“I Don’t Want Your Prayers!”

Have you ever offered to pray for someone– maybe they’re going through a Cancer journey or they’ve just lost their job– and they reacted with anger and indignation? I have; and it’s a very uncomfortable feeling.

Often, they may say they don’t need prayer; they don’t believe in God, therefore, they don’t believe that prayer has any power or effect. Sometimes, they feel that prayer is only for those who “can’t make it on their own,” or for those who are weak and needy– and they don’t wish to think of themselves (or to be thought of) in that way. Some people even fear prayer– that they will get their hopes up, only to have them dashed when God doesn’t give them the answer they expect or hope for.

But sometimes, they are angry– not so much at you or me, but at God. Even those who say He doesn’t exist often subconsciously “blame” Him when things go wrong. Others believe that God exists only to punish them or to make their lives miserable. They hate God and they hate anything to do with Him, including prayer. And some people have been hurt by other Christians– those who use their own perceived righteousness as a weapon. Their offer, “I’ll PRAY for you.” rings hollow, smug, and superior. Such experiences can leave such a bad impression that all offers of prayer sound ugly to them.

It is natural to be upset or hurt when someone refuses offered prayer. It can be tempting to respond by granting their wish– “Ok, I won’t pray for you!” But remember the following:

• God doesn’t listen to our prayers based on someone else’s wishes or their attitude. God listens to OUR heart. If you feel compassion, and want to pray, and you DON’T do it, you are letting another person quench your spirit-driven desire.
• God loves everyone. It is not His desire that anyone perish, or that they suffer needlessly. And if they won’t pray for themselves, that doesn’t mean that God can’t or won’t intervene. Don’t let their unbelief determine your level of trust!
• “A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1 ESV) Don’t match anger for anger or resentment for resentment. Hurting people hurt other people– they lash out from a place of pain. A gentle response from you may not quell their anger, but it WILL keep from adding fuel to the fire!
• It is not our job to change people’s minds and hearts– it is our job to be witnesses of God’s love for them. Don’t withdraw your offer of prayer, but likewise don’t pummel someone else over the head with it. Simply express your empathy and your desire for their healing, or for their situation to improve, and your willingness to pray as part of that.
• Remember that we are commanded to pray for others– it is not a suggestion. Nor is it a “strategy” meant to disarm, charm, or convict others into submission. Pray for their salvation, certainly, but don’t pray for that without also praying for their situational needs.

I know of numerous examples of people who have been led to Christ because of the faithful prayers of family or friends–even when they were in rebellion against God and angry with the Christians in their lives. That doesn’t mean that you will see immediate results– God’s timing is not ours; we may never see the results of our prayers in ways we recognize. But prayer IS powerful. Perhaps that is why so many people are afraid of it. It is beyond our power to predict; beyond our power to control; beyond our power to understand.