Prayers In the Half-Light

We’ve had electrical problems at our apartment for the past few days. We haven’t lost all our power, but the overhead lights are all connected to wall switches that aren’t working. The repairman is supposed to come today or tomorrow to address the issue. But it’s been a weird experience to say the least.

Our refrigerator, stove, air conditioning, water heater, and computer are all functioning as usual, but there is no light in the bathroom at all, and only window and skylight available in the rest of the rooms. We were able to find one floor lamp, which gives some light in the living room– just enough to read for a few minutes, but not enough to light up the other rooms, including the kitchen, where I need to cook and do dishes. Most of our life continues as normal, but at night, or during the recent rains, it gets very dark. We have flashlights and candles, but it is difficult to take a shower or cook in the dark!

I’m not complaining. We are marvelously blessed to have the appliances working as they do. But it changes one’s perspective. We take our lights for granted.

I like to think that I see the world around me clearly; that I know where I am going and understand my surroundings. I take for granted the illusion of control and clarity. Even in my prayers, I like to think that I know what to pray about, who to pray for, and how to approach God in prayer. But often, I am praying in the half-light. I don’t really see things clearly, I’m not in control of my own circumstances, and I’m only guessing at what I need (or what anyone else needs). I see God as part of my surroundings, or distant, rather than the One who holds all things in His hand while being ever-present with me.

But God delights to hear us even when– especially when– we can’t see the next step clearly. Faith that is never put to the test isn’t given a chance to be strengthened. Faith can shine through during moments of crisis. If we lost our power completely, it would be easier somehow to fall back on Faith, knowing that God sees and hears; that He will provide. But in the half-light, it is tempting to look for ways to rely on my own ingenuity to “manage” the crisis and not “bother” God with my temporary struggles.

And I find that I do this with emotional, relational, and even spiritual struggles, too. Of course, I turn to God in the dark, when I can’t see to do anything. But what about when I can “handle it” for a while. I have all that I need to survive, but I’m facing a new challenge, or a temporary disruption?

When I pray for my unsaved neighbors or family members, I can’t see what they really need. I can see that they are lost– perhaps miserable and struggling, but also perhaps believing that everything in their life is fine. But I can’t dictate to God how or when or what will be best for them. Often, they are living lifestyles that are taking them further away from God. Sometimes, they are entrenched in philosophies and experiences that cut them off from the truth. In my limited wisdom, I would pray for immediate results– that they would repent NOW. I don’t think that’s wrong to want, but it may not be God’s plan for them. It may be that God will redeem them from such thinking and situations only after they have experienced heartache and suffering– so that they will be in a position to help people who otherwise will never hear the Truth. God’s ways are not my ways– and His ways are ALWAYS best!

Jesus said, “‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’” (John 8:12). The overhead lights I think I depend on in my apartment cannot give me the light of life. All they can do is shine light on the things in my apartment. Only God can shine His light in my heart, mind, and soul! And that’s where my focus needs to be in prayer– not on what I can see around me, but what God will light up as I walk with Him.