grieving father. THAT is the God who is with US when we are in trouble and feeling overwhelmed by our own past mistakes, or our own inadequacies, or our unfair circumstances.

Secondly, the phrase “be still and know that I am God.” This same God who wrestled with Jacob, who blessed him in dramatic fashion, was the God who was with him through all the long and lonely night watches as a shepherd. Jacob, with his two wives, their two servants, and all thirteen or more of his children (12 sons and at least one daughter, Dinah)–spent a lot of his time surrounded by noises, nagging, responsibilities, and discord. Yet he took time to ‘be still.” And, though it took many years, and often came “the hard way,” Jacob did learn to “know” his God. He learned to trust that God would protect him, guide him, and bless him– and the generations that would follow him!

I am so grateful for this Psalm to remind me of God’s everlasting presence, His power to save and protect, and His sufficiency for every circumstance in my life. I’m so glad that the “God of Jacob” is the same God who sees me, loves me, and rescues me. I’m humbled to know that I don’t have to be clever enough or brave enough, or “righteous” enough to earn God’s help. I’m glad that the Lord Almighty is always with me. (see Hebrews 13:5) However, I still struggle to “be still and know…” I want to know by doing; by studying and making things happen. But to know God– to really know Him– I have to be still, to wait in silence and anticipation, to trust in what I cannot see and cannot do in my own power. I have to know Him as the Almighty, Omnipotent, Sovereign God that He is, rather than a God of my own imagination or the God I hear about or read about from someone else.

What a mighty God! The God of Jacob is MY fortress! And in stillness, meditation, and trust, I can KNOW Him!

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Why I Don’t Pray

Of course, I DO pray. I pray a lot. I write a blog about prayer. But there are times when I find it hard to pray; times when my prayers seem feeble or awkward; times when I just don’t pray. So how does this happen, and why?

Photo by Liza Summer on Pexels.com

Well, there are many reasons why our prayer life can go through a dry season:

  • “I’m just too busy.” Sometimes, I let busyness and distractions keep me from spending quality time in prayer. I like to pray first thing in the morning, and last thing at night. But I’m not naturally a morning person, and sometimes, the night seems to get away from me. And my prayer life can suffer.
  • “I’d rather worry about it.” This may sound like a strange statement, but sometimes, praying about a situation seems like I’m giving up “agency” over the problem. Trusting God and letting go are easier said than done. Worrying about a problem, imagining all the things I “should” be doing, or that others should be doing to fix it gives me a sense of ownership over my circumstances.
  • “I don’t really want to talk to God about ‘that’.” God already knows my heart and my mind, but I want to hold on to the illusion that God loves me because I’m so good, not acknowledging that God’s love is His gift, not my reward. God wants to hear the ugly parts of my life. Yes, I stand justified by the work of Christ on the cross. I don’t have to wallow in my mistakes or beat myself up over all the ways I “fall short of the Glory of God”. But the more I try to pretend I am someone I’m not, the harder it is to remember why God loves me– He loves me because He IS Love!
  • “God isn’t interested in this little thing.” OR “God is tired of hearing about this chronic problem.” I can stop praying about something because I expect God to respond like a person– maybe even like me. I get tired of listening to the same things over and over. I get tired of wrestling with the same issues. I want to come to God with a problem and have it solved– quickly, easily, and permanently. But God’s ways are not my ways. And God wants me to trust Him, regardless of the situation.
  • “I’m not so sure about God right now. I feel let down, abandoned, or unheard.” Doubts and emotions can be so strong– if we let them take over, we will isolate, even from God. Praying during such times can even feel like hypocrisy.

There are many reasons and excuses that can cause us not to pray. I know, because I have fallen victim to them. But ultimately, they boil down to one thing– a choice.

Choosing to pray can be difficult. It involves discipline, faith, humility, and a burning desire to spend time with our Heavenly Father– even when our emotions and circumstances get in the way. It is helpful to remember why I DO pray:

  • God wants to hear from me. I may not always FEEL this, but the Bible is clear about it– God WANTS a relationship with me, with you, with each one of His children.
  • God knows the human heart. He knows our weaknesses, and He knows our hurts and how we have hurt others. And He will not turn His back on those who seek Him. There is nothing I can say to Him in prayer that will cause Him to withhold His love, His forgiveness, and His mercy. He is in the business of redemption!
  • God’s ways are not my ways. If I feel that God is distant because I don’t see Him clearly, or hear Him directly, that doesn’t mean He is not there. Often, I don’t want to rely on Faith– I want proof of God’s favor; I want proof of God’s protection; I want to be able to “prove” God to others, and to justify myself. Prayer in the midst of doubt and pain is the very act of dying to that need and talking to God “anyway.”

There are still times when I don’t pray as often or as earnestly as I feel I should. But, like anything else worth pursuing, it’s worth the journey and the occasional struggle. It doesn’t get “easy”– but it does get easier, and richer, and more fulfilling.

If you haven’t been praying lately, or if prayer has become dry– DON’T GIVE UP. Don’t beat yourself up. Get up, dust yourself off, and keep on in the struggle. And if prayer has been wonderful and refreshing lately, WONDERFUL! But don’t trust in the feeling of powerful prayer– trust in the One to whom you are praying! He alone makes the pursuit worth it all.

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What Did Mary Know?

The song above asks, “Mary, did you know?” as it lists many things that Jesus did during his ministry on Earth. But just how much DID Mary know on that night in Bethlehem? From what we read in Luke 1, Mary knew only that this coming Child was sent by God to be the Messiah. But the angel didn’t spell out how that Messiah would be born or how Mary should be a mother to the King of Kings. The angel never promised Mary that Joseph would agree to marry her, or that her family would not disown her. The angel said nothing about a census; no warning that Mary would have to travel to Bethlehem, where there would be no room in any inn, and no safe, clean place to deliver God’s chosen one. Mary had no knowledge of the shepherds who would come from the cold and dirty fields to get a glimpse of her shivering infant. She had no idea that wise men from distant lands would present her with such impractical gifts as frankincense and myrrh, or that she would be forced to take her small son into Egyptian exile.

In fact, while the shepherds were visited by a heavenly host, glorifying and praising God; while the wise men were following an amazing star in the heavens, Mary was seemingly forgotten– giving birth in a cattle shed, tucked away in an unfamiliar, backwater town, without the comforts of her home and family (save Joseph, who was a first-time father himself!), without clean water or extra blankets, without the comforting voice of an angel reminding her that it would all turn out in the end.

I can only imagine how she might have felt. Was she frightened? Confused? She could have been angry or bitter, panicked or forlorn. She was not privy to the wonder of the angels or the star. She could have no idea of the miracles that her Son would do. And, while Simeon hinted at the piercing grief she would know at the crucifixion (see Luke 2:33-34), Mary could have no idea of the grueling death her Son would suffer.

Mary was so young. She knew so little. And yet, Luke tells us that she ” treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” (Luke 2:19 NIV).

This Advent season, I want to take time to ponder; to meditate on the promises of God, on His timing, and His provision. Mary’s journey to Bethlehem was unplanned– by her. But God had planned it from the very beginning. He KNEW there would be no room in the inn. God KNEW all that would happen– the flight to Egypt, the years of Jesus’ ministry, the betrayal and suffering to come. And God KNEW Mary! He knew her questions, He knew her heart, He knew her fears, and her limitations.

It is comforting to know that God KNEW, and that He KNOWS all that is to come in my life. When it feels like I have been forgotten or relegated to a place where there is no room, no resources, no welcome– I can remember that God is there exactly as He was for Mary and Joseph on that night long ago. Just like Mary, I can treasure those incomprehensible moments when God sends a shepherd or a wise man into my path; someone whose presence, though unexpected or even inconvenient, reminds me that God’s plans are far bigger than what I can know or imagine.

One thing Mary DID know was that she could trust God absolutely. May we ponder this truth throughout the season and treasure His promises today.

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“The Lord Giveth…”

We are approaching Thanksgiving in America. Too often, Thanksgiving is lost amidst the shuffle between Halloween and Christmas. No one dresses up for Thanksgiving; no one passes out treats. There aren’t the same long-standing cultural traditions that we have with Christmas– no trees to decorate, no “Thanksgiving” cookies to make, no “Thanksgiving” elves or Santa Claus. There are turkeys, and sometimes stories about Pilgrims and Natives sharing a peaceful feast, but even that has become a sore topic. In fact, for many people, Thanksgiving is about three things– eating, watching parades on TV, and watching Football (trying to stay awake after all that food!). Some families give a nod to the spirit of Thanksgiving by going around the table and reciting the things for which they are thankful. But we rarely take the opportunity to draw attention to the Giver of all good things. We are more likely to be thankful for things we have as a result (we think) of our own hard work, wise decisions, and “good luck.” Families may travel long distances to be together, but even that is going out of fashion, as young adults often opt to spend the day with their friends or even on their own, and older adults are often “celebrating” without any family present.

I love Thanksgiving. It is one of my favorite holidays. But I think we have lost much of the spirit of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is not just about one day with lots of food spent with family or friends. Thanksgiving is really a lifestyle. The Bible is rich with thanksgiving and praise:

 “I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.” Psalm 7:17
“I will give thanks to you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.” Psalm 9:1
“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.” Psalm 100:4
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” 1 Thessalonians 5:18
 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6
 “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:15
 “Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.” Hebrews 13:15

We have much to be thankful for, but when we look at the Bible verses, Thanksgiving is NOT about WHAT but about WHO. We can be thankful for good health, but we should “give thanks” to the One who gives LIFE– even when we aren’t enjoying perfect health. We can be thankful for our family, but we should really be thankful for the One who created and designed families– including our imperfect, slightly dysfunctional family.

Job learned this lesson well. He was extremely blessed– one of the richest men in all the land. He owned cattle and land, had a large family, and was highly respected. But when he lost it all, he still took time to thank God– not just for the good things He had given Job, but for who He was and is. Job acknowledged that the same God who gives is also the God who takes away– yet He is just, Holy, and awesome. He is sovereign and merciful. And, in the end, Job was restored to health, prosperity, honor, and given a new family.

Jesus was always thanking God– and not for the things we might expect! Jesus arrived in Bethany to find His friend Lazarus dead. Yet He thanked the Father. He did not thank God for “letting” Lazarus die, but He thanked Him for always hearing His prayers, including His prayer to restore Lazarus to life. Jesus thanked God for food– even though He proved that He could turn water into wine and small amounts of food into feasts! Jesus even thanked the Father for hiding His message from those who think they are wise, while revealing it to the lowly and meek. Imagine how much easier His ministry would have been if God had simply opened everyone’s heart and mind to accept that Jesus was the Messiah! But it pleased God to make Jesus’ ministry “fail” on many levels and lead to the Crucifixion. In spite of this, Jesus praised the Father for His wisdom and sovereignty.

We can be thankful to God, not just when things are going well, and we are feeling blessed, but when things are dark and chaotic, or we feel as though we have failed. We don’t ignore the grief of loss, the pain and struggles we face– but we look beyond to the God who sees, hears, heals, and makes all things new in His time. We can thank God in all circumstances, because He is GREATER than all circumstances!

This season, may we take time to contemplate– not just all the good things we have–but to dive deep into who God IS. May we say with Job, “The LORD giveth, and the LORD taketh away; Blessed be the Name of the LORD!”

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Please Pray for Me

How do I respond when someone asks me to pray for them? That may seem like a silly question. It seems obvious that if someone asks for prayer, my response would be to pray. But is that what I am really doing?

I caught myself a few years ago on Facebook saying one thing and doing another. Someone would post a prayer request. I would reply in the comment section that I would pray, that I was “sending prayers”, or that I was praying for them– but then I wouldn’t. I would forget; or I would sort of send up a quick, “God help so-and-so” and move on. It doesn’t mean that I never prayed at all about their situation. But I felt that my comments were more about being “seen” as a prayer warrior than actually being faithful in prayer.

There are many people who have said they are praying for me at certain times in my life. And maybe all of them have. But there are some people who stop whatever they’re doing and pray NOW. They don’t just pray FOR me, they pray WITH me. And they enter into my situation. They pray specifics. They pray for God’s will to be done– even if it isn’t pretty or easy. They pray for my growth and not just for my immediate relief.

I don’t always pray that way for others. I can’t always drop what I’m doing to enter into someone else’s situation. But I’ve stopped being so glib on Facebook. If I have the time to comment, I have the time to stop and say more than a quick prayer. I may not know specifics and details, but when I do, I can lift those up to God. And I can always spend time lovingly asking God to work His Perfect Will in the lives of those who are seeking prayer support. After all, God knows ALL the details, and far better than I do!

Keeping a prayer journal really helps. Especially when I keep it close at hand. I can easily jot down the name or request of the person who has asked for prayer. And having it in my journal means that I will see it again; I will revisit the request, pray about it again, or write in how it was answered (if I know).

So what?

None of this makes me a better person or a better prayer warrior than my neighbor. That’s not the point. The point is it makes me a better prayer warrior than I was before. It helps me see how interconnected we all are– we ALL need prayer, and we ALL need to seek help sometimes. It helps me to be more consistent and disciplined in my prayer life. It keeps me grateful– grateful that I can do something to help others; grateful for the gifts and blessings I have; grateful that God listens and answers prayer; grateful that God has given me so many friends and family to love. And it helps me to be more transparent about my own needs and struggles.

On that note, I am asking for prayer today, as David and I have some decisions to make as we get older. Some decisions are about finances; others relate to our health and lifestyle changes we may need to make. We want to honor God with our “golden” years, whether that involves continuing to live upstairs above our store, or moving and selling the store.

So please pray for me.
Thank you.

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